by Devney Perry
Hunter’s answer was to reach for the phone in my lap and pull up a name. “Gigi, it’s Hunter. We’ve got an emergency with Maisy’s dad and need to go to the hospital. Can you watch Coby?” He listened to her for a second, then said, “Okay. We’ll be there in a few.” He hung up the phone and handed it back. “Where do I go?”
“Back to the highway, then toward town.”
As Hunter drove faster, I said a silent prayer for my dad and pulled in another shaking breath before turning back around to Coby. “Buddy, we need to go to the hospital to check on Gramps because he’s sick. Can you play with Ben for a while?”
He nodded as more tears fell. “Okay.”
“Gramps is going to be okay,” I told us both.
“Are you going to fix him?” Coby asked Hunter.
Hunter looked into the rearview mirror. “I’ll do my very best.”
Please, let him be okay. Please. Please.
My pleading prayer ran on loop.
We drove to the farmhouse in silence, other than me giving Hunter directions. When we pulled up, Jess and Gigi were waiting for us outside. Jess went right to the back to get Coby out and Gigi reached in through my open window for a hug.
“We’ve got him,” Gigi said.
“Thank you.” I looked over her shoulder to see Coby’s head resting on Jess’s strong shoulder. “We haven’t had dinner yet.”
She waved me off. “We’ll take care of everything. Just go.”
“Thanks.” Hunter waved and then pulled out of the gravel driveway, pointing the car toward town. With one hand on the steering wheel, he let me clutch his other tightly on my lap. The closer we got to the hospital, the tighter my grip became. When we turned into the Jamison Valley Hospital parking lot, my entire body was shaking.
The last time I’d been in this parking lot, Jess had been driving me away from Everett’s dead body.
My heart was racing and sweat was beading at my temples but a cold shiver crept under my skin. No matter how many breaths I sucked in, I couldn’t seem to fill my lungs.
“You can do this.” Hunter pried his hand out of my grip and opened his door.
I can do this. I have to do this.
Inside the hospital was my dad. I needed to be there for him. For my mom. For my brothers. I had to go inside a building that held all of my most feared memories.
My fingers fumbled with the car handle but I managed to get a grip and push the door open with my foot. The moment my tennis shoes hit the pavement, my knees weakened. Using the side of my car for balance, I shut the door and took one step. Then another.
I can do this.
Hunter came around the side of the car and held out his hand. “I’m with you the whole time.”
I nodded and placed my hand in his. With every step across the asphalt, my feet got heavier. What little strength I had was used to just keep myself standing because the fear of crossing through the sliding-glass ER doors in front of me was dizzying.
“You can do this, baby.”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. One step at a time. Do this for your dad.”
I could do this for Dad. “Okay,” I whispered.
Crossing the parking lot was slow but we finally made it. When we hit the censor above the sliding doors and they slid open, the smell of the hospital hit me in the face and my stomach rolled. Five years since I’d been here, but I could still remember the smell. I could shut my eyes and pretend I was someplace else, but the smell wouldn’t go away.
“Hunter,” I pleaded. My feet were stuck again.
“One step,” he said. “Just take one more step.”
I clutched his hand tight and picked up my right foot.
“Good. One more.”
My steps were barely a shuffle but he had managed to get me past the doors.
“Think about the good things you had here. Only the good things.”
I nodded. Good things.
My eyes darted around the ER lobby. Ahead of me was the counter where I’d met Gigi on her first day of work. I’d been gossiping about Everett—about how handsome I’d thought he was and how I’d had such a crush on the new doctor. Young and stupid Maisy. I hadn’t seen past his handsome to the crazy beneath.
My feet stopped again.
“Tell me a good thing.”
I swallowed hard and looked up into Hunter’s worried eyes. He knew I was about three seconds away from a full-fledged panic attack. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and run away, but as if he could sense me wanting to flee, he tugged his hand free of mine to wrap his arm around my shoulders.
