“You don’t have to worry about anyone attacking you or beating the shit out of you, alright? If anyone is gonna do that, it’ll probably be the other man who’s in love with my sister.”
Okay. He was really pissing me the fuck off. “What the fuck are you talking about? Rose has spent most of her time with me.”
“You said most of her time with you, right?” Rocky cocked an eyebrow, stepping into the kitchen. I followed after him, tightening my grip around the strap of my backpack. But as soon as I was in the kitchen, I knew this was one of his little traps, and I hated that I’d fallen for it. I should’ve just given him his shit and left.
The glass patio door was right across from the entrance of the kitchen, and the first thing I made out was Rose, standing outside in front of a large cement fountain. I rushed for the door, and called her name, grabbing the doorknob, but I didn’t go out just yet. Her hair was flowing down, touching the middle of her back and glistening in the sunshine. I saw the profile of her face, and a grin was on her lips. She had more makeup on than usual and looked absolutely beautiful.
But then, someone else appeared in my line of vision. I watched him walk toward her with a small bouquet of various picked flowers. A smooth smile was etched on his face, and his stride was confident. He wore a grey and black suit and his hair slicked back, displaying a clean-shaven jawline probably smoother than a baby’s bottom. He got closer to Rose and cracked a large smile, revealing all his straight, white teeth.
When he was less than a step away from her, he took one of the flowers out of his bouquet and placed it behind her ear. Her cheeks reddened as she smiled at him beneath her eyelashes. He then cradled her face and placed a kiss on her left cheek. I couldn’t hear him, but I saw what he said. I could make out the words even though I was a good distance away. He said the words I wanted to tell her over and over again, every single day. The words I wanted to whisper to her as she fell asleep and the words I wanted to tell her every morning I woke up to her face some day.
Three simple words that I hated coming out of his mouth.
I love you.
“What do you think she does with the time she has away from you?” Rocky’s voice filled the kitchen, and I flinched. I’d forgotten all about him. I ignored his question, watching as the guy with Rose picked her up in his arms and twirled her around. Her giggle was shrill and carefree. I’d never heard her giggle that way with me before. Her head was tilted back, allowing the rays of the sun to smother her face. She was still beautiful…
“She spends her time texting him,” Rocky said behind me. “She spends her time trying to call him just to get at least ten minutes of phone time with him. And when she does get that time on the phone, she cherishes it like no other. She glows. She doesn’t stop talking about him. I know my sister, and when she’s upset with him, she’ll do whatever she can to get back at him. I guess it’s all pretty pointless once he gets around her again. She forgets all about it… and everyone else.”
His words brought me back to reality. I spun around with tears building up in my eyes. I couldn’t see him clearly. All I could make out was his figure. I suddenly felt cold and weak. Lifeless. The flower of happiness that grew in my belly and once soaked up all radiance shriveled up and turned into ashes. I realized why Rose was really asking for a break. She’d heard about one of Corey’s men being killed by Red Round and took advantage of it. She wanted us to be apart so she could be with him. Whoever the man was outside.
“So you set this up? With Corey?” My voice was thick. My heart was aching. I was hurting… all over.
“Corey doesn’t know shit. I just told him to send the man he always sends. I knew it was you. I saw you. I figured seeing this for yourself would get you to stay the fuck away from her.”
“No,” I muttered, shaking my head. “No. Fuck! No!” I fisted my hair, turning back around to see her arms now locked around his neck. “She told me she loved me. There’s no way in hell she’d lead me on for this long and then forget about me. There’s no fucking way.”
“Have you not realized it yet?” Rocky scoffed. I turned around again. “Rose is selfish as fuck. She only cares about herself. When Tommy’s around, he’s all she cares about. But when he’s gone, she’ll do whatever she can to get over him. Tommy travels a lot, and she hates that she can’t be with him when he goes. Remember two months ago when she was out of town for a week for a ‘ballet recital’,” he said, making air quotations with his fingers. I lowered my gaze, staring at the marble floor. I felt like the floor. Cold. Walked on. Sometimes stomped on. That floor resembled my heart. “Yeah,” Rocky continued. “She went to Philly to visit him. Tommy. She was with him, in his apartment, that whole fucking week. Do you think, if she really loved you, that she’d drop everything here and run to him as soon as she got the chance?”
