by Mandy Magro
She loved the way a camera operated like a human eye. The aperture was the pupil, which allowed light in, while the shutter was the eyelid, determining the speed at which the light entered – and for how long. It never ceased to amaze her, the way she could capture a single moment and suspend it in a photograph forever.
‘Here we are,’ Aden said chirpily as they pulled into the car park of the local shopping centre.
Kirsty sighed loudly, glancing about to see if she was familiar with any of the cars or four-wheel drives already parked there. In a small community like Hidden Valley, it was common to know what most of the locals drove, although there were quite a few new residents who had moved here while she’d been away because of the mining boom. She was relieved to discover that none rang any bells. ‘Right then, let’s go find me some hair.’
Aden slipped off his hat, reached over and planted a kiss on her cheek. ‘You look beautiful as you are, you know. If you don’t want to do this today we don’t have to.’
Kirsty undid her seatbelt and began gruffly tying her scarf around her head. ‘You don’t have to say things like that just to make me feel better, Aden. I do know what I look like. I see myself in the mirror every day and the mirror tells the truth. I look terrible without hair. Stop being so damn nice all the time.’ The second the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them.
Aden placed his hand on Kirsty’s leg, circling his thumb around her knee. ‘I’m not lying to you, K, I mean it. You still look as gorgeous as ever to me.’
Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Kirsty ignored him as she slid out of the seat. There was no way he could be telling the truth, and she wished he wouldn’t say those things. It felt patronising.
She caught the look of hurt in Aden’s eyes, but at this moment she just didn’t care. In a way she preferred Kulsoom’s no-nonsense approach to her cancer, rather than Aden’s attempts to make her feel better all the time. She closed the door to the Land Cruiser a little too firmly behind her and waited for Aden to lock the car, looking into the distance so she didn’t have to see his sad eyes staring at her.
In the shopping centre, Kirsty tried on stacks of wigs: red ones, blonde ones, black ones, curly ones, long ones and short ones. To her delight, she found a couple that really suited her. The sombre mood lightened between her and Aden, and soon they were laughing and having fun as Aden tried on every wig that she did. They really lost it when he tried on an afro, forcing the small wig onto his head then proceeding to model it in the shop, sending customers into fits of giggles. Aden took it all in his stride, his mischievous behaviour even winning over a pair of elderly ladies who looked like they wished they were forty years younger. Kirsty admired his confidence as she wrestled the afro off his head, panicking momentarily when it looked like it was stuck there then gasping as it suddenly came free, flew across the shop and landed on a display of shower products.
‘Aden – Aden Maloney, is that you?’ A woman’s voice broke their moment of mirth and Kirsty’s heart sank before she’d even turned around. She’d know that voice anywhere. Why, when she was feeling so hideously unattractive, did they have to run into Aden’s drop-dead gorgeous ex from high school, Linda Lovell? Kirsty hurriedly pulled on the wig she had chosen, a long blonde one similar to what her hair used to look like, not wanting Linda to know she had cancer. She was not going to be the object of Linda’s pity, or her notorious town gossip.
Aden’s broad smile faltered as he looked over Kirsty’s shoulder towards Linda, and he quickly ruffled his hair back into place, cursing under his breath.
He and Linda had had a pretty acrimonious break-up and he hadn’t seen her in years. This was going to be a little awkward. ‘Linda, hi. Um, how are you?’
Kirsty forced herself to smile briefly at Linda, praying silently that her wig was sitting straight. She couldn’t help but notice how stunning Linda was, perfectly groomed from head to toe with make-up on and the most up-to-date clothes. Kirsty hardly ever bothered with anything more than a dap of lip gloss, and lately she hadn’t even been bothering with that. As for fashion, it was jeans all the way. She tried not to feel self-conscious. ‘Hi, Linda.’
‘Oh, wow, Kirsty Mitchell! I haven’t seen you in years. I heard you’d skipped town and were travelling the globe,’ Linda said, eyeing Kirsty up and down. ‘And you’ve lost a lot of weight, good for you! You look much better for it.’ Linda smiled fleetingly then returned her attention to Aden. ‘It’s so good to see you, Aden, it’s been too long. Are you home on holidays? Where are you staying?’
