by CJ Azevedo
When he lifted his head and made eye contact, his step faltered just a bit and I continued to stand there. When he reached me, with his date sizing me up, I finally snapped out of it and plastered on my “I’m greeting all of my guests even if I don’t know or like them” smile. “Grey! It’s so nice of you to finally join us.” I shouldn’t have said that and I knew it before the words came out, but I couldn’t help myself. Besides being the love of my life, he had been my best friend for so long and he couldn’t even be bothered to show up on time?
The redhead leaned in on Grey a little more before speaking directly to me in a tone I would never be able to master. It was all sex and seductress laced with a little cotton candy for added sweetness. “Sorry about that, darling, Grey here needed a blowie. It was going to be quick, but then he wanted to return the favor and who the hell am I to deny the man such a thing? Then one thing led to another and I needed to get ready all over again so I didn’t show up here looking a disaster. I do hope you understand.”
I’m certain my face was as white as snow. The only thing I focused on was keeping my jaw from slamming down to the ground, which I achieved. Once she was finished blowing my mind, Greyden chuckled a deep sexy chuckle, blowing my mind even further. I had no idea what was going on. My Greyden would never let anyone speak to me like that, not ever, under any circumstance, broken up or not.
Her name was Claudia, and he suggested she go freshen up while he caught up with me before we all went in to the ballroom.
“You haven’t made a big fan out of Claudia,” he teased. “She’s my assistant, Mace, and that was just a bunch a shit she made up right now.”
“You have an assistant now?” That threw me.
He nodded his head and his face went serious. “Yeah, I’ve got a lot going on and it’s not going anywhere. I’m never going to be able to have a life outside work if I don’t get a handle on it. Claudia was the receptionist for my dad’s office and I just promoted her. She kicks ass. She’s done so much for me already—it’s unbelievable. Tonight, we actually had a business meeting that I cut out early on to get here in time. I’m sorry I’m late, I just had to show up there. It was pretty important.”
“That’s okay. I’m happy you came.” And right then I really was happy that he had come and probably because she wasn’t Allison and she didn’t seem to be salivating over him, I was happy he had Claudia. He needed a friend to confide in and it sounded like he had that with her. Even if he did make me sound like a total bitch to her. “So she hates me?”
Giving me a guilty smile, he said, “Hate’s a strong word. Plus, she’s only heard my side of the story.”
“And that’s the only side she’ll get, so I’ll have to live with that. I hope she’s good for you, Grey, you need that in your life. No more drama, you just need…happy.”
Greyden laughed, then hugged me quickly before backing away again and shoving his hands in his pants pockets, causing his jacket to separate beneath the button, showing off his white shirt tucked into his pants. I don’t know why but that has always been so sexy to me.
“Don’t go getting all romantic on me, Mace. She’s a friend, yes, but she’s my assistant. There’s nothing more there, no crazy ideas.”
“Grey, how’d she know who I was?”
He rubbed his fingers across his lips as he thought about it, his gaze unwavering. “We still not lying to each other?”
I shook my head and whispered, “Never. Honesty is always best.”
“I still have pictures of us up in my office. She’s seen them and asked who you were. She sees them every day, so she recognized you right away.”
He didn’t have an actual office when we were together, that came after we broke up or stopped seeing each other or whatever last year. I tried to make sense of that and everything else he had me thinking about, like what exactly he had told Claudia for her to dislike me so much, when he spoke up again.
“You look breathtaking, Butterfly. There aren’t words, really.”
He took my breath away with his words; I couldn’t even thank him.
His face lit up like he just saw something funny. “You’re wearing my ring.”
It was true. I happened to be wearing it the day Mitch proposed and I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. I debated long and hard whether or not to remove it for the engagement party—the ring won. Mitch didn’t know the history of it and never bothered to ask. Of course, my family knew, and I had received a few questioning looks when they noticed it, but I just shrugged them off. I wasn’t going to delve into it with him, either.
“Do you hate me, Greyden?” I had to ask. I needed to know. He must have a pretty strong opinion if his assistant feels so strongly towards me.
His eyebrows lowered so deeply that it caused his eyes to almost close. He smirked, his mouth quirking up on one side. “Never.”
“Are you happy for me?”
He blew air out, making his cheeks puff, shooting his eyebrows in the opposite direction. “If I thought you were actually getting the life you always wanted, then yeah, I would be happy for you, but I still don’t believe that’s the case. I think you’re making a huge fucking mistake and you’re making it fast, which only proves my point further.”
That wasn’t where I wanted the conversation to go, so I changed it. Although what I changed it to wasn’t at all what I had intended on, the words fell out of my mouth without consulting my brain. “I always imagined you by my side at this party. It’s pretty surreal to be the lady of the evening without you as the man.”
Greyden stepped forward and rubbed his hand on my bare shoulder, letting his thumb make little trails of heat on my skin. “Whenever I’ve thought of marriage, it has only been you walking towards me in that white gown, Mace. Watching you walk past me to go to him just might kill me, but I won’t miss it. I’m here for you, always.” His eyes were so sincere, his voice low and just above a whisper. He looked so deep into my eyes I swear he was uncovering everything I was keeping hidden.
