I hear the door close and soft footsteps moving closer until Sophie stands in front of me. Raising my head, I take in her angry expression. Oh boy, she’s going to be really mad after this conversation.
“Hi,” I husk.
“What was that all about? Why did you back down and let that bitch make me leave?”
“She didn’t make you leave, I asked you to.”
“Are you defending her?”
“Here, sit down.” I pat the cushion next to me. Even knowing I’m supposed to be pushing her away, I want her near me.
She shakes her head. “No, I’m good.” She stands in front of me with her arms crossed, disappointment written on her face.
“Sandy and I had some unfinished business we needed to resolve.”
“What do you mean you had to resolve it? What exactly happened while I was gone?”
Oh fuck. I don’t want to do this. How am I going to make this seem legitimate when all I want to do is kiss the fuck out of Sophie and never let her go? I want to encase her in a protective bubble and keep her from everything that’s about to happen.
“Sandy wants to move back in.”
Sophie’s expression of surprise would be funny under any other circumstance, but not this one.
“What did you say?” she whispers, as if she already knows where this discussion is going to end.
“We talked about things and where we went wrong. I’m going to let her move back in and make a go of it for Joey’s sake.”
“What?” She turns away, only to turn back again.
I stand and reach for her wanting to connect myself to her in any way I can. Even though I’m breaking her heart. “Sandy’s moving in this coming week.”
“How could you do this? You just professed your undying love for me and now you’re going to get back together with your ex? Are you kidding? Please tell me this is some kind of bad joke.”
Oh jesus. I can’t do this. I can’t. I pinch the bridge of my nose, squeezing tight until it’s painful.
“It’s not a joke. I’m sorry, Sophie. I really am. I never meant to hurt you. I never imagined Sandy would come back.”
“I get it. Sandy’s always been the number one and I was just a placeholder to amuse you until she came back. You two deserve each other.”
“I understand why you’re so upset. I would be too in your circumstances. I never lied about loving you, Sophie.” The words taste bitter on my tongue, and my heart physically hurts likes it’s damaged and may never be whole again.
“No, you just didn’t tell me you loved Sandy more.” She shakes her head, her upper lip in a snarl. “I’m only sorry for Joey, because he’s the one who’ll get stuck in the middle when you guys implode for the second time. Good luck to both of you. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. And don’t interact with me at school. Pretend I’m not in your class.”
“Sophie, don’t be like that. We can still be friends.”
“I’m more discerning about the friends I choose. You’re not someone I want to be acquainted with ever again.” She forcefully tugs down the bottom of her shirt. “Enjoy your life.” Her eyes shoot sparks of fire at me, but behind the anger I see undisguised hurt.
“Sophie, take care.”
Her mouth falls open and I know she’s taken aback by my dispassionate reply. She stalks off without another word.
Leaning my head back, I press the heels of my hands against my closed eyelids. I hate myself for what I just had to do. Knowing it’s for the right reasons doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t feel heroic or satisfying like it should knowing that I’m protecting her. If I thought walking away from her the first time was hard, lying to protect her is even worse. I just hope she’ll forgive me for it someday.
32
Sophie
Once I’m in my car, the pressure in my chest builds until I can barely breathe. My head falls to the steering wheel and the tears begin to flow. How could he do this to me? I know he loves me. He couldn’t have been faking it that well. But how can I compete with the mother of his child? And if I was in his situation wouldn’t I want to try to provide a home with both parents?
Sitting up, I wipe my tears away and start my car. I need a distraction from everything that’s happening. Grabbing my phone, I send a text to Tenley and then I remember she’s out of town for the weekend. My only other option is Callie from Miles’ class. We’ve hung out a few times and she’s a lot of fun.
Me: Anything planned for tonight?
Please answer me, I pray and my prayer is answered within seconds.
Callie: Does this mean you're actually going to come out with me?
Me: If you’ve got something fun that will take my mind off of how miserable I am, then yes.
Callie: That doesn’t sound good. I’m heading to a frat party and you need to come with me.
A party? Lots of noise and loud music. Dancing too. Sounds like a good distraction to me.
Me: Okay, I’m in. Where and when?
Callie: I’ll text you the details. You’re going to have a blast.
A blast? That’s a tall order after what happened, but I know staying busy is better than crying in my pillow.
Me: Sounds great.
* * *
Callie grabs my hand and leads me into the kitchen. Bottles of liquor line the countertop and she plucks one from the bunch. She adds ice to a red plastic cup and pours the clear liquid on top. The ice makes pops and cracks when she dumps soda on top. She stirs it with a straw and hands it off to me.
“What is this?”
“Just drink and stop thinking about it. You want to have some fun and that will help. Trust me.” Her eyes are earnest over the cup as I take the first sip. I grimace when the sharp bite hits my taste buds, but once I swallow the clear liquid down, I like the aftertaste it leaves behind. I take another sip.
