You always remember your first.
And he kept that very important fact from me. How did he think that was okay? Did he think it would never come out? He made me look stupid, left me in the dark, and the bottom line is that he lied. On purpose.
How do I trust him now?
THIRTY-FIVE
Ranger
I WAIT and hope that the flowers make her reach out to me, but they don’t. I’m trying to give her a little bit of space tonight, but it’s not easy. All I want is to go to her house and demand that she forgive me. When Faye walks into the clubhouse with Asher on her hip, she looks at me and grins. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
I hold my hand out and she passes me the baby. “I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what? Or should I say who?”
“If I ask you something, will you promise to never bring it up ever again?” I ask, rocking Asher in my arms as Faye rummages through the cupboards, looking for ingredients.
“Of course. What’s up?” she says, pausing and giving me her attention.
“If Sin hypothetically fucked up somehow, how could he make it up to you so that you forgive him quickly and without holding a grudge?” I ask, looking at Asher’s face instead of hers.
“Wait a minute, has Sin actually done something? Because I will kill him. Or is it you who’s fucked up and wants me to help you fix it?”
“The latter,” I admit, cringing. “I kind of omitted something to Jo. She found out. She’s pissed. How do I fix this so I’m back in her bed by tonight? And I’ve already tried flowers.”
“So you lied,” Faye states, slamming a cupboard harder than necessary. “What did you lie about, Ranger?”
“Nothing you need to know. Can you help me fix it or not?” I ask, not wanting to tell her about my taking Elizabeth’s virginity. No one else needs to know that.
“So you lied and sent flowers? Lying is a hard thing to overcome. I think you need to prove that you won’t lie again and that you can be trusted. Honesty is everything, Ranger. Lying is a hard thing for someone to forgive,” she says, scanning my face. “I wouldn’t take you for a liar, Ranger.”
“I’m not,” I growl, narrowing my gaze on her. “I didn’t want to hurt her, so I kept something from her. She found out and now I have to deal with the consequences.”
“You didn’t want to hurt her or you didn’t want to hurt your chances with her?” she asks, sitting up on the counter.
“Both,” I admit, passing Asher back to her as he starts crying.
“I don’t know, Ranger,” she says, tilting her head to the side, her long hair touching the table. “I think you need to have a good talk, an honest one, where you tell her why you did it and why you can guarantee you won’t do it again, along with a nice apology gesture.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say, racking my brain.
“There’s something I need to admit to you.”
I look to her, watching as she rocks Asher from side to side. “What?”
She takes a deep breath, then blurts out, “The reason I took Elizabeth’s case was that I already knew Jo was her cousin and I was going to ask her for a favor.”
I blink. “You’re ice-cold, you know that? And I hope you know you’re not asking her for shit.”
There’s no way I’d allow it. Faye can sort her shit out without bringing my woman into it.
“I know,” Faye says, smirking. “Trust me, I know. I just wanted to come clean about it. I wanted her to help me with a case I’m working on. She was the cop on call that night.”
“And you wanted her to what . . . lie about what she saw?” I guess, narrowing my eyes on her.
She shrugs but doesn’t elaborate.
I put my hands up. “You need to stop.”
“I’ve already stopped,” she says, lifting up her chin. “I like the girl, and she’s yours. Family first. I’m not going to mess things up for you.” She grins and adds, “Looks like you’ve done that all on your own.”
Right, back to the task at hand. I have to get Jo to forgive me. I miss her already, and her not forgiving me isn’t an option. She must be so hurt right now, and it fuckin’ kills me that I contributed to it.
I need to fix things.
Now.
• • •
“What are you doing here?” Elizabeth asks as she opens the door, her expression as sour as can be expected. “You’re the last person I want to see right now.”
“Well that makes two of us,” I say with extreme honesty. “But we need to talk. So we can do it at the door, or you can invite me in, but either way you’ll be listening to what I have to say.”
She studies me for a few seconds, giving me a dirty look, but then mutters, “Whatever,” and walks away, leaving the door open. I follow her inside, closing the door behind me, then join her on the couch.
“Now, I know you’re pissed,” I say, turning to face her. “But hear me out. The second Jo and I met, there were sparks flying. While working together to find you, we grew really close. We fell for each other. Jo only knew me as Ranger, not as Cam, so she didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know you had any kind of feelings for me or even thought about me for the last few years, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal if I went for Jo. You and I were friends. Yes, as you kindly pointed out, we slept together once, when we were drunk and you wanted to lose your virginity to someone you trusted, but that’s all it was. So please, do tell me why the fuck you’re so angry and why you’re acting like Jo stole your boyfriend when I was never yours to steal?”
I’ve decided to go with some tough love. She needs to know the truth, and there’s no point babying her anymore.
“Are you serious right now?” she snaps, shaking her head. “I woke up and wanted you. Why didn’t the two of you just tell me straight out you were together to save me from looking like an idiot? I’m glad Jo didn’t know who you were, that makes the betrayal a little less cutting, but still, no one told me shit, and I feel stupid now. How about some honesty?”
