by Mandy Magro
‘Oh, get real,’ said Kirsty, rolling her eyes. ‘I’ve just been catching up on the goss with people I haven’t seen for ages – and winning money!’ Kirsty slapped Jo playfully on the backside and then waved her betting slip in Robbie’s face. ‘Harry Mallard was right. The dark bay was a dark horse, so to speak.’
Robbie threw his hands up in the air, sloshing beer out of his can. ‘Bugger, I should have listened to him. He told me it was a sure thing and to put a hundred bucks on it. I told him he was talking rubbish. Cor! I could have won . . .’ Robbie rolled his eyes upwards as he muttered figures under his breath, counting on his fingers as he did so. ‘At seven-fifty to one I would have won seven hundred and fifty buckaroos! Bloody hell, that’ll teach me.’
Kirsty giggled. ‘That it will. Harry’s not one to be spinning yarns lightly, especially when it comes to horses.’
Jo leant on Kirsty’s shoulder for support. ‘Want to go for a walk over to the stables and check out the horses?’ she asked, a little too casually.
Kirsty frowned as she crossed her arms. ‘No, thanks. You know Aden is over there. And most probably Tammy. What are you up to, Jo?’
Now it was Jo’s turn to frown and she, too, crossed her arms defensively, spilling half her wine as she did so. She grabbed Kirsty’s arm and gently pulled her off to the side, away from prying ears, lowering her voice to the point where Kirsty had to lean right in to hear Jo over the noise of the crowd. ‘Oh come on, Kirsty. Do you really think Aden would be back with Tammy? From what he told me, he had no love left for the woman. My God, they hadn’t had sex in, like, six months before the split. For me that’s a huge sign there ain’t no love left.’
‘He told you that?’ Kirsty replied, gobsmacked, but Jo shushed her with a wiggle of her finger as she continued.
‘And you haven’t given him a chance to explain anything, especially how he feels about you being the driver that night. It would have been one hell of a shock for him. Fuck, I know it was for me, so I can only imagine the impact it had on him. You refuse to answer his calls or return any of his messages. No wonder the poor bloke’s a mess.’
Kirsty looked down at the ground, suddenly ashamed. ‘You’re right, Jo. It’s been wrong of me to ignore him. But I’m just so scared to know for sure that he’s back with Tammy. Crazy as it might sound, I feel that if I don’t know, if he doesn’t confirm it to me, I can pretend that it isn’t happening, and I might still have a chance at getting him back. And on top of that I’m terrified he won’t be able to forgive me for Bec’s death. God knows I find it hard to forgive myself, so why would he be able to?’
Jo smiled, her voice softening as she did so. ‘Well, I reckon he deserves to answer those questions himself. Promise me you’ll at least give him a chance to do that, Kirsty. Robbie reckons he looks like death warmed up. You’ve got the poor bloke stressed out to the max.’
Kirsty nodded softly as she bit her lip. ‘I promise.’
Jo wrapped both arms around Kirsty, pulling her into a warm embrace. ‘You’re my best mate, and I’m only saying all this because I love you. I know you have a tendency to do things your own way, and that’s fine, but just this once listen to someone’s advice. It’ll all work out – you’ll see.’
Kirsty smiled as she gently pulled out of Jo’s arms, waving her betting slip in the air. ‘I did listen to someone’s advice. That’s why I won!’
The two friends cracked up, the seriousness of the conversation forgotten for now as they wandered back to join their circle of mates and poured themselves another sparkling wine, dropping a strawberry in for good measure, and then clinked glasses.
Kirsty could hardly see the poster tacked to the back of the toilet door. Her vision blurred and unfocused as she sat down on the loo, her weight shifting as she leant forwards to steady herself, her handbag wobbling on her lap.
The wine was beginning to take its toll and she was spending a fair bit of time in the ladies, even though she had only had four glasses. Well, to be fair, they were big glasses . . . and it had been ages since she had drunk alcohol.