I struggled to keep the tears at bay as I stood there, trying to remind myself that I was making the right decision. Just before he let go, I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. We heard the click of Claudia’s heels against the tiled floor and turned. Mitch had chosen that moment to realize I hadn’t been around and came looking for me as well.
I knew he wanted to kill Greyden when he laid eyes on us. Thank God for Claudia acting as if she had been there the whole time. They both gave me congratulatory hugs. I introduced Claudia as if I had known her forever and left out the part that she and Greyden were just friends—that part wasn’t important to Mitch anyway.
The men shook hands and Greyden and Claudia went in to join the rest of the party. I started to follow and head back in to the banquet room when Mitch cleared his throat, halting my progress. I slowly turned to watch him take the two strides towards me to cover the distance between us, his hands in his pockets and a serious scowl on his face telling me he wasn’t at all happy about what he just walked up on.
“I know I expressed my dislike for any type of relationship between you and your brother’s friends, or your ‘brothers,’ as you like to call them. Standing out in an empty hall with your arms wrapped around another man is not appropriate behavior, Macie, and I’m certain you can comprehend that. I don’t need my colleagues making assumptions about my future wife.” Relaxing his features, he reached up and trailed a finger along the outside of my face before softening his tone and continuing. “On top of that, I’ve missed you tonight. Do you think you can take a break from your friends and family and come along with me for a while? It would be nice to spend some time with my fiancé at our engagement party.”
I did what I had been in training to do for the last several months. I smiled and apologized for not thinking it through, then grabbed his hand and paraded around the engagement party at his side while he talked business the rest of the evening. The night ended without
another hitch. Mitch was happy, his parents were happy, and I held up my end of the bargain.
So here I am, into the new year, the year I’ll be getting married, waiting on my bridal party to meet me.
I’ve seen more of his mother than I have of him since we got engaged. She insists on getting everything taken care of immediately and wants us to be married this summer if she can make it happen at the venue she wants. She’s just lucky it’s the same venue my mother wants or else this whole thing would be a disaster.
I asked Ava to be my matron of honor, which pissed off Dahlia and Sam. Kerrie didn’t care; she’d rather not have the stress of it. How was I supposed to choose between Sam and Dahlia? I couldn’t, so I didn’t. My three best friends from my childhood are my bridesmaids. Ava was honored, she said, but I can tell she’s very reserved about this whole thing. I have a feeling she’s thinking along the same lines as Grey, but she’s not going to be as blunt as he is, which I’m extremely thankful for.
Just as I finish my first cup of tea, all four girls arrive at my table, looking collectively somber, and I immediately have a feeling I’m not going to like this.
“Everything okay?” I ask as I glance around the table at my best friends, who sit down quietly without even greeting me.
“I call bullshit,” Dahlia whispers harshly as she leans across the table to make her point. “That whole engagement party was a complete charade and I call bullshit. You’re not marrying into that fiasco. We won’t allow it.”
I thought we were meeting to go over my wedding plans, and I guess we sort of are, in a twisted way.
I sit back in my seat and cross my legs, my hands folded on my lap. I cock my head to the side as I continue to take each of them in. I’m not budging on this. I made up my mind months ago and now I’m ready for it. I’ve committed to it. I’ll let them get out what they need to say and then they’re just going to have to deal with it.
“Mace, what are you thinking? You can’t marry him! He’s not right for you at all, like, not even close, honey.” Sam expressed her concern by bugging out her eyes and holding her hands out for added effect.
“Macie, we just want you to be happy, you know that, but what we saw at that party was the exact opposite. The rest of your life is going to be about that man. What about you? When is it going to be your turn? I sure as hell don’t ever see that happening.” Kerrie, my laid back, never-in-anyone’s-business friend has an opinion on this and it actually hit the nail on the head. She’s right. Our lives will forever be about Mitch.
Brushing them off, I look to Ava, who’s kept quiet so far, just watching this train wreck of a breakfast. “Go ahead, Ava, what do you have to say?”
Ava tucks her blonde hair back behind her ear then smoothes the back down in a nervous gesture before meeting my gaze. She clears her throat. “I think there are two sides to Mitch and I like the side we get to see. He’s good with you, but I also think he’s more likely to be the guy he was at the party. That was heartbreaking to watch, Mace. You two should have been inseparable, completely in love, and that wasn’t what we witnessed at all. We watched you watch him from across the room for half the night, then the other half stand at his side silently while he spoke about God knows what. I’m sure you thought you looked like you were okay, but you seemed far from it. When you two came back in after Greyden got there, it was like all the light was gone from your eyes. You stood there, so proper, smiling at the right times and never speaking…it was kind of freaky, to be honest. Dec and I both agree with the girls. We think this is a mistake. You shouldn’t marry him.” Ava’s pain is plain on her face; she didn’t want to tell me that. I’m sure she’s been stewing over it for the last couple of days and I hate that I caused her pain.
“Is that all you have for me right now?” I ask them as a whole, stirring my spoon around in my empty teacup.
“No. Not by a long shot. I have a list of shit to back up my point if you need it,” Dahlia says as she readjusts in her seat.
