Jake tossed the last of the soiled straw into the wheelbarrow, grabbed the handles and wheeled it out of the stall.
“There you are.”
He set the wheelbarrow down and faced Leah.
“Mother said Mr. Barker invited about forty people. He’s going to have it at his house in the ballroom. I asked if she’d seen the room before and she said she had. I asked about how big it was, if it had doors. She said it was huge and that there were several double glass doors. She wanted to know why I asked, but I didn’t tell her.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
“Do you think you’ll be all right in there?”
“Should be fine long as I sit next to the double doors.” Jake hated he even had to think this way. That he couldn’t defeat this demon that plagued him whenever he was stuck in large crowds.
“Okay, then. I’ll make sure you do.”
“Look, Leah. I don’t want you saying anything to anyone. It’s embarrassing enough that you know.”
“I won’t tell anyone. I’ll figure out some way to work it out. Trust me, okay?”
He set his jaw. “Thought you didn’t want me to go.”
Leah tilted her head. A lone, curly strand slid across her cheek.
Without thinking, he reached for it and tucked it behind her ear. His fingers trailed along her jawbone as he retracted his hand.
Questions lingered across her face and eyes. Questions he had no answers to. Like why he’d allowed his hand to follow the soft contour of her jaw. Why he enjoyed the feel of her soft skin. Or why he had the urge to take her in his arms and taste her sweet lips. What are you doing? Those kinds of thoughts can only lead to heartbreak.
He let his hand fall to his side. “Sorry.” It was all he could manage before he clutched the handles on the wheelbarrow and headed out the barn and into the dumping area.
“Jake.” Leah stood behind him as he raised the wheelbarrow handles and let the soiled straw fall into the pit. “What made you think I didn’t want you to go?”
Relieved she hadn’t mentioned the incident in the barn, he set the wheelbarrow down and faced her. “Earlier you said I didn’t have to go. That nobody was making me. I figured that meant you didn’t want me to.”
“Sweet twinkling stars above, Jake. That’s not it.” She shook her head and the soft curls he’d touched moments ago kissed her cheeks, something he wished he could do. This time, however, he roped in his urges before he did something foolish again. “You sounded like someone was making you go. I didn’t want you to think you had to for my sake. I know you said you’d help me, but you really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“Do you want me to go?” His eyes touched on hers.
She lowered her lashes. “Yes. I really don’t want to go if you’re not there.”
“Why, Leah?”
She looked up at him. “What do you mean, ‘why’?”
“Why is it so important for you to have me there? To help you? Is that your only reason?”
“I don’t know what you’re asking me, Jake.” Wide innocent eyes frowned at him.
“Never mind.” He had hoped for something more. What, he wasn’t sure, but something that said he mattered. That their friendship mattered. Anything.
Who was he kidding?
He wanted to hear she couldn’t live without him. But that wasn’t going to happen. At least not the way he wanted it to. He shoved his hands through his thick hair.
Why did he keep torturing himself with something that was never going to be?
Even if he was in love with her, he didn’t think that would be enough to sway her to stay. Good thing his heart wasn’t fully engaged. His feelings for her were growing, but he wasn’t in love with her. Or was he? He didn’t know. He only knew this whole thing about her leaving battered his heart with bruises he thought would never heal. “I’ll go.”
Leah blinked. “What?”
“I’ll go, Leah. I’ll be there to help you. But this is the last time.”
“What do you mean ‘this is the last time’?”
“I mean, you’ll probably be getting married soon. It’s best I back out of the picture after this. You don’t need me hanging around while some man is trying to court you.”
“Court me? Fitzwilliam and I haven’t even talked about that.”
“Isn’t that why he’s here? To court you? To see if there can be a future between you two?”
“Well, um, yes. But nothing’s been said yet.”
“Just the same. After today, I won’t be going with you anymore.”
“What about Elizabeth?”
“What about her?”
