‘Take a seat,’ Colin said as he ushered us to the end of the room. I waited for the air to return to me as he gently sat me down. ‘I only officially found out on Friday that it would be Jamie taking over, but you’d already left for the day. I didn’t have a name before then. I’m so sorry I couldn’t warn you,’ he whispered. I had to bite my thumb to stop myself from crying. I wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Jamie. But I knew the ladies’ toilets would need a do not disturb sign on them as soon as this meeting was through.
Colin moved away from my desk and addressed the room. ‘Now I’m as surprised as all of you that things have happened as quickly as they have. Jamie has been working as a senior social worker in London, but before that, he worked in Nottingham for a number of years. He trained here, so he’s very experienced and knows the area well. It’s his first management post, but I’m confident he’ll soon pick it all up. We’re going to have an intensive handover period, so you aren’t getting rid of me just yet.’ A ripple of laughter caught the room. It didn’t find its way to us, but I did get another hand squeeze.
Manager? Shit! Not only was he back, but he was my manager too. A colleague I could deal with. A colleague I could ignore and plan my diary around so that we hardly saw each other, but a manager? Didn’t anyone prepare him by saying, ‘Now, Abi Sinclair is part of the team and she’s a law unto herself. She’s going to need lots of direction; do you want to reconsider taking the job?’ No. No one said that.
‘Jamie will be around all day, so any questions, concerns, worries, please talk to him. He won’t bite. No question is too stupid. Get to know him.’
I already knew him. Too bloody well. He did bite. The teeth marks and bruises he’d left on my thighs had faded, but the feeling of his mouth on my skin was still with me. Fuck, I knew everything. I knew the meticulously hidden and the wide open, but most of all, I knew I was still in love with him and would never love anyone with the same passion again.
‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,’ Kate said as she sat down next to me. ‘He’s your Jamie, isn’t he? I can tell from your reaction.’
‘He’s mine,’ I replied, trance-like.
My mind was racing. I couldn’t focus on anything but his fingers curled up to the side of him, shaking slightly, trembling. I hadn’t heard from him for close to two years. I spent months looking for him in crowds, searching for him at gatherings, concerts, and training events. Shops, restaurants and pubs would be faithfully scanned. My hopefulness was full and alert—until it wasn’t anymore.
When he left, it was like he had secured a blindfold over my eyes. Nothing was the same. Lights were dim, noises were muffled, and had to feel my way around until I eventually got used to the darkness. It became part of me. I didn’t accept it, but life carried on. Only one thing kept me going: The hope that he would reach out to me again one day. The daily ritual of opening the door after a long day with the hope that a letter would be waiting on the doormat had kept my heart alive, but also slowly broke it.
Chapter Seven
Jamie
Now.
She hadn’t changed. If anything, she was more beautiful than ever before. Her eyes were still stunning. She was a rare mix of dark hair and light green eyes. Her hair appeared longer, but the freckles dotted across her nose that I knew by memory were still waiting for me to trace my fingers across them.
I smelled her perfume as soon as she made her way to the office. It sparked memories. I was taken straight back to the train platform where I’d pressed my face to hers, taking all of her in just in case I would never get the pleasure of holding this wonderful, wild and beautiful woman in my arms again.
How had I found myself there? I had no one to blame but myself. I knew there was a chance—a chance to see her and breathe her in again—if only from a distance. I always thought that would be enough. I was kidding myself. It would never be enough. She was still a part of me, flooding my bloodstream and attacking my senses.
Fuck—what a bloody mess.
Everything was constricting me. I was pulling at my collar with my fingers and alternating between rubbing my neck and nose. I was being stared at. Shit, what the hell was I doing? I knew this would happen. I’d hoped. I couldn’t breathe and Abi was looking at me like I was a fucking dream, but I wasn’t. I was a nightmare.
The noise from the kettle brought me back to the room. It was then that I realised not only did I have to try to convince a room full of experienced social workers that I knew what I was doing, but I also had to cut through the wasteland to try to build up a relationship with Abi. But I couldn’t. What could our relationship be? Strictly professional? Boss and colleague? Adorer and adored?—Shit—What could I salvage? What could we be?
