But, isn’t that good? Haruhi’s changes are great, but I think Nagato’s are more important!
“For the sake of world peace,” Koizumi said with a smile, “organizing a Christmas party is a cheap price to pay. Furthermore, if it turns out to be fun, I find no reason to complain!”
Just as I became somehow offended that I could not find a line to retort, the door sprang open suddenly.
“There you go!”
The door opened inwards, and naturally I, putting my weight against the door, fell clumsily on my back with a loud thud.
“Hiehh!?”
The voice was neither mine nor Haruhi’s, but Asahina-san’s, and the voice came from above. In other words, lying on my back looking towards the ceiling, I saw not the ceiling but something else.
“Hey, Kyon! Don’t peep!” That’d be Haruhi.
“Hwa, ahh…” And that’d be Asahina-san, who was completely off guard as she cried and jumped backwards. I swear to the myriad of deities, I only saw her legs!
“What are you lying there waiting for? Get the hell up!”
Grabbed by the collar by Haruhi, I eventually managed to stand up.
“You peeping Kyon! Trying to peep on Mikuru-chan’s underwear? You are two-million-five-thousand-six-hundred years behind! That was deliberate, right? RIGHT!?”
It was your fault, opening the door without giving a signal. It was an accident. An accident, Asahina-san! — The words were on my lips, but then my eyes were drawn elsewhere. Who is asking what again?
“Wawa…”
There was nothing in my eyes but Asahina-san, standing with a brush of pink on her cheeks.
Red clothing with white lining. A red hat with a fluffy ball at the end… wearing only those, Asahina-san grabbed her short skirt with both hands, and looked intently at me with curiously teary eyes filled with embarrassment.
That had to be Santa, perfect from all angles, impeccable and without fault. That had to be Asahina-san’s true identity at that moment — the granddaughter of a senile Santa who had secretly transferred the family estate to her.
Upon being told this, 80% of people would fall for it. My sister would definitely be one of the 80%. No doubt.
“Just fantastic.” It was Koizumi expressing his opinions. “My apologies, but I could only come up with hackneyed expressions. Yes, it suits you very well. Definitely.”
“I knew it!”
Haruhi cuddled on Asahina-san’s shoulders, and rubbed her cheeks against the eye-rolling Asahina-san’s face.
“Isn’t she super adorably cute? Mikuru-chan, be more confident in yourself! From now until the Christmas Party, you will be the SOS Brigade’s Santa Claus! You have all the qualifications for this!”
Asahina-san panted pitifully. However, this time Haruhi was correct. Nobody would refute that, I thought to myself. As I turned to Nagato, unsurprisingly, the petite, short-haired, silent girl just continued her reading.
She was still wearing her triangular hat.
After that, Haruhi lined us up in a row, and stood in front.
“Understood? In these times, it’s not okay to absent-mindedly follow any Santa you see on the street. They’re fakes. The real one only exists in special places on the earth. Mikuru-chan, you need to be extra careful! Don’t get stuff easily from a Santa you don’t know. Don’t nod to whatever they say.”
Not good advice, after you coerced Asahina-san into being a fake Santa.
Don’t tell me that this girl, despite her age, and like my sister, still believes in that elderly fellow who’s in the business of international volunteering. Well, it is the same girl who hung wish messages to Orihime and Hikoboshi, so it’s not impossible. However, I just kept my doubts to myself. I mean, hey, Saint Asahina had revealed herself in this room! There it was, a fake that surpassed the real thing. What more could you wish for? If one wished for anything more, complaints would come from any of the three Scandinavian countries.
I was pondering on the source of capital within the shadow of this sluggish old man working only once a year.
“Hey, Kyon. The idea of having a grand Christmas party is good in itself. This year the idea came too late, so it can only be for Christ’s birthday. But next year we have to include birthday parties for the Buddha and Mohammad. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise!”