“She needs an escort.” He could tell by the look on her face that she was grasping at anything to keep him with her.
“This whole thing was your idea, Leah. Not mine.”
“Yes, but you like her, don’t you?”
“She’s nice enough. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Jake.” Leah laid her hand on his arm. “Please. Please don’t leave me alone with him. I need you there.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel protected when you’re there.”
“Do you need protecting?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know why it’s important to me. But it is. Please. Please say you’ll go with me.”
Her pleading eyes stared up at him. How could he refuse his best friend?
Friend.
He was growing to hate that word.
* * *
Leah glanced at the clock. Time to head downstairs. She took one last look in the full-length mirror. Today, she didn’t take as much care with her attire. She put on a modest blue silk dress that hung around her shoulders. Her hair was rolled at the sides and gathered into a spun bun at the back of her head. No combs or flowers adorned it. Her joy at going this evening had diminished with her talk with Jake.
When he’d told her that she was on her own after this evening, a million needles pricked her heart. She didn’t want to think about what the pain in her heart and soul meant. She had an idea, but admitting it, she would never allow.
“Lord, have mercy on me” was all she could manage before descending the stairs.
“You look nice, Lee-Lee.”
“Thanks, Abbs. So do you.” Her voice was monotone.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Leah, something’s wrong. I can tell.”
“You girls ready to go?” Mother stepped into the room.
“Yes, Mother.” Leah forced herself to respond in a normal tone. She didn’t want any more questions.
They grabbed their wraps and headed to the landau carriage Mr. Barker had sent. The driver opened the doors and helped them inside. Leah kept to herself and her gray thoughts. Even Abby gave up trying to talk with her, and Leah couldn’t blame her sister. Her heart just wasn’t in this.
The landau rolled to a stop in front of Mr. Barker’s pristine white, three-story mansion with four white pillars in front. Bay windows sparkled on the right and left sides of the house. White and lavender blooming syringa bushes filled the air with their sweetness. Manicured shrubs formed a barrier wall to the backyard. Wild pink roses climbed the outside walls. Their scent mingled with the syringa bushes.
Even though Mr. Barker’s house was enormous, it was only half the size of the mansion she’d been born in back in New York, and she wondered for a second what Fitzwilliam would think of it.
The driver helped them out and a footman escorted them into the house.
Inside, they were led to a large oval room with light brown and tan floors so shiny they looked like glass sparkling in the sunlight. Gold and white chandeliers dangled from the ceiling. Ceiling to floor, reddish-brown brocade curtains with gold scarf swags and tassels hung over the three evenly spaced windows at the end of the room. Fine gold and glass sconces centered each one.
At the front of the room a Bösendorfer grand piano stood o
n the right. Rows of white Chippendale chairs with padded seats covered in the same material as the curtains were centered in the room, leaving plenty of space on each side, down the middle, and even more space behind. Large white pillars like the ones outside Mr. Barker’s house surrounded two sizable glass French doors on each side of the chairs.
Leah’s chest expanded with relief, knowing Jake would be fine in this room. It certainly was large enough not to feel closed in. Even better, the doors were open and there were several ways of escape.
She glanced around to see if Jake had arrived yet, but she didn’t see him. She did spot Mr. Barker, however, amid a group of elegant men and women. The men wore an array of gray, blue and black frock coats with matching trousers, white starched shirts and bow ties. The women wore silk and tulle dresses, satin and lace, faille and lace, and even crepe de chine and velvet, and all were bustle gowns with bows and flowers made from satin ribbons. Exquisite diamonds, rubies and sapphires inlaid in gold adorned their necks and gloved wrists.
Her heart skipped a happy beat. This was the beautiful sort of people she would be associating with once she moved to New York.
“I’ll see you two later.” Abby let go of her and headed over to Phoebe.
Mother pulled Leah’s arm through hers. “Let’s go say hello, shall we?”
