“Can we try again?” he said, after another moment.
I just stared at him, at first.
Then I sighed, glancing around us once more, conscious suddenly that Nik was worried about time. He really hadn’t been kidding about thinking Ledi and the other humans might intervene, if he tried to get me to open his lock. Nik seemed to believe it was a risk, anyway. I got the sense of a ticking clock over us now, as I unconsciously felt over that spot in the middle of my chest. The sensation quickened my heart rate, in spite of myself.
Realizing what I was doing, I dropped my hand back to my lap.
“Okay, sure,” I muttered, still glancing around at the walls.
That time, when I saw the image of that light bridge between us, I felt almost nothing on him, at least in terms of actual emotion.
He really hadn’t been kidding, though, about us not having much time.
12
PRISONERS AND CAPTORS
THEY SHOWED UP a few hours later. They pretty much ignored me that time, barely looking at me as they filed into the room.
But they took Nik away.
I couldn’t believe it. I felt Nik tense, right before the round, hatch-like door at the top of the ladder began to swivel in hard, tight arcs, lifting up and away from the round hole that made up the entrance.
Guards came down that ladder seconds later, all wearing the same, black uniforms.
I watched them motion Nik up from the bed, saw him obey wordlessly as they tugged his wrists behind his back, cuffing them tightly with dark gray, metal cuffs, probably four times the thickness of those used on Earth. One of the guards smacked him in the middle of the chest, too, and I felt the pain in my own. That same guard let out a string of angry words that both felt and sounded like a warning.
Clearly, the idea of Nik transforming on them made them nervous.
They took him for a few days that time.
I was pretty much going nuts after a few hours, and wondering why the hell I hadn’t taken Nik more seriously when he described the risk to me.
By the time they brought him to the door, after those few days had passed––or as much as I could tell days in this place, by the automatic dimming and lightening of glow-worm sacks that occurred after I’d eaten a few prepared meals––I was pretty much climbing the walls.
I watched them uncuff Nik in front of me, staring at the bruises around his eyes and jaw for a long moment before I could feel anything but numb.
They’d cuffed his wrists in front of him again, for the ladder, presumably, and I saw them drag him to the center of the room before they instructed him to hold out his arms so they could release him. Once they had, they walked back to the ladder and climbed swiftly back out, without so much as looking at me.
I stood in front of Nihkil after they left, staring at his face, struggling for words. I watched his broad shoulders straighten as he rubbed his raw wrists and felt a kind of rage take over me, even though he hadn’t yet bothered to meet my gaze, or to speak.
Watching as he sat heavily on the cushions making up our bed, I felt my fingers coil into fists at my sides. I bit my lip as he shifted his body deeper onto the bed, presumably so that he could lean his back against the wall.
I couldn’t help noticing how stiffly he moved, studying the pattern of bruises that went from his jaw down to his collarbone, disappearing under his clothes in such a way that I knew I’d likely seen only a fraction of the damage they’d actually inflicted. I watched him lean his back carefully against the curved, blue-mirrored wall, saw him wince from the contact even as an expression of relief fell over his features.
Seeing his eyes turn from dark yellow to a lighter green, my frown returned as I understood the cause.
He was happy to see me.
Even though I couldn’t do a damned thing for him, even though I’d just stood there and let them take him away, he looked ridiculously glad to see me.
At the thought, something in my gut twisted up again.
"What the hell, Nik?” I burst out. “What did they do to you?”
He stiffened, his expression openly startled when he looked up next. Making an effort when I saw his blank look, I controlled my voice.
"I want to talk to your pal, Ledi,” I said coldly. “Can you arrange that, Nik?"
Nihkil continued to stare up at me, his expression shifting into wary. "Ledi?"
"Yeah, the boss. The head honcho. I want to have a chat with him. Alone."
Nihkil’s expression hardened. "Alone. Why?"
"What do you mean, why? I’m seriously not okay with this, Nik!"
"You cannot speak with Ledi," Nihkil said. As if seeing something in my eyes, he amended his words. “...I will not forbid it,” he clarified. “Whatever the humans permit of me, I will not go against your wishes... but I would prefer to be told why. Why do you want to speak with him? It is not good for you to be alone with him, Dakota."
“Why the hell not?” I snorted. “Is he going to beat me up, too?"
Nihkil watched me pace in front of him, his eyes shifting to a darker blue. His high-cheek-boned face grew as still as a statue, but I found myself thinking it was a handsome face, now that I'd gotten used to the more subtle expressions it wore.
Something in the expression there now told me he didn't like where this conversation was heading.
If I had to guess, I’d say his reaction bordered on angry. Distrustful, anyway. As if feeling some portion of that on me, or maybe seeing it in my face, he seemed to be trying to control his expression.
“I am sorry,” he said. “You are right... this is inappropriate.”
“What is?” I said, a little sharper than necessary. “What is inappropriate?”
“I am jealous,” he said. “I do not want you to be alone with Ledi.”
I stared at him, sure I’d heard him wrong.
When I realized I hadn’t, I let out a disbelieving sound, not quite a laugh. Still staring down at him incredulously, I threw up my hands.
