by CJ Azevedo
When they arrived, Greyden opened her door for her and held her hand as they walked up the path to her door. She got him a beer and a water for herself then sat on the sofa next to him.
“You were attracted to Graham.” His statement was flat and his gaze straightforward.
She wasn’t quite expecting it to go down like that. Now she was nervous. She had been prepared for him to be pissed and badger her about being disrespectful or rude, all of which she would have to agree with. She couldn’t help it, though. There was a magnetic pull with Graham that she felt immediately and she couldn’t avoid it—that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t like she acted on it.
“Yes, he’s an attractive guy.” She curled her legs under her thighs and got comfortable.
“Did he ask you out?”
This was normally where she would start returning the questions, since this was technically none of his business as they weren’t “together.” But Graham was one of his clients and she would never mess with his business like that, even if she really, really wanted to.
“No. He has too much respect for you, Greyden. And even if he had, I am too loyal to you to have accepted.”
Greyden dropped his head back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. Macie set down her water and climbed onto his lap, straddling him. She removed her shirt, setting his beer down on the side table. Reaching for the bottom of his shirt, she raised it above his head and tossed it behind her, then kissed him, slowly and surely.
“I don’t know why you put up with me, Macie.”
Macie smiled a saucy smile. “Because you’re sexy as hell.”
“I’m being serious here, and for the love of God, don’t cuss.”
“So am I.” She trailed her fingers from his neck over his chest and down his abs. “Have you seen these abs lately?”
He stared at her while she watched her fingers trace over his muscles. “I love you, Macie.”
“I know you do.” The words she always said back came out in a whisper. He didn’t tell her often anymore, but once in a while he felt it necessary and she couldn’t bring herself to tell him the same.
“Someday, I’ll be solid and strong, someone worthy of you. You believe that, right? You believe that I’ll give you the future we always planned on just as soon as I know I won’t mess it up? I’m working on it, Butterfly, I promise you.”
She hadn’t heard this declaration in some time and it had her swallowing down her sadness. She couldn’t help but feel like they were missing out on so much while he was “working on it.” It just didn’t seem fair.
She pressed her forehead to his and rested her lips on his. His fingers massaged her head slowly and she clung to his shoulders. “I believe you, Grey. I just need you to work quicker. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to a promise of my future. I want my future to start now. I don’t want to miss out on anything with you.”
Greyden couldn’t respond. He could only kiss the girl that he held so much love for. He wanted to give the world to her but he knew his head was still chaotic with the threat of his dad passing and the responsibility of caring for his mother for the rest of her life. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to—he really did—and he definitely didn’t want anyone else doing it. But it was a heavy load to carry. Plus his new company had taken off like wildfire and half the time he felt like he was one loose screw from totally losing it. Add a relationship to the mix and the responsibility of yet another person and he was afraid of dropping the ball…somewhere. All the balls on his plate were too important to be dropped.
Chapter Sixteen
Late February 2014
Macie and Greyden
Macie
My head has been completely discombobulated since I woke up from my surgery. You would think knowing that I made a mistake with Mitch, I would be able to pick up the pieces and move on, go back to being me. Nope. I might be even more confused than I was before I made that epic failure of a decision. I can’t seem to decide where I lost myself. When was the last time I was really me? I have no idea. I also have no idea how to find that girl, either.
The surgery was a quick and non-invasive, so I went home the next day. My family was all there when the doctor came in to tell me he was discharging me and that he wanted to start monitoring my other ovary since there was a large cyst on it as well, which he’d just drained. He had failed to mention that the day before and I was devastated once again at the thought of losing out on having babies.
Greyden was right there by my side, the most comfort I could get at the time. I wasn’t sure if I wanted it or not. I knew that was a disaster waiting to happen. It always has been. Once everyone else learned what Mitch had done, they were ready for a full on lynching party. Thankfully, Grey dissuaded them by assuring them he’d taken care of it and it would be better to just let us have a clean break so I could heal faster. I honestly don’t think that’ll happen, but if it keeps the guys and my dad from going Rambo down at City Hall, I’m all for it.
Everyone came over for dinner so I could lounge and be lazy since my incisions were still very sore. Greyden took a lot of calls, but that’s all he did. He didn’t walk away or get on the computer, and he never left. I also noticed that if someone was talking to him and his phone rang, he didn’t answer it, he waited until the conversation was over and called back. He was so present that even Declan made a comment about how concerned Grey must be since he was letting his phone go to voicemail and that was so unlike him. It caused me to get my hopes up that maybe he was changing, maybe he was making the effort that he needed to make if we were to ever become anything again, but I tried to shove that hope down. I was nowhere near ready to even entertain that idea.
Most of his calls were to and from Claudia. Claudia, who I still had very mixed feelings about, but who also sent me a beautiful plant and a get well card from her and Brandon. Since she has a live-in boyfriend, I might like her a little more now.
When I was home for my two weeks of recovery, Greyden didn’t leave my side unless he had a meeting he couldn’t get out of. I fought tooth and nail over that and I’ve been losing. I’m certain it didn’t help in my desire to find myself, but he insisted that if I’m with him, then I’m already found. It makes my head hurt to try and argue.
