“Was that put there for you?”
“Nah. It’s still awesome though.” Jensen began walking, pulling me along.
“Are we going to talk about what happened?”
“I’d rather not. It’s over, let’s just let it be.”
“Jensen …” I stopped walking and eyed him skeptically.
“Look, Noelle proposed a few months ago and I said I had to think about it. Then she left without a word, so I figured it was over. All of a sudden, bam, she’s back and expects me to act like she never left.”
“That doesn’t explain why you can’t even think for yourself when she’s around, Jensen. That part actually worries me.” I took his hands and searched his eyes. “I know all about your other rehab stints. Don’t you think you might have just a tad of an addictive personality? Maybe you are so used to being with her, it feels comfortable?”
“I feel comfortable with you. When we’re together, it’s like we were never apart, Serena. I like how I feel with you. I’m happy and carefree for once.”
“Not all relationships are happy and carefree, Jensen. There will be times when you get on the other person’s nerves.”
“Not us.” Jensen shook his head. “We were never like that.”
“I know, but we’re older now. Things change.”
“The minute you walked back into my life, it was like you never left it, Serena. I want us to start over.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to date you.”
“As I recall, our dating consisted of you cooking me something and then sex.” I arched a brow at him.
“Sounds good to me.” Jensen waggled his brows.
“No sex—” Jensen groaned and I placed my fingers over his lips. “At least, not yet. Sex was never a problem for us.”
“No, it really wasn’t. We were always good at that.” Jensen pulled me into his arms and I looked up at him.
“Slow, Jensen.”
Jensen leaned into me and his lips were inches from mine.
“Baby steps?” he breathed across my lips.
“Tiny baby steps.”
“Okay.” Jensen pulled away abruptly and I mentally slapped myself. “That doesn’t mean we can’t kiss,” I balked.
“Nope.” Jensen shook his head. “There will be no lip locking.”
“Dammit,” I cursed. Jensen laughed and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I better go before you strangle me.” Jensen kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched him get in his car and he waved as he pulled out onto the road. I knew I was smiling, how could I not be? I had Jensen back.
~*~
We spent the next three days inseparable from one another. It was like we’d never been apart. We went to the movies, shopping for groceries, and to furniture stores. Jensen made me dinner on the third night, at his place. I loved it. The house was a two story with a wraparound deck and a lake behind it. Jensen manned the grill as I took a walk around the property. The house was beautiful, with white shutters against navy blue siding.
“Hey you,” Jensen called from the back deck.
I smiled and walked back to him. He had an apron on with chicken drumsticks on it. I laughed and kissed his cheek.
“You look cute. I wasn’t expecting the chicken drumsticks though.”
“Well, they don’t make one with real drumsticks.”
“I can have one made,” I winked.
“Maybe for Christmas. Can you grab the corn for me?”
I helped him carry the food back inside and we settled in front of the TV. Turns out, we watched a lot of the same shows. We ate and watched TV in comfortable silence. Jensen handed me a beer and we clinked bottles.
“To us.”
“Together again?” I leaned against him.
“I hope for a long time, Serena. I meant what I said, I want to start over with you.”
“Well, we already know so much about each other.”
“I know where you’re ticklish.”
“Don’t. Even.” I pointed my corn at him. “I know what sets you off.”
“Back rubs, foot rubs, and I love when you drag your nails down my back softly.”
“As I recall, you loved it when I did it hard, too.”
“That was when you were screaming and shuddering underneath me.”
“We need to change the subject,” I fidgeted.
Jensen turned to me and caressed my cheek. My eyes closed instinctively and warm lips touched mine. A hand threaded into my hair as the kiss became more intense. I was slowly lowered to my back on the floor as Jensen kissed me languidly, taking his time savoring my mouth. I ran a hand up his back and pulled him further on top of me. Spreading my legs out, Jensen fell in between them perfectly, rutting up against me. I yanked his shirt off and ran my palms up his smooth skin.
