Kat was no shrinking violet. She’d had four lovers with whom she’d enjoyed some decent sex. Nonetheless, whenever she thought about sex or variations of the act with Carter, Kat couldn’t help but think that he would blast her past sexual experiences out of the water. He was so commanding and passionate that Kat had no doubt he would be the exact same way in the bedroom.
She wanted him to command her, claim her, fuck her—
She placed a hand over her mouth, surprised by her shamelessly indecent thoughts.
Carter wanted her; he’d told her so. But was that all? Was it just about a hot, passionate fuck to him? Kat was desperate to find out. Law of averages suggested that men like Carter weren’t relationship material and were more than likely to run in the opposite direction at the sound of the word “monogamy.”
Kat blinked at her reflection in the window of the Lexus.
Was she truly thinking about a relationship with Carter?
As in, like, long-term?
Yes. Yes, she was.
Can I call you tomorrow, Carter?
Anytime.
“We’re here, Katherine.” Eva’s voice broke into Kat’s daydream, and she looked up to see that, sure enough, they were parked on the stone drive of Nana Boo’s estate.
The house was as beautiful and imposing as Kat remembered. A wide smile pulled her face when the huge oak front door opened, and Nana Boo appeared with her black-and-white dog, Reggie, pushing to get past her. Jumping from the car, Kat slapped her thighs and whistled. Reggie dashed toward her, barking happily and wagging his tail like a damn whip. He jumped up, tongue slobbering.
“Reggie!” Nana Boo chided. “Get down!”
The dog immediately obeyed with a sheepish glance toward his mistress. Kat laughed and hurried over to her grandmother, who threw her arms around her, squeezing tightly. She smelled of peppermint and lavender.
“Oh, my darling girl,” Nana said softly. Kat clutched tighter at her grandmother’s words.
Small, wrinkled hands cupped Kat’s face. Her grandmother’s sparkling green eyes emitted nothing but love and warmth, and Kat was instantly calmer, reassured. Nana Boo always had a way of making her feel better. It was a grandmother’s gift.
Eva hugged her mother hard before they all made their way into the house.
Nana Boo had organized food and drinks to be served the following evening for the thirty or so people invited. Ben would be there, along with his wife, Abby, and his mother and father, colleagues of her father and numerous members of several charities Kat’s father had contributed to or supported, as well as Beth and Adam.
Kat continued to suspect there was still something going on with her best friend and, despite Beth’s words to the contrary, a part of her worried she herself had done something very wrong to upset her.
She lifted her bags onto the bed of her childhood room and tried to ignore the uneasy foreboding sensation lurching in her stomach.
19
The following afternoon, the house was filled. Serving staff offered entrees and champagne while Kat watched her mother float effortlessly from one person to the next, her smile fixed and her manner easy. Having grown up in a political family and been married to one of the youngest senators in the country, Eva could work a room with the best of them.
Ben, Abby, Beth, and Adam had arrived to a whirlwind of kisses and hugs from her and Nana Boo. As Kat watched them all exchange pleasantries, she was struck with how familiar Beth and her mother had seemingly become. She’d noticed it during her birthday dinner, but now, seeing the two women embrace and talk quietly, it appeared that, somewhere along the line, they’d become friends.
“How are you?” Kat asked, kissing Beth on the cheek.
“Good,” Beth said as she glanced at her fiancé, who was looking decidedly uncomfortable. “And you? Any news?”
“Nothing exciting.” Kat toed the floor, her face heating under the scrutiny of her friend.
“Something you wanna share?” Beth inquired with a tilt of her head.
“Not right now,” Kat said firmly, but followed it with a small smile, trying like hell to take the defensiveness out of her tone. She wasn’t sure it worked. She so wanted to share with Beth, with all of them. But something—something that made her turn cold—stopped her.
