I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “Why don’t you get a coffee and meet me outside. I need a minute alone.”

  “Sure,” he says before he kisses my forehead.

  I head straight out the front door, practically biting my thumbnail off as I go. I notice customers staring at me as I pace around in my apron, covered from head to toe in flour and sugar, so I take a seat at one of our outdoor tables.

  “What the hell am I going to do, and why wasn’t I told this sixty whatever hours ago?” I ask aloud while waving my hand in the air. Now, I just look like the crazy baker. Ian comes out and sits across from me.

  “Brynlee, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I thought Drew would’ve told you by now.”

  “Well, he didn’t, obviously.” I wave my hands in the air again.

  “I suspected it Saturday when I got the text saying you worked here, so I went to see Drew, praying you weren’t the girl he’d told me he was interested in.”

  “He’d told you he was interested in me before yesterday?”

  He sighs, and I can tell he regrets having given out that tidbit of information.

  “Yes. On a few different occasions, he’s mentioned liking you, but I didn’t know you were the girl. We didn’t talk a lot while I was at law school, and I barely saw him when I did come home.

  “I swear, Brynlee, if he ever mentioned your name, I didn’t remember, and there are a lot of coffee shops in this town, so you working at one wouldn’t have given it away. What are the odds of this happening?”

  “I don’t know, and I especially have no idea what to say right now.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes, and you’re going to play dirty, aren’t you?” I manage to smile at him.

  “It’s called honesty, sweet girl, and I need to hear it. Drew said he finally told you how much he’s cared for you the last two years. How did that news make you feel?”

  “Confused. I’ve liked Drew since I met him, but I never knew he had feelings for me. There were moments here and there when he made me wonder but not enough to give me the confidence to take that leap.”

  “Do you want to be with him now that you know?”

  I see the fear and apprehension of hearing my answer. “Ian, you’re the first guy to ever be this attentive to me in a romantic way. It’s exciting. I’ve enjoyed our time together, and I like you.”

  “There’s a ‘but.’”

  “The ‘but’ is that I still like him, too. I honestly don’t know what I want. I care about you both. I don’t know how it feels to you since you’ve had a lot of sexual partners, but I feel like our chemistry is off the charts.”

  He moves his chair around until he’s sitting right next to me. I have my elbows on the table, and my hands are clasped together, settled against my forehead as stress consumes me. I feel the back of his hand run down my cheek.

  “The chemistry and connection I feel with you is something I’ve never experienced with another woman. I mean it, Brynlee. Not ever. The honest truth is that if I only felt a physical attraction to you, I would’ve pushed you harder to sleep with me, and I would’ve taken a walk by now whether you had or hadn’t.”

  I turn my head to look at him, unable to imagine where he’s going with this.

  “I’m not proud of how I’ve been with women, and I never recognized how badly my actions could hurt a woman until I saw the way you looked at me–still look at me–like you’re considering trusting me with your whole heart.

  “Your eyes say I matter enough to consider it. I’m telling you the ugly part of my past, so you know that when I say something, I mean it, and I’m saying I feel so much more for you.”

  Tears wash over my eyes. “That was so kind and raw. It’s what excites me about you, Ian. You’re honest, bold and go after what you want. I believe that you care about me, but as fast as I’m falling for you, I worry I could get hurt.”

  “You’re special, and I won’t walk away until you tell me to. I feel like Drew’s had over two years to go after what he wants, so I’ll fight for you.”

  Tears come, and I do everything I can to hold in my sob. “Leave with me, Brynlee. Spend the day with me, or at least let me drive you somewhere. You can’t stay here this upset.”

  He’s right, and I can’t hear Drew’s side this soon after listening to Ian’s sweet words.

  “I need to take care of a few things in the kitchen, and then I’ll go with you.” I begin to stand. “Wait, I thought you started work today.”

  “I told my dad I was taking another week off. I need time for you and me to get to know each other better if I stand a chance.”

