I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “Brynlee, what are you doing here? I guess I should ask, ‘How did you get here?’”

  “Andrea dropped me off. I was excited about your first day of work, so I packed you lunch, and then I brought you some of the croissants. You forgot to take any with you.”

  “She left?”

  “Yes. She needed to get to work.”

  “Tell me you were not going to take a bus back.”

  She rolls her eyes. “I do it all the time.”

  “Yes, but it’ll take forever from here, and I’ll worry, so I’m taking you.”

  “You’ll be late.”

  “No I won’t. I got ready early so I have plenty of time. Now, give me a damn kiss. I missed you already, so this is a pleasant surprise.”

  She gives me that adorable grin of hers before she wraps her arms loosely around my neck.

  “I don’t want to wrinkle you. You’re extra handsome this morning.”

  “Thank you, but you can’t show up here and tease me. Give me a hug and a kiss before I take them.” I smirk at her before her lips crash against mine.

  I’m overcome with emotion. A woman has never done anything this thoughtful for me. I’ve always been around girls who expected me take them on lavish dates. Brynlee expects nothing in return for her kindness.

  I pull my lips away. “Feel what you do to me. How am I ever going to concentrate?”

  She covers her mouth and snickers.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Seriously, this really was nice of you. No woman besides my mother has ever done anything this thoughtful for me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I let out a groan. “I hate to leave. I want to carry you back there to my bed.” I gently take hold of her bottom lip and pull it through my teeth.

  “Um, yeah, we need to go. I’m excited now, too,” she says.

  I drive Brynlee to the bakery, holding her hand all the way. I can’t deny that a part of me hopes Drew sees her get out of my car.

  “Will you text or call me tonight, so I know how your first day went?”

  “I’ll definitely talk to you later.” I feel an odd warmth all over by how excited she is about my job. She gifts me a wide grin and a kiss on the cheek before she gets out of the car.

  I’ve never been in love, but I imagine this is what it feels like, and it’s scaring the shit out of me. I might have to tell Isaac about her.

  My Heart Knows When …

  Drew

  Brynlee strolls in, and I swear I think that’s Ian driving away. Oh, hell no. She hurries right past the counter without even a look my way. Guilt is written all over her face. I finish up with my customer and go straight into the kitchen.

  “What the hell. Did you stay with him after the lecture you gave me?”

  She drops her bag loudly on the work table and glares at me. That was probably not the best way for me to start the day with her.

  “Brynlee, I’m sorry.”

  “If you recall, my lecture with you was futile, and no, Drew, I did not stay the night with him. He only gave me a ride here. Good morning to you, too.”

  “I said I was sorry, but you didn’t even look at me when you came in. That’s not the norm with us.”

  Her eyes soften as she lets out a hefty sigh.

  “I know. I figured if you saw me get out of his car, you’d be irate and you were.”

  I walk up to her and take hold of her shoulders before I kiss her forehead. “I’m sorry I said something. After the awesome day we had Saturday, it’s been difficult knowing you were with him yesterday, so when I saw his car, I was jealous.”

  “It’s fine. I know it’s hard for you.” She doesn’t seem fine now.

  “I went to see Gram yesterday.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I figured you wouldn’t get a chance.”

  She falls against my chest and wraps her arms around my waist. “I can always count on you.” She says this somewhat solemnly. I think she’s most definitely dealing with some guilt this morning, and I can barely take it. It means she has enjoyed her time with him.

  “While we’re on that subject, I’m letting Ian meet Gram. I didn’t figure you’d be happy about it, but I need to see how he is with her.”

  “No, I don’t like it, but I understand.”

  She pulls back and looks up at me.

  “Also, I’m going to have lunch with his family next Sunday.”

  I look away as a bad feeling settles over me. No matter how badly I need Bryn to pick me, I don’t want it to happen because they’ve hurt her.

  “What’s wrong, Drew?”

  “I’m worried they’re going to hurt your feelings.”