Aden shuffled uncomfortably. ‘Nah, I’m home now, for good. I’m living with Robbie and Kirsty, over at Flame Tree Hill.’
‘Great, we’ll have to catch up sometime! I still have the same mobile number, so give me a call.’ Linda touched Aden’s arm, her lips curling into a flirtatious smile. Kirsty was filled with a sudden urge to reach out and slap her. Aden stood there, mute. Kirsty had no idea how to interpret his behaviour – was he acting weirdly because he couldn’t wait for Linda to leave, or because he wished Kirsty wasn’t standing beside him so he could have a private conversation with Linda?
Linda glanced at her watch. ‘Oh, damn, can’t stand and chat. I have a nail appointment.’ She reached out and touched Aden’s arm once more. ‘Make sure you call me.’ And with that she was gone, leaving the scent of her perfume wafting ominously in the air, fuelling Kirsty’s uncontrollable feelings of jealousy. She glared at Aden.
‘What was all that about? You looked like a stunned mullet.’
Aden shrugged as he gently took Kirsty’s hand. ‘Nothing. I haven’t seen her for ages and I wish it’d stayed that way. I feel uncomfortable around her. That’s all.’
Kirsty gruffly pulled her hand away and folded her arms firmly across her chest. ‘Why? Do you still like her?’ She kicked herself mentally for asking such a dumb question, but she couldn’t help it.
Aden sternly shook his head. ‘Are you kidding? I can’t believe you even have to ask. I only have eyes for you, my beautiful cowgirl.’
Kirsty stood for a few moments, searching Aden’s face for the reassurance she craved. He smiled humbly at her. She let out a flustered sigh as she pulled the wig off and scratched her itchy head. ‘I’d better go and pay for this before they think I’m going to steal it.’
Aden pulled his wallet free from his weathered jeans and grabbed a handful of notes. He pushed them in Kirsty’s direction. ‘Please, my shout.’
Kirsty defiantly shook her head, staring at Aden until he reluctantly placed the money back into his wallet. She didn’t need his money. The thought flashed through her head that Aden hadn’t made any attempt to let Linda know he was with her now. Why? Was it because he wanted to keep his options open in case she died from the cancer? Or was she just overreacting? But with everything going on in her life at the moment, she was still allowed to be a little jealous. Wasn’t she? ‘Thank you for the offer, but I don’t feel right taking your hard-earned money. I’ll pay for my wig.’
Aden watched Kirsty walk over to the counter, cursing himself for acting like a bloody fool in front of Linda. He’d been shocked running into her, a bit lost for words. She was a piece of his past, one that he hadn’t thought of in a long time – with good reason. What a darn goof he could be sometimes. But Kirsty’s jealousy was disconcerting. Her mood swings were really starting to wear him down, although he was reluctant to admit that even to himself. He knew he had to push past her low moods and not take them to heart. Kirsty had every right to be bitter towards the world at the moment. He just wished it wasn’t directed towards him like it had been lately. Their bickering had increased in intensity over the past week. Kirsty was becoming increasingly agitated with him, and he didn’t know why. He tried to support her but also give her space; to suggest things to take her mind off the cancer, but also let her do her own thing. He adored her and wanted to be there for her but she was making that a huge task in itself. He knew he had to try to understand her behaviour in
the context of her illness, but it was really starting to break his heart. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly, trying to reign his emotions back in before joining Kirsty at the counter.
Aden knocked firmly on the hardwood door once again, listening intently. Only silence answered him. Strange. ‘Anyone home?’ he called again as he tried to peer through the curtains of the front windows.
Kirsty and Aden had barely spoken during the drive to Harry and Mary Mallard’s house. Now Kirsty stood resolutely beside him, the small Esky that contained her famous potato salad grasped firmly in her hands, her gloomy mood unchanged. She hoped seeing Mary and Harry might take her mind off Linda.
Finally, heavy footsteps came to an abrupt stop as the front door swung open with a creak. Harry stood before them, unshaven, bleary-eyed and dishevelled, his usual tough demeanour missing. He glanced down at the Esky then back at their faces, surprised to see them. ‘Oh dear . . . I’m so sorry. With everything that’s happened in the past week it had slipped my mind that you were both coming for lunch today. I’d forget my head at the moment if it wasn’t screwed on.’ He motioned for them to come in as he limped off down the hallway, not uttering a word as they settled themselves in the lounge room. Kirsty sat beside Harry, uneasiness creeping into her stomach as Aden sat opposite, his eyes full of foreboding.
