“I’ve been there for over a year now, Mom. I’d say I can handle it.”
She peers over her shoulder and smiles. “You sure can.”
“Miranda also helped me find a babysitting job.” My fingers spin my phone around in circles on the lazy Susan in the middle of the table.
“How are you going to have time for that too?”
“I already started this past Monday and I worked last night.”
“I wish you would’ve filled your father and me in on this before you began. What if the family turned out to be psychos and you disappeared? We wouldn’t even know where you were.”
I smile. Leave it to my mom to imagine the worst case scenario.
“Mom, I’m babysitting for Miranda’s nephew. Her brother, Miles, has a son who’s almost three and he lives less than fifteen minutes from the shop. It’s all perfectly safe.”
“Oh, okay. Why do you need to babysit? Can’t one of the boy’s parents watch him?”
“Her brother’s a professor and he teaches a night course. I think he’s single, but it seemed rude to ask.”
I surmise from the set of my mother’s mouth, she’s not happy about this.
“Mom, relax. He’s not going to take advantage of me.” I roll my eyes.
“I trust your judgement. If you say it’s okay, then it must be. Now do me a favor and go grab your father and your brother. Dinner’s ready.”
“Luca’s here?” I refer to my oldest brother.
“Yep. That’s why I made so much food.”
“That’s why we’re having a roast.” I click my tongue against the bottom of my teeth as I rise. “I see how it is. Your pet comes home for dinner and we eat like royalty,” I tease. But if anything, I would be considered my parents’ pet. Not because I’m the youngest, but because I gave them the least grief. I’m pretty sure my brother, Luca, gave my mother almost every gray hair on her head. And the ones he didn’t, my other brother, Chaz, did.
After those two wild animals, she deserved a well behaved daughter.
I amble toward the den in the back of the house, or the “man cave” as my father calls it. Hearing how loud the television’s volume is, I shake my head. Peering in the doorway, I see my dad and Luca kicked back in matching leather recliners watching a baseball game.
“Knock, knock,” I call out. “Mom wants you guys to come and eat dinner. Everything’s ready.”
Luca snaps the footrest down and springs to his feet. “There’s no shame in my game. I’ve been waiting to dig into that roast.”
Dad laughs, but he’s a little slower to get out of his chair. “You need to come visit more often son. It’s the only time your mother makes roasts.”
“Right?” I raise a brow to my dad. “This jerk comes over and Mom makes his favorite. We’re here all the time and we have to eat whatever she decides. How’s that fair?”
Luca pokes me in the side. “Don’t whine, Sophie. It’s not attractive. But maybe that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend. Ha ha.”
“You’re a dick.” I punch his rock hard bicep and end up hurting my hand, but I’ll never let on.
“Hey, hey. Watch the language there, daughter,” Dad cautions.
“Dad, really? I’m an adult and saying dick is hardly the worst thing I could be saying.”
“Humor me, please.”
“Fine,” I sigh and walk past my brother. “Dick,” I mutter under my breath, but I’m not upset at all.
Luca’s chuckle follows me.
If I really wanted a boyfriend I could get back together with Clay, my high school beau. He’s been trying to win me back since we broke up a year ago when he went off to college in Michigan. I didn’t want to do the long distance thing and wonder if he was messing around on me. I’d rather be alone. At least I know I won’t let myself down.
When I step back into the kitchen, my mom has everything set out on the table. “Wow, this looks great. I’m starving.” I lower down into a chair and immediately start scooping food onto my plate. It’s not that my parents didn’t teach me manners, it’s that Luca will eat everything in sight if given the chance. I have to make sure I fill my plate until it’s heaping because this helping is all that I’ll get.
“Damn, sis. Is there something you’re not telling us?” He grins. “Are you eating for two?”
I bust out laughing. Some things are too ridiculous to be anything but funny. “Not quite.” I roll my eyes.
My mom tips her head, glaring at her son.“Oh, Luca, please don’t say such things. That’s all we need.”