“Tell me a good thing,” he repeated.
I leaned into his side, using him as my anchor as we took another step. “I met Gigi right there.” I pointed toward the ER counter.
“Good. Tell me something else.”
“I opened my first real paycheck in this spot.” I pointed to the floor.
I’d been standing in the middle of the ER lobby, giddy that I’d just finished my first two weeks of work as a nurse. Without my direct deposit set up yet, they’d given me an actual check. I’d never been more excited to open an envelope.
“You’re doing great,” Hunter said, taking care to shorten his stride so I wouldn’t feel rushed. “Keep them coming. More good things.”
“My cousin had a baby here when I was in high school and I got to come see them.”
“Boy or girl?” he asked as he steered me toward the waiting room.
“Girl.”
I was thinking of another good hospital experience when my family in the waiting room spotted us. Mom jumped up from her seat and rushed right over, followed by Beau, Sabrina and Michael.
“Can you take her?” Hunter asked Beau.
Beau nodded as Hunter gently transferred me into my brother’s side. I loved Beau, but the minute Hunter’s touch was gone, my panic escalated. But as much as I wanted him to stay with me, it was better that he checked on Dad.
“Sit tight,” Hunter said. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He squeezed my mom’s shoulder before jogging past the ER counter and disappearing toward the exam rooms.
“Come on, Maze,” Beau said softly.
I closed my eyes—blacking out the visual reminders of time spent flirting with Everett in the waiting room—and blindly let my brother lead me to a chair.
“I’m proud of you,” Mom said, sitting in the chair next to mine and grabbing my hand.
Proud of me? She had so much to worry about with Dad, she shouldn’t need to be proud of me. I should be here comforting her, not the other way around. I didn’t need people to be fussing over me when they should be focusing on Dad.
Shame replaced panic.
Everett had been dead for years but I had been letting him control my life. I’d let his memory taint this hospital. I’d avoided it at all costs, scared of what being inside these walls would do to my sanity.
I opened my eyes and looked around.
Instead of picturing Everett in this waiting room, I watched Beau and Sabrina comforting each other. I watched Michael tapping his foot as he checked his watch. Then watched Mom, who was pale and on the verge of more tears.
I blocked out Everett from the hospital and saw it just for what it was. A hospital. A building. A place with good memories and bad.
It was time to let go of some fears and focus on my family.
“What happened?” I asked Mom.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “We were just eating dinner. He got up from his chair to take his plate to the kitchen. He hasn’t cleared his own plate in years.”
This I knew. Mom waited on Dad. She liked doing it and he liked to let her.
“He came back from the kitchen and started rubbing his chest. The next thing I know he’s telling me to call 9-1-1 because he thinks he’s having a heart attack. So I ran to the bathroom and got him some aspirin. Then we sat together on the couch and prayed until the ambulance got there a few minutes later.�
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“How long were you here before you called us?” Beau asked.
“Just a few minutes. They started Brock on some medicine in the ambulance and Dr. Peterson was only a minute behind us getting to the hospital. They started doing that EKG test thing and I stepped out to call you. When I got back, they told me I had to wait out here.”
She started weeping again so I bent to dig a lace handkerchief out of her purse.
She dabbed her eyes. “Thank you.”
Michael started rubbing her back. “It’s going to be okay, Mom.”
I prayed he was right.
We all sat quietly and stared down the hall where Hunter had disappeared, holding tight to one another. When Hunter emerged from the hall almost an hour later, we stood and grabbed for each other’s hands.
Hunter walked right to Mom and laid his hand on her shoulder. “He’s fine. He’ll be fine.”
We all sagged, then hugged closer to Mom.
“The heart attack wasn’t severe, and since you came in right away, Dr. Peterson was able to get the blocked artery opened back up. The anticoagulant medicine wasn’t working enough so Dr. Peterson put in a stent. We had to give Brock a mild sedative, so he’s groggy, but as soon as we get him settled into a room upstairs, you can see him.”