“Damn it, Nik,” I said. “Are you serious? I don’t want to sleep with Ledi. I want to punch him in the face! At the very least, I want to know why he’s letting his people use you as a damned piñata! I thought you said Ledi was your friend!”
Understanding reached his eyes, along with a less-guarded surprise. As he looked up at my face, I saw Nihkil’s own expression relax, just before he let out another sigh, that one close to a rumble in his chest.
A more peaceful note returned to his voice.
"Ledi has a duty, too, Dakota,” he said gently. “Ledi is also contracted to the Pharei, even if he is human. He works for Yaffa... he cannot go against him in this. Yaffa cannot get to you, because legally, I will not permit it. Therefore, he must go through me, try to control me, since he has some legal claim on me.”
Giving me a more serious look, Nihkil added,
“Ownership is non-transferrable, Dakota. I own you, according to the Pharei. But they still own me. Understand? Owning me does not give them rights over you. But they do not acknowledge morph law, either... so to them, legally, I am still the property of the Pharei military.”
Sighing again, probably at my confused expression, Nihkil resettled against the curved wall. I couldn’t help seeing his eyes tighten as his obviously hurt back made contact with the smooth surface of the glass tiles.
"They know we are working on the lock, Dakota,” he said simply. “They are trying to get me to shift. They want to break the lock before you can gain control over it."
"Yeah, but how? By beating the crap out of you?"
He gave a disinterested shrug. "It works sometimes. Fear. Survival. It can cause us to shift."
"But you didn't? Shift, I mean."
"No." He shook his head. He surprised me then, smiling a little, a glint in his dark eyes. “...It makes them angry that I do not. But there is nothing they can do about this. I feel it, even if they cannot. You hold the lock. What they do to me... it does not matter."
Taking i
n his expression, I gave a low snort, folding my arms.
"You're enjoying this,” I said in disbelief.
He gave one of his characteristic shrugs. "I like that they cannot control me, yes," he conceded. "Wouldn't you, if you were me?"
"But I control it now, right?" I said, still watching his face. "How is that better? Especially since I don't even know how it works?"
"It is better," he assured me. He patted the cushions next to him, an invitation to sit. "Morph do not mind this kind of control, Dakota."
Ignoring his invitation, I continued to stare at him, fighting to puzzle through his words. Tugging my black hair up into a rough ponytail at the back of my head, I finally settled on the interpretation that made the most sense to me. Or maybe the one that I felt most comfortable with, especially given the way he was looking at me now.
"So it's different because I'm not military?" I said. "Because I’m not some racist Pharei, who wants to use you like a piece of equipment? That's why you don't mind?"
Nihkil gave a noncommittal shrug.
He didn’t argue or agree, but I saw the evasion in his eyes. I also saw his gaze shift to my neck. I wore the pendant inside my shirt, but somehow, I knew that's what he was looking at, or maybe for. I found myself wondering why I wore it, what made me put it on that morning, along with every other morning since that first one on the ship.
Maybe not surprisingly, my mind skirted around details pertaining to that decision, too.
Before I could ask, he looked up again, smiling at me faintly.
"Did you save food?" he said.
Studying his face, I let out a short laugh. "Yeah, I saved food." My lips curled into another frown as the significance of his words hit me. "Why, Nik? Did you tell me to do that? Through the lock?”
His eyes remained unapologetic.
“Yes,” he said simply.
I thought about that, and the unconscious way I’d held aside some portion of my dinner the last two days, as well as my breakfast that morning. Frowning deeper, I looked back at Nik. I considered pressing the matter, then didn’t.
Sighing, I folded my arms, instead.
“They didn’t feed you, either?" I said.
"They fed me," he assured me.
"How much?"
"Enough," he said, his expression evasive once more. "They want me to eat with them. This is how the lock ownership sometimes works. If they can get me to look to them for food, it is good for them. They want me to look to them for all things."
"Does it work?" I said. "Making you hungry?"
Curiosity reached my voice that time, even as I walked to the opposite side of the bed, where I'd left the held-aside food on a piece of cloth under the bed, in the hopes the guards wouldn’t see it. Pulling it out, I unwrapped the covering, smelling it.
It smelled about the same as I remembered, not like I’d know the difference.
“You really asked me to do this?” I said, suddenly dubious.
“Yes,” he said at once. “It is better to practice now,” he added. “With the lock. I tried talking to you many times this way. Whenever they weren’t beating me,” he added, as if remembering. “I did not wish you to feel that.”
Seeing my expression, he seemed confused by whatever he saw there.
“A few times, you were asleep,” he said, almost apologetically. “I tried not to be invasive. I tried to show you more about my people. About where we are going. And language... Pharize, mostly. The language spoken by the humans of Palarine.”
Feeling glimpses of this, I found myself making connections, in spite of myself. I didn’t really know how to react to that, either. Biting my lip, I let my mind turn over his words.
"About the food thing,” I said a few seconds later. “When they feed you, I mean. Is it making you look to them, Nihkil? Like they want? Or does it just make you hungry?"
He glanced up, as if pulled back from some other place.
"No," he said.