  “Could you make me feel any more beneath them? This is the second time you’ve said something like that.”

  “Bryn, I’m worried they’re going to make you feel that way. I don’t think you are that way. I can’t believe you’d say that. You know what I think of you. I have you on a fucking pedestal.”

  I turn to leave, knowing damn well what she’s doing, and it’s making me want to scream and hit something.

  She’s grown closer to Ian, so she’s more confused and looking for a reason to be upset with me. She wants an easy decision. I feel her grab my arm.

  “Please don’t go,” she says. I slowly turn around. “Drew, I’m sorry. I’m really stressed out.”

  “You’re looking for a reason to be mad at me because you want to pick Ian. Am I right?”

  Brynlee

  I’ve hurt Drew, and I feel horrible for it. I’m not looking to rule him out. He even saw Gram yesterday. I care about him tremendously, and we had the best time Saturday, but Ian has been on my mind the most since I was with him last.

  This whole process is about to break me. The same thing keeps happening. Whoever I’m with, I want. But somehow, it seems Drew is getting hurt more. His eyes are watery and defeated.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my head on his chest. I have to bring him back to me. I don’t know if I could ever give him up. “I don’t feel that way whatsoever, Drew. It’s selfish of me to say, but please, don’t leave me.”

  “Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?”

  “I’m serious.”

  He pulls away from me and goes over to lock the door. Stalking back, his normally bright eyes are now overcast with desire. He picks me up and sits me on the table before he moves in between my legs. I’m perfect height to kiss him now.

  Capturing my mouth with so much force, I feel his plea. His fingers dig into the sides of my hips as he yanks me forward. My hands find their way under the back of his shirt, and I feel his muscles tighten. He groans into my mouth before he lets go of my lips and grabs hold of my face with both hands.

  “Bryn, I want you with me to the point it’s painful. I can’t take being away from you, and I can’t stand you being with him. You’re mine, sugar. All mine. You always have been. Even though we weren’t doing this, you felt our connection the last two years. You wanted me as much as I wanted you.”

  Before I can reply, he’s staking his claim once more, his tongue seeking mine while his hands move from my face to my neck, and then down my chest. This can’t be happening again.

  Neither of them are going to stop doing this to me. They want nothing more than to show me through touch how much they care.

  I pull back from him, and his forehead rests against mine, his harsh breaths reaching my face. He takes my hand and holds my palm flat over his heart.

  “Do you feel that, Brynlee? I should be in top physical shape from the cardio my heart gets. This is what has happened every time I’ve been around you for over two years, and baby, now that I’ve kissed these lips …”

  He runs his thumb across my bottom one, “and touched this body … it only beats faster. It knows when you enter the room or give that radiant smile. It pounds when you hug me or when your skin brushes against mine.”

  I feel the roaring beneath my palm as he lifts my
chin with his free hand, his words shredding any control I had over my own heart.

  “It knows when you show your gorgeous legs for the first time in the summer or when you wear that tight, black sweater in the winter. It beats faster when that cute laugh escapes you and harder when you don’t show up for work on time.

  “It’s fully aware when you’ve fallen asleep against it, and it doesn’t miss a beat when you have sugar on your nose. It might sound as cheesy as a kid’s Valentine card, but my heart beats for you, Brynlee. It beats because of you. No matter what, that will never change.”

  He places my hand in my lap and leaves the kitchen … just like that. I have to scream! I grab my bag and tear out of the bakery, my shirt and shorts wet from the tears my heart was shedding. I scare people away on the transit from the continuous crying.

  The dam has broken. After getting to my apartment, I manage to pull it together long enough to call the restaurant I was supposed to make a big delivery to this evening. I’ve never had to cancel before, but I can’t do it today. I can’t stand there and pretend he isn’t in the next room.

  Luckily, the place is understanding and have a back-up bakery they can order from. The fact I’ve never done this in the two years they’ve been my customer helps, but I’m out a ton of money.