Why not throw in the birthdays for founders of Manichaeism and Zoroastrianism? Watching this bunch of unbelieving lads celebrating, these figures, who should be above the clouds by now, can do nothing but force a laugh. Well, Haruhi wasn’t doing all this to celebrate anyway; she just wanted an excuse to make a fuss, so I guess it evens out. However, if someone is going to receive divine punishment, please place the blame solely upon Haruhi. My role as her accomplice was really small, you know.
In that situation, to which deity should I make my excuse? I was pondering this as Haruhi settled in the Brigade leader’s seat and gave me a scornful glance.
“What would be nice? Hotpot? Sukiyaki? Crab is a no-no. I can’t take it. Picking the flesh out of the shell drives me nuts. Why can’t crabs make their shells edible? How come they didn’t do anything about that during the course of evolution, might I ask?”
That’s exactly why they evolved shells! They don’t undergo natural selection in the depths of the sea just for the sake of your stomach!
Koizumi raised his hand and spoke up.
“Then we must book a place in advance. The holiday is approaching, and everywhere will be fully booked if we don’t hurry.”
Well, I just don’t think I’m inclined to go to places he recommends. Maybe the nuthead shop owner will pop up in the middle of dinner and stage another murder comedy beyond everyone’s wildest expectations.
“Oh, no need to worry about that.”
As if she had the same impression that I did, Haruhi shook her head with a smiling face. But this was what she said next:
“I’m having it here. The necessary hardware is already here. The only thing left is the food. Let’s see… Better bring a rice cooker. By the way, alcohol is strictly prohibited, since I have vowed in my heart that, for my whole life, I will not drink.”
I’d rather have you vow something else… But another point came first that could not be dismissed without consideration. “Having it here?” I looked around the room.
The room already had a pot and a portable stove ready, and there was even a fridge here. Haruhi brought everything in during the dawn of the SOS Brigade, but don’t tell me that they were all for the sake of this day! Till now, the portable stove had been useful in helping Asahina-san serve real tea. But at school, and in such an old and shabby clubroom block, was it really a good idea to cook in the first place? It isn’t wise to ignore this. An open flame is prohibited in this building!
“It’ll be fine.”
Undeterred, Haruhi beamed like a culinary prodigy who somehow had solid skills without even a cooking license.
“In this case, it’s more fun to hide. If the student council or one the teachers bust in, I’ll show them my spectacular hotpot preparation. This is the plan: wait till then, and they will be so overwhelmed by the delicacy that they will tearfully grant special approval for our party! Flawless! Perfect!”
Though being scornful to anything bothersome, Haruhi could do anything well if she had to do it. So I guessed her cooking expertise definitely lived up to her words. But a hotpot? When had it been decided? The conversation had went up to the point when crab was decided to be no good, but she pretended to collect opinions and then suddenly reached the conclusion herself — well it’s not as if this was the first time. Forgive, and forget…
And so, that’s what happened yesterday. As I told Taniguchi a short version of this, we arrived at our school.
“Christmas Party…”
When we passed through the school gate, Taniguchi was still having trouble hiding his laughter.
“Those are definitely Suzumiya’s trademark actions. A hotpot party in the clubroom. Well, ma
ke sure that the teachers don’t find out! It’d turn into trouble again if they did.”
“Are you coming, then?”
Due to what we had discussed earlier, I tried to invite him. If it were Taniguchi, even Haruhi probably wouldn’t mind. He, Kunikida and Tsuruya-san had become the Filler Trio whenever we had a problem finding people.
However, Taniguchi shook his head.
“I am so sorry, Kyon. That day, I have no spare time for messing around eating some dumb hotpot! Wuahaha”
What on earth is that disgusting laugh about?
“Listen: gathering a group of strange pals and poking into a hotpot in a Christmas Party is only for unpopular geeks. I am very sorry, but I have bid my farewell to the group.”
Are you for real?
