“Six weeks. Damn.” Freddie shakes his head. “Don’t forget to leave the key with Creepy Ronald,” he says, referring to our very reliable yet very eccentric next-door neighbor who spends his days in underwear and a robe, game developing, grooming his pet tarantula, Miss Basil Exposition. Spying on his neighbors is his favorite past time. You know, your regular Joe.
“Take care and try to avoid stray bullets,” Freddie adds.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Excited?” Casey asks as the car’s rear disappears around the corner, taking my friends towards their ultimate road trip.
“Very much,” I say pensively. Many things occupy my mind these days. Too many things.
“It’s quite the adventure, at least according to how Billy describes it. He said that it’s even much more intense than the E.R most of the time.”
I nod, contemplating her words. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.” I send her a sidelong glance. “It’s one of those things I’ve wanted to do for a long time. It’s a different experience to everything I’ve known so far. There’s so much to give and gain from these assignments.”
“You have to take care of yourself. It’s not an easy environment, to say the least.”
I nod again, thinking about a call I had with a colleague that recently returned from the same place, the same site where I’ll be working in less than a week. It’s hard to understand the full extent of it until you get there and start working, he said. Not the first time I heard something along that vein.
“How does Anna feel about you leaving soon?” Casey asks, bringing me back to the current.
I twist my mouth, taking a deep breath. “Didn’t discuss it much.”
Her brows pull in. “You guys still together?”
“Case, we’re not together. We’re still friends, yeah.”
She raises a dubious brow.
“We just—it didn’t come up.”
Now she gives me a bullshit-much? look. “Didn’t come up? Really?”
I steer my stare sideways, having a sudden interest in the pavement. “It’s complicated.”
“Hey Liam,” she says in a tone that takes me back to my teens when mom was fed up with my crap and told me to get my act together. “Is it though? Complicated? Really?” She pauses, I’m guessing for dramatic effect. “It’s not complicated at all. The only complication I see is you overthinking things.”
I sigh. “I can’t have a serious relationship right now. I can’t have a repeat of what I went through with Cheryl, especially not with Anna. Maybe when I start my fellowship when things are more . . . structured.”
She drops her hand from her waist, dropping her argumentative stance altogether. “Anna’s quite a catch. I just hope you don’t wait too long and end up regretting it later.” She eyes me. “C’mere, you fool.” She gives me a hug with Isabella squashed between us. Isabella giggles in delight. “Take care.”
I kiss Isabella’s forehead. “See ya.”
My phone comes to life as I climb the stairs back home. Her name on the screen alone is enough to bring a smile to my lips. Not to mention the frisson that heats my lower region each time Vicky’s text to Anna pops into my head. The notion of Anna being in a “concupiscent state” messes with my head and my own concupiscence something fierce. “Hey,” I answer with a smile.
“Hey, hey, hey,” she sing songs.
“Someone’s happy,” I say over a chuckle. My smile is even larger now.
“Guess who got the loan?”
“That’s great news, congrats!”
“Celebration tonight at Poison and Wine, eight-ish. Please tell me you can make it. Pretty please.”
The prospect of seeing her tonight and this joyful version of her plasters that smile even deeper on my face. “Anna, sweetheart, no other place I’d rather be.”
“Yay! Okay then, I’ll see you there? I need to call my mom and my friends, oh and Je –the lawyer in charge of the sale. Byeeee!” I don’t think she managed to squeeze a breath through all that.
I chuckle to myself, thinking, sweet nutcase. The little notion that she called me before her family squeezes something deep inside. We’ve never addressed it but the fact that we have become so important to one another is undeniable. What we have is so much more than what I pretend it to be. My smile gradually fades with the task ahead. My shift ended at two this morning, meaning I have the rest of the day off to start packing and run last errands before my flight in three days.