  I strip down to my panties, grab a box of Kleenex and get into bed. It’s going to be my refuge today. I need Tish.

  Me: Tish, I feel as if my world is closing in around me. Would you have any time to get together soon?

  Tish: Ah, Chickadee, if you come to the salon, we can talk between customers. Otherwise, it’ll be late, honey.

  Me: I can’t leave but thanks. Maybe tomorrow?

  Tish: I’ll make sure. Love ya, girl.

  Me: Love you.

  Not much time passes when I hear a knock at the door. Knowing Drew, he probably came to check on me. I ignore it, hoping he’ll think I didn’t come home. I hear the front door open, so I sit up in bed and wrap the sheet around my chest.

  “Brynlee, are you home?” Drew yells. I hear his voice getting closer as he repeats himself. Dammit. I knew he’d hunt me down. My bedroom door flies open.

  “You can’t just barge into my bedroom!” I throw my box of Kleenex at him, and he catches it.

  “I’m sorry, but you gave me a key a long time ago. I was worried about you. Why did you leave?”

  Damn him. His dark hair is disheveled from our make out session, and his tight t-shirt is hugging his biceps. I don’t know how I ever set aside in my mind how sexy he is.

  “We shouldn’t talk about any of this. It’s getting us nowhere. Please go.”

  “I am not leaving here. You never bail on work. You have no idea how scared I’ve been, and I had to wait all the time it took you to get here by streetcar since you wouldn’t answer your damn phone. It wasn’t fair you took off like that. Are you trying to kill me?”

  “Fair! You said all that sweet shit to me. How am I supposed to work after that?” I see the humor dancing in those blue eyes of his. “How is this funny?”

  “I can’t help but like that my words affected you. They weren’t intended to make you sad though.” Now he’s frowning. Make up your damn mind. He starts moving toward the bed, so I throw my hand out.

  “Stop right there.”

  “I’m getting in this bed with you.”

  “I’m not dressed.”

  “You’re not keeping me away from you. You know why?”

  I chew on my lip to the point that I’m probably going to taste blood soon. “No, why?” I ask softly, scared to hear the answer.

  “Because you don’t care, either. You want me here.”

  “Drew, I need to be alone,” I say, groaning. OK, whining.

  Completely ignoring me, he slips his shoes off and climbs into bed. I pull the sheet tighter against me as I lie back down. He smirks.

  “You know, I’ve seen you naked, or have you already forgotten?”

  “How could I forget?”

  He drapes his arm over my waist and yanks me toward him. “Seriously, I’m worried about you. Don’t you have to get your work done? I’ll go back with you and help,” he says, moving wet strands of hair from my face.

  “I already cancelled the delivery.”

  “I know you can’t afford to do that, so you’re letting me pay you for what you’re losing since I’ve somehow caused this.”

  “I don’t want your money.”

  “You don’t have to want it, but you need it.”

  He leans over and plants his warm lips on mine. Now that he’s here, I do feel less alone. I can’t make sense of any of this. He pulls back. “Bryn, I want you to tell me what you like about Ian.”

  “That is definitely not going to help any. You’re already crazy jealous.”

  “You haven’t seen crazy jealous. What do you like about him?”

  I sigh since he’s not going to let this go. I know him well, and he won’t stop until I cough something up.

  “Ian comes across as fearless and goes after what he wants. I think he truly believes he could have any woman, so it makes me feel special that he’s choosing me. There’s no doubt in my mind that he wants me.”

  I already see a flicker of pain in Drew’s eyes.

  “Do you doubt that I want you?” he asks.

  “No, but he told me immediately. It took you over two years,” I say softly after looking away from him.

  Drew falls to his back and runs his hands down his face in frustration.

  “I didn’t want you to ever feel like you had to leave the shop, Brynlee. What if you left and couldn’t find somewhere to do your work?

