“Clearly, you do.”
“My captain told me it would get easier. Maybe it did, for him. Not for me. Maybe someday the world will prove him right, but I hope not.”
“I don't want to talk anymore.”
Glanen nodded. “Some of them got away. We should go.”
He led her away, out of the building, and to the horses. It was fortunate for them that they had not wandered far, for Aasimah was in no state to travel by foot.
When they found the child's uncle, Glanen had been the one to deliver the news that the girl was nowhere to be found. The knight seemed as if he wanted to stay, perhaps to help him rebuild his home, which had been torched by the bandits.
However, he knew he had a duty to bring Aasimah back to the palace and report back to his king. He gave the man his coin pouch, for what little it helped, and wished him the best. He promised, too, that this would not be the end of his search, before leaving the girl's uncle to his sorrow.
He and Aasimah did not speak for the entire ride back. Aasimah trailed behind Glanen, and more than once, the knight found himself pulling back to check on her, fearing that she might simply let go and fall off the horse. The old mare did not appear to share his concern, and seemed to be rather enjoying the leisurely pace.
Xanthus, on the other hand, snorted and bobbed his head periodically, wishing to return home to the stables and to Glanen's promise of a feast. The knight forced him to keep a steady pace, irritating the restless stallion all the more.
When they returned, Glanen broke his silence.
“Milady, I know you do not wish to speak of it, but should you ever want to, I am here.”
Aasimah nodded, though she said nothing in return.
“No one else needs to know,” the knight continued. “But, please, I do ask of you, don't hold it all in forever.”
“What will we tell the prince?” Aasimah asked, her voice dry.
Glanen swallowed hard. It wasn't in his nature to lie, or to keep anything from his lifelong friend. He doubted that he would ever be able to.
“Leave that to me,” he answered.
The knight dismounted and helped Aasimah down from the old mare. Aasimah once again fell silent as they entered the grounds. Glanen handed their horses off to the stable boy, eyeing Aasimah with growing concern.
Before long, they were back inside the warmth and safety of the palace. Itholera was first to greet them, relief washing over her – temporarily, for her expression became grave as she took in Aasimah's condition.
“Aasimah?” she asked hesitantly.
Aasimah did not answer. She did not seem to even notice her friend, and stared as if she were seeing straight through her.
Glanen cleared his throat. “Where is our prince?”
“I'll – I'll go and fetch him. Sir Knight, what happened?”
“Please, just bring him here.”
Itholera scurried off, leaving them alone once more, save for the two guards at the entry doorway. Moments later, Itholera reappeared with the prince, both of them appearing frantic.
Appearing relieved as he looked upon them, the prince had been about to speak, when Glanen took a respectful bow and remained on his knee, looking downward in shame. Adsuni stared down at his friend.
“I see that you are both alive and well,” the prince said, his voice tight.
“Aye,” Glanen confirmed, too ashamed to meet Adsuni's eyes.
“Glanen, were you able to save Dre'shii?”
“More or less, milord. The village has been secured, and with few civilian casualties, but many of their buildings have been destroyed. Farms were razed, homes were torched... It will be a long time before Dre'shii can be considered 'stable' again.”
The prince heaved a pained sigh. “I will speak to father about assisting in their recovery. We can't leave them to suffer in the aftermath of the attack, and we can't afford to lose such an important agricultural resource. I'll see if we can't free up some extra land for them, too, while we're at it.”
The knight nodded, but did not stand.
“Glanen, is there something else I should know?” he added, eyes darting over to Aasimah, who was pointedly avoiding his gaze.
Glanen finally looked up. “We lost a hostage. A... a young lady. A child.”
The prince walked past Glanen, bringing himself before Aasimah with great caution. “Aasimah?” he asked delicately. Slowly, she came out of her trance. “Leave us,” the prince commanded, leaving no room for disagreement in his tone.
Glanen and Itholera exchanged glances, before taking their leave, the knight bowing slightly in deference to his friend.
“What happened out there?” Adsuni asked.
Aasimah slowly withdrew her hands from her pockets. What was left of the blood had dried by now. It stained the garment she “borrowed,” probably beyond saving. The prince sucked in a sharp breath, thinking her injured.
“We must bring you to a healer! I'm sure father will under—”
“N-no. No...” Aasimah said, pulling away from Adsuni's outstretched hand.
“Don't be ridiculous—” he argued, reaching out for her again. She slapped his hand away and hastily retreated, now holding herself, each bloodied hand clutching a shoulder.
“It's not – it's not what you think.”
“Oh.” Adsuni stopped and lowered his arm.
She'd struck him, an act that would guarantee her death if he ever spoke of it. Aasimah's eyes were wide with terror, but the prince doubted that the thought had occurred to her. Her mind was lost in the past now, and he knew he must tread very carefully.
“This blood, it's not yours, is it?”
Aasimah's breathing became labored. “No.”
“Whose is it?” the prince asked, fearing – and expecting – the worst.
“Him.”