Harry cleared his throat, looking down at the floor as he clasped and unclasped his hands. ‘My darling Mary has taken a turn for the worse. I’m afraid she doesn’t have the will to fight any more. She’s not eating much at all and can barely speak. She’s so weak. Her doctor told me that she hasn’t got long, maybe a few weeks at the most. She’s come home from hospital to be here for the end.’ Harry dropped his head into his hands as his body began to shake with unshed tears. ‘I don’t want to lose her. She’s everything to me. I know I have to let her go, but how am I meant to do that after fifty-two years of marriage?’
Aden stood up and placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. ‘Oh mate, I’m so very sorry. If there is anything that we can do, anything at all, please let us know.’
Kirsty choked back the tears that were threatening to fall. The big comfortable house suddenly felt dark and lifeless. She wrapped her arms around Harry, shocked to see him so distraught. Harry Mallard had always been so strong, so composed, but underneath his armour he was just as human as the rest of them. The notion made her heart ache for him even more.
‘But I only spoke with Mary on the phone a few days ago and she sounded really good. She must be having a bad few days, that’s all – we all do. I’m sure she’ll pull out of it. She has to. She can’t die. She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met.’
Harry lifted his gaze from the floor, holding Kirsty’s anxious stare with his bloodshot eyes as he cupped her cheeks. ‘Oh dear girl, cancer is something that you cannot predict the outcome of. Mary has given the bloody awful disease everything she has but it’s still won, and has destroyed her spirit in the process. We’ve decided that it’s time to let the community know of her cancer, so they can come and say their goodbyes.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘I have to find a way to accept that she’s ready to meet her maker. She needs relief from the pain and suffering. It would be selfish of me to expect her to stay in this world for my sake. She’s fought long enough.’
Kirsty stood, feeling dizzy, and then sat down on the arm of the lounge chair, her face draining of colour, a million things running through her mind. How unfair could life be, to take someone who was so cherished and so loved by her husband and those who knew her well? To do this to a woman who gave so much of herself to everyone she met over the years?
Kirsty, Aden and Harry sat motionlessness. There was nothing left to say, just unfathomable emotions rippling through all of them, emotions that tore at Kirsty’s very core, ate away at her belief in there being a happily ever after. Kirsty couldn’t help but wonder if she would be next. If it would be Aden going through the devastation that Harry was experiencing. What type of woman would she be to put Aden through all this when they’d only been together for a matter of months?
‘Can I see her, Harry?’ said Kirsty, her voice cracking.
Harry rubbed his face and exhaled slowly. ‘Of course you can. She may not seem coherent but she’ll know you’re with her. Lack of food and water makes you a bit disorientated, as you can imagine.’ Harry smiled weakly. ‘Thanks for coming today, Kirsty. She’s always adored you – she’ll be touched to know you’ve come to visit.’
He stood, groaning as he tried to straighten his crook leg. ‘Follow me. She’s in the guest bedroom. I put her in there because it has a beautiful view of the garden. My Mary has always loved gardening.’
Kirsty followed Harry down the dimly lit hallway, her hand gripping Aden’s, feeling as though the walls were going to close in on her. How was she going to react when she saw Mary? Would she be able to keep her emotions in check? She didn’t know. Thoughts whirled about in her mind like a ferocious cyclone, taunting her, mocking her, hurting her. Mary Mallard, beautiful, vivacious Mary Mallard, was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Chapter 19
THE strident ringing of Aden’s mobile phone broke Kirsty’s concentration, sending her off-balance and toppling sideways into a potted bamboo palm. She tried to regain her footing but stumbled over a snoozing Joy and Hank, eventually saving herself when she grabbed hold of the verandah railing. Joy and Hank gazed sleepy-eyed at her, Hank cocking his head to one side while Joy let out a tiny bleat as if laughing at her.
Joy wasn’t the only one. Jo, Kulsoom and Lynette tried to stifle their amusement.
‘Are you all right, love?’ asked Lynette while peering at Kirsty through her legs from the downward dog position.
