by David Hare
Jenny, keep Pat on the flat of his back. On his knees. Keep him confessing. Keep the wound fresh.
I walked five miles before I found any clothes.
Insist we are degraded.
Resist all those who tell you otherwise.
At all costs fight innocence.
Forbid ignorance.
Startle your children.
Appal your mothers.
Know everything.
Love everything.
Especially –
Decay.
Insist on decay.
I have twice been debauched in the open road. I am travelling at this moment through France. Don’t tell Pat.
Goodbye, sweet friends, goodbye.’
Pause.
I think it’s from her. I don’t know anyone else … (Pause.) He called me up.
Curly Who?
Jenny Patrick.
Curly What did he say?
Jenny He said … (Pause.) Don’t look so worried.
Curly (smiling) No, no …
Jenny This was yesterday.
Curly Ah.
Jenny He said he’d like to buy this place.
Curly Here?
Jenny Yeah.
Curly What did you say?
Jenny He’s offering a very good price.
Curly I’m sure.
Jenny It’s a crummy sort of building as you can see.
Curly Yeah …
Jenny You know …
Curly Yeah …
Jenny Some whisky stains and a few tears …
Curly Jenny …
Jenny I said no.
Pause.
Curly Jenny …
Jenny So …
Curly Oh, Jenny …
Pause.
Jenny Thanks for your help.
Curly What?
Jenny Sarah.
Curly Well …
Jenny Thank you. (Pause.) I had a long talk with Michael Hart. About Malloy. And the dog. And Patrick’s behaviour on the beach. (Pause.) I know everything. (Pause.) So do you.
Pause.
Curly Keep your chin up.
Jenny And you.
Curly (backing away) I liked your legs. I’ve always liked your legs.
Jenny Goodbye.
Curly Goodbye.
Jenny goes out. The lights change.
Why should I feel ashamed of myself? Why should I feel inferior? Why should I feel anything? Jenny would go to the newspaper. They didn’t believe her. And, anyway, Sarah was alive. It was autumn again. In the mean square mile of the City of London they were making money. (smiling) Back to my guns.
The lights fade.
LICKING HITLER
For Reg
Characters
Anna Seaton
Archie Maclean
Will Langley
John Fennel
Eileen Graham
Karl
Herr Jungke
Allardyce
Lotterby
Lord Minton
Chauffeur, Maids, Sergeant, Soldiers, Naval Commander, Engineers, Officers, Nurse, Voice of Narrator
Licking Hitler was first shown on BBC TV on 10 January 1978. The cast was as follows:
Anna Seaton Kate Nelligan
Archie Maclean Bill Paterson
Will Langley Hugh Fraser
John Fennel Clive Revill
Eileen Graham Brenda Fricker
Karl Michael Mellinger
Herr Jungke George Herbert
Allardyce Patrick Monckton
Lotterby Jonathan Coy
Photography by Ken Morgan
Produced by David Rose
Directed by David Hare
1. EXT. HOUSE. DAY
An English country house. Perfect and undisturbed. Large and set among woods. The sun behind it in the sky. Loudly a bird tweets.
2. EXT. DRIVE. DAY
A convoy of military vehicles comes noisily up the long drive.
3. INT. CORRIDOR. DAY
A corridor inside the house. At the end of the corridor we can see through to the large hall where Langley, a uniformed army officer, is standing. The sound of the convoy arriving. An elderly Chauffeur carries luggage out of the house. An even older Maid, in black-and-white uniform, follows with more. Lotterby, a young officer, comes into the house, salutes and begins reporting to Langley. All the time the camera is tracking back, drawn by the voice of Archie Maclean.
Archie (VO) The question of Hess.
Pause.
Nobody really believes that Hess flew to Britain on the Führer’s instructions. Hess flew to Britain for one simple reason: because he’s a criminal lunatic.
The camera pans slowly round to a bare passage leading down to the servants’ quarters. A few hunting and military pictures hang at random on the cream walls. At the bottom of the passage the sun shines brilliantly through the glass panes of the closed door of the gun room, from which Archie’s voice is coming.
Now what is frightening about Hess is not what he has done. It is the fact he once found his way so easily into Hitler’s confidence. As loyal Germans we have to face the fact that Adolf Hitler chooses to surround himself with fools, arse-lickers, time-servers, traitors, megalomaniacs … and men who wish to rape their own mothers.
4. INT. GUN ROOM. DAY
Archie Maclean is standing at one side of the room where the shotguns are kept. It is mostly very dirty, full of fishing rods, tennis rackets, golf clubs, mosquito nets, sola topees, nails, hammers, saws, croquet mallets, polo sticks, riding boots, skis, deerstalkers, wellingtons and husky jackets. There is a table piled with cartridges where Eileen Graham has cleared a space to take dictation. She is about twenty-two, with very long legs and fashionably long and wavy hair. She is efficient, self-contained, lower-middle-class. Archie is in his late twenties but already looks much more mature; squat, powerful, stocky, a Clydesider with a very precise manner.