The Uber drops me off at Poison and Wine, and I enter the place later than everyone else with no real excuse except that I lost track of time packing. The sound of Anna’s voice grabs me the moment I get closer to the table occupied by her group of friends. She’s in the middle of a sermon that seems to intrigue and entertain everyone around her. A group that includes her girlfriends, and Kayla’s band members. I stand a step behind listening, not bothered at all by not being noticed. On the contrary, I’m rather enjoying this candid insight into her social persona. Her eyes twinkle with joy, cheeks a shade rosier from the stuffiness of the dark bar, ever the picture of exquisite beauty.
“It’s a misconception, the whole bad boys are sex gods,” she exclaims and my attention perks up. She turns to Ricky and his friends, the assorted music people, and says, “No offense.”
Ricky sends her a sinister smile. “None taken, babe.”
And she goes on, “Yeah, okay they got the look and the smoldering eyes, and the you-know-you-want-me-smugness, yada yada yada.” she rolls her eyes, causing my lip to tip. “But the wholesome, good guys –still waters run deep, you know what I mean? They don’t come with the whole supposedly rebel, big shot mise-en-scene. They’re quiet and sophisticated and they observe.”
Not sure what triggers it, but something makes her glance up to where I stand, maybe the sense of being watched. She darts me a little intimate smile. Her cheeks take a darker shade as she goes on, eyes linked to mine. “They observe and learn and cherish. They know exactly what to do when they need to deliver because they don’t rely on their reputation, or notoriety. You’re their absolute focus.”
Damn right, sweetheart. Why does it feel like she’s talking about me as her eyes link to mine?
“I call slander!” says one of Kayla’s band members, the one who looks a bit dirty, but in what some people might call a stylish way. Kayla responds with a friendly slap upside his head.
When I make my way to the table Anna “friendlily” pushes one of the other band members to scoot over to make space for me. And I slide between them, taking a seat next to Anna where I so naturally fit. People around the crowded space greet me, some with a smile, some with a chin tip or a nod.
“Hey Doc.” That one is accompanied by a wide tease-y smile from Anna’s sister. When the greetings subside, I pivot my head sideway, focusing on Anna.
She has her elbow on the table, cheek leaning on her hand. She smiles up at me. I mimic her, elbow on the table, temple propped on two fingers, eyes searching hers. “Hi.” I smile at her.
She responds with the sweetest smile. “Hi, you.”
I let out a smitten chuckle. “Are we a little tipsy tonight, Anna?” I ask grinning.
She brings her free hand forward, her pointer finger near her thumb, eyes squinting at her own gesture, she says, “A teeny bit.” The same hand is now extended toward my face, brushing my lips clumsily. “Why are you smiling at me like that?” Her control over her actions obviously alcohol-infused.
My eyes twinkle at her. Christ, how I want to kiss her. I shrug instead. “Tipsy’s cute on you.”
“I’m happy,” she says with a dreamy glow.
“That makes me incredibly happy.”
Her smile widens.
“Congratulations,” I say next.
“Where’s my hug . . . you – you . . . wanker?” Entirely amused with her brilliance, Anna giggles freely.
I chuckle, straightening to sit upright and hold my arms open. She nestles in, burrowing her cheek on
my pecs. That feels so incredibly perfect. There’s no fucking denying it, she’s my be-all-end-all girl. Anna, what have you done to me? Pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, I say, “Congrats, sweet kook.”
A moment later I say, “Hey.” Anna pulls back to look at me. “I got you something.” I give her a rectangular wrapped box.
Curious, Anna tears-off the light pink wrapping paper. She opens the box and smiles. “Thought, now that you need to sign important documents for your business you need a proper pen.”
She rewards me with the brightest smile. She glances at the elegant metallic pink fountain pen. “So pretty. I love it!” She leans in to plant a quick kiss on my cheek.
“And . . . here’s the bubbly,” a waitress says, efficiently placing tall glasses in the middle of the table while balancing another tray with a few large chilled bottles.
Anna perks up, brows bunched. “Who ordered—”
She turns to me and I shrug with a side smile. “Celebrating, no?”
Anna looks at me with a cadence that nearly kills me. A look that doesn’t hide how she feels. My self-control is being tested and I feel like I’m just another intimate moment away from losing my resistance.
