But if Sophia — she should see my tribulation!
No mortal could resist such wonderful temptation.
To master its contents, I all impatience am.
ALCESTES (aside).
No greyhound ever rushed so wildly at a ham.
HOST (ashamed, giving way, and still hesitating).
Well, as you wish it, sir, your great civility —
ALCESTES (aside).
He’s biting now —
HOST.
Demands like confidence from me.
(Doubtfully and half entreatingly.)
You’ll let me see at once the letter, sir, because —
ALCESTES (holding out the letter).
This moment!
HOST (slowly approaching ALCESTES with his eyes fixed on the letter).
Well, the thief —
ALCESTES.
The thief!
HOST.
Who stole it, was —
ALCESTES.
Well, out with it!
HOST.
Was my —
ALCESTES.
Well!
HOST (in a resolute tone, whilst he comes up to ALCESTES, and tears the letter from his hand).
Was my daughter!
ALCESTES (astonished).
What!
HOST (comes forward, tears the cover to pieces in his eagerness to open the letter, and begins to read).
“Eight honourable sir!”
ALCESTES (taking him by the shoulder).
’Twas she? You’re telling not
The truth.
HOST (impatiently).
Yes, it was she! And much distressed am I.
(He reads.) “And also” —
ALCESTES (as above).
No, good host! Sophia! ’Tis a lie Î
HOST (tears himself loose, and continues without answering him).
“My much respected” —
ALCESTES (as above).
What! The guilty one was she?
I’m quite confounded.
HOST.
“Sir” —
ALCESTES (as above).
Now, pray just answer me!
How came it all about?
HOST.
You by and by shall hear.
ALCESTES.
Is it quite sure?
HOST.
Quite sure!
ALCESTES (to himself, as he goes out).
Methinks my course is clear.
SCENE IV.
HOST (reads and speaks between whiles).
“And patron” — Has he gone? — “The very friendly way
In which you view my faults, induces me to-day
Once more to trouble you” — What faults would he confess?
“I feel assured, kind sir, you’ll share my happiness.”
That’s good! — “To-day kind Heaven another joy has brought,
And you’re the first of whom my thankful heart has thought.
My dear wife is confined of her sixth son.” — With rage
I’m fit to die! — “The boy appeared upon the stage
Quite early.” — Hang or drown the brat! the vile invention!
“And I make bold to ask if, in your condescension” —
I feel about to choke! To suffer such a blow,
Just when I’m getting old! I will not bear it, no!
Just wait a bit! Your due reward shall you receive:
Alcestes, you shall see! My house you straight shall leave.
So good a friend as me thus shamefully to treat!
I’d fain inflict on him a retribution meet.
But then my daughter! Oh! in such a scrape to get her!
And I’ve betrayed her for a mere godfather’s letter!
(He seizes hold of his wig.)
Oh, donkey that I am! I’m in my dotage now!
Oh, letter, cash, and trick! I’ll kill myself, I vow!
With what shall I begin? How punish such vile tricks?
(He grasps a stick, and runs round the stage.)
If any one comes near, I’ll thrash him into snicks.
If I but had them here who planned the thing so wisely,
By all the powers that be, I’d currycomb them nicely!
I’ll die unless I can — I’d give a sight of cash
To see the servant now a glass or bottle smash!
I shall devour myself. — Revenge, revenge for me!
(He attacks his armchair and thrashes it.)
Ha! Thou art dusty? Come! I’ll take it out of thee!
SCENE V.
The HOST? continuing to strike. SOLLER enters and is frightened. He is in his domino, with his mask bound to his arm, and is half intoxicated.
SOLLER.
What’s this? Why, is he mad? Methinks I’d best be mute!
I shouldn’t care to be that armchair’s substitute!
Some evil spirit has the old man seized to-day:
‘Twere better I were off. It isn’t safe to stay.
HOST (without seeing SOLLER).
I can no more! Alas! how ache both back and arm!
(He throws himself into the armchair.)
My body’s in a sweat.
SOLLER (aside).
Yes, motion makes us warm.
(He shows himself to the HOST.)
Good father!
HOST.
Oh, the brute! The night in revels spends he:
I vex myself to death, and de’il a bit attends he.
The Shrovetide fool his cash at play and dancing loses,
And laughs, while holding here his carnival the deuce is!
SOLLER.
In such a rage!
HOST.
Just wait! No longer will I call so.
SOLLER.
What now?
HOST.
Alcestes! Child! Shall I inform him also?
SOLLER.
No! no!
HOST.
If you were hanged, ’twould be for me much better;
And that Alcestes, too, with his confounded letter.
(Exit.)
SCENE VI.
SOLLER (the very’ picture of terror).
What’s this? Alas! Perchance, ere many minutes flee —
Take good care of your skull! Your back will cudgelled be.