Colin bounded into the staff room where I’d cocooned myself in the hope that I could pull my shit together and avoid Abi. ‘How are you doing?’ he asked.
‘Fine. It’s fine. Honestly.’ Liar.
‘I know you two have history, but Abi’s very professional—when she wants to be. And Elle is a positive influence. She often brings her back down to earth.’ I smiled because I knew exactly what he meant. ‘I’m sure you’ll be able to work together. Positive, in fact.’ I nodded and tried to ignore the fact that Colin’s muttering meant he knew Abi would have me by the balls. ‘Can I introduce you to Vijay? She wasn’t in first thing.’
‘Of course. Lead the way.’ Fuck—not that way. That was back to her, and I wasn’t sure I could take the shock in her beautiful green eyes again. Those eyes held the workings of my heart. They held the instruction manual. No one else could come close to understanding how I worked. Just her.
Don’t take me back there. Don’t take me back there.
‘Vijay, this is Jamie Dawson. He’ll be taking over officially in around two weeks’ time.’ He could have been saying anything. All I could feel was the sharp look of hate stabbing into my back from the corner of the room. Was that her desk? Was that where she worked? Would I find a framed picture of a smiling Abi standing next to a handsome stranger? The handsome stranger who’d replaced me? I knew then that I couldn’t go over there because I would throw that picture out the window and everyone would think their new manager was a complete fucking nutcase.
‘Jamie?’
‘Sorry, so sorry. Nice to meet you, Vijay. Looking forward to working with you.’ She had a confused look on her face.
‘Vijay was just asking what brings you back to Nottingham,’ Colin said, slightly flustered. Jesus, the guy could sweat.
‘Oh, sorry, yes. Well, I trained and worked here for years. I was looking to progress. I’ve got a lot of friends in the area, so when I saw the job, it just seemed to fit together nicely.’
I heard a single laugh from the corner of the room. It was bitter and full of anger. Her soft face betrayed her. She was hurt—fucking hurt—lost and crying inside. She breezed past me, Elle and another social worker in the team, Kate, following behind. After making my excuses from the conversation, I found myself doing the same.
‘I’ve been looking for you,’ I said as I found them in the staff room. Kate smiled nervously and Elle didn’t offer eye contact. ‘I finally plucked up the courage to go to your desk, but you were gone,’ I laughed nervously through the lies. Abi didn’t offer a twitch of smile. I was officially fucked.
‘I think we’ll leave you to it. If you need me…’ Elle nodded her head towards the door. Kate followed, leaving us alone. Abi pretended to busy herself, washing a cup and wiping down the sink.
‘I think maybe we need to talk. Privately. This isn’t going to be easy for me,’ I said. She laughed that angry laugh again and stopped wiping, only to start again in a more furious fashion. ‘It’s not going to be easy for either of us,’ I said stupidly. ‘Just stop. Please. Look at me.’
She threw the dishcloth at the back of the sink and grabbed her fuck the rules bag that was so typically her, flinging it across her shoulder as she prepared to le
ave in a cloud of upset. She stopped a breath away from my body and spoke loudly.
‘Someone stole my sandwich out of the fridge. Can you believe it? I think you need to tackle that first. Put it on your to-do list. Solve the case of my missing sandwich. I’m having lunch early because now I’ve got to go out and get something to eat. What kind of world do we live in? Fuck!’ I shook my head sadly as she walked past. I think I called her name; I really couldn’t be sure. She ignored me anyway and walked out of the front doors with a bang.
Chapter Eight
Abi
Three years ago…
Then.
‘Everyone, this is Abi. She’s about to start her last placement. She’ll be here for three months before she officially qualifies, so lets offer her some great experience. Abi, if you drop your stuff on that desk over there, I’ll take you through to meet your practice tutor,’ Neil, the team manager, said as he stepped to the side and gestured towards the desk. It was an add-on to a larger desk and didn’t match in any way, but I would have been happy sitting at a dirty kitchen sink. I was desperate to get into the team before I qualified. They covered a notoriously difficult area of Nottingham, so if I could cut it here, I could cut it anywhere.