This morning he had meetings that Claudia insisted he attend and I had job sites that needed visiting, but I’m home now, out of my work clothes and back in my comfies. I was just pouring a glass of wine to go with the pasta I made for dinner when there’s a knock at my door. A knock always makes me nervous when the opening of the door doesn’t follow it. My family always lets themselves in and Grey has been parking in my garage, so he’d come in through there.
Checking the peephole, I see my dad and my spirits immediately lift. I love my mom more than words can express. Our relationship has only blossomed as I get older and she learns to let go, but I absolutely love to get one on one time with my dad. It doesn’t happen often enough.
I swing open the door and greet my father with a big, cheesy, warm smile that he’s been seeing on my face since before I had any teeth. It’s not something I practice, it’s just something that comes over me when he’s around.
“Hey, Pumpkin!”
“Dad, hi! Come in.” I follow him inside and we go to the kitchen, where I offer him a plate of pasta and he takes a seat at the island. I pour him a glass of wine and sit as he explains that he had a cancelled surgery and therefore a very rare night off.
“So why did I have to let you in? Did you forget your key?” I twirl my pasta around, not paying much attention to anything else until I hear him lay his fork down and laugh.
“Now, that would have explained it easily enough. Here I was stressing over the fact that I didn’t want to tell you I was nervous about interrupting something and all I had to do was say I forgot my blasted key.”
That makes me draw back in confusion. I still have a mouth full of my amazing pasta, so I question him silently, raising an eyebrow.
/> Dad rubs his forehead, places his elbows on the table framing his bowl, and steeples his fingers below his chin. “Honey, Greyden has been over here every night since you came home from the hospital. I understand that it’s your business, but first off, I wasn’t about to just walk in here. Secondly, that’s sort of why I came over tonight.”
I take a drink of wine. I need to wash down the pasta but I also need the alcohol for this. “Dad, Greyden and I are just friends. He thinks I’m still breakable and I haven’t been able to convince him otherwise yet. That’s why he’s been staying over here; he doesn’t want me doing too much and take longer to heal.”
He nods his head as he studies me. “He’s been staying in your guest room then?”
“Well, no, but we haven’t been sleeping together. It’s just…we may have a history more complicated than anyone knows about. He’s my best friend, but we’re not going there.”
“Macie Marie James, you should give your mother and me a little more credit. You think we don’t know you two kept up a secret relationship all those years? You’re our daughter, sweetheart, we pay attention to those things. We started watching you two since your fourteenth birthday. We may not know the details, and believe me when I say we’re good without them, but we’ve always known the two of you have loved each other beyond your years.”
I’m stupefied. Seriously? Since my fourteenth birthday? That was when he gave me my first kiss. I thought I was being so sneaky for all those years, going behind everyone’s backs and here he is telling me that they’ve been “watching” us? I can’t wrap my brain around this.
“Dad, that’s been like…” I try to recall the years, but I suck at math so it’s taking me a minute, but Dad interrupts.
“Since your first kiss. I know.” His smile is smug and he shovels another forkful into his grinning mouth.
He knows that was my first kiss? My eyes widen as I try to make sense of it.
“Your mom was watching you out back when Greyden showed up after the party was over. She shouldn’t have watched like she did, but I understand how difficult it would have been for her to stop watching.”
“Why?” I shake my head and get my wits about me again. “Why didn’t she ever say anything?”
“She said that it was really sweet and very respectful. If you wanted her to know, you would’ve told her, but you never did. She was happy that it was with Greyden. We knew him and his parents, knew he wouldn’t cross a line with you, and from what we understand, he didn’t until you were of an appropriate age.”
I push my bowl over and let my head fall to the counter. This is too much. I think I almost feel violated. Violated by my parents? No, that’s not right, but my privacy maybe? My idea of my fairytale past with Grey feels violated, our little secrets blown to smithereens. That’s what I’m feeling and I hate it.
Lifting my head just enough to see my dad watching me, slightly amused, I ask, “Does Dec know all of this?”
He scrunches up his face and shakes his head. “No way. We weren’t trying to be nosy, Macie, but we also weren’t going to let you go running around with a boy three years older than you when you were clearly head over heels in love with him without us keeping a very close eye on you.”
“What about the morning after my first date?” Why am I finding out that everybody has been keeping so many secrets from me? Practically my whole life, I thought I was living one way, sort of out to sea on my own, and now I’m finding out that all hands have always been on deck.
Again, my dad laughed and took a bite. He swallowed it down with a drink of wine then winked at me. It’s Dad’s signature move. I used to love it. Right now it’s irritating the crap out of me. “You mean do I know that Greyden took you to see the butterflies down in Pismo?”
My eyes once again pop out and my mouth drops open. This is insane. If he tells me he was there, I might have a litter of kittens right here in my kitchen. “Were you there?” My words come out a little louder and a little harsher than I intend, but really, my whole past with Grey is becoming something entirely different and I’m finding out rather quickly that I don’t like it. I don’t like people messing with what we had.
