by Hamel, B. B.
I couldn’t begin to understand what Luca went through.
But then again, no matter what, that didn’t excuse turning into a killer for the mob. I just couldn’t excuse it.
All afternoon, I went back and forth like that. One second, I wanted to understand him, and almost felt like I could become him if given similar choices.
Then the next, I wanted to scream at him, wanted to shout at him.
Then the next, I wanted him to strip me down, kiss my neck, and truly, really, finally take care of me.
It was maddening.
That night, I finally had enough and emerged from my room. I put on a pair of jeans and a button-down white and black polka dot blouse, pulled my hair into some semblance of shape, and went downstairs.
Only to find Luca standing near the front window, peering out between the curtains.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Don’s on his way,” he said.
“Right now?”
He nodded. “Coming to talk about the Jalisco. And what your next moves are.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling numb. “I, uh, why didn’t you tell me?”
He shook his head. “Just found out myself.” He turned back from the window and frowned in my direction. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said, looking away from him, remembering the way it felt when he’d kissed me.
“You don’t have to make any decisions, you know,” he said. “The Don will do that for you.”
I began to pace around the living room. “It’s not that simple,” I said. “You’re used to killing people. I just… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if you want to hurt the men… that want to hurt you.” He shook his head and let a breath out. “Come on, Clair. You’re still doing this?”
I stopped pacing and threw up my hands. “Stop acting like I’m being a silly child.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You’re looking at me like you think I’m a moron.”
He made an exasperated grunt and waved me away. “Come on. That’s bullshit. I don’t think you even believe it.”
“That, right there. It’s dismissive.”
“Fine,” he said, crossing his arms. “You want to talk about this for real?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
“I think you’re lucky as hell,” he said. “You live in a world where you don’t have to worry about making these decisions. You have your pretty little insulated life, all safe and comfortable with your loving mother, and you’ve never had to think about hurting someone before they get a chance to hurt you.”
“Why is it all about how we grew up with you?” I asked.
“Because that matters more than you’re willing to admit.” I could see a hint of anger in his eyes. “You had it easy, little princess. Losing a father is hard, but losing everything? You have no clue what that’s like.”
“If you want me to feel sorry for you, it’s not going to happen.”
He snorted and made a face. “I don’t want your pity,” he said. “I just want you to be realistic. The Jalisco want to kill you, Clair. Or at least they want to take you captive and torture you until you give them everything they want. These are not kind men, these are not gentle, nice men. If you think I’m a monster, then you’ll be truly terrified of what they’re willing to do for their cartel.”
“So I should compromise then?” I asked. “I should just accept that the Leone family isn’t so bad and order a bunch of men killed for my own selfish gain?”
“Pretty much,” he said.
“I’m tired of arguing with you,” I said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And you’re spoiled.” He shook his head and looked out the window like he was sick of me. “You’re just spoiled.”
I stood there, so angry I could barely believe it. I spread out my arms and wanted to yell at him, to call him an asshole, to try and get him to see that he was talking about taking human lives like they were nothing. But I knew that was never going to happen or change.
Luca and I were just too different.
“He’s here,” he said, his voice flat. “Best behavior.”
“Best behavior? I’m not some teenager you get to order around.”
He glanced back at me, his face slack and tired. “Then stop acting like one,” he said. “And start seeing the world for what it is, Clair. This is a fucked-up place and no amount of your convenient morality’s going to change that.”
There was a knock at the door then it pushed open. The bald man named Roberto came in first, glanced around the room, his eyes lingering on me for only a moment like I was a piece of furniture before landing on Luca. He stepped inside and crossed his arms as Uncle Luciano came in next, limping with his cane, wearing a comfortable cream sweater and a pair of khaki slacks.
“Good evening, good evening,” he said amiably. “How are you two doing this fine night?”
“I’m doing well, thank you, Don,” Luca said.
“And how are you, Clair?”
“I’m fine,” I said, turning my head away.
“Ah, I sense some tension.” Uncle Luciano chuckled. “Did we interrupt something?”
“No, Don, not at all,” Luca said. “Your niece here simply has some moral quandaries with what we do for a living.”
I looked back at Uncle Luciano, meeting his gaze. I refused to let myself be intimidated, even if he was one of the most terrifying men in the world.
“If she’s anything like her mother, I’m sure she’s been making sure you know exactly how she feels,” Uncle Luciano said with a soft chuckle. “Strong-willed women run in this family.”
“That’s one way of putting it, sir,” Luca said.
Uncle Luciano limped over toward the big, brown easy chair and lowered himself down into it with a sigh. He gestured at the couch and met my gaze. I hesitated then walked over and sat. Luca joined me, sitting close enough that his thigh touched mine. I wanted to push him away, but instead I sat still with my back straight and my eyes staring ahead.
“All right then, Luca,” Uncle Luciano said. “I understand you have a plan to take the fight to the Jalisco.”