Nana Boo was the only person she trusted implicitly with her true feelings for Carter. The quiet and covert conversation with her grandmother the previous night when Eva and Harrison had gone to bed had been wholly different from the ones with her mother and Beth. It had been easy, open, and filled with laughter. Nana regaled Kat with the latest gossip from the bridge club and the handsome new guy, Roger, who was her new golfing partner.
“He’s rough and ready,” Nana had explained with a laugh. “Which I like.”
Kat had curled up on the sofa with a chamomile tea and let herself get swept away by the soft tones and gentle words of her grandmother. She loved how Nana Boo knew what to say to make her smile, and the enthusiasm that the old lady exuded started to chase away the dark anxiety that had resided in Kat since the trip began. Kat heard herself laugh, and her smile was entirely genuine as Nana detailed her distaste for the new lady who had joined her salsa class.
“A floozy, darling, plain and simple” was her no-holds-barred description of the newly widowed Ms. Harper. “So,” Nana Boo had said, smiling. “What’s new with you? I’ve missed you.”
Kat had sighed and plucked at a loose cotton thread at the bottom of her sweatpants. “I’ve missed you, too, Nana,” she’d confessed. “I’m . . . I’m all right. Busy.”
Nana had hummed and sighed gently. “Kat, I know when my only granddaughter is not herself.”
Kat had laughed without humor and wrapped her free arm around herself. “It’s complicated.”
“What aspects of life aren’t?” Nana had asked with a smile. “Darling, I love you very much, and I want to help if I can.”
“Thank you.”
“I know your mother worries, Kat. It’s her prerogative.”
“I know,” Kat had answered with an exasperated sigh. “But she worries too much. I’m an adult, Nana. I can make my own decisions. I can look after myself.”
“I don’t doubt that, my darling. You were always so strong. So like your father.”
“And stubborn like my mother?” Kat had asked wryly.
Nana Boo had laughed. “Without a doubt.” She’d been silent for a beat. “I know your job causes your mother great concern, but I am so very proud of you. I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything. You have my absolute confidence, angel.”
Kat had closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the sofa, knowing the truth of her words. “I . . . I’m . . .” Kat had clapped a warm palm to her forehead in an effort to ease the throbbing persisting at the backs of her eyes. “God, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Start at the beginning,” Nana Boo had encouraged.
So Kat had. Nana had been excited to learn about Arthur Kill and Kat’s study sessions with Carter. She’d been surprised, to say the very least, when she heard about the man who was slowly stealing his way into Kat’s heart, but, being an old romantic, Nana Boo had promised to be there for her every step of the way—going so far as to invite them both to Chicago for Thanksgiving.
“I want to meet the man who has brought that smile back to your face,” Nana Boo had said tearfully.
Kat wasn’t sure that she and Carter were anywhere near the meeting-the-family stage quite yet, but she’d offered to think about it. She couldn’t begin to express how much her Nana’s support and confidence meant to her. Words just didn’t seem adequate.
“Just promise me that you’ll try to talk to your mother, Kat,” she had said. “You don’t need to tell her everything, just try.”
“I promise,” Kat had conceded.
But when she’d brought up the subject of her job in conversation that morning, Kat had been met with huffs and tapping fingers. Eva inte
rjected continuously with disagreeable and venomous comments. Her tone had been condescending and dismissive at best and Kat’s patience had begun to dwindle even further. Something was about ready to give. Kat was sick of the whole it’s-oh-so-dangerous spiel. Just once she’d like to be treated like an adult. She wanted understanding, not judgment.
As the celebrations continued, the bland, polite conversation began in earnest among Beth, Adam, and Eva, while Kat stayed at the side of the room, smiling politely at those who approached and spoke so respectfully of her father. As much as she wanted to be sociable, Kat couldn’t find it in herself. The inexplicable distance between her and Beth, mixed with the exasperated glances from her mother, made her heart ache.
“—outside the prison with that cretin, Carter.” Eva spat Carter’s name as if it were a dirty word, pricking Kat’s ears and dragging her from her safe spot by the wall into the conversation.