I cringe when her words ring true. “You had just been rescued. After going through everything you did, you expect us to hit you with this too? We were waiting for the right time to tell you, which turned out to be never. And Jo feels like shit, Elizabeth. She’s been questioning us the whole time, and I love her. She’s the only woman for me.”
“You love her?” she asks, eyes narrowing. “Truly?”
“She didn’t know that we’d slept together, and now she hates me, but yes, I love her,” I say, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. You know I care about you and I never want to hurt you and I’m an asshole, but Jo doesn’t deserve your anger.”
She sighs and buries her face in her hands. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Cam. I’m sorry that she’s angry at you? I can’t believe you came here and spent those nights with me just because what . . . you thought I’d have a nervous breakdown if you rejected me?”
When she puts it that way, it sounds fuckin’ ridiculous. “We just didn’t think you needed any more pain in your life. For fuck’s sake, you’d just been kidnapped and almost sold off as a slave! Can you really blame us?”
“What do you want me to do?” she asks after staying silent for a while, thinking.
“I want you to talk to Jo.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, making me think she’s about to say no, but then she says, “Fine.”
“Really?” I ask with suspicion. “Just like that.”
She sighs and says, “It sucks. I think you were both wrong for not telling me, but I don’t want to stand in the way. I care about you both and if you make each other happy, then fine. I’ve met someone now, and he’s a nice guy and treats me like a princess. It will take some time for me to get over everything, but yeah, I’ll talk to her. She’s family, and she saved me. I can’t forget that.”
“Thank you,” I say, pulling her in for a hug. “Now I just have to get her to forgive me.”
“Good luck,” she says, sm
irking. “Jo holds a mean grudge.”
• • •
I leave her alone for one more night before I show up at her house. I walk in and find her on the couch in nothing but a T-shirt and panties. I love her like this. No makeup, no fancy clothes, just her. She’s most beautiful like this, in my opinion.
“Hey,” I say, sitting down next to her. I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “I shouldn’t have lied. I was wrong, and I will never lie to you again, Jo. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, babe. I’ve tried to give you a little space, but fuck, I’m going crazy without you and I’m not ashamed to admit that.”
“How do I know you’re never going to lie, conceal, omit—whatever you want to call it, again? And I’m just supposed to forget that you’ve slept with my cousin?” she asks, sadness and resignation in her tone. “I don’t know, Ranger. I was willing to do anything for you. To have people judge me at work and possibly fuck up my career, to go behind my cousin’s back, to change all my rules, and you couldn’t even give me honesty in return.”
Her words hit me right in the chest, which has suddenly become tight, because she’s right. I’ve really fucked up, and getting her to forgive me is going to be a lot harder than some nice gesture and sweet words. I’m going to have to get her to trust me again. I don’t care what I have to do though—I’ll do it all and more.
Anything to go back to how things were.
THIRTY-SIX
Johanna
WHEN Elizabeth reaches out to me, I’m nothing short of surprised. She comes over and we order a pizza and have a chat.
“Cam came to speak to me the other day,” she says, wringing her hands together. “He explained what happened, how you two fell in love when you didn’t know who he was to me. I wish you’d told me, Jo. Things could have ended up so differently. Yes, I would have been upset and disappointed but I wouldn’t have felt betrayed. Still,” she says, smiling sadly, “I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“It’s me who should be apologizing,” I say, looking into her beautiful face. “If I knew Ranger was your Cam, I wouldn’t have touched him, Elizabeth. When I found out, it was too late, and I guess I’m selfish because I couldn’t give him up.”
“Yet now you’re still angry with him?”
“He never told me the two of you slept together,” I say, awkwardly laughing. “So you weren’t the only one surprised that night.”
“It was years ago, and it meant nothing to him, as much as it hurts me to say. He loves you, Jo, and him admitting that is something huge. The Cam I know wouldn’t let any woman get her claws into him—he never got attached and always kept the upper hand. With you though, even just the way he talks about you, it’s something. So he fucked up and kept something from you. Maybe you should give him the chance to redeem himself?”
“Now you want us to be together?” I ask, wondering how she can feel this way. Maybe she’s falling for the guy she’s seeing, or maybe she’s just not as selfish as me.
“I want you both to be happy. Cam’s not mine, with or without you in the equation. I’m not going to be the reason the two of you aren’t happy. Stop being stubborn and forgive the man, Jo.”
“Team Ranger, hey,” I grumble, taking the biggest slice of pizza and taking a bite out of it. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Forgive him.”
“That easy, huh?” I ask, chewing and swallowing thoughtfully.
“It is if you let it be.”
Those words ring in my head for the rest of the day.
• • •
I pull up at the clubhouse and wonder how I’m going to get in. I want to surprise Ranger, but I have no way of getting through their gate. Luckily for me, a woman opens it and drives through, so I quickly walk through it before it closes. She gets out of her car and quickly approaches me.