Leah didn’t have a chance to refuse her mother’s request because she tugged her along, and the two of them glided toward the group.
When they arrived at the small party of guests, Mr. Barker’s attention drifted to Mother’s and stopped. His eyes brightened and a huge smile split across his face. “Hello, my dear.” He looped Mother’s gloved hand through the crook of his arm. “Gentlemen, may I present to you my special lady friend, Katherine Bowen.”
They all greeted her with cordial smiles.
“And this lovely young woman is her daughter Leah.” Mr. Barker gently pulled Leah into the fold.
Men she’d never seen before greeted her warmly, staring at her approvingly even, but the women only nodded and raked their eyes up and down the length of her.
Seeing their looks of disapproval, heat rushed into her cheeks. At that moment, she wanted to crawl under the floor and pull it over her.
She glanced at her mother to see if she noticed, but Mother only had eyes for Mr. Barker.
Whispers behind gloved hands about her attire reached her ears. How could they be so cruel?
If only she’d taken more time with her appearance and worn her bustle gown and the jewels Father had given her. Elaborate jewels that had belonged to Father’s mother. If she had, they would not be looking down their noses at her.
“Miss Bowen.” Fitzwilliam’s icy tone from beside her caused her gaze to jump to him. No smile or any warmth of feeling ingrained his features. And he’d called her Miss Bowen instead of Leah. That couldn’t be good. What gross faux pas had she committed this time?
His gaze discreetly ran down the length of her and a scowl marred his face. Without even excusing them from the crowd, he cupped her elbow and led her away from the small gathering of people near the French doors.
“Leah, my dear, this is a formal affair with men and women of great prominence. Why did you not dress appropriately for it? How could you embarrass me this way?”
Her heart sank. She had a lot to learn. The only problem was, would she ever? “I’m sorry, Mr. Barrington. I didn’t know it was going to be this elaborate or I would have taken more care in dressing.”
“Did you not know that this was to be an operetta?”
“Well, um, yes. But...” She shrugged.
“But what?”
“Well, I, um... I’ve never been to one before.”
His line of vision trailed to Abby, then to her mother.
“Your mother and your sister are appropriately dressed.” One brow hiked.
He didn’t believe her.
He was right not to. She’d been so hurt by what had transpired between her and Jake that she didn’t care. Nothing mattered if Jake wasn’t in her life. She loved him.
Leah froze, and the blood drained from her face. It was as she feared. Dear God, no. I can’t love Jake.
Jake’s handsome face, lazy smile and soft tabby-gray eyes invaded her mind. As did thoughts about how he accepted her just the way she was, how he didn’t even try to change her, how he made her laugh, made her feel special. Her knees went weak at the thought and very nearly pitched her to the floor.
“Evening, Leah.” Leah stiffened at the sound of Jake’s voice.
Drawing in a deep breath, she turned to face him and forced a smile onto her face, forced herself to act as if everything were normal. “Evening, Jake.”
Jake’s smile slipped, replaced by a concerned frown.
She hadn’t fooled him at all. He knew her well. Well enough to know something wasn’t right. His eyes never left her face. Seeing him through different eyes, she tried not to notice how handsome he really was inside and out.
Or how his broad shoulders, powerfully built arms and wide chest filled out the light blue shirt he wore under a dark blue vest.
Or how strong his muscular legs looked in the new dark blue pants that covered them.
Leah yanked her attention off of him. Those were things an unmarried woman should not be noticing.
She peeked a glance at Fitzwilliam.
His arms were behind his back and he stared at her with brown eyes of steel.
Her heart didn’t care, but her mind did. He was still her way of escape from this place and the nightmares. She couldn’t risk his disapproval. But what about Jake? What about her newly discovered love for him? Confusion infused itself into her heart and soul. Desperately she tried to think of a way to stay, to rid herself of the nightmares, of her strong hatred for the place that had ripped her father from her. Every coping strategy she’d tried since his death had failed. Nothing had worked. No. She had no choice. She had to go.