“Mom, he’s not—” Kat began, but stopped when three sets of disapproving eyes landed on her.
The heaviness in her stomach began to spread and she wondered why, when surrounded by her family and friends, she felt so alone. Carter’s voice was all she wanted to hear. She needed to talk to him and take comfort in his no-bullshit honesty, to be assured that the risks she was willing to take with him would be worth it.
“Never mind,” she muttered before excusing herself and hurrying up the stairs to the bathroom, with Reggie close on her heels. Leaving the dog in the hallway, Kat closed the door and leaned her forehead against it.
Jesus, it was like being suffocated. She wanted her father. She wanted to see his face, hear his calm, patient voice, and smell his warm, deep cherry scent. He’d know what to say to make it right. He always did. Either that or he would squeeze her to his chest so hard she would forget what she was so upset about in the first place.
The tears threatened to spill, but it wasn’t the time.
Going to the messages on her cell, she typed a quick one to Carter. Kat’s thumbs flew over the screen.
Are you busy? Wanna talk?
The knock at the door of the bathroom coincided with Kat’s thumb pressing the send button. Opening the door slowly, she wasn’t surprised to see Beth standing on the other side.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Beth replied. “You all right?”
No more bullshit. Cards on the table. “No.”
Beth’s eyes dropped to the floor. “I didn’t think so.”
Kat lifted her shoulders in question. “What’s going on, Beth?” she asked. “I mean, I feel like I’m missing something. You were so supportive when I started at Kill. You sat with me while I spilled my guts to you about Carter, and now— I don’t know.”
“It’s . . . difficult to explain.”
“What’s difficult? I thought you were on my side. Is this because of Austin?”
Beth’s head shot up.
Kat closed her eyes in regret. “I’m sorry if I led him on, but we only kissed that once, and I was clear that we should take it slow, if at all. I’m so confused with everything. I didn’t—”
Beth’s face flashed with incredulity. “Are you—are you sleeping with Carter?”
Kat’s temper flared. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I’m not.”
“This is getting out of hand, Kat. Do you even know him?” Beth continued, becoming vehement. “I mean, has he told you about all the times he’s been in jail, told you the reasons why?”
“How the—”
“Your mom’s right. You’re putting yourself in danger, your work, your—”
“You don’t know him. He’s different.”
“Oh, Katherine, please.” Beth crossed her arms. “That’s lust talking, nothing more.”
“Don’t speak to me like I’m a child, Beth,” Kat snapped, moving closer. “I get enough of that from my mother. I don’t need it from my friend.”
“I’m speaking to you like a child because you’re acting like one, and because I love you and want what’s best for you, and because I’ve held my tongue for too long. He’s. Your. Student, Kat, and a criminal. You’re putting your whole career on the line for a stupid crush that’s going nowhere.”
“And what the hell would you know?” Kat’s voice burst from her louder than she intended.
“I know a damn sight more than you,” Beth replied tellingly.
“Then why don’t you enlighten me, huh?”
“Everything okay here?” Adam’s concerned voice came from the top of the stairs.
“No,” Kat retorted.
Adam glanced nervously at his fiancée, who looked back with a tiny shake of her head.
Kat’s hands rested firmly on her hips while her eyes flicked between them. “It seems I’m a little out of the loop here. Is someone gonna tell me what the hell’s going on?”
Adam placed his hand in Beth’s. His eyes were determined yet cautious as he took a deep breath and said, “He’s my cousin.”
Kat saw Beth’s stare drop to the floor. “Who’s your cousin?” she asked impatiently.
As Adam opened his mouth to answer, Kat’s phone began singing in her hand. She grimaced and glanced at the screen.
Carter.
Adam reached out to tap her cell phone with his finger. “He is my cousin.”
Kat slowly pressed decline as Adam’s words buzzed in her head, her brain trying to make sense of them, to put them in an order that she could understand.
Carter was Adam’s cousin.
They were related.
But that would mean . . .