“No, baby girl, I wasn’t there. He called your mom and asked if it was okay to take you that far out of town.”
He did? That doesn’t seem like the same boy I remember. “So I’m confused. Why was mom so rude to him when we actually got together if he did everything right?”
This time he stops smiling and sits back on his stool. He spins his glass on its base as he watches the liquid swirl around. “Well, the boys turned into men before you turned into a woman. They were wilder than we liked, but we didn’t have much control over it once they went to college. You kids talk louder and more often than you realize and some of the things that got back to your mom and me about Greyden didn’t sit well with us once it came to him dating you. We knew it was normal for his age, but that didn’t mean we liked it for you. What concerned your mom so much was the fact that you completely looked the other way. You knew he was with other girls, but you loved him so much it was like you went completely blind whenever he was in the room. Her heart was breaking for your future heartbreak, which was inevitable with him, but there wasn’t anything she could do. She didn’t want to push you any further away than she already had.”
“Is that why she was so happy when Mitch proposed? Because she didn’t want me to end up with Greyden?”
“Her happiness may have been a little misplaced, yes. Mitchell duped us all, though, and I believe we were duped by you too. I don’t think you went into that blindly, Macie.”
I slightly shook my head, confirming the question no one had bothered to ask until now.
“And that leads me to the other reason for my visit. I’ll also finish addressing the first while I’m at it. One sort of has to do with the other.”
“Should I fill up our glasses?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Oh, boy, I’m not sure I’m ready for this.” My phone rings as I start to pour. It’s a number I don’t recognize so I pick it up in case it’s a client I don’t have stored yet.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Macie, this is Claudia, Greyden’s assistant.”
“Hello, Claudia. You can just say Claudia, I don’t know any others.” My snarkiness is probably uncalled for, but she’s made me prove myself to her; now she’s going to have to do the same.
She laughs and I hate that I’m immediately jealous of how sexy her laugh is. She has an Emma Stone rasp to her voice and her laugh is equally as great.
“Fantastic. We just left a business dinner and Grey left his phone back at the office so he asked that I let you know that he’ll be there in about fifteen to twenty minutes.”
“Okay. Any blowies tonight or was it just dinner?” I can’t help myself. The only other time I’ve had a conversation with her was when she dropped by my house to have Grey sign some stuff. I wasn’t feeling witty and Greyden was standing right by my side. I’m not angry with her over the whole making-me-think-they-were-together thing, but I feel like I owe it to her to bring it up, I really do.
That damn laugh greets me again. Of course I don’t throw her off her game. “No, none of that. It really was a boring business dinner. And for the record, I don’t apologize for what I said. I really didn’t like you at the time.”
“Well, fair enough. Have a good night, Claudia.”
I sit back down with my dad’s eyes on me as he finishes his glass. “Greyden’s assistant Claudia?”
“Yup. He’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”
“What’s going to make you happy again, Macie?” he asks softly. “Like really happy, where I get my bubbly girl back, kind of happy?”
He has always told me that I was like a bubble, always floating around happily, but what he has never known is that he was my helium.
I kick that thought right out. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go there with Greyden. He swears we
’re both finally where we need to be to make a whole, but I’m not so certain about that.
“I’m not sure, Dad. I’m trying to figure out how to get back to me as a person right now, let the happy come with that, you know? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in a terrible place, I just feel kinda lost. I’m not sure at what point I lost me, or when I became this person that doesn’t know who she is. It’s a little scary.”
“I bet it is. And if my calculations are correct, it all started when you gave up on your relationship with Greyden. Again, I don’t know the details, but I do know around the time you and he stopped talking completely, you changed, and that’s when Mitchell entered the picture. Then my daughter slowly disappeared right before my eyes.” He gets a wistful look about him for a moment but shakes it off easily.
I fight tears. I’m over crying. I’m ready to fight for me, find me, and get to a place where I can just live and be happy. I need to stop making plans for the future and let the future happen the way it needs to.
“I think you’re right, but we weren’t working, Dad.” I clear my throat, determined to remain strong. “And the whole thing with Mitch, well, that obviously didn’t work either. I’m just not ready for something else not to work, and that includes being alone, but that leaves me with no options and back to ground zero.”
My dad smiles sadly at me and shakes his head as if he knows something I don’t. “How’s work coming along?”
Whoa, talk about change of subject. “Uh, fine. Mitch was going to be really busy the start of the year so I didn’t take on too many projects. I have a few that I’m working on, though. Why do you ask?”
“Man, I’m happy things didn’t go through with him. Anyway, You need to hire an assistant and take a vacation. Get someone here so you can go somewhere else. Somewhere you can leave Greyden behind for a little bit, clear your head, and find you.” He smiles and gives me his patented wink again, this one a little conspiratorial. “Mom spoke to your Aunt Marie yesterday and she said that Bailey has friends and family out in Gilroy; her friend, Blaine, has offered his carriage house to you. I think that would be a good choice. It’s nice and peaceful out there but you wouldn’t be too far away.”