Tell Me No Secrets

by Lynda Stacey

  Her father pulled a tissue from a box on the coffee table and passed it to her.

  ‘Daddy, you used to love me. You used to want to be around me, but then James died and I feel as though I lost you too.’ She saw his whole body stiffen and his fingers seem to sink into the leather of his chair.

  Kate continued, ‘I need you. I need you both and I need you back to how it used to be. Did you know that Rob tried to kill me? Did you? He tried to drown me and as I felt the life drain from me, do you know what I wished for? Do you know what I wanted more than anything?’ She paused, felt the strength leaving her body and sobbed. ‘I wanted to be with James. I could see his face, his cold, grey eyes, just as he’d looked that day when I went back to the car. I tried to get to him that day. I tried my best to save him. And do you know what? That day Rob pushed me under the bath water, I wished that I could die and be with James. But it hurt. I could feel the burning in my lungs and I began to pray.’ Kate stifled a sob. ‘I prayed that I was dead.’

  ‘But, you’re not religious, dear.’ Her mother suddenly spoke and Kate left her chair and went to kneel in front of her again. She grabbed hold of her hands, staring into her tear-filled eyes, and waited until she saw some recognition there.

  ‘No, Mum, I’m not, but that day I prayed like I’ve never prayed before. I just hoped that death would come quickly, because I never wanted to see that look of pure hatred in your eyes ever again.’ Kate continued to cry, and couldn’t stop. She looked back at her father who had stood up and was cradling a sobbing Eve in his arms, and then she looked back at her mother, whose whole body had begun to tremble and suddenly she saw the pain in her eyes.

  ‘James … James is dead?’ The words were simple, but were followed by a piercing scream that filled the house. ‘My boy, my baby boy, he’s gone. Gerald, did you know? Tell me it’s not true, Gerald. Gerald, please, please say it’s a lie. Please tell me it’s a mistake.’

  Gerald Duggan let go of Eve, walked over to his wife and pulled her into his arms.

  Gerald settled his wife on the settee, while Eve held her hand and stroked her face. And then, for the first time in over a year, he looked directly at Kate’s face. He looked at the scar and at her tears. He knew he’d hurt her more than anyone else had ever done and slowly, he edged his body to stand close to her. He fumbled with his hands, and then reached out. He touched her cheek, wiped away her tears and then pulled her into a hug. With the grief of losing his son, he’d almost lost his daughter too. And for that, he was truly sorry.

  At that moment she was a little girl again, curled up on his knee, hoping he could make her world perfect. She’d been right; no matter how grown up she appeared to be, she needed him. She needed her daddy back, she needed his love and what’s more, he realised that he needed her love too.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Kate. I love both you and Eve so much. I feel so guilty,’ he whispered as his whole body crumpled and he too began to sob uncontrollably. ‘I never meant to blame you, I swear to God, I never meant for you to feel that way. The only person I blamed was myself. You see, it was my duty to keep you all safe.’

  ‘I know he was your favourite, Daddy. But he’s gone and I can’t live like this. It was nobody’s fault.’

  ‘He wasn’t …’ her father whispered as he held her tight, her tears soaking into his shirt, but he didn’t care.

  ‘What …?’

  ‘He wasn’t my favourite.’

  Kate reached forward and pulled a tissue from the box. ‘But you wouldn’t look at me. You never kissed me goodbye or goodnight, not once, not after the accident. I thought you hated me, I thought you blamed me for killing James.’

  Gerald Duggan shook his head. ‘It … it wasn’t like that at all.’ He knew how it had looked, knew how she’d felt, but the truth was he’d been too terrified that he’d lose her too. ‘It’s true, he was the only boy, the eldest and you’re right, I loved him, but not more than you or Eve. I never loved any of my children more than the next. Surely … surely, deep down you have to know that.’

  Kate stepped back, but still held onto his arms. ‘So why? Why couldn’t you look at me?’