‘Nothing hurt other than my bruised ego,’ Kirsty replied, righting herself. They’d decided to try doing some yoga together, and today was their first attempt. It showed. Kirsty and Lynette had done yoga classes together back when Kirsty was in high school but neither of them could remember many of the poses. Still, some exercise was better than none and Kirsty’s doctor had recommended a little gentle exercise each day. Apparently it would help with her mood, which seemed to be getting worse as the months went on. She had been feeling particularity low since Harry had told her and Aden that Mary was not going to make it. Kirsty had visited her regularly over the past two weeks and each time Mary seemed to be slipping away that little bit more. It was devastating to watch her dear friend fading away in such a cruel way. Kirsty also found it impossible not to imagine herself lying in the bed instead of Mary. It felt a little selfish to be thinking like that but how could she not when she had the same disease eating away at her body as Mary did?
Of course, Kirsty had good days and bad days, but she could barely remember a time when she felt consistently robust and cheerful for days on end. She knew she’d never take good health for granted again, but it was small consolation now.
Aden’s phone was still ringing from the kitchen, and Kirsty sighed as she headed to pick it up. Aden had forgotten to take his mobile phone to work with him and the darn thing had been ringing off the hook all morning. He had called her as soon as he’d realised he’d forgotten it, letting her know he wouldn’t be back to pick it up as he was attending to animals out of town all day, and asking her if she could please answer it in case there was an emergency. He had a young bloke with him on work experience and had given Kirsty the guy’s number so she could contact him if the need arose.
Grabbing the phone from the kitchen bench, Kirsty flipped it open, slightly out of breath. ‘Hello, Aden Maloney’s phone, Kirsty speaking.’
There was a long pause before a voice spoke. ‘Oh, um, hi, Kirsty. It’s Tammy. Tammy Maloney, Aden’s wife – well, ex-wife, really. I’ve heard so much about you so it’s nice to finally talk, even if it’s over the phone. Would Aden be there?’
Kirsty felt her spine stiffen as she gripped the phone like a vice. She knew she shouldn’t feel uncomfor
table but it was hard not to. This was the woman Aden had once loved, had been married to, and she couldn’t help but feel a little threatened by her. She quickly found her voice, a feeling of unease sitting in the pit of her stomach. ‘Tammy, hi. Yes, it’s nice to finally talk. No, he’s not here, sorry. He’s at work. He left his phone behind this morning so I’m his answering machine for the day. Would you like me to take a message for you?’
‘Oh . . . no, I kind of need to talk directly with him about a few things. If you could just let him know I’ve called that would be great. He knows the number to call me back on.’
‘Okay, no worries. I’ll be sure to let him know.’
‘Thanks, Kirsty. But before you go, can I just ask, how’s he going? I mean, does he seem happy?’
Kirsty swallowed hard. Shit! What was she meant to say to that? Oh yeah, he’s doing really great. He and I are madly in love, and everything’s great, except for the fact I have cancer. She decided to opt for the safest reply, it wasn’t her place to be telling Aden’s ex-wife about Aden’s life – or her own. ‘He seems to be content, and really happy with how his business is going. Probably best if you ask him, though, when you speak with him.’
‘Yeah, you’re right. I’ll know as soon as I hear his voice how he’s doing. Guys can hide their emotions really well from their mates, but not from their wives. Now that we’ve had a bit of a break from each other I’m noticing how much I miss having him around. I wonder if he misses me too?’ Tammy laughed nervously. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all of this. I’m just really emotional at the moment. I’ll let you go, and I’ll talk to Aden later. Bye, Kirsty.’
‘Okay, bye, Tammy.’ Kirsty stood for a few moments after Tammy had hung up, the phone still pressed hard against her cheek, her pulse beating noisily in her ears. She flipped the mobile shut and tossed it back onto the kitchen bench, the room spinning beneath her feet. Why was Tammy ringing? By the sounds of it, Tammy was having second thoughts and wanted Aden back. But would Aden ever consider going back to Tammy? Fuck, how much more pressure could life place on her? Between the crushing weight of her past, breast cancer, Mary dying and now Tammy – she couldn’t take much more. When it didn’t rain, it bloody poured.