by Willa Okati
“We have the proof of it right here.” Brandon slid the letter back into place. “I don’t know what strange magic is in this box, but it seems to me that we’ve been repeating someone else’s lives down to the very last detail.” He paused. “Perhaps we’re this couple reincarnated.”
“You believe in that shit?” Luke scoffed. He took the bacon out of the frying pan and laid it on a couple of folded paper towels to soak up the grease. On impulse, he grabbed two slices of thick Texas toast and threw them in, grilling the bread.
“Luke, right now I don’t know what to believe. Do you have a better explanation?”
Knives made a satisfying sort of crunch when they sliced through lettuce. Luke hacked at the head of leafy green matter he had before him, and shook his head. “I don’t,” he said tightly. “Go on. Pick another one.”
“Just as you say.” Brandon went through the motions again.
“One closer to the end,” Luke hastened to add. He didn’t need to hear every single detail of his and Brandon—no, this older couple’s—lives. He’d lived it once, he suspected, and this was painful enough all on its own. “You find one that looks all right to read?”
“I believe so.” Although his back was turned now, poking at the bacon again, Luke could almost see Brandon adjusting his glasses. “Dearest Luke—I know that this will be one of the last letters that I write to you. I can still scarcely believe my good luck, but you’ll be moving in with me soon. I would never have believed it when I met you, but you and I are finally brave enough to admit our love. There will be some who’ll never speak to us again, it’s true, but there are plenty who’ll find our company even more appealing. Not that I suggest we start going to that sort of bar or party circuit. No, I refer to friends of ours who have the same inclinations, the sort through which we met.
“My family is not best pleased, having wanted grandchildren from me, but after some arguments—I must be honest with you in all things—they have agreed not to badger me about my decision. Father was the worst, but in the end even he subsided. I don’t think it’s the color of your skin, dearest, have no worries about that. And we’ll deal with the crossing of that bridge when we come to it.
“To think, though, that soon you and I will be sharing our rooms together! I’ve already begun getting things set in order. The bed is big enough for two, if we lie cozily, which I am certain you will not mind. I’ve found an old crazy quilt in the attic, and had it laundered so that it’s fresh and smells of clean soap. A pillow, soft and downy, for you to lie your head on. There’s a shelf all cleared out for your paperbacks, and dresser drawers cleaned out for your personal belongings. I’ve even emptied out half of the closet for your clothes. You see how anxious I am that you should come and be with me? Live by my side?
“Luke, I am counting down the days. Soon, we’ll be together for good.”
Luke heard the rustle of the letter closing. Brandon was silent except for the sound of his sipping at a glass of ice water, soothing his throat. “Go on,” Luke said harshly. “Tell me that’s not exactly the way things went down.”
“I can’t. Those are my exact thoughts when I was preparing this place for you to move in. My parents’ precise reaction. Everything’s the same, down to the community of friends who would accept us and the reality that some townsfolk would not.”
“And the color of my skin?” Luke sliced tomatoes with more force than he really had to, chopping thick red slabs of juicy vegetable. “What did you think about that?”
“You knew—know—I’d adore you if you were purple. Black and white make no difference whatsoever to me, except to admire the way we look—looked—together, when we were in bed. Creamy chocolate and smooth vanilla. We are—were—beautiful.”
“I know.” Luke knew his voice was hoarse. He rescued the bread, wincing as it burned his fingers, and laid it down on the plate. Adding the bacon, tomato, lettuce and cheese, he sliced the thing diagonally and took a deep breath. Suddenly, he had no appetite, no matter how delicious the food looked. “How many more are there?”
“About half. I skipped to somewhere in the middle.”
“Go on further, then. Close to the end.”
“Very well.” Brandon’s fingers danced over the tops of the letters as he made his next selection. Carrying the plate to the table, Luke arrived just as Brandon was drawing one out. He put the sandwich between them. “This one should do. It’s very close to the end.”
“Not the last one.”
“Not yet.” Brandon gave Luke a cryptic look over his glasses. “I thought to save the last for the last.”
“All right.” Luke glanced up at the clock. Had it really taken him that long to throw a sandwich together? “Go on.”
Brandon nodded. “I won’t touch the food just yet,” he said apologetically. “The fragile paper…and grease…”
“You don’t mind if I do?” The thought wasn’t appealing, but Luke didn’t like letting things go to waste. He picked up his half of the sandwich and took a bite. It was good, savory and crispy. Licking his lips, he swallowed. “Hurry on up and read before yours gets cold.”
In answer, Brandon drew the letter out of its envelope.
“Dear Luke,” he began. “Please, my love, tell me this isn’t so. You’ve decided to move on, and I cannot for the life of me understand why you’ve chosen to leave me behind. After all that we’ve shared, it seems unbelievable that you would part the ways of our pleasant company. I realize that you’ve been offered a position that is beyond your wildest dreams, but you make decent wages where you are now, and you’re well-respected. More than that, I am here, and I know you love me still.
