by Mark Walsh
Ancestral roots are also deeply embodied. We do the work in the body that the previous generation couldn’t. We feel the grief, anger and hurt, especially. At one point, in a recent meditation, my spine felt topped by one grandfather dropping bombs (he was in a Lancaster bomber in World War II), tailed by the other grandfather in the bowels of a merchant ship that was dodging U-boats (he was a sailor), and in the middle, my heart was burning with German civilians screaming, but aided by my nurse grandmothers. Pretty intense! When fasting, I am the Irish, naturally, and also, my Ethiopian brothers. I have wept not just for many nations already this year, but as many nations. The ones I have kissed with lips or fists were the easiest to touch again.
Perhaps you’ve had strong experiences of others that you haven’t seen in years? Perhaps they were more real than just memories or dreams – as if they almost have a life of their own? Vividly visiting at night? I have found this to be the case in the waking body too, with actual friends. They’ve picked me up from psychic battlefields as patron saints, lovers (still turning me on years later), and of course gods and archetypes (from Jesus, to Marvel heroes, to rock stars). They have a life of their own and are part of us…as are the politicians you despise, the homeless guy with no name, the rape victim you never met, the rapists, etc. I have given birth and flayed children alive in West Africa. I have been the babies with AIDS that I walked over on my way to breakfast, and the man who smilingly served me food at the restaurant. “Call me by my true names,” as the teacher of my first love once said. Soon he will be dead. And not.
I don’t often discuss such things in public. I prefer to keep my embodied work to that which I can explain with more certainty, that which is most pragmatic to people and won’t scare them off. But tonight, as I reflect upon the divisiveness of the current political body, there it is. We are both sides. All sides. We contain it all. My heart beats in your chest, and yours in mine. Odd perhaps, but deeply true.
SOME SIMPLE EMBODIMENT TECHNIQUES
Embodied practice doesn’t have to be complicated or the reserve of esoteric Eastern masters. In this chapter you can learn some of the most simple, useful techniques. Try them and see what works for you. Do not believe me.
THE MOST BASIC EMBODIMENT TECHNIQUE
Notice how you are, then choose how to be.
Work with the body to support your choice.
AWARENESS AND CHOICE AGAIN
As stated, most embodied development comes down to awareness and choice. We become aware of our body postures, how we move, stand, breathe, etc…and then make better choices around these actions. We then practise these new bodily actions until they become habit. This bears repeating.
BEST QUICK-WIN TOOLS
While this is not a technical book, I want to include some of the quick-win tools that I’ve found, over the years, to be the most effective. While different things work better for different people, there are definitely some tools that I see consistently and quickly helping most people. Here they are:
Daily check-ins
Embodied self-awareness is the foundation of all other embodiment skills, so reminders to come back home to oneself are great for anyone new to practice. You can schedule a few of these each day (e.g. using a phone alarm). Such check-ins can also be linked to daily activities such as with each toilet-break, or when making tea, and can also be integrated into larger group activities, such as meetings, where culture allows. Even a few seconds of really noticing oneself makes a big difference. The key thing is to pause, and really feel, even if briefly.
AAI
One of the simplest and best embodiment techniques is AAI. During any activity, become aware of your body, accept how you are, and then pick a clear intention for how to be. This can enhance or create a good foundation for anything, really! Once more:
• Awareness – feel your body
• Acceptance – say yes to how you are, before trying to change
• Intention – how would you like to be?
Walking self-coaching
A super-simple self-coaching technique is to apply awareness and choice while walking. The method is to notice how you’re walking and make a choice to add a quality that would be useful. You can work with an enquiry, like, “What would a bit more ease/flow/fun/focus be like?”16, or simply do it! This method is easy, quick, not athletic or strange, and most people have a few moments of walking daily, when they can do this.17
Embodied gratitude
At the end of each day I like to make a short verbal or written list of a few things that I’m grateful for, that have happened that day. I do this by feeling the body fully, touching the centre of my chest as I register each item, and sometimes bowing. Research from positive psychology shows that gratitude practise has many beneficial effects, and “adding the body” supercharges it in my experience.
Make a noise!
What noise would you make right now, if you were to do so? If it’s socially appropriate, go on and do it. If not, just imagine it. What does this say about how you are? What noise would be more like how you’d like to be? Again, either do it or just imagine it. A useful practice for both awareness and expression.