  “Wait here.” I go through the store, wiping my eyes. Drew follows me into the kitchen.

  “What did he do to you?” he asks angrily.

  “He was nothing but sweet to me, Drew. I’m crying because I’m so fucking confused about what I want. How did you discover it was Ian?”

  “I saw the two of you at Blitz Friday night.”

  “Then you had opportunities Saturday to tell me you knew him, but you chose not to. Instead, you spill this news right in the middle of the coffee shop, so you’ll have to wait to talk to me. I’m a wreck now, so I’m leaving with Ian.”

  Drew grabs me by the shoulders and leans his head down to look me in the eyes. “Please, Bryn, don’t do this. Please let me talk to you first. As long as we’ve been friends, I deserve that.”

  I poke him in the chest. “Do you? You’ve had plenty of time to tell me how you feel. Two years to go after what you want. That’s what he’s doing right now, and at least for today, I’m going to see where it takes me. We can talk tomorrow.”

  He lets out the loudest groan and grabs his head before storming out of the kitchen. I clean up my mess, and every employee looks my way when I walk through the shop. It’s no secret now that something’s up between Drew and me thanks to the big mouth he’s suddenly capable of using.

  Ian is pacing outside. I wipe my eyes, smile at him and take his hand. I need to figure this out soon, but regardless, we all get hurt in the end. A friendship’s already ruined, and I have to let one of them go. Am I worth their hurt?

  Flowers, Poetry and Power

  Ian

  I let out a sigh of relief. Not only does Brynlee keep me around, she agrees to spend alone time with me. At first when she spoke at the table, I thought she was telling me goodbye. I won’t show Drew my vulnerability, but I can’t deny it’s there.

  He does have the advantage. I didn’t want to believe it, but seeing them in the place that brings them together every day made me realize how much more time he’s had with her and will have. He’ll now spend it showing her affection, so I have to utilize my time to get her to see me as a friend in addition to that.

  “You’re quiet,” she says, squeezing my hand.

  “I’m sorry. I’m relieved you still want me around, but I can’t say this isn’t an upsetting situation.”

  She turns her head and stares out the window. I shouldn’t have said that. Pressure is the last thing she needs.

  “Brynlee, please don’t feel bad. I want you to be happy, and I’ll spend as much time with you as you’ll allow to make that happen.”

  She perks back up a little, making everything better.

  “Where are we going?” she asks.

  “International Rose Test Garden. Do you mind?”

  “No, I’d like that. Flowers would help brighten the day.”

  When we arrive, I gather a blanket I keep in my trunk and hold her hand. The garden is a testing site for new varieties of roses. One spot on the grounds is called Shakespeare Garden where some of the herbs, trees and flowers mentioned in Shakespeare plays are grown.

  It’s evolved into a landscape of rich color, and Brynlee deserves to be surrounded by this kind of beauty every day. Making our way along the paths, I watch her admire the many annuals and perennials.

  With little luck, we spend awhile trying to recall which Shakespeare plays the plants were mentio
ned in, but it’s still fun, and watching her face light up is priceless.

  For brief moments, I think she forgets the deeper issue at hand. I find a spot and lay the blanket down on the grass, stretching out on it after. She lies right next to me but on her stomach, and luckily, it’s warm today since she’s only wearing a tank top and very short shorts.

  It’s taking huge restraint on my part not to touch her. I roll onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow, my hand holding up my head. Her cheek is resting on the back of her hands as she gazes at me, and I wish I could see through them to capture her thoughts.

  “You have beautiful, green eyes, Ian. They match this lush, manicured lawn and pop against all the colors here.”

  “You’re sweet, Brynlee. You have flour or sugar on your nose.” I go to wipe it off, but she hurriedly beats me to it. “‘See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek.’”

  She grins at me, her teeth sparkling white and eyes that match the earth beneath us.

  “Romeo and Juliet,” she says.