‘I’ll take you through. Jamie’s just come out of a case conference and is getting a few things together. Do you want to make yourself a drink?’
‘That would be great. I haven’t had anything all morning.’
‘Is coffee your poison?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, besides other things.’
‘Staff room is straight in front of you,’ he said as he pointed towards a door before leaving me alone in the corridor. The office was an old school building that had seen better days. As the wind whistled through the corridor, I understood why some of the staff had blankets slung across the backs of their chairs. Each office looked like a classroom, all large windows and doors. As I passed, I noticed Elle, who was also on placement in a different team. She was sitting beside a gorgeous man with dirty-blond hair who had an obvious trait of talking animatedly with his hands. She was blushing and fiddling with her ponytail, hanging on to every word.
I went to open a door with the lowest door handle I had ever seen when it flung open and a dark haired god of a man walked straight into me, spilling the contents of his mug down my chest.
‘Shit, shit. Hot, hot. Ouch!’ I instinctively pulled my blouse away from my body and brushed my hands down it. ‘Fuck, that was hot. Fuck!’ I bent over to check the damage before realising where I was. ‘And I’m saying fuck on my first day, and shitting hell that’s hot. Ignore me. I shouldn’t be swearing.’
He smiled and pulled me into the staff room by my elbow. He grabbed a tea towel from the side and held it in front of me. Jesus, I could have caught typhoid off that. It was grey and covered in tea stains and something that looked suspiciously like sick. ‘I’m so sorry. These doors are a hazard. I’m sure they only want leprechauns and fairies working here,’ he laughed.
‘Sorry.’ He was blinding me senseless with his bright blue eyes and his stubble. Stubble that was deliciously framing his neck and cheeks.
‘The door handles,’ he said, pointing to them. ‘It used to be a primary school, so all the handles are low. Thought it would be more PC to say fairies instead of dwarves.’
‘Oh, right,’ I laughed.
Deadly handsome with a sense of humour. We were going to get on.
‘Do you have a spare top?’ he said as he hovered his hands around the front of my chest. ‘It’s not a good look, and didn’t you say today is your first day? You need to make a good impression on whoever it is you need to impress.’ He stood back and rubbed his finger along his temple at the same time as staring at the coffee stain—or maybe my boobs. I was hoping it was the boobs.
‘No, didn’t think to pack an outfit change. Silly me.’
He laughed, and I swear it vibrated through parts of me that were pulsing and growing wetter by the second.
‘Well, coffee stain or no coffee stain, I’m sure you’re going to impress.’
‘I was hoping to get a drink, but I’m late for my meeting.’
‘There’s a water cooler at the other end of the corridor,’ he said, pointing behind his head. ‘Make sure you stay hydrated. Good for the brain.’ A smirk appeared. I was an expert in flirting, and he was so going there. I smiled and folded my arms to push up the goods he was definitely having a hard time breaking his gaze from.
‘Thanks. Need to keep the mouth nice and wet,’ I replied in a breathy whisper.
He nodded and I followed his eyes as they dropped to my top, which was now slightly see-through and showing the white lace of my bra strap. Demure white lace that wrapped the parts of my body that weren’t at all demure.
‘Well, it was nice to meet you. Sorry I did…that,’ he pointed to my boobs again and circled his finger dangerously close to my nipple.
‘What?’
‘Made you wet,’ he smiled without missing a beat before stepping backwards down the corridor, the sexy smile dripping across his lips. I could tell this man knew about good sex; it was written across his jawline. I needed to find out more about him.
Navigating my way back to the office was difficult. The place was like a rabbit warren. When I saw Elle through the window fanning her flushed face with a ring binder, I knew I was heading in the right direction.
‘There you are. Thought I’d lost you already.’ Neil stuck his head out of a small office and wafted me in with both hands. ‘This is Jamie. He’ll be your practice tutor.’