“How long does he have to stay?” Beau asked.
“At least overnight,” Hunter said. “If things look good tomorrow, you can probably take him home.”
“And then he’s going on a diet,” Mom declared.
“He’s going to love that,” Michael scoffed. “No more Fried-Foods Fridays.”
“That’s right.” Mom nodded, then looked back at Hunter. “I think I’ll stay tonight, if that’s okay?”
“That’s fine.”
“Are you sure, Mom?” Beau asked. “Don’t you think you’d be more comfortable at home?”
She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”
Mom had slept next to Dad for decades. There was no way she’d be going home without him.
“Come on.” Hunter swung out a hand. “I’ll take you up.”
“I know the way.” Mom walked toward the staircase with Michael, Beau and Sabrina following behind. Hunter and I followed them all, hand in hand.
He bent down to kiss my hair. “How are you doing?”
“Better now that Dad’s going to be okay.”
Better now that I’d made my resolve.
While we’d been sitting in the waiting room, I’d made a decision. I wasn’t leaving this hospital tonight until I could come back tomorrow and visit my dad without Hunter having to practically drag me through the doors.
Before I left tonight, I was going back to the place where my nightmares began. I was going to the basement.
But first, I wanted to hug my dad.
When we reached Dad’s room on the second floor, the nurse was just walking out of the room and he waved us in.
“Oh, Brock,” Mom gasped and put her hands on her cheeks.
Dad was blinking at us like he’d just woken up. “Hey, baby.”
Dad’s endearment brought a fresh wave of tears and I buried my face in Hunter’s side to keep quiet. He just held me tight, whispering into my hair that it would be all right. When I’d regained my composure, I shuffled into Dad’s room behind my family. Then one by one, we all hugged Dad.
“I love you, Dad,” I said into his neck.
“Love you too.”
“We’ll let you get some rest.”
“Marissa, can we get you anything?” Sabrina asked.
Mom shook her head and took Dad’s hand. “I’ve got everything I need.”
“We’ll be back first thing in the morning.” Sabrina bent to kiss Dad’s cheek and then hug Mom good-bye.
Beau did the same before hugging me and shaking Hunter’s hand. “Thanks.”
Hunter nodded and then gave Sabrina a hug.
“I’m going to stay for a while,” Michael said. That meant he was going to stay all night. There was no way he’d let Mom sleep here alone.
“Thank you,” I mouthed.
He nodded and settled into one of two guest chairs.
Hunter and I said our good-byes to Michael, Mom and Dad, then left them alone.
“I need to do something before we go,” I told Hunter as we walked down the hall. “But I’ll need your help. I don’t think I can do it myself.”
Somehow, Hunter knew what I meant without having to explain. “Are you sure you want to do this tonight? It’s been a rough one already.”
I nodded. “I want to do it while I’m brave enough.”
“Okay, baby.” His hand rested at the small of my back. “Then I’ll be right here.”
Descending the stairs, I gripped the railing tighter with every step. My free hand was shaking by the time I hit the first floor.
“Okay?” Hunter asked.
I nodded and took another step toward the basement door. When my fingers wrapped around the metal handle, they barely had the strength to twist the knob and turn.
Luckily, it wasn’t locked and the heavy door squeaked as I pulled it open. The cool, stale air from the basement blew into my face. With Hunter propping the door open, I stepped through the frame and stood on the landing above the stairs.
I can do this. I can do this.
I would do this.
And then maybe I’d be free.
One step at a time—with Hunter’s hand reminding me he was there—I descended the cement stairs into the basement of my terrors. Then slowly, I made my way to the deadly storage room at the end of the hall.
Looking over my shoulder, I got a reassuring nod from Hunter, then turned and stepped into the gray room.