“Steven brought it to me,” Luca said. “He heard of a safe house near Temple University. He thinks it might be a good spot to hit, might send them the right message.”
Uncle Luciano nodded. “I see, and I can understand why you might think that.”
“The girl is the real issue, sir,” Luca said. “I don’t want to leave her here, but I also don’t want Steven to make the hit without me. There might be important information there.”
“You want my permission to bring her along?”
“That’s right, sir.”
Uncle Luciano nodded his head and let out a grunt. “I see,” he said. “And what do you think of this plan, Clair?”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to see past his fake kindly grandfather exterior. “I don’t want people to die because of me,” I said.
Uncle Luciano snorted and shook his head. “Dear, they’re going to die whether you choose to allow Luca to go along or not. I’m going to hit that safe house one way or another. I would prefer it if Luca went along, since he has a lot of experience with this sort of thing, but I won’t force you into it.”
I looked from my uncle to Luca then back again. I shifted in my seat, trying to move my leg away from Luca’s, not trusting myself to touch him, not even a little bit.
“Is this really something we have to do?” I asked.
“It’ll help you,” Luca said, his voice low. “And I want to make sure you’re safe.”
“And you’re going to do it anyway,” I said. “Even if I say no, you’ll just send someone else.”
“That’s right,” Uncle Luciano said.
I stared at Luca then, looked into his dark, handsome eyes, at his full lips, and remembered the taste of him, the feel of him pressed up against me.
I had to look away. M
y heart raced, my hands trembled.
“Fine,” I said. “If you want to go, I won’t stop you.”
“Great,” Uncle Luciano said. “I’m glad we got this cleared up.”
I wanted to puke. I stared at the floor and shook, my mind spinning, my body light and dizzy. I knew I just made a choice, just crossed a line that I’d never be able to come back from, and it made me sick to my stomach.
But I couldn’t stop Luca. If he wanted to go and kill those men, I couldn’t stop him, not really.
And the truth is, some part of me hoped that Luca would do better, that he’d choose better. Some part me wanted him to decide on his own what was right and wrong, and that he’d want to stay home, want to avoid going out and getting into some unnecessary gunfight with men he didn’t even know.
It didn’t matter that they were trying to kill me, or capture me, or whatever it was they wanted.
I knew what was right and what was wrong.
“Now, we have one more thing to discuss,” Uncle Luciano said. “And truthfully dear, this is the real reason I came all the way out here.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“The matter of Fazio’s estate,” he said. “You’ll be signing some papers in the next few days. I have bank accounts set up in your name ready to accept the funds. My understanding is that this will be a substantial amount of money, and you’ll likely be very financially settled for the rest of your life, if you choose to do nothing but invest it wisely. I will put you in touch with my financial advisors and get a portfolio started for you, if that’s something you’d like.”
I nodded slowly and cleared my throat. “Ah, uh, yes, thank you,” I said. “I guess…. I should invest some of it. Right?” I glanced at Luca, but his face was flat and stony.
“Right,” Uncle Luciano said. “And for all this, I only ask one small payment.”
I went still and I noticed that Luca sat up straighter, like he was surprised. “Payment?” I asked.
Uncle Luciano spread his heads. “My dear, you can’t possibly think I’d give you all this out of the goodness of my heart? You and your mother spurned me, spurned the family. I’m a forgiving man, but I’m not stupid.”
“I thought… you just… I thought you just wanted to help.”
“I want property,” he said. “Three particular buildings in downtown Chicago. They are very expensive buildings, worth a lot of money, and I suspect they’ll only increase in value. I want to start a new wing of the Leone family out in Chicago, and I want these buildings to be the center of that new nexus of power. Do you understand?”
“I understand,” I said. “But I don’t know…”
“You don’t know what?” Uncle Luciano asked. “If you can pay me for my services? I can simply release you now, if you’d prefer. My understanding is that you already tried to get away once, and Luca here had to save your life. I wonder how you’d do without him around.”
Luca leaned forward. “Don, I believe she’s just surprised,” he said. “She didn’t expect this.”
Uncle Luciano held up a hand and gave Luca a frosty glare. “Don’t speak again,” he said, then looked at me. “This property is a fair trade. You give me these buildings, and I’ll make sure the rest of the money ends up in your hands, and I’ll even provide as much protection as you need.”
I leaned back and tried to keep calm. So this was what he wanted all along. This was the long game finally coming out. I knew it was going to be something, knew he wouldn’t just help me out of the goodness of his heart, but I wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted.
Now I knew. He wanted property, real estate, so he can start a new crime family in another city.
That bastard.
They’re all the same. They just want to use me. He’s not much better than the Jalisco, the only difference is he doesn’t need to torture me to get what he wants out of me.
“Two buildings,” I said. “Whichever two are worth less. I keep the best one.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I didn’t know this was a negotiation.”