Archie God … God … when I think of the … (Pause. Eileen catches up on her dictation, then looks away and out of the window, while Archie searches for the right word.) … worms. When I think of the worms, when I think of the cheapjacks, when I think of the human excrement that is even now clogging up the innermost councils of the Reich, when I think how badly divided our leaders are, how grossly they have miscalculated, how the pygmies scratch and …
Pause. Action again suspended.
… jostle … jostle around the Führer’s teats, how the greybeard eunuchs and slug-like parvenues congest and clot the bloodstreams of the nation, then I cry … Lord I cry for Germany.
He turns and looks at Eileen still thinking. She looks up. Then he waves a hand.
Something like that.
5. EXT. COUNTRY LANE. DAY
Country lane in spring. A young girl of nineteen, struggling along the road, which is deserted, carrying two heavy suitcases which she has to put down every fifty yards. Her hair falls in front of her face. She is thin and very tired. Anna.
6. INT. HALL. DAY
A large hall with a fine staircase. The front doors of the house have been flung open and opposite them the military vehicles are now parked and are being unloaded by Soldiers under the direction of the Sergeant. They are taking off office equipment, which they now bring into the house. Also waiting outside is an old Rolls-Royce. At the very centre of the hall Lord Minton is sitting on his suitcase. He has a stick, a big black coat and is very old and ill. Around him, and taking no notice, soldiers carry filing cabinets and wireless equipment through the hall and off down the corridor.
Langley comes down the staircase. We see him to be in his thirties, thin, bony, with sleeked-down black hair and a very dry edge to his manner. Allardyce, a young engineer, approaches him, carrying a green telephone.
Allardyce The green line, sir – anywhere in particular?
Langley Best place is my study. I’ll show you where that is.
Archie is standing in his shirt sleeves at the end of the corridor watching the arrivals. Langley gest
ures to him.
Archie, can you …
Langley nods, then disappears with Allardyce and the telephone equipment. Archie looks across at the Chauffeur who is coming back from the car.
Archie Is he ready?
The Chauffeur looks down at Lord Minton and asks him a question in deaf and dumb language. Lord Minton replies vociferously, then turns to Archie. Gets up. He smiles and gestures wonderingly round the magnificent house. Then shrugs. Archie hands him his cane and gloves.
7. EXT. STEPS OF THE HOUSE. DAY
Archie shakes Minton’s hand and shouts at him.
Archie Very kind. Of you. To lend us. Your place.
Minton turns and gets into the car, the door of which is held open for him by his Chauffeur.
Tell him we appreciate his sacrifice. Having to spend the rest of the war in that squalid wee single end in Eaton Square.
The Chauffeur smiles thinly as he closes the door, and goes round to drive away. Anna arrives just in time to hear Archie as he waves from the steps.
That’s right Minton, you bugger off.
Anna looks up at him.
Anna Is this Wendlesham?
Archie You were due yesterday.
Anna The train … it stopped for the night outside Aylesbury. Nobody knew why.
But Archie has already turned to Lotterby, who is carrying a huge photograph of Goebbels into the house. Archie seizes it.
And it’s taken all day just to get …
Lotterby Goebbels for you, sir.
Archie smiles and goes into the house.
Archie We’ll hang him in the study. Is that not what people do?
8. INT. HALL. DAY
Archie passes quickly through with Lotterby carrying the portrait of Goebbels.
Archie Look at the face. Extraordinary face. The lips.
They go off down the corridor. Anna follows in through the door and looks round the hall which has suddenly emptied. She puts her bags down, looks round. Sudden quiet.
9. EXT. DRIVE. DAY
The military convoy disappears down the drive.
10. GUN ROOM. DAY
As before except now at the centre of the clutter is the large and magnificent portrait of Goebbels. Archie is standing at the window. It is darkening outside. Eileen is sitting at the desk reading back typed dictation.
Eileen The question of Hess, stop. Nobody believes that Hess came to Britain on the Führer’s instructions, stop. Hess flew to Britain for one simple reason, colon. Because he’s a criminal lunatic, stop.
Anna is standing at the door. She has taken her coat off and has tidied up. She carries a huge volume under her arm. Eileen stops reading. Archie turns.
Archie I take it you’ve signed the Act. (Anna nods.) Sit down.
Anna sits on a wooden chair among the tennis rackets.
Ihr Deutsch soll ausgezeichnet sein.
Anna Ja. Das war ja einfach für mich.
Archie Where did you learn?
Anna My family … my cousin was married to a German. I spent my summers in Oberwesel. They had a Schloss on the Rhine.
Archie Who vetted you?
Anna Naval Intelligence. My uncle is Second Sea Lord at the Admiralty.
Archie I see.
Anna I also have a cousin who’s high-up in …
Archie Och yes, I can imagine.
There is a pause. Archie looks at Anna.
Well, there’s nothing for you yet. But we do need somebody to make the tea.