Not much had changed in all these years. Some things had moved. Others hadn’t. It was still cold and smelled like concrete. I didn’t move any further into the space than just inside the doorway. I didn’t need to move further. From this spot, I could survey the entire room.
Expecting one of my flashes, I braced as my eyes hit the spot where I’d stabbed Everett.
When it didn’t come, I waited a few more heartbeats. Then some more.
Still, nothing happened.
My eyes swept the room twice more and then I turned around. I didn’t need to stay longer. I’d done what I had needed to do. I’d taken a small piece of me back, a piece Everett had stolen years ago. He didn’t get to keep the hospital anymore. It was mine again.
“I’m done here.”
Hunter nodded and, without comment, held my hand to lead me out of the basement. When we reached the lobby, he shut the basement door and pulled me into his arms. “I’m proud of you. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t.” I pressed my cheek to his heart. “Thank you for coming with me and for helping me inside earlier. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”
“You would have found a way, but I’m glad I could help. How are you feeling?”
Exhausted. Numb. Strange. “I thought it would feel different.” It had been harder to cross through the ER doors than it had been to look upon the place where I’d taken a man’s life.
“Different how?”
“I guess I thought it would be harder. More emotional maybe? More final?”
“Give it time.” He let me go and took my hand. “Let’s go get Coby.”
“Okay.” As we walked, I looked over my shoulder at the basement door.
I had expected to feel some sort of closure from going into that basement—some sort of ending—but I didn’t.
Something was still looming. Something with Everett was still unsettled.
Unfinished.
I just didn’t know what.
“Good night, buddy.” I kissed Coby’s hair and eased out of his room.
It had been a month since Dad’s heart attack and life was getting back to a new normal.
Per Mom’s promise, she had put Dad on a diet—something he hadn’t protested one bit. He’d already lost twelve pounds
and was committed to the healthier lifestyle we were all supporting.
Beau had started taking Dad on regular mountain hikes, Michael had swapped out all of Dad’s heavy Budweiser with Michelob ULTRA, and I had replaced the weekly cookie plate I’d been taking Dad for years with bowls of fresh fruit.
It had taken nearly the entire month, but my fear of losing Dad was finally starting to go away. And whenever I’d start to worry, Hunter was right by my side. He’d pull me into his arms and reassure me that people recovered from heart attacks all the time and went on to live many, many more years.
Without Hunter, this whole ordeal would have been miserable. Without Hunter . . . well, I didn’t like to think about that. I had him and wasn’t letting go.
“What are you doing?” I plopped down on my couch next to Hunter.
He turned his laptop away so I couldn’t see the screen. “It’s a surprise. Is Coby out?”
“Like a light. What’s your surprise?” I careened my neck to get a peek but Hunter tickled my ribs. I yelped and sat back as I swatted his hand away.
“Quiet.” He laughed. “You’re going to wake up Coby.”
I made a “yeah, right” face. Coby had barely made it through two pages of his bedtime book before zonking out. He was deep in dreamland along with Pickle, who was sleeping on the floor by his side.
“Come on, show me your surprise. Is it for Coby? Because I’m great at keeping surprises secret.” I zipped my lips shut, turned the lock, then opened my mouth to toss in the key.
Hunter chuckled and leaned over to brush his lips against mine. “You’re impossible to deny.”
I grinned as he handed over the laptop.
“The surprise is for you, but I’m not quite done with editing yet.”
“Are these my pictures?” I nearly came off the couch I was so excited.
“Yeah. Just click through to the right.”
I hunkered back down, hovering over the laptop, with a huge smile on my face. Taking up the entire screen was a picture of Coby from behind as he fished at the community pond.
“Hunter,” I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief. “This is . . .”
It was exactly the shot I’d imagined in my mind but better. The light had been touched up and there was a sunbeam coming down on the water. The grasses had been blurred to give the photo a softened edge. And somehow Hunter had managed to capture enough of Coby’s profile to see that my son was overjoyed.