  Gerald reached out and grabbed his wife’s outstretched hand. ‘Oh, Kate. I don’t know … Maybe, it’s that we’ve both been just a little afraid to love you. I … I feel … Wow, how do I feel?’ He paused and searched her face. ‘I felt like I had to … had to distance myself. From all of you. From your mother too, which is why I go away a lot. It was the only way to stop the pain.’ He swallowed hard, looked across the room and then back at her. ‘Oh, I don’t know, I must have thought it was self-protection, just in case you were taken from me too.’ He tried to smile, a slight reassuring smile. ‘I came to the hospital, I came every day and I prayed so hard to the Lord that he didn’t take you or Eve too.’

  Kate thought back to the time in the hospital. She’d been sedated and everything had happened in slow motion, it had been as though a fog had taken over her mind, and had refused to dissipate. But now she thought about it, she could remember that her father had been sitting there. On the chair between the bed and the wall. It was true. He’d been sitting quietly, with his hands clasped and at the time she remembered wondering if he was praying.

  Tears filled Kate’s eyes at the memory. ‘Daddy. I remember. I remember you being there. Thank you.’ She looked across at Eve who still sat with their mother. Their eyes locked and for a few moments only silent words were spoken. Then, speaking for both of them, Kate said, ‘Daddy, we need you. Me and Eve, we need you both.’

  Chapter Forty

  Ben pulled up on the drive and looked up at the Duggan mansion, which was lit up in the darkness. It was past ten o’clock. Much later than he’d expected, but Gloria and his father had gone on holiday, leaving him in charge of Parker & Son. Even though it was Sunday, work didn’t stop and the surveillance operations they had going on had taken longer to organise than usual.

  The front door opened and the light from the hallway flooded the drive to show Kate standing before him in a short black dress that hung closely to her hips. She was the coyest, yet most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. She stepped onto the drive and walked slowly towards him and he wasted no time in taking the three steps that he needed to reach her.

  ‘Oh, Kate, I’m so sorry I’m late.’ He took her in his arms and pulled her close. He breathed in deeply taking in the soft undertones of her citrus perfume. He’d never been to her parents’ before, but the fact that Kate was there made it feel familiar.

  ‘Mother … the doctor came and gave her a sedative. She went to bed, and both Daddy and Eve are taking it in turns to sit with her. Just in case she needs them,’ she whispered.

  Ben laughed. ‘Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad that I get you all to myself.’ His eyes gleamed as he pressed his lips gently to hers. It had only been a few hours since he’d seen her, but the mere graze of her lips once again sent shock waves through his body. He sensed a change in Kate’s mood, knew that she wanted more and began to kiss her slowly but passionately. It was a passion that left him burning with desire and without another thought he responded to her needs, with all the love he felt in his heart.

  The kiss came to an end and Kate quickly stepped back, cheekily moved herself out of Ben’s grasp and held her finger to her lips.

  She beckoned him to follow her and stood, smiling seductively, as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the house behind her. ‘This way, it’s a separate annex, we can be alone.’ She walked Ben to the side of the house, ‘No one ever goes to the annex, it’s kept for visitors.’

  She was sure now that Ben wanted to be with her. Sure that all the innuendos had meant something and, before Rob had disappeared, he’d made it clear on more than one occasion that their friendship could have been more, but for the past few days, there had been too much going on, and far too much unfinished business.

  But now, for the first time in over a year, she felt as though a huge weight had been lifte
d from her shoulders. The conversation with her parents had been heartbreaking, but she’d bared her soul and finally she felt as though her family had come together. She was sure her eyes were still puffy, but now both her father and mother were acting as though they cared. It was as though all the dirty washing had been made clean again and finally they could move forward with their lives.

  Her only wish now was that Rob was found. He’d tried to kill her and she was sure that if Ben hadn’t arrived when he had, he’d have succeeded. She’d come to terms with the fact that he could be found dead or alive and, after what he’d done to her, she wasn’t sure that she cared which it was.

  But at this very moment none of that seemed important. She was here, she was safe and she was with Ben. She caught the sparkle in his eyes and thought carefully before she spoke. ‘Take me to bed, Ben. Make love to me.’ She lifted her arms up and hooked them behind his neck, pulling his lips back down to meet hers.