  “How about this one. It’s fitting. ‘Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service.’”

  “I don’t know that one, but it’s lovely, you smooth talker.”

  “It’s from The Tempest. I guess Shakespeare was a smooth talker, too.”

  “You’re very smart, Mr. Williams.” She stretches her head over and presses her warm, gentle lips to mine.

  The prickling from her touch spreads throughout me, and it’s my body’s cue to swallow her up and drink her in, so I pull her to me. She’s on her side in a second and flush against me, surrendering to my need.

  “I’m helpless when I’m with you,” I say against her lips.

  She giggles, and I feel her chest vibrating against mine. “I think it’s the other way around.”

  I look at her with much seriousness, needing her to understand. “No, Brynlee, you have all the power. The person I used to be is non-existent when you’re near.”

  Her lips crash against mine, her tongue sending out a thank you. She isn’t in the talking mood today. She wants an escape, and I’ll happily give it to her. We make out a lot, and she lets me repeatedly run my fingers all the way up her slender legs to her lustrous hair.

  “Where does Brynlee want to travel to?”

  “Italy.”

  “I’ll take you. Tell me when.”

  Her eyes widen and an excited expression shows.

  “We could eat a lot of pasta and drink wine. I want to go there and take a cooking class with a top chef. You could take it with me,” she says.

  “You don’t need a class, and they’d probably kick me out.”

  “You’re too smart not to be able to learn to cook.” Her eyes light up with excitement again. “We could travel through the countryside like you see them do in movies and stay in some kind of little cottage that has moss growing on it.”

  I chuckle at her enthusiasm and imagination.

  “I’ve seen those in movies, too,” she adds before gazing at me alluringly. “We could stay in bed for hours, or we could lie on a blanket like this and make love.”

  “Sweet girl, don’t say another word. They’ll throw us out of here if I get on top of you, and that’s where I’ll be if you talk about us that way again.”

  Her alluring look continues to increase my libido. We talk and make out a few more times before I eventually drive her home, and having to leave her unsettles me.

  From here on out, I’ll only mention Drew if it becomes absolutely necessary. I want her only focusing on us when I’m with her. I want her happy, and discussing this predicament will only upset her.

  It pains me to leave, knowing she’ll see him tomorrow, and unfortunately, Drew only knows the Ian that hadn’t been introduced to the sweet Brynlee.

  I’m not that guy anymore, but he could tell her a lot of bad shit about me, causing her to doubt us. I can only hope the honesty I’ve showed her calms those fears.

  That’s a Lot of Damn Kisses

  Brynlee

  After Ian drops me off, I take the Max to visit my Gram. I haven’t seen her as much the last couple of weeks. I didn’t tell him. He would’ve insisted on driving me, and I didn’t want that. I needed to see her alone.

  “Hi, Gram.”

  She smiles at me, her head shaking some as that frail arm of hers reaches out.

  “Hi, my dear.” I take hold of her hand, and it’s not cool for a change.

  “Your hand is warm.”

  “That’s because that kind friend of yours was here holding it. Did you not see him on your way in? He just left.”

  “Drew was here?”

  “Yes. He said you’ve been extra busy lately, so he brought me some snacks and sat with me for a while. He was here one evening last week, too. He’s such a sweet boy, and he’s handsome like your great-grandpa was.”

  I feel guilty knowing that while I was making out with Ian, Drew was here checking on my Gram. It could appear he’s doing it to prove a point or to impress me, but I know the goodness in Drew.

  He’s been here many times to see Gram, and he’s come alone when I’ve had big orders to fill that kept me away. Would Ian do the same thing? It’s too soon for me to say, but I think he would.

  Gram and I catch up on the happenings in the nursing home from the times she won at bingo to the crappy dinner she swears she’s served every day. I promise to see her again soon and head home. Once in bed for the night, I text Drew.

  Me: Thank you for checking on Gram. She said I had just missed you.