“You want that property,” I said. “And I have a feeling you’ll bargain for it. Two buildings is better than none.”
“You’d be dead without me, girl,” he said, his voice lower and harsher than it had been a moment before.
“Probably,” I said. “What do you say?”
He glared at me, his expression cold and angry. I met his gaze and tried not to show how fast my heart beat in my chest.
Finally, he stood up. “Deal,” he said. “You have balls, niece, I’ll give you that. I suppose you get it from my side of the family and I shouldn’t be too surprised.”
“Thank you,” I said, leaning back, my voice softer and weaker than I had hoped.
Uncle Luciano limped across the living room, back toward the front door. Roberto opened it up and held it for him.
“Now, go take care of our Jalisco problem,” Uncle Luciano said. “And make sure you don’t give Luca any trouble. At the end of all this, I suspect we’re all going to be very rich and very happy.”
Uncle Luciano limped out the door and onto the porch. Roberto gave me a dirty, disgusted look, then followed my uncle outside, slamming the door behind him.
I sat in silence next to Luca for nearly a minute before he turned to me and put a hand on my knee.
“That was the most bad-ass thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he said.
I burst out into laughter. I didn’t know why, since nothing was funny, but I couldn’t help myself. I was sweating, my hands were shaking, and I thought I might throw up.
Luca grinned at me and stood, running a hand through his thick, dark hair. He paced across the room and turned to face me, his smile slipping off his lips.
“Are you sure about all this?” he asked.
“I don’t know if I have any other choice,” I said.
“You always have choices.”
I shook my head and leaned back on the couch. “And so do you. But you seem to think all your choices were made for you already.”
He glared at me, balling his hands into fists. “You keep making this about right and wrong. I don’t know why you think you know what’s best.”
“I know killing is wrong.”
“And I know killing is necessary sometimes.” He shook his head. “I’m going to go out there and kill for you, and you’re going to be sitting in that car, thinking I’m a monster.”
“Then don’t do it,” I said.
“I have to.”
“There you go. I guess you don’t have choices after all.”
He clenched his jaw. “You know how many people you just got killed?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Giving the Don that property in Chicago just guaranteed he’s going to push into that city and people are going to die. If you stood up and refused to give him anything, then maybe he’d never make that move, and lives would be saved. Are you a monster then, for letting him do it?”
I shook my head. “It’s different.”
“It’s not,” he said. “You’re forced into a shit position, so you’re making the best of it. Just like everyone else.” He shook his head and walked to the kitchen. “I’m going to call Steven and set this hit up. I’d go get changed if I were you.”
“Wait, you’re going to do it tonight?”
“Damn right,” he said. “Put on something black. Maybe something sexy.” He stormed into the kitchen without another word.
I sat there on the couch, body ringing as I digested his words. I got up slowly and felt like I’d just aged twenty years in ten minutes, like my whole world was coming apart at the seams and I was barely holding my stitching together.
I walked to the stairs, stared up them, and slowly climbed to my room.
13
Luca
Temple University was an oasis of lights in the middle of lower north Philadelphia. The buildings jutted up from the city like futuristic fungus, sepa
rate from the otherwise blighted buildings just on their outskirts. The school was almost an entire city in itself, separate from the rest of the city around it. North Philadelphia was not the safest place in the world, and had been plagued by gang violence and general economic collapse for years. Temple was one of the few bright spots, one of the few places that was actively hiring and bringing more money into the community.
In that sense, everyone in the area loved Temple. But they also hated how it drove up the cost of living, made rents more expensive for local folks trying to live their lives, made food more expensive, restaurants unattainable, and increased police presence all over the place.
I had a soft spot for Temple. I could remember coming up to the school when I was younger and hustling the stupid college kids. I used to sneak into frat parties, break into the bedrooms, and steal as much money as I could get my hands on. I got my ass kicked once or twice, but mostly I dished it out much more than I ever got it. Those were some fun days, back when I was young and reckless and carefree, but now we were headed to the school on much, much worse business.
I reached Cecil B. Moore Avenue and turned left, heading up the numbered streets. Clair moved restlessly in the passenger seat, staring at the houses as they flipped past.
“I’ve never been up here before,” she said.
“Really?” I asked. “You live in this city, and you’ve never been to Temple.”
“Never had a reason.”
“It’s a nice school. Lots of stupid kids to fuck with.”
She gave me a look. “Is that all you ever think about, how to take advantage of people?”
I laughed softly and shook my head. “Not at all,” I said. “I think about how to keep my friends safe. I think about how to help my family.”
“Oh, right, I forgot. You’re the consummate gangster.”
“We can’t have a single conversation where you don’t give me shit, can we?”
She opened her mouth then snapped it shut again. She adjusted her hair, tightened her bun, crossed her arms. She wore dark jeans and a black tank top, and I could see a hint of her cleavage between her arms, just enough to get my heart beating fast.