“Jensen,” I breathed.
“I feel fifteen again.” Jensen chuckled softly.
“This feels bigger than fifteen.” I squeezed his hardened dick.
“These are bigger than seventeen.” Jensen caressed one of my tits through my shirt.
“It’s because it’s padded.”
Jensen laughed and pressed his forehead to mine. We stayed like that, Jensen on top of me, both of us trying to calm down.
“You have no idea how much I want you right now.”
“Yes, I do.” I cupped his face with my hands. “I would love nothing more than for you to take me to bed and make love to me, but I’m afraid, Jensen.”
“Why?”
“Because sex to me is more than just fucking. I can do the whole casual thing—cut myself off from what I’m feeling, but I can’t do that with you. There’s too much emotion involved.”
“How about we just go to bed and not have sex?”
“Is that even possible?”
“We can do other stuff.”
“I like the other stuff.” I smiled, wiggling my brows.
“So do I.”
I helped Jensen clean up the kitchen and then he took my hand, leading me upstairs to his room. I stripped down to my bra and panties and watched as Jensen removed his jeans. A smattering of hair traveled from between his pectorals and wound its way down to his belly button, disappearing below the waist band of his boxers. I wanted to lick that trail so badly. Jensen tilted his head as I slowly walked over to him.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Other things.”
I dropped to my knees, looking up at him. I pulled his boxers down and his dick sprang free. I gripped it and pumped him a few times before taking him into my mouth.
“Oh shiiit. You were always good at that.”
I swallowed around him and took him as far back as I could. Jensen fisted my hair as I bobbed up and down on his cock, taking him to the root before sliding back off and running my tongue through his slit. Jensen’s legs trembled as I continued to suck him down, teasing around his shaft with my tongue. Jensen began thrusting into my mouth and I palmed one of his balls, rolling it in my fingers.
“Jesus…Serena…I’m gunna fucking lose it!”
I smiled and kept at him. Fuck it. A blast of come shot down my throat and I swallowed, coaxing more out. I licked him from shaft to tip before moving away from him and getting on the bed. I spread my legs out and motioned to him with my finger.
“Come here.”
A growl rumbled from Jensen’s throat and the next thing I knew, my panties were torn off and Jensen was between my legs. I let out a yelp as he attacked my clit, sucking it in while thrusting a finger inside me. I grasped for anything I could and squeezed my eyes shut as Jensen went to town on me. My legs shook as he added another finger, stretching me out while he continued to suck on my clit, making me arch my back and rip the sheets off the bed. There was so much going on between my legs, I couldn’t see straight. My stomach knotted and my toes curled as I cried out in pleasure, coming all over Jensen’s face. I fell back on the pillows, breathing h
ard as Jensen climbed up my body. He hovered above me with a grin.
“Some things never change. You were always loud.” He rubbed his nose against mine.
“You were always so good at that,” I purred.
Jensen captured my lips in a slow, lazy kiss and I wrapped my arms around him. I could have stayed right there forever, with Jensen by my side. We broke from the kiss and Jensen rolled off me, pulling me into him. I wrapped an arm around him and threw a leg over his thigh. I trailed my fingers up and down his back just how he liked it. Jensen’s fingers threaded into my hair and I sighed in content. It was quiet and I closed my eyes.
“Serena?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think you could see yourself living here? I mean, with me?”
I peered up at him. “Yes, Jensen. I can. I can work from anywhere, you know that.”
“But your family—”
“Will understand,” I finished for him. “They just want me to be happy.” I leaned up on my elbow and smiled at him. “Are you going to have an issue telling people what I do for a living?”
“Well, I won’t be as…descriptive as you are when explaining it.” Jensen cracked up.
“I really am sorry about that,” I apologized, closing my eyes. “I just…”
“You were jealous.”
“Fuck yes, I was! You’re mine, Jensen Pratt.”