Groaning at her own drunken queasiness, feeling as though she was aboard a ship sailing through rough seas, she leant forwards once again and rested her chin in her hands, her elbows wobbling precariously on her kneecaps, her knickers still around her ankles. What a state she was in, after only a few glasses! What happened to the party girl who could drink people under the table and dance all night? Pffft! That girl had disappeared when the cancer arrived. Not that it was such a bad thing. It was time Kirsty grew up and moved on. Only one little operation and the cancer would be a thing of the past, hopefully.
She let her mind wander, enjoying the peace and quiet of the toilets. The final race – Aden’s race – wasn’t far away. What if Jo was right? What if Aden had forgiven her? What if she’d been wrong about him and Tammy getting back together? She exhaled slowly. It was all so bloody hard. But then again, did it have to be hard? All she had to do was to track down Aden to find out the truth. And that was precisely what she was going to do.
The announcer’s voice crackled to life over the loudspeakers as Kirsty left the toilets and there was a general rush to the sidelines. This was the race they had all been waiting for: the race for Mary Mallard. The throng of spectators was testimony to Mary’s standing in the community. The starting line was ready, all horses and jockeys in the gates. Kirsty held her breath, her eyes glued to Aden, a familiar feeling of exhilaration washing over her as he erupted from the gate on Star. How could he be so sexy when dressed entirely in pink?
‘Come on! Ride him like you stole him!’ Kirsty shouted, feeling her heart race in time with the thundering of the horses’ hoofs. Jo chanted beside her, their voices joining in the tremendous roar of the crowd, the atmosphere alive. The rumble got louder as the horses approached the bend, hundreds of heads following their path, all eyes glued to the track. Aden was in third place, and gaining. Kirsty clenched her fist and punched it into the air. Come on, come on, come on. She bit her bottom lip, the tension almost too much to bear as the horses neared the finishing post. The crowd got louder, the riders more determined, and the horses gave it all they had. Star opened his stride, his muscles rippling as Aden leant forward with a fierce look on his face. In seconds, Star had stolen first place, like it was the easiest thing on earth to do. Aden and Star won.
Kirsty couldn’t hide her shock as Aden threw his hat up in the air – his head was as bald as the day he was born. He turned in her direction, a triumphant smile on his lips, his eyes searching the crowd before calmly coming to rest on her, the intensity in his look stealing her breath away. He smiled, and something deep and powerful passed between them. And then he mouthed the three words she’d been dying to hear, his lips moving slowly: I forgive you.
Kirsty clutched her chest as six years of emotions surfaced. A sob escaped her, followed by another as she fought to control herself among the mass of racegoers. Aden smiled at her again, his eyes telling her everything she needed to know. Hot tears welled and flowed down her cheeks as the realisation hit home. After years of drowning in remorse, desolation and shame, she could finally come to the surface and breathe freely; she finally had permission to forgive herself.
Chapter 28
KIRSTY focused hard on Aden’s words. Behind him, the full moon shone brightly, casting his chiselled features in a way that made him look exceptionally dark and mysterious. Aden’s colonial homestead was as quiet as the sleeping landscape. Everyone within twenty k’s was at the post-race celebrations.
‘Then I signed the divorce papers and she left. She did try to talk me into giving it a go again but I told her I couldn’t, that I was in love with someone else.’ Aden looked into Kirsty’s eyes. ‘And with any luck, that’ll be the last time we see each other.’
Kirsty paced the front lawn, gazing down at her feet. She’d been wrong all along, about everything. She wanted to run to Aden, fall into his arms, but not all was cleared up yet. Yes, he’d forgive
n her, and Kirsty’s heart was light with relief, but she hadn’t yet answered his questions about the night of the accident. She owed him that.
Kirsty sat on the grass, nervous and fidgeting with her belt buckle. She could feel his eyes on her, taking her in. Aden had always made her feel so beautiful, especially when she had been at her worst. Throughout her cancer journey, when he had been by her side, he had continued to tell her each and every day just how gorgeous she was. And how did she repay him for his unconditional love? She had left him, told him to forget about ever being together again, and then revealed she was responsible for the death of his beloved sister. She knew now what a fool she’d been. How differently she could have handled things, and how much earlier she should have told Aden. But hindsight was a wonderful thing that never made the present any easier.