Embodied coin flip
If you have a decision to make, assign a choice to each side of a coin, and flip it. Not to actually make the decision, but to note how you feel about it You do not have to comply with the coin toss, but it may well give you insight.18
EMBODIMENT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE COMPLICATED
It can be:
• Noticing your breath a few times a day
• Leaning back onto your heels, or slowing down when rushing
• Widening your awareness when wanting more confidence
• Going for a walk in the park when stuck for ideas
• Relaxing your belly when stressed
SITTING AND LIFTING
Relaxation and breath are central to most embodiment systems, and while both can be explored in great depth, you can train the basics very simply. One way to do this is to notice if you hold your breath or tense up, as you sit or stand. Most people will hold their breath at some point and tense correspondingly. By breathing out gently and smoothly as you sit and stand, you can retrain habits of tension and use these simple daily acts to become more relaxed each time that you do them. Similarly, if you regularly lift things (or small people), the same principle applies. Most people tense and hold their breath even when lifting light objects, so this can become a good practice and a way of relaxing.
Simple daily practices like these can become both profound and transformative, and lead to greater embodiment benefits than doing, say, flashy yoga or athletic dance a few times a week.19
COMING HOME TO THE BODY CAN BE SIMPLE
Let’s keep it simple. Here are ten top tips for coming home to the body:
• Spend ten minutes each morning sitting still and noticing your breath.
• Do yoga a couple of times a week. A style that’s gentle and simple enough to give you space to feel is ideal.
• Eat when you’re hungry and rest when you’re tired (I know this one might sound idiotically simple, but trust me it’s profound).
• Spend an hour a day outside in nature (a.k.a. the big body).
• Make your meetings and phone calls walking activities.
• Dance vertically and horizontally regularly.
• Take Facebook and your email off your phone; check email once a day elsewhere.
• Play with children and animals every chance you get.
• If you have addiction or trauma issues, prioritise addressing them.
• Be kind.
SOME NON-ATHLETIC EMBODIED YOGA
Taking up space
There are a number of physical poses that have strong archetypal resonance and quickly shift how we feel. These are mapped in the Embodied Yoga Principles system and while the scope of this book does not include describing them all fully, some are very simple. One I offer to a lot of students is the Taking
Up Space pose which involves stretching out the arms to the sides, above the level of the shoulder with palms forwards, and standing with the legs spread wide like a big X. It is similar to one of Amy Cuddy’s famous “power poses” which have been shown to build confidence20, and I often suggest it to students who need to work on being seen, claiming space and “owning” their success or status.
Letting go
Another excellent and easy pose is Letting Go pose, which is just a hanging forward bend. This is great for consciously choosing to let go of emotions, resentments and old beliefs that are no longer helpful. Sometimes I use it for forgiveness, or just to let go of the busyness of the day before relaxing in the evening. Breathe out, saying “aahhhhh” and relax the neck to “let the head go” when doing it.
Saying no
Hold up your hand in front of the middle of your chest with your fingers together. Do not smile and keep your head straight. Stand or sit in a stable, strong stance. This is a simplified version of No pose, and is an absolute classic for anyone who has problems saying no to themselves or others, is ‘too nice’, or generally needs firmer boundaries. This is a great one to do if you are about to enter a situation where you might be tempted, or where someone may try and push you around. As with all poses, you can employ this as a daily practice to shift traits, and/or as an in-the-moment practice for state shifting.
Conclusion
What makes these more than physical poses is the intentionality and focus on the subjective quality of the pose. With practice, all of them can be done subtly at any time, as what we call a ‘micro pose’, where you trigger a practised pattern through a small movement, making them even more useful. There are instructional videos about all three of these poses, and many others from EYP, on YouTube.
THREE MORE TYPES OF CENTRING
I’ve already introduced ABC Centring as a pragmatic and accessible tool, but different centring techniques work for different people, so here are three more. While much can be said about state regulation, the basics are actually easy. The key thing is to try them and see what helps you in times of stress, or when you need to perform better or to connect deeper. Experimenting and practice are key, as ever. These types of centring can all be done quickly, usually with the eyes open, just pausing for a few seconds, or even ”on the run”. Being able to manage how you are is something of a superpower in a world where everyone is busy and stressed. Try these:
Visualisation Centring
What image would lead your embodiment in a positive direction right now? Imagining your legs as tree roots, to ground yourself? Having fluffy angel wings, to add uplift? Being made of fire, to energise? Or imagining your body as melting chocolate, to soften your state? These are just four possibilities; I’m sure you can think of more to experiment with. Use nature for inspiration, if you get stuck. Visualisation doesn’t work for everyone but is a great shortcut for many.
Meaning Centring
In any situation, especially stressful ones, it’s useful to breathe deeply into your body, slowly breathe out and ask yourself, “What matters here?”, or, “What do I really care about now?”. You can put one hand on your lower belly or heart area as you do this. Try this and note how it impacts your state.21
Social Centring
We co-regulate. What this means is that, as social animals, positive social connections help calm our nervous systems. A calm state can be achieved by focusing on friendly people around oneself, making gentle eye contact, or by imagining people who make us smile, even if they are not present. Just shifting attention to the basic respect between people that is usually there, to what we have in common and to how we belong can work wonders. Supportive visualisations such as of a bubble that encloses you and others, or imagining the hand of a mentor or
nurturing family member on your back, can be helpful too.
