He looked at me, and something in his eyes flickered.
I couldn’t discern the emotion there, though. I was about to say more, when he leaned closer, kissing me lingeringly on the mouth. He didn’t kiss me hard, or use his tongue, but something about the kiss stole my breath anyway.
“I know,” he said, ending the kiss with a sigh. He looked out over the stream, his eyes shifting to a darker blue-green color as he pursed his lips. "As for your other questions, I don’t have an answer yet, Dakota."
He met my gaze, his eyes holding more of a troubled cast.
"I know you said you don’t want to,” he said. “And I appreciate that, Dakota... I really do. But I need to ask you a question. I need you to answer me honestly. Would you go alone, if you had the option?" Watching my face, he clutched my fingers tighter. "Would you leave me here, and go back to Earth... if I could arrange to get you through without me?"
I felt myself frown at the question.
It was the same question I'd asked myself on the trip from Palarine to here.
Over and over, in fact. Apparently I hadn't been the only one who'd considered the ramifications of either answer.
"I don't know, Nik," I said finally. "I guess I don’t know what that would mean exactly, given the whole lock thing. From what I understand, you don’t always have control over who you give the lock to... or whether you can sever that connection.”
“That is true,” he said, his voice emotionless.
I looked at him, once more trying to read past the caution in his eyes.
When I couldn’t really, I sighed.
“Would you even want to live there, Nik?” I said. “On Earth. Assuming we could get you away from Razmun and his goons, would you really want to go with me? It’s still a planet filled with humans.” I looked around at the gardens, remembering the kids I’d seen, transforming into dragons and birds. “...You’d be alone,” I added. “It wouldn’t be like the two of us staying here. You wouldn’t have anyone else like you on Earth. Wouldn’t that be too hard for you?”
Nik glanced around where we stood. He focused briefly on the small stream and the waterfall above.
When he looked back at me, his eyes held a denser edge.
"You are so sure there is anything for me here?” Nik said. “...Anything I want?"
I sighed, tugging on his fingers. "Is that really the best reason to go to a whole new world?” I said. “Because things suck here? What about your family? Don't you have friends here, Nik? Even if the police want you, you might––"
"They are all dead," he said.
"Friends, too?" I pressed.
Nik gave me a wry smile, one close enough to an Earth smile that I couldn't help but notice. Before I could decide what it meant, he shook his head, and anger touched his words.
"In all my life, Razmun was my closest friend," he said. "He let my childhood lover kill herself for him... knowing it would devastate me. He let me think she had betrayed me before she died, a belief I carried for over fifty years, and one that made it difficult to trust anyone enough to try to lock-bond for emotional reasons...”
“Wait,” I said. “Fifty years? How old are you, Nik?”
He gave a vague shrug, but essentially ignored the question.
“That same ‘friend’ let my beloved cousin die,” Nik added. “Knowing we had grown up as brothers, and knowing how much I loved him. And even after all that, my family was still killed in the purges that followed the first attacks of the colonial settlement here. Attacks Razmun’s people likely orchestrated, in their attempts to frighten the humans. Now, years later, he nearly kills me and my current love in a bombing on Palarine... and has me implicated as a terrorist and running for my life...”
I felt my face warm as some of his words sank in, but only swallowed, nodding as I gripped his hand. When I looked up next, Nihkil's eyes had gone a shade darker. They met mine as they shifted from a chocolate brown to a color closer to black.
"Ledi was also my friend," he added curtly. "It turns out that he was nothing but a lie... a further means of Razmun manipulating me into doing his will. He let Yaffa hold my lock for decades, knowing full well that I was being abused by him and his underlings. He could have intervened on my behalf, but he did not... presumably because it convenienced him more to have me remain where I was."
Swallowing, I shrugged in a conceding kind of way.
"Yeah," I said. "I've noticed a tendency with your 'friends' too, Nik. I guess that's the problem, when you have a talent everyone wants." Hesitating, I took a breath, then said it anyway. “...Nik, I won’t go without you."