Cancer had played some bizarre tricks with her mind, altering the way she saw her life, making her lose her self-belief and perspective. Now that she was out of the deep, dark hole she had fallen into, she could see everything as clear as day. It was time to put things right.
Looking up to face Aden, Kirsty smiled at the sight of his bald head gleaming in the moonlight. When she had asked him about it he had simply replied that it was for her – to make her feel less self-conscious, to show her just how much he was willing to support her. There was already a tiny bit of stubble growing back, and Kirsty had to admit that Aden pulled off a bald head much better than she did. He actually looked sexy. Pulling her thoughts back to the present, she cleared her throat and scrambled for the right words. ‘I know that you wanted to talk to me about the night of the accident, Aden.’
Aden’s relaxed smile disappeared and the atmosphere shifted. As uncomfortable as it was, Kirsty knew this had to be done. He stood up from the verandah steps and made his way over to sit beside Kirsty on the lawn, exhaling slowly before he spoke. ‘Well, there are a few things I’m really struggling with. How come James was named as the driver?’
Kirsty felt her heart begin to race, the horrific images of the night of the crash flooding back. Shit, this was going to be hard. ‘Let me start at the beginning. It all happened so fast. One minute we were enjoying ourselves and the next we were screaming and the car had flipped onto its roof . . .’ Kirsty wiped her wet eyes, fighting to stay in control of her emotions. Aden placed his hand on her back, silently urging her on.
‘I’ll never forget the sound when we slammed into the tree. It was deafening, and then there was silence, total silence. I remember frantically trying to undo my seatbelt because I could smell fuel and I was scared the car was going to explode. I was hanging upside down and the steering wheel was pushing into my stomach, and then all of a sudden James was reaching through the driver’s window and helping me. He was bleeding so badly, but there he was, helping me. I kept asking if everyone else was okay but nobody was answering. It was terrifying. I lost all sense of time, and there are moments that I can’t recall at all. I don’t know how James eventually got me out of the wreck, but when he did he placed both hands on my face and begged for me to focus. I was tired, so tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep, but he kept shaking me, telling me to stay with him. He told me that he was going to tell the police he’d been driving. Then I remember him dragging me across the road and into the scrub just in time for us to take cover from the explosion.’ Kirsty instinctively touched her hip, remembering the searing pain as the piece of shrapnel ripped through her. ‘Bits of the Commodore flew everywhere and the heat, it was so fierce, Aden, it felt like I was inside a furnace and I couldn’t take a decent breath because of the black smoke.
‘To this day I have no idea why James took the rap. If he told me, I don’t remember. I tried to argue with him, to tell him not to, but then I must have blacked out. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed with tubes hanging out of me. And my parents were beside me, frantic. I tried to speak, to tell them what had happened, but Mum shushed me and told me that I was the only survivor, and that James had died from massive internal bleeding. Dad was saying over and over that James should have known better than to drive drunk. I’ve never seen my dad so distraught, it was terrible.
Kirsty shook her head, shuddering sobs escaping her, the sheer anguish she’d felt returning with full intensity. She clutched Aden’s hands as she met his eyes, her body shaking with sorrow. ‘I’m so sorry, Aden, so very sorry. I should have known better. I should never have got behind the wheel; I should have spoken up in the hospital and told the truth; I should have told you the truth a long time ago.’
Aden brought her hands to his lips and tenderly kissed them before taking her into his arms. ‘Oh, K. You were young and in shock, terrified of what people would think about you. I’m so sorry you’ve suffered silently all these years, I truly am. I can’t say it was easy for me to find forgiveness in my heart, but I understand why you did what you did, and I do forgive you. We all do stupid things when we’re young and I’ve been guilty of drink driving more than once. How can I judge you when I’ve done the same myself? Bec’s death was devastating, but I’ve had years to come to terms with her absence. You’re not a bad person, K – far from it. You’re one of the most thoughtful and decent women I know.’ Aden smiled tenderly ‘Other than my mum, of course.’
Holding Kirsty close, he continued, ‘I don’t think you need to tell my parents. It will only cause more hurt and upset, and it’s not going to bring Bec back. This is our secret now, okay?’