  He stopped just short of kissing her. ‘Kate, I need to know that you’re sure.’ He searched her eyes and watched her nod as she pushed open the door.

  ‘I’m sure,’ she whispered, pulling him roughly towards her, to land on the annex stairs. Her lips were crushed against his and she felt the contour of his body pressed passionately against her, his arousal now fully apparent. She wanted him so much that her heart pounded violently in her chest. She knew he’d been hurt before and knew that he’d patiently waited for her to come to him, for which she was grateful. But now she knew that desire would overtake them both and there would be no turning back.

  Kate allowed her hands to move to Ben’s jeans in response to his question, and she pulled at them with an urgency as her mouth repeatedly lifted to his. Their mouths and tongues moved in unison. Their hunger grew.

  ‘Oh, Kate, I love you so much,’ he whispered between kisses. He pulled her tightly into the curvature of his body and Kate felt his hand move under her dress, skimming her hips and thighs as the other began a gentle massage of her spine, sending currents of desire spiralling through her entire body.

  Instinctively, her body arched toward him. Her dress was unzipped and dropped unceremoniously to the floor and she gasped as once again Ben pressed himself to her. His eyes locked with hers and without saying a word she gave him all the permission he needed as Kate moved him towards the bedroom.

  Ben took his time to explore her, to arouse and give pleasure and without consideration Kate surrendered to his touch as Ben’s fingers carefully moved over every inch of her, with an expertise she’d never known. The pleasure was pure and explosive, but Kate wouldn’t be satisfied until she’d given the pleasure back and she moved her hands over him, touching him, caressing him until she knew he could take no more. And then, she moved away and lay beside him.

  ‘Ben, make love to me. I mean … really make love to me.’

  Kate stared longingly and lovingly at his naked body. The deep sparkle of his eyes shone back through the darkness, as his mouth immediately took over hers. Pushing deep inside her, their bodies moved rhythmically together as one. A scream of ecstasy left Kate’s lips as simultaneously a crescendo of multiple explosions escalated through them both. Ben moaned with pleasure and finally Kate allowed the release to leave her body with a long, surrendering moan.

  ‘I love you,’ he whispered in her ear as he pivoted above her. ‘I loved you the first moment I saw you.’

  Kate’s eyes lit up like candles.

  ‘But didn’t … didn’t I call you a moron?’ she murmured, as once again his lips tantalised hers.

  ‘That’d be right. I loved the feisty sound of your voice, the way you almost launched yourself out of the car at me.’ He smiled. ‘I knew you’d be hot.’

  Kate poked him as he curled up behind her.

  ‘Do you need to sleep?’ he asked, his arms protectively enveloping her body.

  Kate turned to face him. ‘Oh no, Ben Parker, don’t you even think about sleep.’ She giggled as her hands found their way under the covers. ‘Now I have you, I want you again, and again, and again.’

  Chapter Forty-One

  ‘Would you like bacon and eggs, Mr Parker?’ Kate’s father asked politely as both Kate and Ben came down the side stairs and took their places at the kitchen table.

  Kate avoided Ben’s gaze in an attempt to suppress her giggles. It was quite apparent to everyone that they’d slept in the annexe. And for the first time in years, Kate felt fourteen again as the blush rose up her face as she watched her father awkwardly make his way around the kitchen, which was obviously an alien environment to him. Kate quickly moved forward to relieve him of the duties.

  ‘Now then, Ben. Coffee, Eggs?’ she asked as she switched on the kettle, picked up a pan and turned to collect eggs from a basket.

  ‘No, no eggs.’ He smiled and watched her at work. ‘Coffee is just fine, thank you. I have to get back, you know, to the office. Eric will be tearing his hair out without me.’

  Kate smiled and nodded. ‘Dad, how’s Mum?’

  ‘She’s sleeping, dear. The sedative, it really knocked her out.’ He lifted his coffee mug and took a sip. ‘The doctor is calling back later this morning, you know, to see how she’s doing.’