I hated the words coming out of his mouth, but he was right. I noticed then that when Rose was out of town that week, she hardly talked to me. Hardly called me. Hardly shot me a text. She completely ignored me and made excuses, saying she was really trying to focus and get to the next level so she wouldn’t have to return to Philadelphia again. She said she was too busy to speak on the phone. All of that was a lie? I really couldn’t believe this shit.
“Look, you seem like a good guy. I mean, I can tell you really love her and would do whatever you could as long as she’s happy. But… Rose is in love with Tommy, alright? She talks about marrying him and having his children, and I’ll tell you one thing Tommy doesn’t play with: his girl. He loves her, too. He’ll kill for her. He may look all professional and shit, but he can be a real dick if necessary. This is just a warning. I don’t wanna see you get hurt over a girl who’s doing nothing but hurting and lying to you.”
Just as he said that, the so-called “Tommy” opened the patio door and walked in. My heart thumped as he shut the door behind him, and I was glad Rose hadn’t come in with him. I don’t think I could’ve faced her without saying anything.
“Sup, Rock?” Tommy cocked an eyebrow in his direction. Tommy wasn’t a bad looking guy, but I hated his face. He had my girl… or maybe I had his…
“Nothing. Just making an exchange for Pops.” Rocky bent down and opened one of the cabinets. There was a safe inside, and he twisted the knob back and forth gradually until it unlocked.
“My name’s Tommy,” Tommy said, turning in my direction and reaching a hand out. At least he had manners. I couldn’t be immature. I couldn’t fulfill the desire to punch him in the face and run away with Rose, so instead, I grabbed his hand and shook it firmly.
“Roy.”
“Roy. Cool.” Tommy slid his fingers in his front pockets as Rocky stood straight up, shutting the cabinet behind him. I took off the backpack and handed it to him at the same time he handed me the money. “Look, Rocky, Rose and I are gonna go grab some pizza or something.” I noticed Tommy had a northern accent. A New Jersey one maybe? “She told me to tell you to shut all the lights off and lock up if you leave. I’ll have her back later.”
“Yeah, I got it,” Rocky muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Hey.” Tommy lifted his hands in the air innocently. “I’m just the messenger. Don’t shoot me, kid.”
“Anyway,” Rocky said, putting his attention back on me. “I’ll walk you out.” Nodding, I followed him out of the kitchen, not daring to look back as Tommy opened the patio door and stepped outside. Rose’s laugh made my ears ring and my heart sink. The way she screamed Tommy’s name while giggling pierced me all over. It hurt like a motherfucker, but I couldn’t look weak in front of her brother. I guess this was what I got for that stupid trait of mine. Caring too damn much.
“I’ll see you around,” Rocky said as I stepped outside.
I glanced over my shoulder without a word. “You aren’t going to tell her I know, are you?”
“Do you want me to?” He stood up straight and folded his arms.
“No. I’m sure she’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
I didn’t look back as he said that. Instead, I kept walking. Past the pearly Mercedes I knew belonged to Tommy. Past the shiny metal gates of Red Round’s mansion. Past the bus stop. Past the hospital. Past my apartment. And past Steele’s.
I was back at the Tavern, sitting in pitch-blackness, wondering where it all went wrong. Wondering why she led me on. What had I ever done? I gave her my all, but I guess that’s what you get for putting your all into something that isn’t official.
I gave in too easily. I fell for her seduction and class. I fell head over heels for a girl who’d already fallen head over heels for a man she’d probably known for years. A girl who grew up with a damn mafia. A girl who knew nothing but how to be loyal to the ones she grew up with.
I felt like a fucking idiot. A dumbass.
I felt worthless. And I didn’t know what to do.
So I just sat there, staring at the broken window across from me. I sat there… confused. Hurt. Lost.