Flinching a little, he turned, staring at me.
I watched as his eyes widened slowly, now holding a muted shock. Then, seeming to see something in my face, he swallowed thinly, right before he nodded. His eyes narrowed back at the animals leaping in the spray.
“I understand.” He gave me a slightly warning look, before giving a bare glance over his shoulder. “It’ll be more risky, Dakota. For both of us.”
I nodded, gripping his hand tighter.
“That’s okay,” I assured him.
“You are certain?”
I nodded, realizing suddenly that I was. “Yeah. I’m sure, Nik.”
When I glanced over at him next, he gave me a faint smile.
"You know what I would have done, before all this?” he said, gripping my hand tighter in the pause. “If I had earned my freedom? Before knowing you, I mean... before I knew anything that I know now?”
I smiled back at him, squeezing his hand in return. “No,” I said. “What would you have done, Nik?”
“I would have gone to join the rebellion," he said, matter of fact. “...I would have gone to find Zarwin, to see if I could help his ‘noble cause.’ I did not know who he was, of course, but that was my plan." He gave me that wry smile again, stroking my fingers lightly with his. “...I was tired of being a slave. I was tired of living in a world where my children would be slaves, if they could not pass as fully human. I had allowed myself to grow bitter... to fantasize about revenge, despite what I knew about these rebels.”
Bending down without releasing my hand, he picked up a round, flat stone from the path.
Thinking about his words, I watched as he used his fingers and wrist to skip the stone across the surface of the glass-like pond on the other side of the stream.
“...So I suppose I’m a hypocrite, really," Nik said. "I flattered myself that I would not do what I’d read about the terrorists doing... that I’d find a mate among my people and settle somewhere. To farm, perhaps, like the older generation of morph still do.” Nik gave me another of those humorless smiles. “But I am not a farmer, Dakota. My gift has always been the gates. Some part of me knew that if I ever really joined Zarwin's people, I could only ever be employed for one purpose. I even considered using the third gate as leverage... if I needed them to trust me, after I had spent so many years working for humans.”
Nik’s lips twisted in a darker frown as he seemed to be thinking about his words.
"So Zarwin and I, we are both liars,” he finished with a shrug.
I didn't answer him, not at first.
I found myself thinking about his words though, rubbing the toe of my boot in the fine, glass-like shards of stone that decorated the water's edge. I tried to think what I would have wanted, had I been in Nik's place under Yaffa. I tried to understand why his relationship to the gates seemed to trouble him so much, and how I might have felt if I was him, exploring worlds for another race to conquer or colonize.
Even so, I could feel Nik himself, through the link we shared.
Whatever he wanted to convince me, or convince himself, he wasn’t like these other morph. He wasn’t anything like Yaffa or those humans I’d met on Palarine.
Heck, Nik wasn’t even like me.
He was a better person, when all was said and done.
It was the only reason I’d met him.
He’d come into that
alley trying to help me, even knowing what it risked him... even after everything humans had done to him over the years. Could I honestly say I would have done the same, for a stranger from a race that had enslaved me?
"It's not the same," I said, shaking my head.
I watched him skip another of the flat stones across the water, his eyes violet now.
“...Them lying, and you lying," I clarified. "It's not the same, Nik. You wanted to believe you could still do something good for your people. Hell, maybe you needed to believe that, just to survive. Your pal, Razmun... he lies to take advantage of people like you. He lies to turn you into himself... then justifies it with more lies that he’s doing it for the good of the race. He doesn’t give a damn about anyone, really. Well... no one who isn’t Razmun.”
Nik might have been turning over my words.
If he was, I honestly couldn’t tell what he thought of them. I saw him nod in the seconds that followed, but got the feeling his mind was elsewhere again.
"So what was the long-term plan?" I said after another pause, shoving my hands in my pockets. “What was the final outcome you wanted, Nik?”
