by Kat Mizera
“Are we staying at your parents’ house?”
“In Savonlinna, yes.”
“Then I need underwear. Now go get that big pink suitcase down from the closet, please… You know, I might need a new one… We should go shopping…” She wandered out of the room, looking for a pen and paper so she could start making a list, ignoring Miikka’s laughter.
24
It was a long trip from Anchorage to Helsinki but Miikka had gotten them a hotel room there in the city so they could sleep, hopefully adjust to the time change, and have a few days alone before descending on his family. They slept fitfully the night they arrived and spent the next morning lazing in bed. Miikka had rented a car so they could go where they wanted at their leisure, and they had a blast exploring the city. Miikka had been there many times, of course, but usually for something hockey-related, so there were many places he hadn’t visited either. It was fun to explore them together and after three days, Charli couldn’t remember what her life had been like without him.
“My mother has a sad,” he announced after they’d been in Helsinki for four days.
“What?” She turned to him in confusion.
“I mean, my mother is sad,” he corrected himself.
“Why?”
“Because we’re in Helsinki still and not there with her. I don’t think she can stand not meeting you for another few days.”
“Oh, then let’s go,” she said with a smile. “I don’t want your mom to be sad.”
“But then honeymoon is over,” he said, his lips twitching.
She frowned. “Can we have sex at your mom’s house?”
“What? Yes, of course.” He looked horrified at the thought of anything else.
“Then the honeymoon definitely isn’t over.”
“So tomorrow to Savonlinna?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll call my mother…”
“Later.” She pulled him to her and sank down on the bed, dragging him on top of her. “Make love to me, Miikka.”
His blue eyes turned steel-gray as he lowered his mouth to hers, hovering just a fraction of an inch shy of her lips. “Making love to you is all I think about when we’re alone.”
Charli was a nervous wreck as they pulled up to the house Miikka had grown up in. He’d told her he’d paid for them to upgrade and add a second floor, so it was much bigger now than it had been then. The original house had probably been smaller than even Charli’s twelve-hundred-square-foot home, but it wasn’t that small anymore, with an attached garage, a large garden and beautiful landscaping.
A redheaded little boy of about ten came running out the front door before Miikka had even parked, throwing himself into Miikka’s arms the second he could. He spoke to Miikka in a torrent of nonstop Finnish, as if he’d been saving up everything he had to say and needed to get it out in the first minute he could. Miikka just laughed, nodding patiently before finally pulling Charli over to them.
“Char-lot, this is Leon. Leon, this is my girlfriend, Char-lot. Speak English.”
“English? You are American?” Leon’s eyes lit up as he smiled at her. “Do you play hockey? Do you like hockey? What do you—”
“Okay, enough.” Miikka scooped him up like he weighed nothing and carried him with one arm, holding Charli’s hand with the other.
“Miikka!” A petite woman with light brown hair and blue eyes just like Miikka’s came out the front door. She hugged both her sons tightly, murmuring something Charli couldn’t hear. But then she turned to Charli with a huge smile. “Hello! I’m Aada.”
“Hi. I’m Charlotte. But everyone calls me Charli.”
“Here, everyone calls me Aiti. Mom.”
Charli smiled. “I can call you whatever you prefer.”
“Aiti. It’s easier.” They walked inside the house and Miikka went to get their luggage.
“Aiti, can Miikka sleep in my room?” Leon asked his mother.
Aada shook her head. “Of course not. He’ll sleep in his room, with Charli.”
“Okay.” Leon reluctantly went into another room and Aada motioned for Charli to sit.
“Can I get you anything? How was your drive?”
“The drive today was great, about four hours, but flying to Helsinki from Anchorage was really long.”
“Yes, we visited two years ago and it was very long.” Aada smiled. “I’m so happy to meet you, Charli. Miikka has told us all about you.”
“He’s told me a lot about you as well.”
“We’re a close family,” she said, “although it appears I’m losing two of my children to America now.”
“Tara needs a change,” Charli said gently. “I think she’ll be back, though.”
“Well, children grow and manage their own lives. I knew from a young age Miikka would go far away to play hockey. He comes home in the summer so I don’t miss him too much, but of course, it’s never enough. The time difference makes it difficult to speak on the phone, but we text, so at least I know he’s okay.”
“I’ll do my best to take care of him for you,” Charli said with a smile.
“I just want him to be happy and it sounds like you’ve made him very happy.”
“He makes me happy, too.” She glanced over at him as he came back inside. He sank down on the couch next to her, sliding an arm around her shoulders.
“How long will you stay?” Aada asked him.
“Until you can’t stand us anymore or Charli has to go back to work,” he told her with a grin.
“You teach school?” Aada asked Charli.
Aada and Leon seemed to want to know everything about her and Charli didn’t mind spending the afternoon chatting. By the time Miikka’s father, Pekka, came home, Aada was making dinner and they moved to the kitchen. Miikka and Leon played and teased each other constantly, extremely close despite the age difference, and Charli loved watching them. Even when she only understood a quarter of what they said, there was no mistaking the love between them. Or how much Miikka loved kids. It was starting to worry her a little, because though it wasn’t on his radar right now, she had a feeling he wouldn’t be okay with her long-term decision not to have children. Which was something she was going to have to deal with.