"No to which one?"
He hesitated, as if weighing different answers. Finally, he shrugged, giving me another smile. He leaned forward, motioning again for me to join him. I saw a more insistent look in his eyes that time, and it didn’t seem to be aimed at the food I held carefully in my hands.
“Come here,” he finally said, his voice bordering on impatient. “Please.”
“You’re not going to answer the question?” I pressed.
"I will not eat with them," he said. “Come here, Dakota.”
When I didn’t move, he seemed to sigh.
Tilting his head in a sideways shrug, he leaned back against the wall. He remained there when I stepped closer, watching me almost warily as I lay the cloth filled with foodstuffs next to him on the bed. Straightening without moving away precisely, I watched him pick up a small, green-skinned fruit, of a kind I thought tasted a bit like an apricot back home.
Taking a bite, he studied my eyes.
"I do not want to eat with them,” he added. “Is that all right?"
Frowning a little, I puzzled through his words.
"So you refuse to eat there," I said. "Then you come back here, wanting me to feed you?" At his short nod, I let out a disbelieving laugh. "Doesn’t that just piss them off?”
"Yes," he said.
At my involuntary, if humorless, laugh, he glanced up once more, that glint back in his eyes, which were now a dark, midnight blue.
"They do not like it, yes,” he said, smiling faintly. “Does this make you angry, Dakota? That I defy them?”
I frowned, but something in his smile leaked over into my mood, too, like a contagion. Eventually, I found myself smiling with him, almost in defeat.
"No,” I said, sighing. “Not angry. But you're a little nuts, Nik. You know that, right?”
Smiling more, he took another bite of fruit, chewing without taking his eyes off mine.
Eventually, I found myself looking away from him.
“So this whole subservience thing with you,” I said. “It’s all just a big act, isn’t it?”
“Subservience?” he said, his voice curious.
“Yeah, you know. You pretend to toe the line, but when it comes down to it, you don’t like being told what to do. So you fight them, even when you pretend you’re not fighting them.” I folded my arms. “You’re a rebel, Nik. You’re just pretending you’re not.”
Nihkil hesitated where he’d been about to pick up another piece of fruit. That wary look returned briefly as he studied my face, right before his gaze flickered down the rest of me.
“Would you mind?” he said finally. “If I was... a rebel?”
Laughing again, more genuinely that time, I shook my head.
“No,” I said.
“Why not?”
I answered honestly. “Because I guess I’m one, too,” I said, thinking aloud. “Even if I don’t always follow through.”
His eyes remained serious as he studied mine, unmoving for a few seconds apart from his chewing. When he finished that bite of fruit, he swallowed, then nodded, his eyes thoughtful.
“Good,” he said finally, taking another bite.
13
SECRETS AND STARS
WE WERE SLEEPING the next time that door in the ceiling swiveled open.
Nik had fallen asleep before me.
Truthfully, he’d fallen asleep before I’d even joined him in the low bed, probably because I could tell he wanted me to join him there, intensely enough that it made me nervous, at least once I’d admitted that feeling to myself.
Not that I was entirely adverse to the idea, really... or even that I thought he’d necessarily try anything. Even so, the mere fact of feeling that wanting on him was more than I could really deal with right then.
I’d taken his words around the lock seriously, though.
I found myself trying to open it on him again, even after he fell asleep. I was also kicking myself a little that it hadn’t occurred to me that I could try even while the Pharei guards held him somewhe
re else in the ship.
Eventually, though, I crawled into bed next to him.
I must have fallen asleep.
When I opened my eyes next, I lay curled up against Nik’s body, his arm around me, and my arm wrapped around his. We were fully clothed, and maybe for that reason, or for some other, it didn’t feel particularly strange to find myself there, with my head leaning on his shoulder, my back against his chest.
I felt a lingering comfort in the position, even after I returned to consciousness, so it took me a few seconds more to realize something outside the two of us had caused me to open my eyes in the first place.
The clanging sound overhead repeated.
Nik’s arms tightened around me when I lifted my head. I didn’t try to break free of him, but held my breath, peering up through the gloom.
Neither of us moved enough to trip the motion sensors, apparently. It was still dark inside the room when whoever it was finished unlocking the hatch. When they opened it, flooding the blue-glass room with light, the difference was shocking... and blinding. Reflections from the glass bounced off the walls, causing me to raise a hand to shield my eyes.
Untangling myself from Nik’s arms and body, I crawled quickly off the cushions to reach my feet. Feeling and hearing Nihkil getting out of bed behind me, I stepped in front of him, moving again when he started to get around me. The morph towered a good foot plus over me, but when he tried it a second time, I put a hand on his chest, glaring up at him.
"No," I said.
I turned, staring up at the feet descending down the ladder. I spoke the word I’d heard Nik use in their own language, shaking my head at whoever climbed down.
"No!” I said in Pharize, switching back to English since I only knew the one word. “You're not taking him again... no! He just got back!"
Just then, my eyes adjusted enough that I could see the man who now stood at the base of the ladder. He still gripped an eye-level rung lightly in one hand.
The Morph (Gate Shifter Book One) Page 13