"Continue to fight. To help my people," he said without hesitation. “...but essentially, wait until the humans found their First Planet. Once they found it, they wouldn’t need us anymore. We could leave this place, like Zarwin says. Use the gates and take as many of our people as possible out of enslavement."
“Wouldn’t the humans still need you to gate-shift?” I said, skeptical.
“Yes. They would want us for this,” Nik admitted, frowning. “I guess I felt that didn’t matter as much. I felt no guilt about leaving them here, in this dimension... but I could not consign them to extermination. Not even by their own hands.” Nik glanced up at me, his eyes a darker shade of purple now. “...Besides, they would still have the supernaturals. Some of them can gate-shift, too. But they are more powerful, and cannot be enslaved so easily. The humans would have to employ them. Pay them.”
“And what if Earth is the First Planet?” I said, frowning. “Would you still help humans like Yaffa show up there to colonize it? Let them kidnap a bunch of girls and boys to bring back here for breeding stock... ?”
Nik looked down at me, frowning a little.
“I didn’t say it was my long-term plan now, Dakota,” he said. “Back then, I imagined these things happening somewhat differently.” Exhaling in a sigh, Nik shifted his weight to his other foot. “I also didn’t say I thought it was a particularly good plan, even then. The assumptions I made were very naïve. I think the humans here would never have let us go, even if they found their First World. I think they would have enslaved even more of my people... and yours... in an attempt to solve their problems.”
After another pause, I nodded again, still thinking.
When I looked up at him next, I found Nik studying my face.
"Do you still want me to come with you, Dakota?" he said.
I found myself smiling, even before I shook my head. “Was all of that meant to talk me out of it just now? What you told me?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Well... then I already answered that question, Nik,” I said. “Do you really need me to answer it again?”
“No,” he said, his eyes on my mouth. “No, I guess I don’t.”
Smiling, I knocked my shoulder playfully into his.
"Anyway, it’s going to be fun, having you be the weirdo alien for a change,” I said. “I can already picture me and Irene thinking up creative ways to turn you loose on the locals. Irene is going to like you. She likes direct people... especially when they’re socially awkward. In fact, she’ll probably completely dig you... probably a little too much, if you want the truth.” Thinking about that more, I added more seriously, “Anyway, if I don’t get thrown in jail when I get back, and assuming I’ve still got a business to return to, I could really use the help. I was starting to get more work thrown my way than I could handle, and frankly, I could use another person with me in the field. That trick you pulled on my last mark would be enough to get you a job with Gantry's guys, too, if you wanted the extra work...”
Shaking his head, Nihkil smiled faintly, rolling his eyes, another set of mannerisms he'd no doubt picked up from me.
When I looked closer, though, the only expression I saw in his eyes was relief.
Before I could say anything else, or even tease him about it, another voice broke the moment, turning both of our heads back to the wider path.
"Hey," Razmun called out. "Are you two ready?"
He hadn’t gotten very close to us before he said it, but I found myself thinking that he now wished he had, once he saw the expressions on both of our faces.
I don’t know if we looked guilty or what, but Razmun clearly didn’t trust whatever he saw there. Looking between the two of us warily, he aimed a finger at the main corridor, then tapped his head with the same, indicating our implants, I figured, as well as maybe the time.
“...Tour’s over. They're waiting for us," he said. “Now, Vaug Prelan.”
When Nihkil started to walk towards him, though, I caught his arm.
I held him there, straightening his uniform jacket, tugging at his shirt to get it aligned under the long, black cut of heavier cloth. Nik didn't move, but tolerated my ministrations as I continued to straighten his appearance, evening-out the collar before pulling at the ends of his sleeves to get them in line with the jacket I'd also just arranged on his broad shoulders.
He just stood there, emitting nothing more than a faint air of puzzlement.
"Hey," I said, softer. "Do you trust this guy? Even in what he's told us so far, I mean?"
After a bare pause, Nihkil gave me a flat look, his exhale barely perceptible.