“Well, think of me as exactly the one beyond your imagination. I have already crafted a red heart mark on the 24th of my schedule! My apologies. My HEARTFELT apologies. I am SO, SOO SOOOORRY!”
What the hell is going on? How come that dumbass Taniguchi can land himself a girlfriend, while I’m playing mysterious games with Haruhi and the others in the SOS Brigade?
“Who is she?”
I asked, trying as hard as I could to not sound cynical.
“A tenth grader from Kouyouen. A safe bet isn’t it?”
Kouyouen Academy. The all-girls high school next to the station down the hill. It is located exactly at the starting point of our excruciating hike, so it is a common morning scene to see the Daimyo’s Parade of girls wearing black blazers as their uniform. The school is famous for its classy ladies, but even more enviable is that they do not need to walk the murderous slope. No, I wasn’t jealous of Taniguchi at all.
“What’s the problem? You have Haruhi already! Hotpot… And she’s making it, right? Hotpot as a self-made cuisine does sound a little dumb and cheap to me, but I’m sure it’ll fill you up. I’m jealous, Kyon!”
That bastard. He brought up Christmas Eve just to satisfy his desire to show off?
“Hmm, I guess it is about time to decide on some initial plans for where and how to spend the time. I am so troubled!”
I was losing my spirit, and my words.
After school, nothing special happened. Koizumi and I were chased around the clubroom putting up the new decorations Haruhi had brought. Haruhi gave commands and pointed around with her finger. Asahina-san, clad in a Santa outfit, was mascot-cum-tea-server. And today, Nagato was reading a hardcover book… while, once again, wearing the triangular hat on her head.
Then came the end of the day. The hotpot’s contents were still undecided. The only decision in the meantime was that I would be assigned as the carrier and sent outside for shopping. What on earth would that hotpot be? I’d rather not have a potluck, with its smell of sinister schemes.
This is too long for a prologue. However, the above really is just a prologue, nothing else. The real action comes from this point onwards, starting the next day. It might have started tonight, but it doesn’t really matter.
The next day was December 18, when even the mountain breezes were frozen. That day, I was thrown into the abyss of fear.
Let me say this in advance: it was no laughing matter.
Chapter 1
In the morning, I woke up under my sister’s usual killer blanket-strip-away move, together with the tri-colored cat that wrapped itself in the blanket beside me. This is my sister, the early-morning assassin who carried out Mom’s orders dutifully.
“Mom said you should eat some breakfast properly.”
Smiling, my sister held up the grudging cat from the bed with both arms, and brushed her nose against the back of its ears.
“Shami too! Time to eat!”
Shamisen, who had become our house pet after the Cultural Festival, yawned with a blank face and licked its front paw. The originally-talkative tri-colored male cat had completely lost its voice, and established its status in our home as merely a pet. It had become a nondescript cat found everywhere – as if I had hallucinated that this cat had ever spoken in human language, now that I thought about it. The cat is great and not fastidious: its purrs are seldom, close to absent, as if it has forgotten cat language along with human language. Somehow it made my room its bed, and thus grew silent to the frequent dropping by of my sister, who is avid in taking care of Shamisen.
“Shamiiii, Shamiiii. It is time to eat!”
Singing with lyrics that didn’t match the rhythm, my sister exited the room while hugging the cat with apparent effort. Getting goose bumps from the cold morning air, I glared down at the clock face for a short time. Finally I struggled up, abandoning the lingering affection for my warm bed.
Afterwards, I changed, washed, went down to the dining room, gulped down breakfast in five minutes, and exited the doorway much earlier than my sister. Today the weather was cold again, in good progress.
Until now, everything had proceeded normally.
I was climbing the usual slope when the familiar back-of-the-head was within sight. The figure ten meters or so in front of me was Taniguchi, no doubt. Usually, this guy gleefully bounces and jumps up the hiking path, but today he was definitely walking slowly. After a moment, I caught up with him.
“Hey, Taniguchi!”