“Please, Luke. Do not let this be our goodbye.”
Brandon closed the letter. He put it back in the box, picked up his half of the sandwich, and bit savagely into it. Luke tried to read Brandon’s expression, but couldn’t. “Babe…” he started.
Brandon swallowed and glared up at Luke. “Don’t call me that. You’ve forfeited all right to any pet names.”
“Not because I…” Luke stopped, putting his head in his hands. “That’s how you feel, isn’t it? The way it’s written down in the letter. All this time you’ve been so reasonable and practical, but inside you’ve been dying because I was going away.” He looked up. “Is that the truth, Brandon? That’s what’s going on inside your head?”
Brandon turned his head away. It was all the confirmation Luke needed. He reached out for Brandon’s hand. “If I’d known, it would have made a big difference. I would have thought twice, maybe three times. Possibly even made another choice.”
“You were so full of joy at the thought of moving up in the world,” Brandon said distantly. “I couldn’t keep you here. Wouldn’t stop you from following your star, even if it led you away from my side. I’d never ask you to sacrifice your happiness for mine.”
“Out loud. Brandon, these letters have been right on the money so far. You’re telling me that now they’ve made a mistake?”
Brandon’s hand tightened into a fist.
“No. All right? Is that what you wanted to hear? Yes, I thought I would die when you decided to leave me. Every second of every day since you’ve made your choice, I’ve been aching to do anything it took to make you stay. Do you have any idea what that feels like, Luke? A little bit of me died every time you made a call or referenced that damned job. You were walking away from me piece by piece, the love of my life fading away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Stop you.” He shook his head. “Or I wouldn’t. You seemed so happy. Glad to leave me.”
“Babe, I was never happy over the thought of leaving you.” Luke held on tight to Brandon’s hand. “You don’t think it drove me crazy, too? That I didn’t want to pack you in my suitcase and take you up North with me?”
“Then why in God’s name didn’t you ever say anything after we’d had our first discussions? If the thoughts lingered as a question in your mind, why didn’t you bring them up?”
The two men fell silent. Luke took another bite of his sandwich, although it tasted like dust and ashes to him now. He didn’t let go of Brandon’s hand. He chewed and choked the bit of meat and bread down, then heaved a deep sigh.
“I’ve been a damn fool,” he said quietly. “Go on, Brandon. Read the last letter.”
“Is there really any need?” Brandon fired back. “It’ll likely just be a missive from me wishing you well in your new life.”
Luke frowned slowly. “I don’t think so. Consider this for a second, babe. All those letters are written to me—I mean, this other Luke—but they were found here, in this attic. They’ve all been mailed, postmarked and all. Don’t you think that means…”
“I don’t want to think about what that means. Not when you’re leaving in the morning.”
“Finish the job,” Luke pushed. “Read the last letter in the box. I want to know how this ends.”
Brandon took a deep breath. Finally, he nodded and reached for the very last missive in the box, pulling it out. “The envelope hasn’t been opened,” he said just as Luke noticed the fact. “What do you suppose that means?”
“I don’t know,” Luke answered honestly. “Maybe that there was no need for it.”
“Should I…?”
“No more violation of privacy than what we’ve done already. And we have to know how this ends up, Brandon.” Luke didn’t know why this was so important to him—or he didn’t want to know—but it was. “Open it up.”
Brandon sighed. “Hand me the letter opener from that drawer in the middle? I think you can reach it from where you’re sitting.”
Luke could, and passed the long piece of faux silver over. Brandon took it without a word and inserted the end into the envelope. The slicing sound of the envelope opening was loud as a sword tearing through flesh, making both of them wince.
Brandon drew out the letter, unfolded it, and stared at the contents. He put one hand up to cover his mouth.
“Well?” Luke asked, leaning forward. “Don’t, now. Don’t stop. Tell me what this letter says.”
Blinking rapidly, Brandon began to read. “Dearest Luke—Before now, I had thought I could never be sorrier. You were about to leave, and there was nothing I could or would do to stop you, you were so happy. But then, a miracle. I’ll say nothing of the box of letters we found in the attic of this house, except to let you know how grateful I am that we came across them. Who this other Luke and Brandon are, they who lived in the 1800’s, I’ve no idea, but I’m glad as I can be that they left us a written record. You stayed the night through when you were supposed to have gone, and now as the daylight breaks I know that you will stay. Do you hear me, Luke? You’ll stay, by my side, where you belong, as we both well know. And now I think I could never be happier…each day with you is a gladder one than that which came before…”
Brandon cast the letter down on the table. Luke snatched the paper up and read the words for himself. “Babe,” he said in a low voice. “Babe.”
“Don’t,” Brandon managed to say. “Please, Luke.”