P’raps all has been found out. I’m in a burning fever,
So dreadful is my fright. Why, Doctor Faustus never
Was in so bad a case, or Richard Crook-back e’en!
Hell here, the gallows there, the cuckold in between!
(He runs about like a madman, and finally recovers himself.)
One’s never happy made by stolen goods, you know.
Go, coward, scoundrel, go! Why are you frightened so?
Perchance ’tis not so bad. I’ll soon know how I’ll fare.
(He sees ALCESTES and runs away.)
Alas! ’tis he!’ tis he! He’ll seize me by the hair!
SCENE VII.
ALCESTES (fully dressed, with hat and sword).
How fearful is the blow by which my heart oppressed is!
That wondrous creature whom the fancy of Alcestes
So tenderly the shrine of ev’ry virtue thought,
Who him the highest grade of fairest love first taught,
In whom god, maiden, friend, in one were all so blended,
And now so much abased! That vision now is ended.
’Tis well p’raps to descend a height so superhuman:
Like other women now, she’s nothing but a woman;
But then, so deep! so deep! That drives me into madness.
My contumacious heart yearns after her with sadness.
How mean? Can’st thou not turn to good account the change?
Seize on the proffer’d bliss that comes in form so strange!
A matchless woman, whom you love so very dearly,
Needs cash. Alcestes, quick! The pence you give her, clearly
Would turn to pounds. But n
ow, the cash herself she takes, —
“Tis well! If she once more parade of virtue makes,
Go! pluck your courage up, and speak thus in cold blood:
You, madam, have perchance the money taken? Good!
I’m heartily rejoiced. Let no reserve be shown
In such a small affair, but treat mine as your own.
A confidential tone, as though ‘tween man and wife, —
And virtue’s self, if you enact it to the life,
Won’t be alarmed, but e’en to yield will soon incline.
She comes! You are confused? ’Tis an unhappy sign!
You guilty deem yourself; you cheat me in addition;
Your heart is ill-disposed, but weak’s your disposition.
SCENE VIII.
ALCESTES, SOPHIA.
SOPHIA.
Alcestes, what means this? My sight you seem to shun —
Has solitude for you such vast attractions won?
ALCESTES.
I know not what it is impels me at this season:
We oft soliloquise without a special reason.
SOPHIA.
Your loss indeed is great, and well may cause vexation.
ALCESTES.
It nothing signifies: I feel no irritation.
To lose a little cash small self-restraint demands:
Who knows but that it may have fallen in good hands?
SOPHIA.
No loss will your kind heart allow on us to fall.
ALCESTES.
A little openness this pain had saved us all.
SOPHIA.
How must I take this?
ALCESTES (smiling).
What?
SOPHIA.
What can your meaning be?
ALCESTES.
Sophia, me you know! Have confidence in me!
The money’s gone, and where ’tis lying, let it lie!
I should have held my tongue, if sooner known had I
That thus the matter stands —
SOPHIA (astonished).
You know, then, all about it?
ALCESTES (with tenderness; he seizes her hand and kisses it).
Your father! Yes, I know: my dearest, do not doubt it!
(SOPHIA surprised and ashamed).
And you forgive?
ALCESTES.
A joke, who’d deem it as a crime?
SOPHIA.
Methinks —
ALCESTES.
Pray suffer me to speak my mind this time.
Alcestes’ heart toward you with love’s still running over.
Pate severed you from me, and yet I am your lover;
Your heart is ever mine, as mine unchanged you find;
My money’s yours as though by law assigned;
You have an equal right to all that I possess;
Take what you will, if with your love you me will bless. (He embraces her, and she is silent)
Command whate’er you want! I’m quite prepared to grant it.
SOPHIA (haughtily, whilst she tears herself away from him).
I prize your money, sir! Indeed, I do not want it.
I scarcely understand a tone so strange and fervent.
Ha? You mistake me —
ALCESTES (piqued).
Oh! your most obedient servant
Knows you indeed too well; and what he wants, he knows,
And sees not why your wrath thus suddenly o’erflows.
When one so far goes wrong —
SOPHIA (astonished).
Goes wrong? Pray, in what sense?
ALCESTES.
Madam!
SOPHIA (angrily).
What mean you, sir?
ALCESTES.
Forgive my diffidence.
I love you far too much to think of telling it.
SOPHIA (with indignation).
Alcestes!
ALCESTES.
Well, then, ask papa, if you think fit!
He knows, so seems it —
SOPHIA (with an outbreak of vehemence as above).
What? Give me an answer true!
I am not joking, sir!
ALCESTES.
He says that it was you —
SOPHIA (as above).
Well, what?
ALCESTES.
That it was you, — by whom the cash was taken.
SOPHIA (with anger and tears, while she turns away).
He dares? O God! By shame so utterly forsaken!
ALCESTES (entreatingly).
Sophia!
SOPHIA (turned away from him).
You’re not worth —
ALCESTES (as above).
Sophia!
SOPHIA.