“Good. Now it’s my turn.” She winks before repeating all the same steps. She holds her cup up in the air. “To enjoying our night and letting the bullshit go.”
Ironically, it feels like the perfect toast for me and exactly what I need to do.
“Cheers.” I touch my cup to hers and swallow down a large gulp. The alcohol is already taking effect. My limbs feel heavy and my mind has stopped the continuous loop of questions about Miles.
Two guys approach us and Callie’s expression hardens. What’s going on?
“Hey,” one of them smiles.
“Eli.” Callie smiles at him and then stares angrily at the other guy and I wonder if it’s Aiden, a friend of hers she’s always bitching about. She takes hold of Eli’s shoulder. “This is my friend, Sophie. Can you hang here while I kill him?”
I make a noise as I try to refrain from laughing.
Eli notices and his eyes are filled with amusement. “I think that can be arranged.” I’m assuming from his lack of reaction that this is normal behavior for these guys.
We watch as the two of them walk away, moving to huddle close together in a corner. There’s definitely more than friendship between them. Eli shifts his weight from one foot to the other directing my attention his way. He’s adorable and if I wasn’t already in love with Miles… shit. Don’t start thinking about Miles. I inhale and focus on Eli. Eli’s sweet smile could lure the devil his way.
“I’m Sophie.” I stick my hand out.
He takes hold and pumps it up and down in a quick handshake. “Nice to meet you.”
Brushing my wavy hair back, I search for something to say. Callie has left me with a virtual stranger and no matter how cute his smile is, I don’t know a thing about him.
“You come here often?” he jokes
“Is it that obvious?” I glance around. These parties feel like another universe to me.
“What?”
“This is my second party. We’re almost two months into school and that’s all I’ve managed to attend.”
He laughs. “It’s my first one.” He shoves his hands into his back pockets, shifting his weight back
and forth. “I don’t think it’s something I could, or want to, get used to.”
Wow. Talk about knocking me off my feet. I can’t believe he’s saying what I think.
“What?” I put my hand on my chest feigning shock. “You don’t want the all-American college experience?”
He laughs. “I came here for the education and education only. I’m on a scholarship.”
“Thank fuck,” I say, the drink already loosening my tongue. “Someone who understands why parties just aren’t on my radar. How did you meet those two?” I point at Callie and her mystery man as they argue, hands waving and faces close together.
“Aiden and I are roommates.”
So it is Aiden. He looks different than I imagined.
“You?” He arches a brow in question.
“Callie and I take a Juvenile Delinquency class together.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“You can say that again,” I mumble, just barely holding my eyeballs still. They want to roll so badly. “I’ve heard a lot about Aiden. Callie is always talking about him.” We both gaze their way. “He seems intense. Are they together?” Callie’s never let on they were romantically involved, but I recognize the look as she waves her hands like a loon. Nothing brings on the crazy like being in love.
“No,” Eli answers after a few seconds and it makes me wonder if my suspicions are spot on.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” He rubs the back of his neck. “They’ve been friends since they were kids and moved here together. I can see how it looks like they’re together from the outside looking in, but they’re just really close.”
I think Eli is either covering for them or he’s in denial because it’s obvious from their faces just how serious their feelings are. Their body language has become strained and tense with both of them standing straight with their arms crossed.
Aiden glances our way and then sweeps his eyes around the room, noticing the attention they’re gaining and not just from us. He places a hand on Callie’s back and speaks close to her ear. Whatever he says has Callie tightly smiling before glancing around the room. She draws her shoulders back and walks our way.
“Because that wasn’t weird,” I mutter to Eli.
He nudges my shoulder. “I like you, Sophie. You should hang out with us three more often. You could balance out whatever that is.” He juts his chin toward where Aiden stands watching us.
Despite the awkwardness of the fight between Callie and Aiden, the rest of the night passes by in a mellow fog of more drinks, dancing, and easy conversation.
“So what’s your deal?” Eli asks me during a lull when Callie goes to replenish our drinks.
“My deal? I don’t know if I have one.”
“Oh, come on. A beautiful girl like you has to have something interesting going on.”
“Let’s just say that whatever I have going on is the reason I’m out tonight. I need to forget about someone who hurt me. Oh God, why did I tell you that? Fucking alcohol. This is why I don’t drink very often.”
“Well, if he hurt you, he’s not worth your time. But I know what it’s like to want to forget about someone. Especially someone you can’t have.”
Does he mean Callie?
“Callie?” I question before I can stop myself. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be nosy.”
“No. It’s not her, anyway.”
“Well we’ve turned into two depressing assholes. No more talking about our love lives.” Callie approaches with our drinks. “Tonight is about alcohol and dancing.”
Eli nudges my arm. “And tomorrow can be about regrets and being hungover.”