“I have been since I was fifteen, Serena.”
I snuggled into him and smiled when Jensen kissed my forehead. This was where I belonged.
~*~
I woke up once again not knowing where I was. It took me a few seconds to process my surroundings. I was in Jensen’s bed. Alone. I sat up and tilted my head to the side. I could hear Jensen faintly singing downstairs. I grinned, grabbing my jeans and shirt and slipping them on as I went down the stairs. Jensen had his back to me at the stove. I inhaled the distinctive scents of sautéed onions, garlic, and mushrooms.
“What are you doing?” I asked, leaning against the wall in the kitchen.
Jensen turned, spatula in hand. A smiled pulled at his lips and he motioned to the stove.
“Making you an omelet.”
I walked over to him and stood looking over the pan on the stove. “It smells delicious.”
“I made you coffee, too.”
“That is so sweet. You don’t have to wait on me, Jensen. I think you’ll find that I’m going to spoil you, too.”
“Well, if it involves back and foot rubs, I’m all in.”
“That and so much more.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’ll blow you and swallow.”
“Is it Christmas?” Jensen joked.
“No. I just know what you like. Me, on all fours, ass high in the air as you pound me from behind.”
Jensen shuddered and I kissed him. He pushed me against the counter and then lifted me up, setting me on the granite. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed into him. We broke from the kiss several minutes later, both of us gasping for air.
“Holy shit,” Jensen rasped.
“It can be like this every day, Jensen. Will we fight? Probably. You snore.”
“You snore too,” Jensen laughed.
“Good, then that won’t be a problem.”
“What about when I go on tours?”
“I’ll go with you if you want. All I need is my laptop and an internet connection.” I searched his eyes. “What is it?”
“Is this real?”
“Yes. Are you that afraid to be happy? Do I make you happy?”
“Fuck, yes.”
“Then it will work itself out.”
Chapter 11
Jensen went back to Tucson to visit his family and I finished up my gay male romance novel. I worked more on the outline for the hetero book and started to fret, chewing on the end of my pencil. How weird would it be for me to use myself and Jensen in a romance novel? How many people would actually read it? My readers were loyal to the core because I gave them what they wanted. A monogamous relationship; no threesomes, no BDSM, and a mate for life. I gave them the fantasy all women want. Someone to love us and take the good with the bad. Didn’t matter that it was two men I was writing about, everyone that read my books saw two human beings falling in love. My phone pinged and I looked at the caller I.D. My mom was calling.
“Hey, Mom!”
“Allo, Poulette.”
Okay, us French people have some weird nicknames. Poulette means little chicken. I couldn’t seem to be offended by it since it came from my mother. Better than little onion, I guess.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I am well. Your brother is coming to visit.”
“Did you lock up the guns and ammo?” I chuckled.
My brother was an army major as well as a doctor. When he drank too much, he liked blowing shit up. Between me and my sister Marisol, I was the only one he could turn into a tomboy, which he did effectively. I played with GI JOE instead of Barbie. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. We cut Barbie’s hair and she got into a lot of accidents in her Barbie Car. Mostly flying off the cliffs in Sabino Canyon. We also hung my sister’s Cabbage Patch Doll from the chandelier, but that was another story.
“I did. Will you come stay?”
“I can be there tomorrow.”
“He is bringing your new niece. I am making chimichangas.”
My mouth watered at those words and I smiled.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I will see you soon. I love you!”
“Love you too.” I hung up and stared at my phone. It occurred to me that I hadn’t heard from Jensen for a day. Like I was in high school, I was the same way now. I wasn’t needy, but a text to let me know he’d arrived would’ve been nice. I texted him and then concentrated on the outline. By the time midnight rolled around, I was exhausted and really worried about Jensen. He still hadn’t texted me back. I dialed his cell phone and waited. He picked up on the sixth ring, sounding winded.
“Hey. I was worried about you,” I said.
“Oh, I’m fine.”