“I have to. This changes everything. Even if I still can’t believe it’s true.” Luke carefully folded the letter. “I have to make some phone calls, babe. I need to know about something. You’ll be here? You’ll wait for me and not rush off while I do this?”
“How could I?” Brandon spread his hands wide. “You’ve heard what the letters have to say, and by whatever magic, they’re all the truth. No, I don’t want you to go. If you stayed, I’d be the gladdest man alive. But I still won’t stop you, not if you truly want to go. I—”
Luke leaned over the table and kissed Brandon, sealing their lips together in an embrace that felt at once familiar and brand-new, sending thrills of sensation through his body and down into the pit of his stomach. “I’m not saying anything just yet. Wait right here for me though. Promise?”
Brandon drew in a deep and shaky breath. “For you, I promise. But beyond that, I can’t give you my word on anything. I don’t know where we stand right now, you and I.”
“That’s fair enough. I can’t ask for more.” Luke stood, the muscles in his legs shaky. He made his way to the phone and dug an address book out of his pocket. “Just a couple of phone calls. Then we’ll know what’s what.”
Although what he’d do depending on the answers he got, he didn’t know.
Chapter Three
Sometimes, like a letter, phones can bring good news or they can bring bad tidings. Or they can lead you toward choices you hoped you’d never have to make. Decisions you didn’t want. A road that splits two ways. Do you go left, or do you go right?
Tick-tock, it’s on the clock, and it’s down to me now. I know what I have to do.
Luke hung up the phone and stood still for a moment, his breath coming short and shallow. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done, but how could he have acted otherwise? He’d had no other alternatives. The letters…while he still wasn’t sure this wasn’t some elaborate hoax, they’d been so accurate, and they’d told him which direction to head.
He’d had to be sure, though, so he’d called the company headquarters in New York. They were a twenty-four-hour operation, and the nighttime head honcho had been there, with Luke’s new personnel records at his disposal and the clout to make decisions.
Luke replayed the conversation in his mind:
“You can’t be serious. This is a child’s game, refusing to take your next step up the ladder because you’re too attached to your friends and family. Surely they understand this is the best thing for you and your career as a software development engineer.”
“It’s not just my family and friends.” Luke had twisted the phone cord around his fingers again—his own nervous habit. “It’s my partner. Sir. I don’t think we should split up. It’s been a hard choice to make, but—”
“Partner? You mean your wife, or your girl?”
Luke had bitten his lip. “No. My partner. My boyfriend, my man.”
“I see.” Pause. “Well, what you do on your own time is none of the company’s business. And if you’re so attached to him, why not bring him up North with you?”
“His life is here. Sir.”
“And so you’re just going to throw it all away, after you’ve signed papers and been officially hired? After you’ve done all this traveling and bought your final plane ticket out? I’ll bet you’ve even packed.”
“I have. Sir. But the fact is, I want to stay.”
“I see.” Pause. Luke heard the man’s breathing rasping down the line, and a rattle of papers. “Is it the money? We don’t generally give out salary increases until after the first year in employ, but I can offer you one thousand more bi-annually. There’s a note in the file that authorizes me to extend this to you if necessary.”
Luke had shaken his head. “Sir. I can’t. Sir.”
“This isn’t the army, you know.” The night manager had grown irritable. “Look, you’re throwing away the chance of a lifetime. Bring your ‘man’ up here and settle in. Wait and see, in no time at all you’ll both have settled in. There’s a healthy lifestyle for your type up here.”
“My ‘type’, sir?”
An exasperated noise. “You know very well what I mean. I’m trying my best to sweet-talk you into honoring your commitment, but you seem determined to break faith with us.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing, sir. I’m honoring a previous commitment by keeping faith with the promises I made a long time ago.”
“You know, you’re not indispensable. We can find someone else to take your place.” The voice grew threatening. “If you say ‘no’ one more, time, I’m going to have to take this as a refusal of employment and you will no longer have a job with us.”
Oh, God. “Thank you for your generous offer, but I decline.” Briefly, Luke bid the corner office and all the technical equipment he’d been salivating over goodbye. “I appreciate how kind your company has be
en to me. Sir.”
“Well, if that’s the attitude you want to take, then fine. Your loss. We still hold the copyright to your language development software, though, you might want to know, and you’re forfeiting your right to any profit made from sales.”
“Some things are worth more than money. Sir. Sir?”
The line had gone dead, and after listening to the dial tone for a few moments, Luke had hung up. He stood there now, hearing his heart beat in his ears, realizing he was breathing way too fast. He took a few long, slow drags, holding the good air in until he settled down.
Then he turned around, walked out to the living room, and sat on the small hexagonal coffee table facing Brandon. His lover sat on their small couch, his legs drawn up underneath him in a heron-like position. His arms rested on his knees, and one hand was placed over his chin. “Well?”