Needing to break the moment before I do something I regret, I start pouring the bubbly drink into glasses, passing them around. The conversation moves on to food, then cooking. Someone mentions tacos and I deliver the fact that I make some mean ones.
“Hey,” happy Anna pushes my chest amicably. “You never made me tacos!”
I shrug, eyes gleaming at her.
“Okay then, make me tacos as a good-bye meal.”
“You got it,” I smile. “Tomorrow, dinner?”
“You betcha.” She grins at me. I nod, smile matching hers.
“Good-bye?” Pandora, Anna’s friend asks. “Who’s leaving?”
“Liam, here,” Anna pats my chest, her hand lingers a while. “For South Sudan. For six weeks! But he’s not really leaving.” She turns to me with a lax smile. “He’s coming back to me.”
I can’t not pick up on the telltale signs loose-tongued Anna puts out there. The little insinuations and body language. Anyone watching would assume that we’re together or on a very clear path there. I both love it and dislike it in equal measures. Am I leading her on? The bigger question is am I leading us both on? The thin line between friendship and more has been blurred and it’s not necessarily Anna’s doing. Maybe I should cook her dinner, and man up and finally have the talk. No doubt about it, there’s a conversation to be had. However, I need to figure out what exactly I want to say and how. How do you tell someone you’re crazy about that this is not the right time for you to do anything because pursuing it right now will bring it to its demise faster than you can say but-you-said-you’re-okay-with-that? How can you tell this amazing person to wait for you? That you belong together, but they have to wait if they want this relationship to survive. Or ask this someone not to fall for someone else somewhere along the waiting road? Any way you look at it, my unique selling point isn’t exactly a killer. But I need to talk to her, and time is running out. I don’t want a repeat of what happened with Cheryl. I’d rather walk away now than put her through that. But when Anna’s next to me, words fail me. I don’t want to do anything to shake or break what we have even if it’s at the expense of not getting physical. Which of course is all I can think about. It’s fucking torture.
“Hold up,” one of Kayla’s band members, Kevin I think, asks next, “So, you guys are together?”
I wait for Anna to say something first. I don’t want to be the one debunking it, not in front of her friends, unless she says it first. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable spot.
“Oh, it’s not like that between these two.” Vicky squints at us, a hint of a provoking smile curving her lips. “They’re not together.” Her eyes challenge Anna as she adds, “They’re buddies.”
“Gnarly, dude,” Kevin guy says. “Maybe I should cook you dinner then?” He drinks Anna up and I’m a second away from introducing my elbow to his face.
A frisson passes through me as Anna links her fingers with mine under the table, where my hand is rested on my thigh. Too startled by the effect of her touch, I offer no resistance. It’s greater than me. I. Can. Not. Resist. Her. And instead, I unlink our entwined fingers only to lay my palm over hers, seeking complete connection. Her skin feels warm and soft under mine, and everything in my mind seems to ease. And the lines continue to blur in this trajectory of ours when Anna leans her head against my shoulder as the conversation and laughter and drinks flow. By the time we decide to call it a night, my arm is around her waist while she’s snuggled into me, talking to her girlfriends.
Due to Anna’s alcohol induced happy, tired, I drive her home in her car. Of course, it’s one of the most eco-friendly cars available on the market, a small VW e-golf. Feels like I’m driving a toy car compared to my beast of a vehicle. From time to time she sends me sidelong glances that make me think I’m the main source to everything happiness related and there’s nothing I can do but flow with it. It’s her night. She’s happy. She’s celebrating and the last thing I want to do is put a damper on it. Not to mention, though it shouldn’t be, it’s a thing of pleasure, being the source of her happiness.
I rear park the car into its narrow parking slot in the underground garage of Anna’s apartment. With every intention to call it a night, I meet Anna at the car’s front. “I’ll just walk you to the elevator.”
“Wanna come up?” she asks.
I steel myself and lightly shake my head albeit with a soft smile. “I need to get some sleep. I gotta be at the hospital at eight.”
