My dream continued giving me little snippets of our time together. The next was when he first got in trouble at school for beating up a kid who picked on him and Damon. That day he snuck out of his room from his foster parents house to come down to ours and apologize to my parents for getting Damon in trouble and to let them know it wasn’t Damon’s fault. They were both suspended for fighting along with the other student but according to Forrest, Damon didn’t do anything he just happened to be standing there while Forrest was fighting with the student who bullied them. I have never seen Forrest look as guilty and afraid as I did in that moment. I could tell that he wanted my parent’s approval of him so he wouldn’t lose his best friend but he knew that it was a possibility that they would ask him to never come around again and I believe that scared him more than he was willing to admit. My parents knew what had happened though and they understood why he did it even if they didn’t approve of his methods. They just accepted his apology, hugged him and thanked him for sticking up for my brother. His face turned from fear of losing his best friend to relief that they didn’t tell him to leave and never come back.
The next memory that replayed was of when he brought one of his girlfriends, or flavor of the week as we call them, to our house. This was a few years later when he was sixteen and I was eleven. He tended to have all the girls chasing him because of his bad boy status and devastating good looks. He had morphed from a scrawny disheveled boy to a stud. He was bigger in more ways than one. He got taller and broader with muscles only gained by working out hard and he was looking more like a man than a lanky boy. By this time my parents were fostering him and his temper and fighting had nearly ceased to exist. There were times where he still got into fights but it was few and far between. Seeing a counselor weekly and working out his frustrations helped him a lot on channeling his anger into something else instead of someone else.
When he brought this girl over we were all surprised by just how rude she was. Sure she was beautiful in that plastic sort of way. You could tell that she bleached her hair to get the platinum blonde she was sporting and her face was made up with so much make up on it that I’m sure that if you washed it off you wouldn’t have recognized her. Her tan was definitely sprayed on because it had an orange tint to it. She was the all American Barbie with an attitude of a high society debutant. She stuck her nose up at us probably due to the fact that we weren’t rich but just average. She was probably dating Forrest just to piss off her parents by dating a bad boy instead of a rich preppy socialite. She should have been trying to get to know the person behind that persona he shows everybody instead of using him. That’s what all the girls wanted him for.
Forrest was the perfect boyfriend to rebel against your parents because of his record at the school of always being in trouble. There were rumors he was even arrested and had killed somebody with his bare hands which made him even more desirable to all the girls. What they didn’t know is that none of that was true. He was never arrested, he has never killed a person and the only trouble he’s gotten into is detention a handful of times and was suspended twice from school for fighting. He had good grades, never missed a day of school unless it was due to his suspension and was always helping others when they were being bullied or because they were less fortunate. Since many of the students were scared of him all it took was for him to give an angry look and most bullies did not want to mess with an assumed killer.
When he brought this girl home, she was just one of many that I was jealous of but she was also the only one who seemed to think that she could treat me and Damon however she chose without Forrest saying something. Because I was always with my brother and him, it was no different when they had girls over. The girls they brought over always understood that I was going to be around regardless what they wanted but this girl didn’t think that applied to her. When we went to go hang out in my brothers’ room, I followed behind as usual but his girlfriend stopped me and said that no little brats were aloud. Forrest told her it was ok and she didn’t like it. Things turned into a heated argument between them where he stuck up for me and she walked out the front door and out of our lives like a bad memory. I felt a little bad that he had to argue with her over me being around but I didn’t think she was good enough for him anyways so that guilt only lasted for a moment. He was way too good for someone like her. Forrest just put his arm around me and smiled at me as if it wasn’t a problem. I knew from that day forward that nobody would get between our friendships.
The last memory I had before falling into complete darkness was of only a few months ago during my summer break. By this time I’ve known for several years that I was in love with Forrest Levine. I have been writing in my diary every day since I learned how to write and as the years passed by they became less about what I ate that day and the clothes I wore and more about my blossoming friendship with Forrest. I don’t know when it happened but I realized not long after that day the Barbie girl walked out that I was in love with him. Since that day my diary became more about my love for him than anything else. I have several diaries in a box hidden in my closet so my brother doesn’t see and read them. I planned to take them and show them to Forrest in the future after I professed my love for him. I wanted him to know the depths of my feelings and that they were genuine. I would only give them to him to read if he reciprocated those feelings. No need to scare him with my obsession if he didn’t feel the same.
A few months ago I was at a friends’ house for the weekend and I happened to leave my diary sitting out on my bed after writing my last entry. Normally I put it away in my desk drawer or in my back pack when I’m done so nobody would read it but for some reason I must have forgotten to do just that. When I came home the following Sunday I noticed it was no longer sitting on my bed. I had no idea who would have taken it but whoever took it would hopefully not read it and just put it away somewhere. There are some very personal things in there that nobody is supposed to know.
Since my brother and Forrest still live at home I went looking for them first to see if they had seen it. I doubt they would have read it but I wouldn’t put it past them to check and see if I was writing about doing inappropriate things and god forbid a boy. Forrest’s room was right next to mine in our two story house so he was my first stop. I knock on the door and when I hear him yell to come in I turn the knob and peek through. Of course he had to be shirtless in his basketball shorts laying in his bed typing on his laptop. He’s taking some online classes so that he can work at the mechanics shop full time to pay for everything he needs and to save money for his own place to move into.