“Mom, don’t get dramatic. I’m not knocked up, nor will I be. I’m pretty sure you have to be having sex for that to happen, and I don’t think I have been.”
“What do you mean you don’t think you have been? Don’t you know?”
“Mom, it was a joke, and a bad one, apparently. I have no boyfriend, therefore you have nothing to worry about. There will be no grandchildren from me anytime soon. But I can’t say the same for your other two children.”
“I know how to keep my seed from spreading,” Luca retorts.
“Oh Lord, can you two please watch your dinner conversations?”
My father wanders into the kitchen and kisses my mom on the cheek before taking his seat at the end of the table. “This smells delicious. I can’t wait to dig in.”
I point my fork at my dad. “Well, you better hurry up because Luca will eat it all before you can.”
“Hey, that’s not nice.” He looks at me. “I’ll have you know that I exhibited incredible restraint when I was dishing everything out.”
My eyes flick down to his overflowing plate and then back up to meet his laughing gaze. “I can tell.” He flashes me a quick grin before shoveling another bite into his wide mouth. For some reason, girls find my brother and his annoying behavior irresistible. And unfortunately, he knows this. Even Tenley has a tendency to fall all over him whenever he’s near her. It’s horrible to watch and even worse because he’s ten years older than we are. Most likely, he’s never going to see her as a grown woman, never mind one he’d be willing to date.
“You must be getting excited now that school’s only a couple months away,” he offers.
“Yeah, I am. There’s a lot to do between now and then, but it will be awesome once I’m finally living in the dorms.” I glance from my mom to my dad. “No offense, guys.”
“None taken,” Dad replies, smiling. “Once you’re gone, your mom and I will have the house to ourselves.” He winks at my mom and her cheeks flush.
“Eww, gross, Dad.”
“What? I was only going to say it means the house will be quiet.” We all laugh and then conversation fades out as we enjoy the rest of our meal.
* * *
“Hey, would you mind if I took Joey for a walk? It’s not too hot out and I noticed there’s a playground right down the street.” Twisting my shoulders from side to side with my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, I fidget and wait for his answer.
He stares down at me without replying at first. I don’t know why I’ve never realized how tall he is before. He has to stand at least ten inches over me.
His dark blue eyes study my face as if he’s seeking an answer there. “Sure, you can take him to the park, but I’d like him in bed at his normal time. You’ll have to fit it in the schedule somewhere.”
I beam up at him before I can contain my happiness and barely suppress jumping up and down with excitement. I’ve been feeling cooped up all day while working at the bookstore, so getting some fresh air tonight will go a long way toward helping me get out of this funk.
“Thank you. I promise to have him in bed as usual and I’ll even find a way to complete your list despite playing at the park.”
His brow darkens with an expression I can’t discern. Is it concern?
“Is the list too much for you to handle?”
The list sucks, but I’m not about to tell him so. I won’t admit how much I already abhor that dumb piece of pa
per and what it says. That would be like admitting defeat and then I’d always be looked at as someone who couldn’t handle what he expected of me. No way.
“No, not at all.”
He doesn’t seem completely convinced, but before I can say anything Joey runs over calling out, “Sophie.” He pronounces my name like so pea and I giggle. He raises his arms and I can’t resist. Leaning over, I scoop him up and plant a smacking kiss his on his pink cheek.
“Can you say Sophie?”
“Sophie.”
“Perfect. Are you ready to play?”
He nods his head, wide indigo eyes staring up at me.
“He’s certainly comfortable with you,” Miles comments, drawing my attention.
I smile, meeting his blue eyes before glancing back at the little boy who’s already stolen my heart. “He seems to be. We’re going to have a lot of fun tonight, aren’t we?” He nods and giggles as I bounce him on my hip.
“Watch out, he just ate.”
I laugh. “He’s not a baby. He’ll be fine.”
“How many children do you have?” he fires back.
“Jeez, don’t be so touchy. I don’t have any, but I have done a lot of babysitting. I may not be an expert, but I’m not new to toddlers either.”