“And who the hell are you?” she asks, giving me a once-over. She’s pretty, with blond hair and green eyes.
“I’m Jo. I’m looking for Ranger,” I tell her. “Do you know if he’s in there?”
“The cop?” the woman asks, arching a brow. “I’m Anna.”
So this here is the woman in charge, then. Funny, because when I met Faye I assumed that she was the boss lady, but Ranger explained that Faye handed over the reins to a woman named Anna.
“Nice to meet you, Anna,” I say, lifting my chin. “I kind of wanted to surprise him, but if he’s not here or if I’m not welcome, I’ll just leave.”
I’ve never been here during the day before, and have met only a handful of the male members and Faye. Ranger has always said that I’m welcome here, but who knows. I am a police officer. It’s probably not appropriate that I’m here anyway, in fact, I know that it’s not, and if someone in the force wanted to give me hell over it they could.
“No, it’s fine,” she says, nodding toward the door. “Come on in. Everyone’s been dying to get a glimpse of the woman who nabbed Ranger.” She puts her hand up. “I guessed you would be a blonde.”
I smile and follow behind her.
“He’s probably in his room.”
“Thanks, Anna,” I say, heading straight to his room and opening the door without bothering to knock. I find him lying on his back, watching Supernatural. He sits up when he sees me, eyes widening in surprise.
“Jo?”
I lock his door, then practically jump on him.
His arms around me, he brings me against his chest and kisses my head. “Best fuckin’ surprise ever.”
I lift my head and look him dead in the eye. “Lie to me one more time and you will never see me again.”
He swallows hard and nods once. “I’m not going to do anything to fuck this up, all right?”
I manage to get out the word okay before he’s kissing me, rolling on top of me, and my wrists are pinned above my head. When he pulls back and says, “I didn’t even get to do my big gesture,” he has me curious.
“So I should have waited before coming over here?” I ask, bringing his lips back to mine. “What did I miss? I still want this so-called big gesture.”
“Right now?”
“Is it something that can be given to me in bed? Because I’m all about that,” I tease, kissing the stubble on his jawline.
“Oh, I’ll be giving you something in bed, all right,” he murmurs, kissing me again, then leaning over to his top drawer. What is he getting from there? Can it wait? I kind of want him to make love to me first, and I say as much. He tells me to wait one second and then he will take care of me. When he pulls out a velvet ring box, I still. Wait, that better not be a . . .
He opens it, exposing the most beautiful ring I have ever seen, a pear-shaped diamond on a white gold band, and says, “Jo, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”
This is his gesture? Proposing? Has he lost his ever loving mind?
I shake my head. “Ranger, no.”
And that’s how the next fight started—before we can even make up for the previous one.
• • •
“We don’t know each other well enough to get married, Ranger. What’s the rush? We’re both not going anywhere,” I say, disbelief pouring from my voice. “Do I want to marry you one day? Sure, maybe if we’re still happy and in love then, but to propose now? And as an apology gesture? Did you come up with this yourself?”
I’m kind of hoping he didn’t. I also realize I’m being a bit of a bitch right now, but I’m in shock. Who proposes to a woman after such a short time?
I cup his face in my hand. “I love you, but now isn’t the time.”
“If you want me, I don’t see what the big deal is!” he growls, jaw tight. “I want you, and I know that’s never going to change. I fuckin’ love you and want you by my side. You’re acting like it’s the craziest thing in the world when it’s not. We don’t have to get married this year, it can be next year. I’ve never even thought about marriage before, you know that? And now I plan this romantic proposal, which
I ruin by doing it now instead, and you say no?”
“Ranger,” I say in a sweet voice, trying to butter him up a little bit. “I love you, and I love being with you, and I’m yours, and you are mine, but can we talk about the marriage thing a little bit later?”
His expression goes blank. “You rejected my marriage proposal. I don’t know how you expect me to react to this.”
“I’m not rejecting you, I’m just saying not right now,” I say, wincing. Shit, I don’t want to hurt him, but getting engaged is not what we need. I don’t see what the rush is.
“Jo, I don’t see why—”
I kiss him, wanting to shut him up. I don’t know what I expected from him but a marriage proposal isn’t it, and although it is the biggest of gestures, it’s not the one we need. I distract him with my mouth, with my hands, with the seductive gaze that trails all over his skin. I go down on him until he comes in my mouth, and then he does the same to me. We make love, looking into each other’s eyes. We tell each other we love each other, and although we still have shit to work out, all of a sudden, everything is right in the world.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Ranger
EYES darting between Jo’s naked body and the door, I want to ignore the knocking, but whoever it is probably won’t stop until I answer it. I cover Jo’s sleeping form with my blanket, then open the door just a little bit.
“Hey,” I say when I see Talon standing there.
He grins, flashing his teeth. “You going to stay in your room all day and night or are you going to come out and socialize a little? You gotta feed your woman more than just your d—”
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