Leave the place!
ALCESTES.
Pray pardon me!
SOPHIA.
Away! Forgive such conduct base?
My father scruples not to rob me of my honour!
Oh, poor Sophia! Thus Alcestes looks upon her?
Sooner than tell the truth, my life I’d forfeit rather —
But now it must come out! — The robber — was my father! — (Exit hastily.)
SCENE IX.
ALCESTES. Afterward SOLLER.
ALCESTES.
Would I could make it out! Here is a pretty mess!
Only the Devil now this riddle strange can guess!
Two persons who the best of characters have had,
Accuse each other! — ’Tis enough to drive one mad.
No story such as this has ever reached my ears,
And yet I’ve known them both for many, many years.
This is a case where thought no proper clue reveals:
The more one meditates, the greater fool one feels.
Sophia! the old man! Could either of them thieve?
Had Soller been accused, that well could I believe:
On him could but one spark of mere suspicion fall!
But he the livelong night, I know, was at the ball.
SOLLER (in his usual dress and rather intoxicated).
There sits the Devil’s imp, after his night-long revel!
Could I but seize your neck, I’d scrag you, master
Devil!
ALCESTES (aside).
He comes as if bespoke!
(.Aloud.) Well, Soller, what’s the news?
SOLLER.
The noise the music made has given me the blues.
(He rubs his forehead.’)
My headache’s dreadful.
ALCESTES.
You were at the ball: were many
Ladies there too?
SOLLER.
About as usual! When there’s any
Bacon, the mice will seek the trap.
ALCESTES.
Was’t merry?
SOLLER.
Quite!
ALCESTES.
You danced?
SOLLER.
I but looked on.
(Aside) At your fine dance last night!
ALCESTES.
What! Soller did not dance? Why, how came that about?
SOLLER.
I went there with the full intention, there’s no doubt.
ALCESTES.
And yet you didn’t?
SOLLER.
No! My headache was so bad.
And so, for dancing not, a good excuse I had.
ALCESTES.
Indeed!
SOLLER.
And what was worse, I found out to my cost,
The more I heard and saw, I sight and hearing lost.
ALCESTES.
So bad? I’m sorry for’t! ’Twas quite a sudden fit?
SOLLER.
Oh, no! since you first came I’ve twinges had of it,
And longer.
ALCESTES.
That is strange!
SOLLER.
No remedy I know.
ALCESTES.
Your head with warm cloths rub: ‘twill put you in a glow,
And p’raps you’ll then b
e cured.
SOLLER (aside.)
You’re chaffing me, my friend?
(Aloud) ’Tis not such easy work.
ALCESTES.
‘Twill answer in the end.
And yet you’re rightly served. I’ll one suggestion make:
You ne’er by any chance your poor wife with you take,
When to a ball you go. Small wisdom, sir, is shown,
In leaving a young wife in her cold bed alone.
SOLLER.
She likes to stop at home, and let me masquerade:
Well knows she how to warm herself, without my aid.
ALCESTES.
That’s funny!
SOLLER.
Yes! When one is fond of dainty food,
One doesn’t need a hint to scent out what is good.
ALCESTES (piqued).
Why all this hyperbole?
SOLLER.
My meaning’s plain I think:
Exempli gratid, I vastly like to drink
Father’s old wine: but he my taste for it deplores, —
He spares his own; and so I drink it out of doors.
ALCESTES (with resentment).
You’d best be careful, sir! —
SOLLER.
Most noble squire of ladies,
She’s now my wife: to that, by you no def’rence paid is.
Her husband maybe deems she’s something in addition.
ALCESTES (with suppressed anger).
Fine husband! I defy the slightest admonition;
And if you should presume a single word to say —
SOLLER (frightened. Aside).
How fine! The end will be, that I must ask him,
Pray
How virtuous is she?
(Aloud.) My hearth is still my hearth,
Despite strange cooks!
ALCESTES.
Beside your wife, how small your worth!
So virtuous and fair! A soul of purity!
What matchless dower she brought! A very angel she!
SOLLER.
Her blood, too, as I’ve found, has much expansive power:
Head-ornaments for me were also in her dower.
For such a wife was I predestinated found,
And e’en before my birth was as a cuckold crowned.
ALCESTES (breaking out).
Now, Soller!
SOLLER (‘impertinently).
Well, what now?
ALCESTES (restraining himself).
I tell you, hold your peace!
SOLLER.
I’d like to see the man who’d make my talking cease!
ALCESTES.
If place allowed, you’d get a proper castigation!
SOLLER (half aloud).
He’d fight a duel for my wife’s good reputation!
ALCESTES.
Indeed!
SOLLER (as before).
No mortal knows so well, how lies the land.
ALCESTES.
The deuce!
SOLLER.
Alcestes, we perceive how matters stand.
Now wait! just wait a bit! The subject we’ll pursue;
Works of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Page 163