“The best parents always seem to be the ones who don’t have kids. I think I know my son better than someone who’s only spent a handful of hours with him.” Laced with sarcasm, his words catch me off guard. All that’s missing is an eye roll, but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who’d resort to such dramatic behavior.
Damn. He really can be an asshole when he wants to. How did I forget that fact? And the frustrating thing is he was being really nice until about five seconds ago. A little kindness from him and I was ready to dismiss his prior odd behavior. A flash of a smile from a handsome guy and I was easily swayed. Pathetic. Anger flairs to life inside me, but I push it down before it has a chance to blaze.
“You know what? You’re right. You know better than me.” I set Joey on his feet and rub his head. I don’t want him to think I’m upset with him. He can’t help that his father is a dick. And without another word, I head to the kitchen to check out what his list has on it today.
The first thing I notice are the dishes in the sink and I head toward them. It only takes me a few minutes to rinse and load them in the dishwasher before I wipe the counters down with a sponge. Even though I know cleaning up his dinner mess isn’t on the list, I can’t just leave it there. No matter how I feel about him, I have standards that I adhere to. I’m not changing them because I’m pissed at Miles.
Rubbing my damp hands on my cut offs, I walk to the fridge and pluck the paper free from the magnet holding it in place. My eyes scan the items, my teeth clenching tighter with every word I read. It’s not any different than it’s been the last two times I’ve babysat, but right now it seems so much more irksome. I’m not sure why, either. Is it because he angered me? Or is it because I thought I’d misjudged him and his jerk-off behavior proved I hadn’t?
Regardless of the reason, I’m tempted to tear the paper into tiny pieces and make it rain down over his head. I bet Joey would find that almost as funny as I would. I can imagine his deep belly laugh and it makes me smile. Maybe I should find out for sure. A mischievous slant tips my lips as I visualize how amusing it would be.
Stop it. You need this job, my ever responsible subconscious cautions me. I shake my head. Dammit. I know I need to listen. If I didn’t need the money, I’d make a different decision, but unfortunately I do.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, I console myself with the thought that he has to leave in the next five or ten minutes. Then it will be Joey and me. We can go to the park and play on the swingset or jungle gym. There’s a sandbox and a giant slide I can ride down with him. He’s going to love it. Now if Miles would just leave.
6
Miles
“I’m heading out.” My voice has her spinning around.
She nods curtly. “Okay. Have a good night.” Passing by me, she returns to the living room. Pausing, I pinch the bridge of my nose. I can tell I upset Sophie with what I said earlier, but it wasn’t untrue. I’m tired of parenting advice from others, especially people without children of their own.
And it’s possible I’m overly sensitive. I’m a single dad who’s doing the best I can, but I feel like it’s never going to be enough, no matter how hard I try. Maybe I’m a little insecure about the fact that I need to give my son two parents’ worth of love and I’m worried I’m failing horribly. He’s too young for me to be able to tell if the split between Sandy and I affected him and by the time I will know it might be too late to do anything about it. Having these thoughts hanging over me each and every day is taxing.
I check my pocket for my phone and then find Joey so I can say goodbye. He’s crawling around pushing a bright blue car along the floor. Sinking down beside him, Sophie grabs the first vehicle she sees and joins in, making vroom vroom noises. Joey giggles and does it back at her, driving his car toward her red truck. He stops just shy of crashing and glances up at her. Pretending to be scared, she pulls her hand back.
“Oh, you almost got me,” she exclaims, wide eyed. He giggles and I smile at the musical sound.
“I’ll see you guys later. I love you, Joey,” I call out. Sophie gives a dismissive wave with her hand, probably wishing she could flip me off instead.
“Bye, Daddy,” Joey calls out without taking his eyes from the car he’s got positioned ready to smash into the truck Sophie’s holding onto. I catch her cool gaze and a pang of conscience hits me. I didn’t mean to be so sharp with her, but what’s done is done. It’s not the end of the world. She’s Joey’s babysitter, not a friend or lover. As long as she does a great job watching him, that’s all that matters in the end. We don’t need to like each other.