“Him?” the prince asked, beyond confused. Could she have been referring to Glanen? He did not appear hurt when they returned, but then again, it would be just like him to hide a serious injury, not so much because he was a dishonest knight, but simply because he never took his own health or safety very seriously. Adsuni had nearly had a heart attack the first, and last time he had ever watched Glanen “train,” only to end up covered in blood and bruises, utterly oblivious to his own condition until Adsuni had rather forcefully led him to the nearest healer.
Poor Adsuni never truly stopped worrying over his friend's well-being, and his fears only grew as his friend took on increasingly dangerous missions.
Now, it seemed, he had another person to worry about!
“Aasimah, is there anything else you want to tell me?”
“No.”
“Then I give you leave to return to your quarters,” he said, realizing that he would not be obtaining any further information from her that night.
***
“She is in shock,” the prince said, leaning back in his chair, his tea cup clenched firmly in his hands. “She forgot her way when I dismissed her, and I had to lead her back to her quarters myself.”
“It's hardly surprising. Taking a life for the first time is never easy. I am an experienced knight, and even I struggle with the weight of each death I have caused.”
“Glanen,” Adsuni started, caught between wanting to admonish his friend for speaking of the subject so matter-of-factly, and wanting to just abandon their discussion altogether.
“I see no reason to hide the truth of it,” Glanen said, unusually blunt, even defensive. “I am a knight, it is my duty to protect Dinavhek and to act in the best interests of its citizenry. I am to act as both your shield and your sword, my prince. That means that sometimes, I must kill.”
The prince chewed his lower lip. “I know you're right, but, well, I suppose I never really thought of it that way. The only time I ever see you covered in blood is when you've hurt yourself during training, and you haven't been doing that so much, lately. I know, in the back of my mind, what you are doing when you are called out for missions like
these, it's just that I never actually see what goes on. I suppose I truly am as sheltered as everyone says I am.”
The knight sighed, settling down in his own seat near the hearth, and across from his dearest friend. It was unlike him to be so very grim. “This is as it should be. Princes aren't expected to take to the field. You are the future of this country, so you must live. There's a reason that so many thousands of men are willing to lay down their lives for yours.”
The prince shook his head. “I don't like it. Not one bit. It's ugly business, having my friends go out and risk their lives for me. I should be grateful that you both came back to me, and in good health, but I don't know if I can take any more of this. I can't get her out of my head, Glanen. That look she had when you returned, it's as if it's been burned into my mind!”
The knight rested his head upon his hands, fingers knotted together to prop him up. “I remember my first kill. I wanted to renounce my title then and there. I was ready to pick up a pitchfork and start over, become a farmer, live a simpler life, though I'd probably end up having to kill animals instead.”
Adsuni smiled briefly. Glanen always had a soft spot for anything furry. During their childhood, his friend was always bringing him some new creature he'd caught in the woodlands. Even the badger seemed not to mind terribly much – until it found itself in the prince's hands. He still had a scar from that encounter.
“Why didn't you?” he asked suddenly. “Your father wouldn't have approved, but he loves you more than anything. If you wanted to settle down and live by your pitchfork instead of a sword, he'd have let you.”
The knight's eyes shone brilliantly in the light cast upon him by the flickering flames. “When I saw the damage done to the village today, I remembered why I chose this life. I wanted to protect those who could not protect themselves. I wanted to spare others the burden of taking another life. I figured that if I did it in their stead, I could save at least one person from going through that heartbreak.”
The young men sat in silence, each of them weighing heavily the lives that they had led – one by fate, the other, by choice.
Adsuni took a sip of his tea, not really registering the taste at all. Like Aasimah, his mind often strayed to days long past. He thought of all the times he'd sent Glanen out to do his dirty work, and he realized that he, too, was responsible for every life Glanen took under his orders.
“What shall we do about Aasimah?” Glanen asked.
Adsuni did not answer for a long, agonizing moment. “Unless she comes to us, we are to let her be. She needs time to think about what happened. She needs to come to terms with it on her own. I know it sounds cold, heartless even, but I think it's for the best. I'm not saying that we should isolate her,” he added, taking note of Glanen's doubting stare, “it's just that she's going to push us away. When she's ready, she will talk to us. Until then, I don't want to cause her any undue stress.
“Besides... Itholera is with her, now.”
Chapter 11
Haunted Thoughts
∞∞∞
No one came for her that morning. Itholera was with her the night before, but she had been unable to get through to Aasimah, as had Glanen and Prince Adsuni. After making certain that Aasimah had everything she needed, Itholera left her alone, and no one returned for her since.
Aasimah had a long, restless night. She was exhausted beyond belief, but it felt as if she were too much so to sleep. She was too weak to do more than simply lay in bed, tossing and turning every now and then. Alone. Isolated. And yet, while she absolutely detested it, she wouldn't have had it any other way, for she knew she deserved no less.
Unable to fully sleep, she would simply lay there, with her eyes closed. It wouldn't take long for the visions to appear before her. Laughing at her. Mocking her. Judging her. Every sound had poor Aasimah on edge that night, from the soft whirring of the wind blowing against the window to the faint, almost rhythmic tapping of rats as they scurried about the palace. More than once, she heard footsteps outside her door, and grew tense, fearing that someone had come to pay her back for killing their leader.