“Charli, you try?” Leon held out a dish to her and she smiled.
“What is it?”
“It is a lettu! I love this!” Then he went off in Finnish, excitedly telling her about his favorite dessert. And while she didn’t understand most of it, Miikka laughed and translated as Charli dug in, agreeing the crepe-like dessert was delicious.
Aada and Pekka both spoke excellent English, so she didn’t have any complaints, even though Leon slipped into Finnish more often than not. He’d only started learning English in school the last couple of years so he struggled with it more than their parents.
“You’re okay?” Miikka whispered to her after dinner when Aada shooed them out of the kitchen.
“I’m wonderful. Your family is amazing.”
“You’re family now too,” he said softly, pulling her close. “Part of me.”
“You know, I fall more in love with you every single day,” she said under her breath, but he heard her.
“As do I.” He stroked her hair, moving it off her shoulders so he could press his lips to the side of her neck. “I didn’t think there was a woman like you out there for me, and then there you were.”
“I didn’t think there was any man out there for me, and then you came and changed my tire—and everything else.”
“Your flat tire changed both of our lives and nothing could make me happier.”
“I love you, Miikka.”
“Minäkin rakastan sinua.”
“I have to learn to say that.”
“I’ll teach you.”
They gazed into each other’s eyes until an indignant huff made them look down.
“What are you doing?” Leon was watching them with a distinct frown on his face.
“I’m kissing my girlfri
end,” Miikka responded, arching a brow at him.
“Why?”
“Because I love her and kissing makes me happy.”
“Do I have to kiss people?” Leon asked.
“Not for a few years.” Miikka winked and Charli bit back a laugh.
“Yök.” Yuck.
“I think I can guess what that means,” Charli said.
“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Miikka asked as they settled into their room.
“Whatever you want. I love your family and just want to spend time with them. What would you do if I wasn’t here?”
“A lot of hockey in the yard with Leon, maybe take him to the rink to show me his skating, see a few of my friends…” He shrugged. “My life here is very simple. I’m happy to take you to tourist places, though. I haven’t been inside Olavinlinna Castle since I was Leon’s age, so I could go again.”
“You want to take Leon with us?”
“Only if you want. I think my mother would come also. You know how it is, when you live somewhere, you don’t think about the tourist things, but now that you’re here, we can visit those places.”
“Like I said, I love your family, so we can spend as much time with them as you want.”
“This makes me happy.”
In the morning, Charli woke up alone and she rolled over to figure out the time. It was almost nine and her stomach rumbled a reminder that she was hungry. She hurriedly used the restroom and got dressed before making her way downstairs. The house was quiet but she heard laughter coming from outside and she padded to the back of the house, peering into the yard. Miikka and Leon were playing a version of field hockey, chasing each other and a small round ball around the yard.
Leon was fast and sneaky, darting around his older brother and scoring a goal as Miikka grabbed him and tossed him on the ground. The two laughed heartily as Miikka tickled him, and Charli felt the strangest pangs of yearning. For a child of her own. For the one she’d given away. For the family she’d never have.
“They’re so good together.” Aada came up behind her, following Charli’s gaze.
“Miikka seems to love everyone,” she said softly. “Especially children.”
“Yes. He’ll be a wonderful father someday.” Aada smiled. “Are you hungry? What can I get you?”
“You don’t have to fuss. I’m happy with coffee.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re my guest. Come.”
Charli followed her into the kitchen just as Miikka and Leon came back inside.
“Good morning.” Miikka leaned over to kiss her. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did. Thank you.”
“Good.” He rested his head on his mother’s shoulder. “What’s for breakfast?”
“You’ve already eaten,” she protested with a laugh.
“I just got done working out. I’m hungry.”
“Always.” Aada shook her head as Miikka sank down beside Charli.
She pulled out her phone and looked up. “Oh, is there Wi-Fi here? I didn’t turn on roaming on my phone for obvious reasons.”
“Yes. Here, let me put in the password.” He took her phone and typed it in before handing it back to her.
“Thanks.” She was surprised to hear it immediately start to buzz and beep, alerting her to text messages and voicemails.
“Just turn on the roaming,” he said. “I’ll pay the bill. It’s part of our vacation, and I don’t want you to miss anything important from home since we’re going to be here a while.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. Really, Kendra knows how to reach you—I gave her your number for emergencies—and that I’ll be checking my texts whenever I have Wi-Fi, so it’s not a big deal. I’m off work for the summer and I have my phone set for Wi-Fi calling.” She was just about to open her email when a notification popped up that made her freeze.
“What’s wrong?” Miikka was watching her with a concerned frown.
“Um…my mother called.”
“This is…not normal?”
“No.” She stared at the phone. “I don’t even know what to do with this.”