‘Thank you, Aden. What you’ve just said means more than you’ll ever know,’ Kirsty whispered as she rested her head on his chest, the beating of his heart against her cheek so comforting. She sighed slowly, finally free to walk away from her past.
A comfortable silence fell over them as they sat on the grass, mesmerised by the stars above, the soft call of cattle in the nearby paddock the only sound for miles. Kirsty turned to face Aden, gazing into his eyes. ‘I love you.’
Aden met her gaze with eyes so intense, so full of passion, that they melted Kirsty’s heart. ‘And I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you, through all of this.’
A feeling of perfect joy filled Kirsty. She reached out and ran her hand over his prickly head. ‘I cannot believe you did this for me. Where did you get the idea?’
Aden chuckled quietly. ‘If I tell you I’ll have to kill you.’
Kirsty nudged him gently in the ribs. ‘Tell me, or else I’ll have to tickle you to death.’
Aden flinched jokingly. ‘All right, all right. But promise me you won’t tell another living soul.’
Kirsty zipped her lips, smiling.
‘I was watching telly the other night, off in my own little world and not really taking in what was on the screen, when I noticed I was watching Sex and the City.’
Kirsty stifled a giggle. ‘Who would have thought?’
‘Let me just remind you that I was distracted, thinking about you – as usual.’
‘Hey! Don’t blame me for your closet addiction to girly TV.’
Aden glanced at her, teasing intent in his mischievous eyes. ‘Anyway, I was panicking, trying to find the remote, worried the entire town was going to be standing outside the window, taking the piss out of me, when one of the women started talking about her breast cancer. I stopped looking for the remote and sat down to watch, and before I knew it, I’d watched the whole episode. The character’s boyfriend, some Hollywood I’m-so-sexy guy, decided he would shave his head to show his girlfriend how much he loved her and wanted to support her. The sheila – well, she just adored him for it. So I thought, maybe that’s what I should do to show you my support for what you went through – what you are going through.’ Aden reached out and gently ran his finger down her cheek. ‘God, I’ve missed you. When do you find out the final results of the chemo? It must be soon.’
A grin lit up Kirsty’s face. ‘I got the results a few days ago.’
Aden moved away from her, his strained expression conveying his emotional turmoil. Kirsty immediately felt guilty
for not telling him sooner. Shit, why didn’t I tell him straightaway?
‘Bloody hell! Why didn’t you tell me the minute you found out? Is everything okay? Please tell me you are going to be okay.’
Kirsty wriggled in beside him, close enough to feel his breath on her lips, to smell his woody aftershave, to see the throb of his rapid pulse at the side of his neck. ‘I’m so sorry, but I was upset because I thought you were back with Tammy and I didn’t want to come around here again and see you with her, or have her answer the phone if I rang to tell you the results.’ She took a deep breath, her eyes shining. ‘I’ve beaten it, Aden! The results are exactly what we were hoping for. I’m going to live!’
‘Oh, Kirsty! Fan-fucking-tastic! You’ve just made me a very happy man.’ Aden wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a passionate kiss.
Kirsty melted into his embrace, her tongue caressing his, desire making her tremble, and the love she felt for him filling her with warmth, security and happiness.
Aden gently pulled away, a contented smile lighting up his rugged features. ‘I want you in my life, K. No, I need you in my life. It breaks my heart not being with you. Let’s roll the dice, take a chance, and not worry about the future. I want to wake up with you every morning and go to bed beside you every night. Can we leave the past where it is?’
Kirsty placed her hands on Aden’s chest, feeling his firm muscles under her touch. His beautiful eyes held so much love for her that she could barely speak. ‘I love you, Aden Maloney. And I want to be with you, for the rest of my life.’
‘Well, in that case, why don’t we start the rest of our lives together over dinner? I happen to have some fresh prawns, and I can think of nothing I’d like to do more than whip you up some garlic prawns. And then I have a surprise for you. I was waiting to hear your results before I gave it to you. It’s sort of a celebratory gift for beating the cancer, which, as I kept telling you, I knew you would.’