I just… sat there and blended in with the darkness, wondering how the hell I was going to get myself out of this one. This was my heart. This was me. And she fucked it all up. She… destroyed me.
Three days passed and I still hadn’t seen or heard from Rose, not that I was expecting to see her or have her call me. Shit went downhill for me after what I saw in her backyard. The love she had in her eyes for Tommy, I couldn’t even compare. With him, there was a whole night of burning stars in her eyes. With me, there was only a small spark. Nothing major.
I started blaming myself over the course of those few days. I was numb as I delivered for Corey. I didn’t care about his smart remarks or Cheek hounding me about where I’d been at certain hours. I just stopped caring. I practiced more at home and with my band, but even they noticed something was wrong with me. They didn’t bother bringing it up, though.
I hated that I couldn’t stop myself from moping. I was the kind of guy who always seemed okay. I didn’t want people to wonder if I was. I was supposed to be the strong one. I was supposed to be the one who was always ready to practice. I admit, my skills on guitar were a lot better since I put more practice into it. The time I used to spend with Rose I spent at home in my bedroom, sulking… playing.
Mom asked me a few times if I was okay. I never told her Rose and I weren’t seeing each other anymore. It would’ve been embarrassing to tell her that the girl I fell deeply in love with was in love with someone else—that she was using me to get over him. It all seemed like a waste of time.
After three more days of not hearing from Rose, I guess I could say things were getting a little better in some areas of my life. Gage was tired of being a basic band of Suffolk. He wanted to get our name out there. He’d been talking about it for several weeks and had finally put his words to use. We were getting better and better. We were becoming a unit. We knew each other’s moves and how to harmonize. We were good, and Gage was right. Even though I wasn’t a fan of publicity, I did want to go places. I did want to make money doing what I loved most.
It was a Saturday at Steele’s, and I was pumped. I was ready to conquer it all, ready to put Rose and everything I felt about her behind me.
“He’s gotta be here,” Gage said. “I’m not sure what he looks like, but my dad said he was gonna be here at eight.” I took a look over Gage’s shoulder, past the curtains. I examined the crowd, looking for the man who was either going to accept us or kick us to the curb. He was going to be our manager—the guy to represent us. He was going to make our lives a lot better. Most of the people gathering around the stage looked like normal fans. A few bikers sat at the bar with their backs to us. They didn’t really care about our performances. A few women were sitting at the tables in the middle, waiting on us to get our asses on stage.
But then, I saw someone dressed out of the ordinary. Who could’ve missed him? He wore a pressed, tan suit with a silky blue shirt beneath, and his platinum hair was parted at the crown of his head, wavy, and touched his shoulders. He was sitting on a stool at the bar with his legs crossed, a martini in hand.
“There,” I said, pointing at him as he took a sip.
Gage frowned, taking another sweep of the audience with his eyes. He saw where my finger was and shook his head. “I swear this better not be a fucking joke. My dad is such a fucking dick!”
“Nah, he seems kinda serious,” I said.
“Who?” Montana asked, stepping beside us. He peered out, taking a hard look around. “Who?” he asked again.
“The guy my dad sent is here.” Gage pointed out. As soon as Montana saw where Gage’s finger landed, he burst out laughing, holding himself.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He continued laughing. “He’s a fucking faggot.”
“But he seems legit,” I said.
“Doesn’t matter,” Gage snapped, closing the curtain and squaring his shoulders. “If he’s a bullshitter and not about business, I’ll handle it. And my dad will hear some choice words from me. We’re still gonna rock this fucking show,” he said as Deed met up with us. We all nodded. “We’re still gonna play like the whole fucking world is watching. We want to impress him, even if he is someone my dad randomly chose. We never know what may happen.”
We nodded our heads in agreement. Gage’s dad could be a dick but, to me, the man sitting in the audience seemed like he was really here to watch a kick-ass performance. And he was going to get one.
“Alright! Let’s get this shit rockin’!” Montana hollered.