“Did she leave a message?”
“Yes.” She looked up at him. “I’m afraid to listen to it.”
25
Miikka had known Charli wasn’t close with her parents, but her hands shook a little as she held the phone in her hand without moving.
“You want me to listen?” he asked after a moment.
She swallowed. “Maybe I could put it on speaker and you can hold my hand.”
“Of course.” He settled into the chair next to her and pulled her closer to him instead of just holding her hand.
She pressed the button to access her voicemail and then the speakerphone button, setting the phone on her leg as her mother’s voice filled the room.
“Charlotte. It’s…Mom. I want you to know your father had a heart attack. It doesn’t look good. He’s asked for you. I don’t know if you’re able to come but it would mean a great deal to me if you could. Please, call me back.”
Charli didn’t move. She didn’t even seem to be breathing as she stared at nothing, her gaze fixed on a point on the wall.
“Char-lot?” He tightened his hold on her. “What do you want to do?”
“I…don’t know.” She finally looked at him. “Does she really expect me to just go to Kansas? I haven’t seen them in more than seven years.”
“You haven’t seen them since you were pregnant?” he asked in disbelief.
“No.” She shivered a little. “And now that he’s possibly dying, he wants to see me? Apologize or some such shit?”
“Maybe you go for you, not for him,” Miikka suggested gently.
“What do you mean?”
“Like… What’s the word? To close this portion of your life?”
“Closure,” she murmured. “I thought I had, but maybe not.”
“You go to maybe say what you wanted to say seven years ago. Maybe not to your father, since he’s not well, but to your mother, so she knows. You don’t just abandon your child because they made a mistake.”
“Paska,” she muttered.
“Let me get my computer,” he said gently. “I’ll get tickets. Where do you fly? Wichita?”
“Yes.” She was still staring at her phone. “Do I call her back?”
“Do you want to talk to her or do you just want to go?”
“I think I’d rather just go.” She paused. “But Miikka, you don’t have to come. Really. Don’t ruin your vacation with your family for me. This is going to be quick, in and out, and I’ll come back.”
He frowned. “Are you sure? Maybe it won’t be quick. Your father may be sick or in the hospital for a while and—”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said abruptly. “I’ll go to show them that I’m the bigger person, and maybe you’re right—it might be time to say my piece. But I’m not staying.”
“If he dies, there will be funeral, family events. It might not be so quick, hani.”
“All the more reason for you not to come. Believe me, my family in Kansas is a hot mess and I don’t plan to spend any more time there than necessary.”
“Then I’ll buy you a round-trip ticket but I’ll leave it open so you can book as soon as you’re ready to come back.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, resting her head against his chest. “I’m sorry about this. I really don’t want to go, but you’re probably right, that it’s time for me to get some closure.”
“And if you need me, I’ll be on the next flight, okay?” He kissed the top of her head before getting up to get his laptop.
Charli didn’t sleep on the flight to Wichita. Between her racing thoughts, changing planes in New York, and how much she was dreading this reunion, she was a mess by the time she landed. Her hope had been that she would be calm, cool and collected, and show her parents and everyone else how she’d done just fine without them, but the minute she set foot in the airport, memories came flooding back. The last time
she’d been in this airport, she’d been with her grandfather, moving to Alaska for the duration of her pregnancy. She’d been scared, heartbroken and sick to her stomach. The flight had been turbulent and she’d thrown up twice.
Being back in this airport made her feel like that all over again.
Miikka had thoughtfully reserved a rental car for her and she picked it up on autopilot, throwing her bag in the back and pulling onto streets that were somehow still familiar. She hadn’t had a car when she’d lived here, so although she’d had her license, she’d rarely driven anywhere. Now she navigated the streets comfortably, but it was almost surreal, being back in the area after so many years. And so many memories.
She’d grown up in a tiny town about half an hour outside of Wichita, and driving down the street she’d grown up on was even worse than being in the airport. It was so bad, she had to take a deep breath when she pulled into her parents’ driveway. There was a car parked on one side and lights on inside, but she sat there for a minute, working up the nerve to actually get out. She’d texted Miikka from the airport to let him know she’d landed safely, but it was the middle of the night in Finland and she didn’t want to wake him.
She regretted not letting him come with her, but she hadn’t wanted him to see what would undoubtedly be ugliness from her family. She also needed to sort this out herself, get herself on an even keel when it came to the past, because she didn’t want to let all of that negativity come between her and Miikka. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she wanted to be better, both for herself and for him.
Steeling her resolve, she grabbed her purse and got out of the car. She walked up the steps slowly, her heart starting to pound a little harder than usual, and she took a deep breath before knocking on the door.
There were footsteps from the other side and then her mother opened the door. “Yes, can I…” Her voice trailed off as recognition dawned and she stared.
“Hi, Mom.” Charli lifted her chin a notch, trying desperately to quell the bile rising in her throat. Why was this so hard?
“Charlotte.” Her mother’s face tightened slightly. “I didn’t hear from you. I didn’t think you were coming.”