Hot coffee man was sitting with his legs crossed. He spat a mouthful of liquid back into his cup when our eyes met for the second time.
Me. This could only happen to me.
‘Jamie, this is Abi Sinclair.’ Jamie smiled and held out his hand, which I took willingly.
‘Pleasure to meet you,’ he replied in that clit-wobbling tone I had experienced minutes earlier when he’d said something about making me wet, around the same time he was staring at my boobs.
His hand returned to the back of his neck. He had the most amazing nervous habits. The neck rub, the forehead rub, and the arm stretch revealing his toned stomach, which was well on the way to becoming my favourite of all of them.
As he was talking, he had one hand on his bicep and the other splayed out in front of him. I was falling in lust with his hands. Watching him moving them around wildly and trying to crunch a point out was quite distracting. I wasn’t sure how I would get through the next three months without carrying a regular change of knickers.
Assignments? What assignments?
‘What happened to your top?’ Neil stuttered as he averted his eyes from my chest.
Jamie didn’t hide his smile.
‘My fault. I spilled my load,’ he said, raising his coffee cup.
I had to bite the corner of my lip to stop myself laughing. He seemed to have a brilliant talent for deadpan delivery, which was pressing every button and ticking every box.
‘Do you have a change of clothes?’ Neil failed to notice the sexual tension flying around the room.
‘No, I didn’t know I would need to change. Workbooks and pens were the only equipment I thought I’d need.’
‘Well, if you need to nip home at lunch, just say the word.’ Neil smiled and sat down, offering me the chair next to Jamie. ‘Your desk is across from Jamie’s, so he can be there to offer advice and guidance. He’s an experienced practice teacher, so he knows the drill.’
‘Shall I show you round? You’ve seen the kitchen, but there’s so much more on offer. That’s a lie. It’s rubbish here. Be careful when shutting doors because the ceiling has been known to fall in.’ Jamie nudged his shoulder into mine and held my gaze for slightly too long for it to be a mistake. I knew then that I was in trouble.
As he walked in front, I got a great view of his arse tightly wrapped in chinos and what I knew were black Calvin’s. I could just see the band when he leant down to pick up
a pen from the floor.
‘So, this is our team. Desks, computers, weary social workers.’ He wafted his arm across the room and closed the door. We walked further up the corridor. ‘The next office is Colin’s team,’ he said as he opened the door. ‘It’s a bit bigger, a lot going on in there.’ I waved to Elle, who smiled and opened her eyes wide to say, Shit, I’m out of my depth here. ‘You two know each other?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, Elle’s a good friend.’
‘Hi, Elle,’ he said waving to her. ‘I’m Jamie. Top practice teacher. Sorry you drew the short straw with Luke,’ he laughed as he threw his thumb in Luke’s direction.
‘Get out of here, Jamie. We all know I’m the best. You weep at my practice teacher skills.’ The dirty-blond guy, known as Luke, threw a pen at him, which he caught with one hand.
‘He thinks he’s funny, but he isn’t,’ Jamie whispered behind his hand as Luke gave him the finger. I mouthed see you later to Elle and arched an eyebrow in recognition of the two hot men known in this building as practice teachers.
Jamie took me through the essentials. Reception, stationary cupboard, toilets, fire exit. All very clinical and necessary, but I sensed a tension in the air.
‘Shall we sit?’ He pointed to a door leading to a small outside area with a few wooden benches. I nodded as he held it open for me. ‘So, tell me what it is about social work that drives you. In other words, why are you here?’
‘Wow, where do I start?’ I smiled as he leant back. ‘I love being part of people’s lives, particularly when they need help. They could be at their worst point, but I can try to make things a little easier for them. Being able to assess what they need and offer support is a real privilege,’ I replied.
‘They won’t always see it that way. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions.’
‘I can do that if it’s in the best interests of the child. They always come first. I’m not afraid to voice my opinion.’
Let Me Be Your Hope (Music and Letters Series Book 2) Page 4