"Yeah." I sighed my own small sigh. "Me, neither." Hesitating, I looked up, meeting his gaze. It hit me only then that he was having more than one reaction to what I was doing to him. His pupils were dilated, enormous in the pale green of his eyes, and I caught him looking at my mouth, right before his eyes drifted casually lower.
"Hey." I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Focus, all right?"
"I am listening."
"Yeah." I folded my arms, snorting a laugh. "Right." I gave Razmun a last glance before switching to English, turning back to face Nik. “Look,” I said, softer. “Only one morph controls the gate-shift, right? Any gate-shift?”
Seeing the puzzlement returning faintly to Nihkil’s eyes, I swallowed, stepping closer to tug at his collar again with my fingers.
“Yes,” he said after a pause. “I told you this.”
“Okay,” I said in a low voice. “Well, here’s the thing, Nik... what if Razmun already knows where he wants to take the morph? What if he’s already got a place picked out?”
Nik’s frown deepened. “Like where?” he said.
“Like anywhere,” I said.
Nik continued to stare at me, as if I were a puzzle he couldn’t quite comprehend.
“Well,” I said. “Once you go through that gate with him, he’s not going to want you to come back here, is he? I mean, he’ll pick your mind for the maps, yeah... maybe he’ll try to lock-bond with you again, so that he has access to what you know. Or maybe he’ll just get a bunch of supernaturals to do it, like the humans did to you on Pharei...”
I took a breath, meeting his gaze directly.
“...But he’d kill you before he’d let you come back here,” I said, softer. “Wouldn’t he, Nik? I mean... not only are you the humans’ best gate-shifter, and not only do you know about the third gate, but you and I, we’re the only ones who know where the ‘First World’ of the humans is, right?” Pausing to let that sink in, I added in a lower voice, “I mean, your pal, Razmun, he’s not going to want the humans to find that, is he? He’s certainly not going to let that be one of the last gate-shifts on the third gate... ?”
Meeting his gaze again cautiously, I cleared my throat before adding,
“I
was reading on the way here, about the gates. Those scientific records said that the human gate technicians can read the coordinates of the last few jumps on any given gate... isn’t that right? Isn’t it also right that there’s a pretty slim chance that Razmun could actually destroy the third gate, even if he wanted to? He might be able to destabilize it, sure, so that it moved around again, like it did when you were kids... but he wouldn’t be able to actually eliminate it, right? So when the morph disappear and the humans all go looking for you, there’s a pretty decent chance they might figure out what happened. I mean, wouldn’t Vilandt be one of the very first places they’d look, if they suspected another gate existed... ?”
Another silence fell between us, that one deeper.
In it, Nik stared at me, his eyes a darker green now, and holding a clarity that I found almost unnerving given the profusion that lived behind it.
“So yeah,” I added casually, still watching him. “Your buddy, Razmun, he might go back through the gates a few times himself. He might even leave some other morph or hybrids behind to try and destroy the gates after you’ve gone. But he won’t let you come back, Nik.” I gave him a meaningful look, still tugging at his shirt as I studied his eyes. “He won’t let you control the shift, no matter where you go. He’d be too afraid you might go through and never come back.” I shrugged, slowing my words. “...I mean, why wouldn’t he be afraid of that, Nik? I would be afraid of that, if I were him. Especially if I’d done to you what he’s done to you.”
For a long moment, Nik didn’t change expression.
Then, as if only now thinking about my words, he nodded slowly.
He didn't follow my gaze to Razmun, but I felt his attention there as he kept his face turned slightly away, perhaps to shield the movement of his mouth.
"Do not worry, Dakota," he said softly.
I gave another low snort. That one had less humor in it.
“Well, if they decide to leave me behind, I will worry, Nik,” I said. “I kind of doubt we’d get a second try. And I don’t like my chances much, if you and I got separated...”
The Morph (Gate Shifter Book One) Page 40