  Drew instantly responds: I love your Gram. Sorry I missed you, and I’m sorry for today. I didn’t know he was going to show up, or I would’ve told you this morning. See you tomorrow.

  Me: You don’t need to apologize. This is a fucked up situation. See you then.

  Drew: Mouth, young lady, or I might buy Gram a bar of soap to stick in there the next time you’re visiting.

  Me: OK, big brother.

  Drew: BRYN!!!! That’s a dirty word, too, so I’m buying Gram soap.

  Me: Only teasing!! Since I left today, I’ll be in early tomorrow to catch up on my work. Is that OK?

  Drew: You know you can be there any hour of the day. I love seeing you in that apron with sugar on your nose.

  Me: I know … night, night.

  Drew: Sleep tight.

  ***

  My stomach is in knots as I imagine what the day will hold. With Drew’s protectiveness and Ian’s intensity, I don’t put anything past them. My nerves are also frayed since I haven’t been able to run as much lately.

  Drew came in early, too, probably to see me, but was immediately busy, so I haven’t spoken to him yet. It’s ten o’clock, and the shop sounds quieter from the kitchen. I’m deep in thought as I press out cookies on a sheet. The door opens and it’s Drew.

  He’s … he’s sexy today. His tan cargo shorts are hanging low on his hips, his Clark’s t-shirt is tight, and I can’t help but ogle his tall, toned physique and messy, dark hair.

  “Hi,” I say. I feel my face warming, so I quickly look away. He strolls up and stands right behind me. “I know you love these cookies, but they’re not ready yet.” The next thing I know, I feel his chest against my back, his warm breath on my neck, and the press is slowly being taken out of my hand.

  He sits it on the table, so I manage to twist around and stare up at him. “What are you …” I look up, and Drew is staring at me in a way I’ve never seen before. He presses his body against mine to where my back is against the work table. He cups my face and leans down, planting his lips on mine.

  It’s finally going to happen. His tongue is in my mouth exploring slowly, tangling sensually with mine, and god he’s exceptional at this. I wrap my arms around his firm body that’s parked against me.

  Our kiss is laced with desire as his large hands cradle my cheeks, his towering height giving me a comforting sense
of protection. Releasing my lips, he wraps one arm around me and glides the other into my hair.

  “Shit, to think we could’ve been doing that for so long.” Our breathing is choppy as we gaze at each other with pent up longing. “All I regret is not telling you before you met him. I wouldn’t change anything else because we might not have become this close of friends.”

  “You’re sweet, Drew. You always have been.”

  “Tell me you felt something from that kiss and don’t only find me sweet.”

  “I did. It was hot,” I say, smiling before I turn my head, my face warming again. I see him different now, more intimidating. I never knew what he was capable of since I’ve only ever seen the nice Drew, but I think I just got a taste.

  His head dunks down, and he catches my lips again. This kiss is harder and now both his arms are around me, pulling me into his broad chest. I melt against his scorching body, only focused on the feel of him and the taste of his tongue until we’re both coming up for air.

  “Bryn,” he whispers against my ear. “I want to take you home with me. Let’s spend some time together but not the way we have been … not as friends. We have that covered.”

  I can’t help but snicker. “You’re right about that.”

  “When can I take you home?”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yes. I have to make up for lost time. That’s a lot of damn kisses.”

  “A few more hours.”

  He groans. “OK. I get you all evening, right?”

  I run my fingers into the back of his dark hair.

  “Yes. I get to have you all evening,” I say.

  He gives me a lascivious look. Oh, lord. Now, Drew’s dangerous.

  Drew

  Bryn walks up to the office door smiling, but she looks nervous. I know this because she’s biting her bottom lip, and when she’s really stressed, she drags it through her teeth. I bet asshole hasn’t figured that one out yet. Damn, kissing those lips felt like home.

  “Are you ready to go?” I ask.

  “Yes, but I really need a shower.”