“Oh, God.” Kat swayed and grabbed on to the doorframe.
Austin.
Beth reached for her, but Kat pulled her arm out of her grasp.
Beth immediately appeared contrite. “I wanted to tell you, but—”
“You knew,” Kat whispered. Her head throbbed with an emotion so heavy it almost brought her to her knees. “When I told you about kissing Carter. You knew.”
Adam nearly choked. “You kissed him?”
“Yes,” Beth answered resolutely. She placed a hand on Adam’s chest but kept her eyes on Kat. “I did know. Adam told me. But, Kat, it wasn’t my place.”
“Bullshit!” Kat’s palm slapped the door of the bathroom. All the pieces began to fall into place: the distance between her and Beth, the loaded looks between Adam and Austin when she told them where she worked and about Carter’s parole. Their deceitfulness screamed through her.
“You could have told me at any time; you both could have,” Kat seethed. “And Austin! But you all chose not to because, like every other person in my life, you treat me like a kid who doesn’t know any better.”
“I thought you’d get over it,” Beth protested. “I thought you’d move on before you got in too deep. We all thought if you gave Austin a chance—”
“Wait. ‘We’?”
“Adam told me Carter’s done some serious shit. He’s bad news and he’s your student, Kat. Do you not understand the ramifications of that? You kissed your student!”
“Yeah, I did. Twice,” Kat exploded. “And I fucking enjoyed it.”
“Katherine!”
All three of them turned to see Eva standing with a look of disgust directed straight at Kat. “You—you kissed that . . . that man?” she asked, her voice dangerously quiet.
Breathless and trying to numb out the shame of what she was about to do, Kat pushed past Beth and Adam, and headed to her bedroom. The smothering was reaching epic proportions, and the hammering in her brain was sending her almost hysterical. We? They’d all known, all tried to keep her away from Carter. The new friendship between her mother and Beth, the persistence of Austin. It all made sense now. She suddenly felt sick.
“I need to get out of here,” she muttered, bursting into the room and grabbing at her bag, throwing in her toiletries and clothes from the day before. Hoisting it over her shoulder, she turned and almost fell over her mother standing in the doorway.
“Where are
you going?” Eva eyed the bag and the white-knuckle grip Kat had on it.
“I’m sorry, but I need . . . I need to get out of here, Mom,” Kat answered, avoiding the gaze she knew would make her feel tiny and shitty all at the same time. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Eva spluttered. “You’re not going anywhere. You will stand there and explain to me just what the hell has been going on!”
But Kat knew she couldn’t, wouldn’t explain. She couldn’t be around people, much less the people who refused to understand—people who lied to her and treated her as if she were stupid. There was too much to process, too many questions with no answers. She needed to be alone.
“I can’t, Mom. I have to go . . . just for tonight.” It was a lie. Kat knew it as soon as the words left her mouth. Her plan was to get into a car and not stop until the gas ran out.
“I won’t allow it, Katherine. You will put that bag down, pull yourself together, and apologize to Beth. How dare you behave this way.”
Kat barked a sardonic laugh. “Apologize? Me? I have nothing to apologize for!”
“Enough! From what I’ve heard tonight,” Eva said in a low voice, “there are plenty of things you need to apologize for.” Her eyes widened with disbelief. “My God, Katherine, what the hell were you thinking? He’s dangerous.”
Kat gripped her temples. “Oh my God!”
“He’s just like those creatures that killed your father: evil, heartless. Is that who you want to be with? Do you understand how much you’re hurting me? How much you’d hurt your father if he were here?”
Kat’s breath caught hard. She stared hopelessly at her mother. Her eyes began to sting with furious tears. “I’m sorry I’ve let you down.” She moved around her, holding in her sobs. “I need to get out of here.”
Eva grabbed her arm. “You are not leaving. You are here for your father!”
That lit the fuse. “I know why I’m here, Mom,” Kat shrieked. “I was there the night those creatures fucking killed him, remember?”
A Pound of Flesh Page 19