4 ELEMENTS WHATEVERING
A simple model we use a lot on various courses is the four elements model. There are various versions of this model around (and 5 or 6 element models) but it’s fairly intuitive to most people. We know for example what a “fiery” or “wishy-washy” person is like, and what we mean when we use a phrase like, “He’s an airhead”, or, “She has her feet on the ground”.
These four elemental ways of being create a simple map of embodied preference that’s very helpful as a reference point, though of course it’s not about putting anyone in a box. Generally, people are good at guessing the stances, breath, movement styles, etc. that are associated with various elements, but if it does not make sense to you how each element may be embodied, you can Youtube search me teaching them, and coaching with them. This may add more detail than is intuitive as well.
While doing any activity that isn’t feeling good or achieving the results you’d like, one easy technique is simply to ask yourself, “What would it be like to do this in a different elemental style?” Let’s say that you are unhappily emailing, arguing with a spouse, unsuccessfully trying to get your kids to bed, or whatever; you could ask, “How would it be to do this in an earthy way?”. Then in a watery way, then in a fiery way, and lastly in an airy way. Adjust your body to each of the four options. You will likely find that you were habitually doing things in one or two ways, and that the others may be more fruitful.
To offer another example, say you are giving feedback to colleagues in a “fiery” direct, passionate way that they are not appreciating. You could try a drier, more factual, slower earthier way; or a more empathic, sensitive and flowing “watery” way; or a more fun, creative and visionary “airy” way, and see which gets you a better outcome! Madness may be doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results, but without being able to make an embodied shift, this is all people CAN do! As your skill building embodied range increases, your ability to shift between elements will correspondingly.
RELATIONAL MINDFULNESS PRACTICES
Partner practice
While many people now practice sitting meditation techniques, and there is a wealth of resources available for this, few people practice relational mindfulness (being mindful with others) in a structured way. This is an issue, as often traditional mindfulness practices do not translate very well into interactions with other people, especially verbal exchanges, and people quickly fall back into habits while relating. While there can be some carry-over from solo sitting practices, frankly it’s pretty poor unless you’re doing A LOT of meditating, and few people have the time for this daily. This is a problem as most of what matters to most people is what happens in relationships; with friends, kids, parents, partners, colleagues, etc. To bridge the gap between solo practice and interacting freely in life – where speed, complexity and consequences mean few skills can be easily learnt – a relational mindfulness practice is essential. While some great formal relational mindfulness practices like Circling and Authentic Relating exist, these are difficult to do regularly for most, and are not yet widespread.
My solution to this bridging challenge has been to suggest students spend five minutes a day interacting with a partner or housemate very deliberately, really paying attention to listening and speaking and to their body, while doing so, and slowing the conversation right down. You could try making the first five minutes when a partner gets back from work, or before you go to bed, a time of presence. By both taking one full breath between sentences, body awareness can be maintained and habits broken. Most people find even five minutes a day like this, really listening and expressing deeply while feeling (that’s the key), dramatically improves their relationships and develops embodied relational skill.
Coffee-shop practice
An alternative to this for people who live alone or don’t wish to practice with partners or friends, is to make the first purchase of the day a body-aware one. Most people buy something each day from someone: a coffee, a pint of milk, cigarettes or whatever. It’s possible to bring awareness to your own embodiment and to that of the person serving you and turn this into a regular daily
practice. Obviously don’t stare at them or creep them out, simply really look, be present, and acknowledge them as a human, not as a means to an end. Feel and look, and then feel again – that’s it. You could also ask about their day and then listen and connect further. No big deal, and the real deal at the very heart of embodied practice in an objectifying world! My experience is that people really like being interacted with in such a manner, and I was even given a free coffee a few times while doing it!22
A more challenging version of this is to look homeless people in the eye as you pass them or stop and give change, and again, feel yourself and acknowledge their humanity. This “subjectification” of oneself and of all people is the heart of embodiment.
THREE TYPES OF “ADVANCED” CENTRING
These are slightly more advanced but still relatively straightforward. Give them a try.
Choice centring
In this technique you choose between waking up or calming down your nervous system. Right now do you want to focus on deepening the in-breath to wake up, or lengthening the out-breath to relax? On bringing your attention to your feet, or to the top of your head? On extending up the spine, or on relaxing the front of your body and bending you knees slightly (if standing)? Choose what will serve you best right now. The two can be combined as well.
Smooth breath
“Smoothing out” the breath so any small stops or changes of pace are eliminated is also very effective for reducing stress. Paul Linden calls this “seamless breathing” and it’s a powerful technique to relax, though it requires some practice. This technique is my go-to practice for the dentist, and I haven’t needed anesthetic for some years because of it.