“Leah, can we talk?” Jake said.
“Excuse me, sir.” Fitzwilliam pulled himself up straighter, and his tone practically dripped with ice. “But Leah is with me. There are some people I want her to meet. So if you will excuse us.”
Before Leah had a chance to protest, she found herself all but being dragged toward the same small group of people who’d made her uncomfortable earlier.
Leah glanced over her shoulder. Jake started to follow her, but Elizabeth stepped in front of him. He peered around Miss Barrington. That was all Leah noticed because Fitzwilliam’s yank on her arm forced her to look forward or stumble.
They reached the small group, who were engaged in a deep conversation of some sort. Mother and Mr. Barker were no longer standing among them. They were talking to another small group of people on the other side of the room.
Fitzwilliam forgot all about introducing her and joined in with the men’s conversation. In the midst of the small crowd, Leah suddenly felt alone.
One of the women looked at Leah. “Mr. Barrington says your family came from New York City and that your father was a prominent businessman there. What do you think about the wholesale corruption? Do you think William Tweed should have been appointed commissioner of public works?”
Leah had no clue what the middle-aged woman with brown hair, green eyes and a long pointed nose was talking about. “I, um. We moved out here years ago, so I’m afraid I don’t know what that is.”
“You don’t?” The woman ran her disgust-filled eyes up and down Leah’s face. “That man purchases things for a pittance and sells it at an outrageous amount, and the Tammany society supports him. Why, that political machine runs all of New York City.”
Tammany society? Running New York City. She didn’t remember Father ever talking about anything like that.
“My husband thinks it’s wonderful.”
“He does?” asked a woman with shock on her face. “It’s pretty corrupt if you ask me.”
“What do you think, Leah? Do you think it’s right to do that?”
/> Leah couldn’t believe these women were talking politics. It was something she knew nothing about. Nor did she care to. “Oh. I, um...” She didn’t know how to answer that. If she told them the way she really felt, which was, no, she didn’t think it was right, then the lady whose husband thought it was a great idea would sneer at her. And if she said yes, it would go against what she believed—that the thing sounded like nothing but greediness to her—then the others women would scoff at her.
“Well, surely even way out here you’ve heard about the high assessment land value in Manhattan over the past twenty-seven years?” Another beautiful woman with dark black hair and striking blue eyes close to Leah’s age joined in the conversation.
“No, I haven’t.” Heat filled Leah’s cheeks at the disapproving looks that woman sent her way. Suddenly, the woman no longer seemed beautiful to Leah. In fact, she and the rest of the ladies who were sending her their scowls appeared ugly to her. Amazing how a person could look lovely on the outside until you got to know them on the inside. The ugliness in them caused even their pretty outsides to appear ugly.
“Does your family invest in stocks?”
How was she supposed to know if they did? Her brothers didn’t discuss finances with her. They believed women shouldn’t have to carry that burden—that it was a man’s burden alone to bear. Her father had felt the same way. She hiked a shoulder in response to her question.
“What do you think about Le nozze di Figaro?” the same woman asked.
“I don’t know what that is.” Leah’s eyes dropped in shame.
“Don’t you know we’ve come tonight to hear selections from it?” Ugly shrouded this beautiful woman even more so now.
Knowing she would feel even stupider, she said, “Selections?”
“Yes, selections. I saw the entire opera at la Monnaie when we went to Brussels last year.”
“La Monnaie?” Floor, open up now. Please.
The lady’s laughter held only degradation. “Why, of course, la Monnaie. Surely you have heard of la Monnaie.”
“No, ma’am. I have not.”
“Where have you been, Miss Bowen? Living with the pigs?” asked another woman who had gray hair pulled back in a bun so tight her eyes were almost slanted. They would have been, too, if she wasn’t narrowing them so severely at Leah.
Groom Wanted Page 20