I smile at my fiery friend, the girl who doesn’t do mornings on a good day. Today is not a good day. “Thank you, but I don’t need it.” They collectively sigh and let their tight shoulders sag in misguided relief. I immediately feel bad and shake my head. “I’m sorry, girls. I love you and I appreciate everything you just said, but I love Mitch and I will be marrying him. I would appreciate it if you could push your feelings aside and be there for me, but if you can’t, well then, I guess you just can’t and we’ll leave it at that. No hard feelings.”
“No hard feelings?!” Dahlia explodes. “You’re fucking up your life, Macie, and you expect us to sit here and say ‘oh, okay, then carry on, no hard feelings’? Hell no. I’ll be a bridesmaid and I’m going to make this hell for you. I’ll make it hell for him, too. You don’t need to be marrying that selfish prick!” Dahlia pushes her chair back roughly, standing up and grabbing her purse. Before she walks away, she leans down, placing her hands on the table. “You have never, not once, let me down when I needed you, even when I didn’t know it,” she says in a calmer voice. “Right now, you need me, need us, and whether you like it or not, I’m not going to let you down.” She turns and walks out of the restaurant, shoving her sunglasses on her face just before hitting the door.
The need to sniffle is what brings my attention to the tears trickling down my face. Dahlia just verbally kicked my butt and left me dumbfounded and speechless.
Sam comes around and kisses my head, then adjusts her purse higher up on her shoulder. “Everything she just said goes for me too, babes. I love you. We’ll meet again in a few days to go over dresses, okay? Kerrie and I rode over here with Dahlia, so we gotta go. Call me if you want to talk.”
As she walks towards the door, Kerrie comes and gives me a hug, then leaves without saying anything.
I dry my face with some tissue I found in my purse, call a waitress over, and wait on more tea while Ava orders her own. After about ten minutes of silence, I’m feeling strong again, but nowhere near ready to change my mind. I love my girls and I know they’ll always be there for me, but they can’t give me children or a family. I finally have all of that coming to me with a man that I do love, even with all of his flaws. So no, they aren’t changing my mind on this.
“Well, that just went dandy.” My joke fell flat when Ava gave me a humorless glare. I laughed harder than I intended, but it was funny.
“Oh, c’mon, Sunshine, where’s that smile of yours that my brother insists lights up the whole world? You didn’t get my joke? I came down here ready to talk silk or taffeta and I got read the riot act instead. It wasn’t exactly dandy. Right? Oh, never mind. Look, thank you for your concern,” I say, patting her hand like a grandmother. “This is the last time we’re talking about it, though. I love Mitch. What you see when we’re with you is how we are together and it’s amazing—he’s amazing. What you saw at the party is because of his parents and we’re working on that. It’s a tough thing because of his position and his career, but I understand that. Most people don’t, but that’s okay. They don’t need to. I’m happy and I want to be married to Mitch.”
Ava studies me and takes a deep breath, nodding her head in understanding. “That does make me feel better. Just one more thing, then I won’t bring it up again. We’ll talk dresses, flowers, invitations the whole nine yards.”
I nod my head this time, curious as to what she could possibly need to know now.
“Greyden told me you admitted that you were settling.”
My heart plummets. I can’t believe he told her that. Why would he tell her that? That was something that I confided in to him with, not for him to share. Granted it’s not like he just told anyone—Ava’s my sister for all intents and purposes. May as well be honest, I guess.
“I’ve had one love my whole life,” I admit quietly, “and it didn’t work out for us. When you know who you’re supposed to be with but can’t be, your only other option is to settle. I’m just lucky that the man I’m settling with happens t
o be pretty great.”
Ava shook her head. “I completely disagree. But I won’t say another word. If this is what you really want, then today we drink our tea, eat our breakfast, and then go dress shopping. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect. Thank you.” I smile at her and think about how lucky she and Dec are to have found each other after they made it through such hell.
I should be happy that she’s on my side now, but my mind begins to wander down the “what if” road. What if I was stronger and held on tighter and longer? What if everything happened the way we’d planned? I slammed that door shut immediately. What ifs get me nowhere. Today I’m taking the reality road and going shopping for my wedding gown.
Chapter Thirteen
September 24, 2008
Learning How to be Friends Again
Over the last year they had been co-existing in the same environment when necessary. Macie started college just a month after their break up and Greyden begrudgingly kept his distance.
After their first time together, it took her a few days until she was finally able to bring up the conversation so it wouldn’t be a fight. Greyden had a lot of responsibility between taking care of his family and his dad’s business, plus starting his own, and he had a very difficult time not only not being able to rely on Macie for support but also not being with her as well. When she pointed this out to him, he agreed that they needed to take some time apart so he could get his life in order. That was over a year ago.
Her freshman year was a blur of sadness and adjustment. It was awkward for them to be around each other as friends only because it was so natural for them to be a couple, so when they were all together and she wasn’t allowed to hold his hand or sit on his lap or even just stare at him when she wanted, she felt her heart break a little more. She cried herself to sleep clutching one of his shirts (she secretly kept it) more often than she would ever admit to anyone, even herself.