* * *
Pulling up at work, I notice two fire engines and multiple police cars. What the fuck is going on? I park my SUV and jog across the lot toward the main entrance. The night classes I teach are held in a three story brick building and right now there are firefighters blocking off the area.
I search the area for any sign of Tanner. One of the trucks is from his firehouse.
“Miles.”
I guess he found me.
“Miles, hey, man.” We bump fists. “You can’t go inside. There’s a suspicious smell and they’re trying to figure out where it’s coming from.”
“Do you think classes will be cancelled for the night or just delayed?”
“Nah, you guys will be out for the night. You might as well head on home.”
“Damn. I wish I would’ve known this before I got here.”
“Sorry, buddy. I didn’t exactly have time to drop you a text on the way.”
“I don’t mean you. I mean in general. It would’ve been nice to stay home with Joey.”
“Well, get out of here and then you can.”
“Sophie’s with him right now.” I shrug.
“Go relieve her of her duties and spend the night with the little man. You know you want to.”
I nod. “You know what? You’re right. I’m going to get out of here and do exactly that.” I clasp my hand on his shoulder. “Be safe.”
“Always, bro. Let’s grab another beer soon. Last night was a good time.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I jog back over to my vehicle and head out before something can delay me. Now that I’m on my way, I’m excited to see Joey.
Am I excited to see Sophie too?
Taking a few minutes, I ponder my question as honestly as I can. I can’t deny how attractive I find her, in an innocent kind of way.
She’s probably a virgin.
No, she can’t be. Can she?
I guess it’s possible, although not likely. And if she is or isn’t one doesn’t matter because she’s much too young for me. I’m a single father and I probably have a good fourteen years on her. The fact that I’m finding her attract
ive is insane and kind of creepy. I’ve never gone for younger women and I don’t plan to now. I refuse to go through some pathetic mid-life crisis because my marriage fell apart. The idea of a mid-life crisis is all a cop out anyway. Life gets tough and we make mistakes; I don’t need to apologize for them. More importantly, I don’t need some dumbass excuse for making poor choices.
I picture Sophie’s warm, brown eyes, ample in her petitely featured face. Her pert nose sits above tempting, rosy, ripe lips that beg to be kissed; but not by me. She must have a boyfriend. A young, attractive girl like her doesn’t stay single for long.
I imagine her dating some skinny computer savvy twenty-year-old who’s too young to appreciate his girlfriend. Then again, Sophie could be completely different than I think. Maybe she’s wild and crazy and has three boyfriends that alternate depending on the night of the week. I chuckle just thinking about it, but stranger things have happened. Hell, look at my life. I never thought I’d be single at this point… but here I am. My grip flexes on the wheel as I make the final turn down my street.
In so many ways my life is the opposite of what I imagined, but I wouldn’t change what I’ve gone through. The hardships make you grateful for all the good times. I’m a better father to Joey than I would’ve been; than I was before Sandy and I split.
Pulling into my driveway, I park beside Sophie’s small car and I’m out the door as soon as the engine’s off. I can’t wait to see what Joey’s up to. This will be an unexpected glimpse into what goes on while I’m at work.
Opening the door, I quickly move inside. I don’t bother to remove my shoes like I usually do; I want to see my son. Peering around throughout each room of the first floor, I don’t find either of them.
“Sophie,” I call up to the second floor. “Sophie, are you guys here?” I try once more and then I remember she was taking him to the park. Turning away from the stairs, I head toward the door, grabbing a ball cap from a wall hook on the way past. Locking the door, I shove my keys in my front pocket and slip the hat on backwards. Jogging down the stairs, I breathe in the cooler evening air and enjoy the fragrance of the flowering shrubs in my yard. Summers are hot and humid in northern Virginia, so tonight’s slightly lower temperatures are a welcome change.
DEPRAVITY: KING UNIVERSITY Page 5