I smile up at him and nod. “Exactly.”
* * *
“Hey.” Callie slides onto her seat at the desk next to mine. “How badly were you hurting yesterday?”
I groan at the memory. “I spent my entire Sunday nursing my wounds, hungover, and loaded with regrets.”
“That bad, huh?”
“I’ve never had a real hangover before. My head felt twice its normal size and I slept until two o’clock. I don’t think I’ve ever slept that late in my life.”
“Yeah, I did the same. What did you think of Eli?”
“He’s awesome. I really liked him. Thank him for making sure we got home to our dorms safely for me, please. That was really nice of him.”
“I will.”
“So you and Aiden?”
She tips her head side to side. “We’re not a couple if that’s what you mean and never have been. He’s my best friend.”
“But you’re more than friends?”
“Yeah, we sleep together, but we’re best friends first. And this might be hard for you to understand. I know our arrangement isn’t for everyone.”
Miles walks into the room then, so I don’t say more. Not that I can form a coherent thought right now when every part of me feels like it wants to liquefy and roll away on the floor.
Staring down at my desk, I focus on turning on my laptop. Once that’s done, I turn my focus to counting how many floor tiles are in the row in front of me. And that’s how I survive through the entirety of the class. By the time we’re dismissed, I’m a shaking mess. I need a cheeseburger and a good cry, and not necessarily in that order. I hurry along with the flow of students and break free once I’m in the corridor. I hear Callie call my name, but I don’t stop. This dam’s about to burst and I want to be far enough away before it does.
33
Miles
It’s been five days since Sophie walked out of my house and this is the second time she’s been in my class since. She still won’t make eye contact with me and she looks tired. Even though she’s not watching me during class, she’s still listening. She takes copious amounts of notes.
I wrap everything up with a few minutes to spare and decide to let them out early.
“Miss Gardner, will you please see me after class?”
Her head snaps up in surprise and then her expression turns to annoyance as she realizes what I’ve done. I’ve made it impossible for her to ignore me. She gives a curt nod and looks down once more.
“You guys may go. I'll see you on Friday and I’d study chapter ten if I were you.” I’m not a hardass teacher who thrives on their students being miserable. I like to help them do well.
Sophie stays in her seat as everyone else files out. And she still doesn’t get up once everyone else has left. I wander over and take the seat next to her.
“Sophie.”
She still won’t look at me and she won’t answer.
“Sophie, can you please look at me? Please?”
Maybe she hears the sincerity in my tone and that’s what makes her turn her head and meet my gaze. My chest feels like someone squeezes it when I see her beautiful face. Dark shadows surround her eyes, standing out from her pale skin. And her cheekbones look sharper than usual. Has she been losing weight? Jesus. I hate that I’ve done this to her.
“What do you want, Miles?”
“I wanted to see how you’ve been.”
“How do you think I’ve been?”
“I feel like I need to explain more.”
“You don’t need to say another word about it. I think you explained everything pretty clearly.”
“Just give me a minute. It’s not what you think.”
“I think I’ve wasted enough time on you.” She rises, her chair pushing back on the tile floor.
“Can you come over to my house tomorrow night and get the rest of your things? You forgot a couple of shirts and a pair of shorts when you left.”
“Fine.”
* * *
I open the door to find Sandy with a cat that ate the canary smile on her face.
“Hey, honey. I’m home.”
I back up and let her enter. I place a hand on her arm to waylay her in the foyer. “Uh-uh, not so fast.”
“I’m just eager to get moved in.”
“There’s been a change of plans.”<
br />
Her expression turns sour. “What are you talking about? We had an agreement. I move in and keep my mouth shut.”
“I know that was our original agreement, but things have changed.”
“Miles, Miles, Miles. There’s no changing the terms, darling. We already agreed on them.”
Reaching over, I grab the folder on top of the console table. “You might want to take a look at this before we discuss our new agreement.”
She casts a questioning glance my way before taking the folder from me. She opens the cover and scans the contents. Her face grows paler with each page she reads. “Where did you get this from?”
“A very reliable source.” I smirk.
“No one will believe any of this.” She holds up the folder and shakes it.
“Of course they will. All of the information in there can be verified easily enough. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I didn’t even bother looking for any other scandals. But where there’s one…”
“Miles, honey. Let’s not do anything hasty. This doesn’t have to change our plans. I still love you and want to move back in.”
“Sandy, it’s not fucking happening. Did you really think I was going to sit back and let you return so you can fuck up our son’s life? Hell no. We spent all those years together, but you were too busy thinking about yourself to figure out who I am as a person. My family and the ones I love are the most important things to me. I’ll always protect the ones I care about. Even you couldn’t change that about me.”
“What’s going to happen now? What are you going to do with this?” She holds up the folder.
DEPRAVITY: KING UNIVERSITY Page 24