When I step into his room, I shut the door and walk over to his desk, grabbing his chair, turning it around so I can face him. When I plop down on the chair, I sit and wait for him to finish what he is doing before I speak.
“What’s up baby girl?” That’s his nick name for me since I’m the baby girl of the family. He’s called me that since the first day we met and hardly ever calls me by my first name, only when he gets exasperated with me.
“So I was wondering if you’ve been in my bedroom this weekend because I’m missing something very important and very private. I thought maybe you might have seen it or know where it’s at?” I question. I hope he doesn’t have it because it would be so embarrassing if he read it. I don’t use his name when I write about him but if he read it then he may figure it out based on some of my entries. Now that would be embarrassing because it’s too early for him to know my feelings and too early for me to feel comfortable saying them without at least figuring out how I want to say it and if I’m ready for possible rejection.
“What is it that you’re missing and maybe I could tell you?” He doesn’t look at me when he speaks and it makes me feel a little better because I don’t want him to notice how red my face is when I tell him it’s my diary. If he’s read it then he will know why I’m blushing.
“Um. Well…It’s my diary. I left it on my bed and when I went to write in it today it wasn’t t
here. It’s about half the size of a spiral notebook with fall leaves decorating it. It has some things in there that I don’t want people reading about.” God this is embarrassing. I hope he doesn’t ask me to elaborate on what it is I don’t want people to read.
“Hmm. And what is it that you don’t want people reading in this diary of yours? Is it about a boyfriend or the love of your life perhaps?” No such luck. He must have read it because how would he know to mention those things?
“Did you read my diary?” Crap. If he didn’t read it then I just gave it away.
Forrest shrugs. “Sort of. I didn’t mean to but I thought it was a book or something. I was actually just looking for a pen and seen one lying on top of your diary, but I didn’t know that at the time, and picked it up and started reading. Sorry. I wasn’t meaning to pry into your life.” What entry did he read? I have so many these last few weeks about him and my plans to tell him how I feel. I even have in there the reasons why I love him. I hope he didn’t read too much of it or else he would be sure to know how I feel and that those feelings are for him.
“So did you read a lot of my entries?” I ask nervously biting my lip in hopes that he didn’t.
“No. Just the last entry you wrote. So who is this mystery guy you’re in love with? Do I need to check him out and make sure he’s good enough for you or kick his ass for not noticing you love him?” He must have read all of it. What was the last little entry I wrote? Oh yeah.
Today he wore his dark blue Levis and red flannel shirt and god did he look so good. I don’t know how I’m going to hold off until my 18thbirthday to tell him how much in love with him I am. I don’t think he even notices me. What if he doesn’t feel the same way as me? I love him so much it hurts and it would kill me if he doesn’t feel even half of what I feel for him. It hurts me every time I see him with someone new who doesn’t deserve him. He deserves someone who understands him and can love him for being just himself. He has the biggest heart than anyone I have ever known. When he chooses to keep you in his life you treat him good because once you fuck it up then that’s it. You’re out. I just hope that when I reveal to him how I feel that he won’t push me out but tell me he feels the same. Uh oh. That’s him knocking on my door. I need to go but until next time.
I can’t believe he read that. He’s sure to know with the last two sentences. Now I’m sure my face is a bright as a tomato. “No. You don’t need to kick his ass or anything like that. He’s perfect for me. He’s the best person I know I just hope that he feels the same way about me.” It’s too bad he doesn’t realize that the man I love is actually him. That would make things so much easier than having to tell him myself.
“I don’t see how anybody couldn’t love you. If he doesn’t see what I do than fuck ‘em. You’ll find someone who will love you one day even if he doesn’t. So who is he? I want to know who caught my baby girl’s eye. I’ve never seen you with a boyfriend or have any interest in anyone so this guy must be special.”
“Well um, I’d rather not say. No I haven’t ever had a boyfriend actually. Between you and Damon, no guy would even look my way, not that I wanted them to. I’ve only ever been interested in one guy but I don’t think he’s ever noticed me before.”
“You’ve never had a boyfriend?” He looks surprised by my admission but he shouldn’t be because any guy that ever looked my way was put in their place by either my brother or Forrest, if not both. I shake my head to indicate no while biting my lower lip feeling nervous about this conversation. I hope I don’t accidentally blurt out that it’s him I’ve only ever wanted.
“Have you ever even been kissed?” Is it sad that the most I’ve ever done with a guy is hold hands? I held hands with one guy and it wasn’t even meant as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, it was more of an experiment. He liked me but I only had eyes for Forrest. Since Forrest had a girlfriend at the time I let the guy hold my hand to see what it was like but it just didn’t feel right so I let go and said I wasn’t interested. I shake my head no again.