“Jensen? Why do you sound like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you just ran a marathon and are hiding in a cave.”
“I…it’s complicated.”
My gut sank and I knew immediately what had happened. I steeled myself and took a deep breath.
“I’m coming into town tomorrow, I’m going to visit my mom. Can you meet me by the stoner wall at the high school?”
“Um, what time?”
“Noon.”
“Um, okay, sure.”
“Night, Jensen.”
I hung up before he could respond. Whatever we had for those few days was over.
I was sure of it.
~*~
I stood by the stoner wall right next to the high school as I waited for Jensen. Grey clouds were forming in the sky and the wind began to pick up. I ran my hand across the concrete wall with a smile. We would sit here every morning and hang out, just holding hands and kissing before school started. God, how simple things were back then. Jensen parked right behind me and jumped out of his car. He looked around and then his eyes met mine.
“Why are we here?”
“Fitting it should end where it began.”
“Serena…”
“Jesus, just say it, Jensen!”
“Look, I want you to know that I do care about you and I was really going to try and make this work. Noelle came to see me and she told me she loves me, Serena. She really wants to try and work things out. I have to at least try.” Jensen bit his lip. “We’re getting married.”
“Why? Did I not make you happy? Did we not have a good time? What the hell are you afraid of, Jensen?!”
“I don’t want to be alone! Noelle knows all my shit and she doesn’t care!”
“I don’t give a fuck either! God!” I looked up at the heavens as they opened up, soaking me and Jensen in seconds. “Why can’t you just trust in us? You will never be alone
with me, don’t you get that?”
“Look at me! I’m fucked up, Serena.”
“I want you no matter how fucked up you are! I don’t want to change you either, that’s what love is, Jensen! It’s loving the other person for who they are, not what you want them to be! Do you hear me? I love you. All these years, I have looked for you in everyone I’ve ever been with. I never found you. Now I’m standing here in the pouring rain asking you to take a chance on us.”
Jensen sighed and looked to the side, gripping his hands together.
“Thank you,” he said, quietly.
My jaw dropped open in surprise. “Thank you?”
“Yes. That means so much to me.”
“That means so much to you?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Please, Jensen. Don’t marry her. I said I would never beg someone not to leave me again, but I’m doing it now. Don’t make the same mistake twice.”
“I…I can’t, Serena.”
I exhaled and balled my fists. “Tell me you’ve never thought of me, not once in all this time.”
“I can’t say that.”
“Tell me you haven’t, Jensen!” I shouted. “Let me go. You can’t have your cake and eat it too! I am no one’s secret or second choice, and I’ll be dammed if I change that now. It is all or nothing with me. Do you understand? You walk away from me now and I’m done.”
Jensen seemed to be fighting an inner battle. The rain and wind became torrential and I dropped my head with a sigh.
“Goodbye, Jensen.”
Lightning streaked across the sky and thunder rolled in seconds later. I hopped into my Jeep and fired it up, leaving vapors behind me. I looked in the rear view mirror to see Jensen still standing in the rain. I gripped the steering wheel as my emotions got the best of me. I hadn’t cried in a really long time and I tried to keep it together as I hopped on the freeway. I needed my mom, I needed a place to weather this storm. The one outside and the one inside of me. I wouldn’t let this change me this time. I had a career and a life and I’d be dammed if Jensen took that away from me again.
The storm outside seemed to mimic the one inside of me. I couldn’t get enough air and my nose was running. I pulled over and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, letting it all out. Why? Why did I keep doing this to myself? Jensen seemed so lost, I wanted to be the one he confided in, the one he came home to every night. The one he woke up with and had coffee with. I just wanted Jensen Pratt. The bile rose in my throat and I jumped out of the Jeep just in time to lose the contents of my stomach on the side of the road. My whole body shook and I wrapped my arms around myself as I let the pain overtake me. I would let it in, and then I would let it go. I had to.
A Beat in Time Page 8