We all turned for our instruments, eager as hell to let this man see what we had up our sleeves. He seemed like he was about business, and I could tell a man like him wouldn’t show up at a bar like this unless he was serious. It was time to put the games aside and make this the best performance ever.
As the curtains drew open and Gage shouted into the mic, I realized, other than my mom and my band, I had nothing else in Suffolk to live for. I needed to get us all away from here. We deserved way better than this. I deserved better than this.
I gave each performance every ounce of power and talent I had. I put all my effort into the guitar that became attached to me, almost like it was another part of my body I’d grown accustomed to. I was doing so well—that is, until I saw Rose walk through the entrance of the bar. I almost fucked up on my solo, but I ended up pulling myself together.
With each step she took, she stared into my eyes. Hers were wide and glistening. She looked rough yet beautiful all in one. She wore all black, her hair pulled up in a twisted knot. She didn’t have any makeup on. She looked pale. Even as she sat at an empty booth, she didn’t dare pull her eyes away from mine.
But I did. I couldn’t continue looking at her. I was here to impress the man in the suit. Not her. I had to remember that as we went through our last four songs.
Gage thanked the crowd, and they all hollered at us, screaming how much they loved us and even chanting for an encore. With her here now, I really wasn’t up for an encore, and luckily, Montana said he had to meet up with his parents in thirty minutes.
During those thirty minutes, we met the guy in the suit, Benjamin “Ben” Smith. He spoke to us confidently, commended us on a great performance, and then told us we could all meet up in two days to discuss what we all really wanted.
“Do you have a name for the band?” Ben asked, sipping his martini.
“Uh… no. Not yet,” Gage said, glancing at each of us.
“We’ve been thinking about it, though,” Montana added.
Ben cocked an eyebrow. “Well, what have you come up with?”
“Nothing exactly. But we want something hot and catchy,” Deed said.
“Hot?” Ben repeated. He looked at each of us, placing his martini down, unfolding his legs, and sliding off his stool to stand with us. “May I ask how old each of you were when you started playing?”
“I was seven,” I said.
“Me, nine,” Montana stated proudly.
“I learned with my… sister, but I used her guitar. I didn’t get my own until I was nine, and that’s when I learned singles and shit. So nine,” Gage announced.
“Nine… what a number!” Ben exclaimed. “Alright. Let me think over it tonight, come up with a few names, and see which ones you like. If we want to be serious about this, we have to at least have a name for the band. We have to spread that name around, get it into people’s mouths, ya know?”
“Right,” Gage agreed, blowing out a breath.
Turning, Ben picked up his martini and finished it off. He placed a tip on the counter and then smiled at each of us. “I must say, I’m impressed. I think this band of yours will go very far, farther than you think.”
“We hope so,” Montana mumbled.
“We will.” Ben’s face was stern now. He was taking us seriously, and I was glad. When he said that, I knew he was going to be the man to make sure we got what we deserved. I was ready. Ready to move on.
I had a shift at Steele’s after my performance. I swept the floors, wiped the tables but skipped the booths. Rose was still sitting in hers, watching me. I did my best not to look at her, but every few minutes, I’d look up and see her staring at me over a bottle of water. No one else, with the exception of a few bikers with beers in hand, was in the bar.
Sighing, I took a look around, seeing I’d basically finished up everything. Someone else could get the booths. I put the cleaning supplies away, went backstage to pack up my guitar and strap it around me, and headed for the exit. I could feel Rose staring at me with each step I took. Pushing my hair out of my eyes as the wind brushed against me, I hurried down the sidewalk, hoping she wouldn’t chase after me.
But I knew she would. She showed up at Steele’s for me. “Roy!” she called. I heard her footsteps pattering after me. I didn’t look back.
She caught up with me and grabbed my shoulder, but I yanked away and glared down at her. “What, Rose? What the fuck do you want?!” I barked.
She blinked quickly, her eyes still glistening. “Roy… I—I’m sorry. What you saw a few days ago, it wasn’t real,” she whispered.
Who I Am (FireNine) Page 9