He whistles at my admission. “Hmm. I didn’t know that. Sorry. We just didn’t want any guys to take advantage of you. We didn’t mean for you to never have a dating life. We can fix one of your problems right now if you’d like?” He’s staring intently at me waiting for me to give him an answer. What problem is it that he thinks we could fix right now?
“What problem is that?” I hope he doesn’t suggest I kiss one of his friends or date one of them. That’s not what I want. I’ve been saving myself for him and him only. I don’t want to fix any of my dating problems by practicing with someone else.
“The never been kissed. It’s almost like that movie with Drew Barrymore but you’re not thirty years old.” He must want me to kiss one of his buddies. I really don’t want to kiss anybody but Forrest.
“No thank you. I’m not really into any of your friends. They’re nice kind of but they aren’t my type at all.”
“Why would you think I’d let you kiss one of my friends? Those guys are never going to be good enough for you and I don’t know how far they plan to push you if you kiss them. They can get really pushy and plus I’d kill them if they touched you. I was meaning me. You kiss me. You trust me, I won’t push you for more than a kiss, and I’ll know you’re safe.” What if I want him to push me for more? I would give him my heart, body and soul if I knew he would reciprocate.
“Oh. Are you sure because you don’t have to kiss me just because you pity me? It’s ok you know.” Please say you want to kiss me. Please, please, please!
“I don’t pity you but I want you to know how you should be kissed instead of your first time being sloppy and shitty.” He’s so confident it’s sexy and I want to kiss him so badly now.
“Oh. Well if you think your good enough then ok. Lets’ do it.” I’m feeling nervous because I’m about to kiss the one man I’ve been fantasizing about since I was old enough to know what happens between a man and a woman.
I nervously get up from my chair while Forrest moves his laptop to the floor under his bed and scoots over to make room for me to sit next to him. I sit close with our thighs touching and rest my hands on my lap unsure of how to proceed.
“Relax. You’re really tense. I promise it will be good and you know I would never hurt you.” He rests his arm on my shoulders and kisses the side of my hair. It feels amazing and I haven’t even gotten down to the good stuff. That kiss was just a comfort kiss. He does it all the time but this time it felt different. It was as if he was kissing my head for comfort not just for me but for himself as well.
Slowly and gently he pulls me back onto his bed so we are both lying next to each other looking at the ceiling. Forrest gently takes my hand in his and squeezes it before moving himself to lie on his side so he is looking down on me where I lay. We both just stare at each other making the anticipation rise causing my heart to beat erratically and my hands to become clammy. I’m sure my face is beat red because of my blushing but I can’t help it. I feel as if he can hear my erratic breathing and frantic heart beat because I know I can. He moves his hand across my flat stomach to my other arm and softly rubs up and down in a comforting gesture. His touch is like fire turning me on more than I’d like to admit and it wasn’t even a sexual gesture. He gives me a small smile hoping to reassure me that it’s ok and slowly leans down never taking his beautiful green eyes off of mine.
When he leans down and his lips finally reach mine, he brushes softly against them at first before pressing against my lips harder. I close my eyes wanting to concentrate on the kiss instead of looking into his eyes in case he sees what I’m feeling. He gives a few small kisses on the corner of my lips before going back to place them fully against mine again. I can feel as he probes against my lips with his tongue as if asking for permission to enter so I open up slightly to give him room to slide is tongue in between my lips to touch the tip of my tongue. Forrest carefully slides his body over mine completely covering me with his hard and masculine body while roaming
his hand up my arm to tangle into my hair while the other holds his weight up so as not to smother me. His tongue lightly explores my mouth without pushing aggressively but still claiming me for his. I’m not sure what to do but it’s as if it just comes naturally when his tongue brushes mine again. I start to move my tongue in tune with his while we kiss each other with sensual and slow movements. My hands move to grip onto his back to ground myself even though I’m lying down.
He tastes of peppermint and it’s the most amazing flavor mixed with the natural taste of him. He deepens the kiss and I feel as if he’s consumed me in every way. It feels like he’s trying to tell me something in the way he’s kissing me with such passion that I end up moaning. I don’t mean to but I know it affects Forrest as I feel him grow against my thigh. He slowly pulls back from the kiss leaving me wanting even more from him and never wanting to stop. I want to take our kiss further but I know I need to wait until the time is right. My eyes are still closed and I’ve got the biggest smile on my face and I don’t care if he sees it. That was the best kiss I think I’ll ever have in my entire life. This is definitely one to write in my diary. When I slowly open my eyes, Forrest is still on top of me smiling just as big as I am. I don’t know what to think but maybe that’s a good sign and he liked kissing me just as much as I did kissing him.
“That was definitely a remarkable kiss.” I know I sound breathless but I don’t care because I’m just so blissfully happy right now.
“I thought so, too. Now you have a kiss to judge all other kisses against. If they aren’t even close to that then it’s time to drop the guy because you need someone that can give you toe curling kisses just like that.” My blissful bubble just popped. I know the smile falls from my face but I try to recover quickly before he realizes why. I had hoped that he was kissing me because he wanted to and not because it was for educational purposes or whatever you want to call it.
Save Me (Taken Series Book 1) Page 2