Thankfully, whomever passed by her door seemed to have no interest in entering. Her fears were unfounded; no one had come for her, not that night, and not the following morning. She remained entirely alone. Though she was safer there than she had been anywhere else in her life, Aasimah did not feel so.
Aside from the warm rays of the sun, the morning brought nothing else. The prince did not summon her. Itholera did not stop by to check on her. Glanen's booming voice could not be heard. Had they all turned their backs on her? Were they so horrified by what she'd done that they found it best to shut her away, out of sight, and out of mind? Would she place her hand upon the doorknob to find it locked? Perhaps even now, they stood together, discussing her fate behind her back.
These were not the fears of a rational person, but at that point in time, consumed as she was by her fears and regrets, Aasimah hardly qualified as a rational person.
With as much courage as she could muster, Aasimah slowly crossed the room and grasped the doorknob. She gave it an experimental twist, and to her relief, found no resistance. The door gave as she pushed against it. Aasimah wasn't sure she was ready for this, but she could no longer stand to be alone.
As the door stopped mid-way, she gave it a harder push, and both heard and felt it hit something – hard. She heard a surprised grunt and hastily pulled the door back. Peering around the edge, she saw Glanen laying on the other side, slumped against the wall. The clattering sound came from a chair that had been knocked over.
“Glanen?”
The knight rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, his cheeks burning crimson.
“Ah! Please forgive me – I was – just – resting – long night—”
“Were you sleeping there?” Aasimah asked, noticing, for the first time, the crumpled blanket on the ground.
The corners of his mouth twitched. She'd never seen him nervous before. Under different circumstances, she would have find it rather endearing.
“Aye,” he answered.
“Did the prince put you up to this?” she asked, her voice cracking. This was the most she had talked for an entire day, and it felt strange and painful. She hadn't even taken a sip of water since waking up, even though they'd made sure to provide her with a full pitcher.
“No, milady, I volunteered to stay overnight. I... was worried about you.”
“Well, thanks, but...”
The knight smiled. “But?”
“It's a little weird. And I don't want to hit you again.”
“After all that's happened, I wouldn't be surprised if you did!” Glanen said, managing a strained little laugh, before clearing his throat. “Very well, I will give you more space. Shall I... er, never mind. I'll... I will leave you be.”
“Wait!” Aasimah said, as Glanen had already begun walking away. “Am I allowed to leave my room?”
Again, the knight smiled, though it was even more forced than before. “Of course you are!” he answered, acting as though all was well. “Why wouldn't you be?”
Aasimah toyed absently with the sleeve of her bed gown. “After everything that happened yesterday, I—”
“Think nothing of it,” Glanen said, a bit sharply. He, too, was tense, but not because he blamed Aasimah for the previous day's events. For the first time in his life, the knight was beginning to feel torn in his loyalties. He would never side against the prince, but he didn't quite trust his friend's judgment in this matter. After all, Adsuni had never seen battle. Much as the prince resented it, he really was spoiled and sheltered. He could not possibly understand what their new friend was going through.
Aasimah nodded, falling silent. She, of course, assumed that the tension in Glanen's voice had come from disapproval towards her. In her mind, the prince had clearly set Glanen to guard her door, and the knight, too loyal for his own good, merely lied to cover for him.
“Itholera made breakf
ast,” Glanen said. “You should eat. You need to keep your strength up.”
So I can become a hardened killer? Aasimah thought, plainly distrusting his motives.
She backed away into the door frame. “I'm not hungry.”
Glanen frowned slightly. Why was she retreating back into her room? The knight rummaged through one of the pouches on his belt, producing something covered in a thin cloth. He uncovered it slightly, revealing a pouch containing some sort of dried meat.
“Here,” he said, holding it out. “Please. If you won't go down to the dining hall, at least take this.” Aasimah reluctantly accepted his offering, though she had no intention of actually consuming it.
The knight's face fell just a bit. “I have to go... I need to return to Dre'shii to discuss relief efforts with the council. If you wanted to come, I would surely benefit from your presence there. I leave it up to you.”
“No, thanks,” Aasimah answered.
Glanen nodded. “I understand. If you change your mind—”
“I won't.”
“Of course. Well... I'd best be off. Take care. I will be back to check on you later.”
The knight bowed before he left, and Aasimah returned to her room, still holding the dried meat he had given her. She sat on the edge of her bed, and began nibbling on it before she even knew it, realizing for the first time how incredibly hungry she was. It tasted odd, it was difficult to chew, but it helped. As she sat there, eating, and thinking about Glanen having to meet with the village elders and the council to discuss reparations, she did not envy the knight one bit.
She did not ever want to leave the safety of her room again.
***
Xanthus was not pleased to see the knight. The horse had been enjoying a most splendid breakfast, and he wasn't about to stop now. As promised, Glanen had instructed the stable boy to spoil the proud horse rotten after the previous day's events, and that stable boy had certainly delivered. Xanthus continued to munch on his breakfast even as Glanen saddled the fine beast up, and did not budge when the knight gently pulled at the reins.
“Come on, lad,” Glanen urged the horse. “We've another adventure before us today! The people need us!”
Dinavhek- The Fall Page 11