It would be nice to take the initiative to pat him on the shoulder from time to time, I thought to myself, and did exactly that.
“…Hmm, Kyon?”
The voice was surely muffled. Of course; Taniguchi was wearing a white mask.
“What’s up? Got a cold?”
“Eh…?” Taniguchi looked worn out. “A cold, as you can see. To be honest, I would rather take absence, but my old man was noisy about it.”
He was so full of energy yesterday, but then suddenly caught a cold, I saw.
“What the hell? I was also feeling unwell yesterday! *Cough cough*”
Okay, don’t mess up my pace, just because I was not accustomed to seeing Taniguchi coughing and looking weak. But was he already close to being sick yesterday? I could only see the scatterbrain as usual.
“Hmm… Really? I did not intend to look well.”
Taniguchi tilted his head, and I gave a spiteful smile.
“You had been piping merrily about your Christmas Eve date, hadn’t you? Well, get well quickly, before the date! Such a chance rarely visits your door, you know!”
However, Taniguchi tilted his head even more.
“Date? What the hell? Idiot. I have no plans for Christmas Eve!”
The “What?” question should have come from me. What happened to his girlfriend at Kouyouen Girls High? Did he get dumped just last night?
“Hey, Kyon, what the hell are you talking about? I know nothing of this!”
Taniguchi grumpily shut his mouth, and turned to walk forward again. Every cold symptom seemed to be in effect, and his frailty did not look pretended. Moreover, judging from his condition, his date plans were surely toast, and he would just as surely be exhausted. With his pompous claims beforehand, it was definitely tearing his heart apart just to meet me face to face. I see, I see.
“Don’t look so grim!”
I pushed Taniguchi’s back.
“Why not join the Hotpot Party? We can still count you in now!”
“What hotpot? What party are you talking about? I don’t remember hearing such a thing…”
Oh, really? The shock was so great that whatever I said would fall on deaf ears for quite some time, I guessed. Let me be the one holding his hand then. Everything would be solved by the vast never-ending flow of time. I would not mention the matter anymore, I promise.
Taniguchi continued to drag himself up, and I also continued my climb slowly besides him.
It was still impossible for me to notice at that moment.
I was caught off guard: the cold had turned into an epidemic within Class 1-5 without me noticing. I got into the classroom just before the bell rang, but there were still a couple of empty seats, and one fifth of the whole class had caught the white mas
k fad. The only explanation was that all of them had double booked their cold’s incubation period and onset period.
I was even more surprised to find that the seat right behind me had been unoccupied since the first lesson.
“This is unbelievable…”
Was Haruhi taking sick leave? Was the cold that nasty and rampant this year? It is unbelievable that there are pathogens that exist which are courageous enough to invade her body, not to mention how unbelievable it is that Haruhi can be struck down by germs or viruses. The more convincing explanation was that Haruhi was preparing for some new scheme she had just thought of. Maybe there would be something else besides a hotpot?
The classroom ambiance was bleak, and it was not because there were no air-conditioners. A sudden increase in absentees. It even looked like the total population in Class 1-5 had somehow dropped.
It was true that I could not feel the overwhelming presence of Haruhi from behind. But at the same time, I also felt that the atmosphere had changed inexplicably.
Then came the lessons I took idly, after which, the lunch break smoothly followed.
As I was taking the stone cold lunchbox out of my bag, Kunikida approached with his lunch in one hand, and sat behind me.
“Seems like you are taking a break. Mind if I sit here?”
Kunikida said as he was unwrapping his Tupperware from its napkin. After becoming classmates in high school, it turned into half a habit to have lunch with this guy. I searched for my other lunch mate Taniguchi, but he was not in the classroom; perhaps he went to the school cafeteria.
I turned my chair sideways.
“Somehow the cold has suddenly turned so popular. Thank God I’m not infected, though.”
“Hmm?”
Volume 4 - The Disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi Page 2