She shrugs, her fatigued grin slipping a little. We take a few silent steps and stop dead in our tracks. Anna lets out a strangled cry and I reflexively push her to stand behind me. We watch the black attired man with a hoodie shadowing his face throw us a glance and sprint out of the garage while dropping a long rod-like item that bounces onto the concrete with a metallic thud. “Stay here,” I tell Anna.
I take a few steps toward where the guy just ran.
“Liam, please don’t. He could be armed.”
At closer inspection, I see that the item he dropped is a Slim Jim.
“Liam,” Anna calls in a weary voice.
I walk back to her and take her hand in mine. “I don’t think he was armed or dangerous. Probably a car theft attempt. Let’s go up. I’ll see you to your door.” I want to make sure she’s safe and sound behind a locked door before I leave.
Anna unlocks the door and turns to me. “Do you mind doing a quick check inside?”
I check every room, including the small balcony and when I meet Anna again where she waits in the living room, she still looks shaken.
She throws me a wobbly smile. “I’ll be okay, thanks.”
She gives me a quick hug and as she pulls back, I dip my chin to catch her eyes. “Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”
She bites on her lips, looking genuinely unnerved. “Please?”
Wordlessly, I follow Anna to her bedroom. She disappears behind the bathroom door and I drop to the bed looking upward and sigh. I take off my shoes, adjust the pillow behind me, and sit upright with my legs stretched in front of me on the bed. A few minutes later Anna opens the door, her face clean of makeup, her hair falling on her shoulders. She’s wearing similar pajamas to the ones she wore when I brought her breakfast the other day. A cropped sweatshirt that showcases most of her stomach and the shortest pair of loose shorts.
Kill. Me. Now.
I swallow thickly and somehow manage to produce a smile rather than the growl simmering at the back of my throat.
She eyes me for a beat and slips into bed. She fiddles with her phone and sets it on the nightstand beside her, turns to lie on her side, both hands tucked under her cheek. She sends me an easy smile and twists her mouth. “You know, you can just sleep here, save you the trouble and the time of going back home.” She le
ts out a cheeky laugh. “I promise not to take advantage of you.”
The prospect of her taking advantage of me deepens that growl trapped deep inside me. Makes sense though. I won’t be able to function tomorrow if I don’t get some proper sleep. “Right,” I say and stand up. Unceremoniously, I unbuckle my belt, rip open the buttons securing my jeans and drop my pants to the floor. I take off my socks next and with a T-shirt and snug boxers get under the covers. I turn to lie on my side, facing my bedmate.
“I owe you one,” Anna says. Her voice is a whisper under the silence of the dimmed room.
“You’ll do the dishes tomorrow.”
She lets out a wheezy laugh. “Wanker.”
We both laugh now. With her dexterous ability to ask the most random things at the most random time, Anna asks next, “Perfect date?”
“That’s random,” I say through a chuckle. “What’s yours?”
She thinks. “Umm . . . ” Her eyes roam around the room pensively and come back to mine. “No bra.”
“What a coincidence, mine too!” I say and she rolls her eyes animatedly.
“Fluffy socks. At home, takeaway, wine, and a flowing conversation and silly jokes.” She eyes me. “Your turn.”
“Good company. The setting doesn’t matter much. When it works all the rest is just noise.”
Her stare penetrates every layer of mine as she says, “Truer words were never spoken.” And then she repeats my words with a soft voice, “When it works all the rest is just noise.” We stare at each other for a quiet stretch till Anna breaks it with a healthy yawn. “Night, Liam,” she says next and turns her back to me.
“Sweet dreams,” I say and fight the urge to spoon her.
Anna falls asleep not too long after, however, I find it harder to find my peace. I turn to lie on my back, my fingers stippled together resting on my lips, my thoughts scattered all over the place. Anna, by my side, steers to face me, her features eased in serene harmony. Moon glow filters through the sheer curtains, highlighting her delicate features. I take my time drinking her in. My stomach tightens with feelings and lust. I dare a feathery brush with the tips of my fingers over her restful face. Controlling my resistance to her is like manhandling a slippery fish. I keep watching her sleep till my eyes give in and slumber takes over.
by Mistake: (Poison & Wine, book 1) Page 15