  “And I guess I was a coward at first. Once we were close, I was afraid of losing you completely. I might not have Ian’s arrogance, but it doesn’t mean I care about you any less.”

  Drew

  With my body, I push Bryn over to her back before I claim her mouth, fighting with all the arsenal I have left. My words and touch have an effect on her, so I know I still have a chance. She responds immediately, her fingers gliding across my shoulders and into the back of my hair.

  Reluctantly, I pull away, so I can strip off my clothes. I sit up and yank my shirt over my head and pull off my shorts, leaving on my boxers. I have to be closer to her. She watches, and I see the worry her eyes convey, but she doesn’t stop me.

  I’m back in bed, jerking the sheet away, and like an adrenaline dump, I roll onto her and overrun her mouth with desperation. Our tongues are tangling, and I feel her control faltering as she hums into my mouth with satisfaction.

  I refuse to leave here until Bryn tells me she doesn’t doubt my feelings. Whatever she needs from me, I’ll do it. Shit. She keeps telling me what she needs … less touching and more time to think. I release her lips.

  “Sugar, do you want me to stop?”

  “Now you ask me?” she asks in a high pitched, frustrated tone. I gently kiss her forehead.

  “I’m sorry. I realized I’m bulldozing you yet again, and I don’t want you angry with me.”

  “I love kissing you and feeling your skin against mine, but I’m running out of fight, Drew. It’s getting harder to stop physically.”

  I smile at her. This is a promising sign. Well, unless she means with Ian, too. The swirls in her chocolate eyes stare back at me, and I can see her questioning her decision to stop us. I roll off of her to make it easier. She turns onto her side and faces me.

  “Brynlee, call the restaurant back. Let me take you to work. Since we’re busy on Mondays, I have plenty of staff there, so I’ll help you. Gram is in poor health, and you’ll need time off is something happens to her.”

  “Was she sick yesterday? The doctor hasn’t called.”

  “She was about the same. She said they still haven’t cleared up her infection.”

  “I hadn’t thought about needing days off later.”

  “I feel bad that I overwhelmed you this morning, so call them.”

  “OK. I need some
thing to take my mind off of sex, anyway.”

  “Tell me you believe in how much I care about you as more than a friend.”

  She smiles, but I still see the weariness.

  “You’re making it very obvious that you want more than a friendship with me.”

  “Don’t forget it, and anytime you want reassurance, I’ll happily give it to you in at least a dozen different ways.” I reach my arm over her hip and swat her butt before I get up and dress.

  “You’re such a tease today, Mr. Clark.”

  I turn around and eye her bare chest.

  “Brynlee, please get some clothes on. I have only so much self-control.”

  She giggles. “Sorry, but don’t forget that you came barging into my bed.”

  All is Fair in Love and War

  Ian

  My first day at work was fairly low key. Dad gave me a few cases to do some research on, but I’m limited with what I can do until I take the bar exam. I was mostly getting familiar with the flow of the office.

  It’s seven-thirty, and I just arrived at a restaurant. Isaac and Dad insisted we celebrate my first day of work over dinner. I’m the first one here, and I get almost to the door when I realize I’m holding my suit jacket.

  Certain I’ll end up leaving it inside, I turn to carry it back to the car. When I round the corner at the rear of the building, I see a van from Clark’s Coffee pull in. Brynlee treads to the back of it and opens the two doors. In an instant, my pulse jumps, and that amazing, warm feeling washes over me.

  I smile as I start walking her direction, but then I see Drew come around the van, so I step back to the corner of the building. This is something I never imagined myself doing. I’m spying on a woman. What has happened to me?

  I debate on approaching, maybe getting her aside for a few minutes. As they make several trips into the door of the restaurant, an anxious feeling creeps in and settles in the pit of my stomach. I feel as if something’s crawling on my skin and eating away at my self-control.

  Is this what a panic attack feels like? I don’t like it. No, I hate it. I’m about to walk back to the door of the restaurant when they both come out together.