  Kate nodded. She was pleased that her mother was finally getting the medical attention she needed. ‘More coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘No, dear. I can’t drink coffee, not like you young folk do today, you all drink far too much, there’s no wonder you don’t sleep at night,’ her father said, whilst picking up his paper and turning the page. He then looked up at Kate and gave her a knowing wink, making her quickly excuse herself from the table. It was good to have her father back, but she could feel herself getting hotter and hotter with embarrassment and this was one conversation she really didn’t want to have.

  ‘Eve, how about we go into town?’ Kate asked, desperate to tell Eve about the previous evening with Ben. Besides, Father was going to sit with Mother until the doctor had been and then he’d made an appointment for them both to see a counsellor, in the hope that it would help them both come to terms and find a way of dealing with their grief.

  It was important that life got back to normal, for all their sakes, and Kate felt that for her, the best way to do that was to go home and put her own home in order.

  Kate took the handles of Eve’s chair and pushed her through to the hallway. ‘We could go into York and have tea and cake at Betty’s,’ she said as she saw Ben leave the breakfast table and walk up behind them both.

  Kate pointed to the stairs. ‘You, Mr Parker, should have been up there,’ she said to Ben. ‘I believe your room should have been the first on the right. You’ll find an en suite in there, with a fully functional shower.’ She laughed, making Ben raise his eyebrows.

  ‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘After last night I think a shower is more than in order,’ he whispered. It had been a comment only meant for Kate, but Eve spun around in her chair, her head almost leaving her shoulders.

  ‘What do you mean, after last night?’ she squealed with the excitement of a teenager as she stared at her twin sister for clues. ‘Come on, spill the beans, you can’t say that and then go all quiet on me.’

  Both Ben and Kate blushed. Kate looked at her twin, put her finger to her lips and pushed the wheelchair in the direction of Eve’s room. ‘You, Miss Duggan, need to go and get ready. Or I’ll go without you and there will be no cake.’

  They all laughed, but then Ben’s phone rang and within minutes he’d left for the office, without the shower, but with the promise that he’d see Kate at home later.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  After dropping Eve off at her house, Kate had called at the supermarket to buy food for dinner. It would be the first meal she would cook for Ben and she took time choosing the ingredients. She even threw candles and scented reeds into the basket, determined to make it special.

  Pulling up outside River Cottage, she sat for a while, staring. It looked different. It had been her home for two years
and her grandmother’s home before that, so why did it look so distant, detached and unfamiliar?

  Mrs Winters came out of her house, waved and walked off towards the shops. The postman pushed his bike up the road and Jimmy from the farm was out walking his spaniel, Dexter. Jenny from the corner bungalow walked by with her pram and smiled. Everything was happening as it normally would, yet nothing looked the same.

  The thought of going in made her feel sick. Her heart boomed in her chest and she resented Rob for making her feel this way, especially about a house she’d loved for a lifetime. She jangled the keys in her hand, walked to the back door, and let herself in.

  Stepping inside, Kate gasped. Her mind spun and she held onto the door for support. The whole cottage was a mess. Her kitchen drawers were open, their contents scattered. The stools were tipped on their side and everything in the recycling bin, the fridge and the washing basket was spread all over the floor.

  Kate fell to her knees. Everything was a mess and she angrily began picking up tins of beans, packets of rice and dried pasta from the floor. Packaged or not, she immediately placed everything in the bin, which she’d lifted upright and stood next to where she knelt. Her thoughts and her kitchen spun around her like flying saucers, making her whole body begin to shake and nausea took over. She heaved.

  ‘So, you’re home,’ Rob’s voice rang out and Kate screamed. She looked up and saw him in the doorway. ‘I knew you’d come back eventually. I’ve been here two days. I thought I’d wait, after all, no one was going to look for me here, were they?’ His voice was calm, deep, and emotionless.

  ‘What … what the hell are you doing here? They think you’re dead.’ She looked around, searching for a weapon, desperate for something to fall into her hand, something she could use to protect herself. But everything had been moved. Knife blocks were empty, pans had disappeared and all that was left was the carnage that he’d spread all over the floor. She looked at her bag and wondered how quickly she could reach it. She needed to hit the panic code and get help. But the bag was too far away from her and she began inching her way towards it.