11. INT. KITCHEN. EVENING
A large bare room with a gas range. The only provisions in view are a packet of tea, a packet of sugar and a bottle of milk. Anna comes in, looks around, then takes a saucepan over to the tap. We can hear Eileen in the distance repeating the Hess speech. Anna pauses uncertainly at the tap, then turns back, takes a decision. She confidently empties the whole packet of tea into the saucepan and pours on to it a good hard gush of cold water. She then puts the pan on to the gas and lights it.
12. INT. CORRIDOR. EVENING
Empty. Gun room door open.
Archie (VO) I’ll do the blackout, it’s a’right.
Eileen appears from the gun room, looks puzzled down the corridor, then goes one door down to the kitchen. Goes in.
13. INT. KITCHEN. EVENING
The tea is now boiling, Anna is staring at it. She looks up at Eileen as soon as she comes in. Eileen at once takes it off the stove, amazed, and looks at the empty packet.
Eileen That’s a week’s ration.
Anna I’ve never had to.
She is beginning to cry.
Eileen No.
Anna Just can’t.
14. INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT
A darkened room, plain, once a servant’s bedroom. An iron bed. Anna lying awake in the dark. Then quietly she slips the covers off and runs across to her suitcase at the far side of the room. Takes out her battered, yellowing teddy bear. Returns to bed with him. Stops in front of the bed.
Anna Which side do you want?
15. INT. DRAWING ROOM. DAY
A magnificent yellow room. High windows. Bright daylight. Armchairs and sofas. Superb full-length portraits on the walls. At one end Langley has set up a table behind which he and Fennel sit. Fennel is almost forty, fat, boyish, an enthusiast, an intellectual enjoying his war. Scattered round the room are a mixture of Plainclothes People, Engineers and Officers from the three Services. Next to Anna on a sofa is Karl, heavy, dark-jowled, bewildered. He seems to understand nothing of what is going on.
Fennel This is a research unit within the Political Warfare Executive. How the rest of that department functions is none of your concern. I am your only contact with the world outside and I don’t expect to visit you very often. I’m afraid you will know very little about the success or failure of your work. You are throwing stones into a pond which is a very long way away. And there will be almost no ripples. So your job must be to keep your heads down and just … keep at it, even though you’ll have almost no idea of the effect you’re having.
Karl leans across the sofa and whispers to Anna.
Karl Ich verstehe nicht.
Anna (whispers in German) Moment.
Fennel Perhaps even when the war is over you will not know what good you did.
Fennel smiles.
16. INT. DRAWING ROOM. DAY
Anna leans alone against a window frame. Everyone is now standing in cocktail positions. Two Maids pass between groups of people pouring out beer from big, stoppered two-pint bottles. In one group stand Fennel, Langley, Allardyce.
Fennel I suppose you’d been hoping to represent your country.
Langley That’s right. I was aiming for the 1940 Olympics.
He smiles.
Fennel But you still have your blue?
Langley Half-blue.
Fennel Fencing is a half-blue?
Langley That’s right. But I’m still hoping for national honour. I mean, after the war.
They smile. Archie is sitting alone on the sofa staring across the room at Anna. Anna raises the pint mug to her lips but takes as little as possible. She is very self-conscious and lonely. The Fennel conversation has moved on.
Fennel The boys on The Times actually got hold of an onion.
Langley Good Lord.
Fennel Can you imagine? Someone actually gave them one. A whole onion. Great big thing. So they auctioned it among the staff. Went to the night editor for £4 3s. 4d.
Allardyce Well.
Langley Worth it.
Now Fennel seems to catch Anna’s eye. She looks away.
Fennel Certainly. Of course.
A gong sounds. The room goes silent, caught for a moment as they stand.
17. INT. DINING ROOM. DAY
The Unit sits round a large dinner table, overhung with chandeliers. The Older Maid dollops mashed potato on to each plate as the Young Maid passes with an ashet on which sits a piece of pork luncheon meat in the shape of a tin. She puts it down at the head of the table, and as the top seat is
unoccupied, Archie rises and gravely begins to carve the luncheon meat. It makes a succulent, unpleasant noise. Anna looks out of the window to the drive where Langley is talking animatedly to Fennel and a Naval Commander. You can just hear them speaking.
Fennel Goodbye. Good luck. I’ll try and get down in a couple of months.
Fennel and the Commander climb into the car, gathering up piles of paper from off the back seat. They look to Anna romantic and attractive. Fennel’s Driver drives them away.
An uneasy silence as the Unit eat. Karl leans to Anna and whispers in German. Apologetically, Anna speaks.
Anna He would like to know … what exactly we’re all doing here.
Archie looks up from his food.
Archie Tell him it’s a wireless station. Like the BBC.
18. INT. GUN ROOM. DAY
Archie at the window. Eileen with her dictation pad. Anna and Karl sitting useless at the other side of the room.
Eileen The question of Hess.
Archie The question of Hess.
He taps his knuckles on the windowpane in a gesture of frustration.
Anna Perhaps if you told us more about it we would be able to help.
Eileen smiles. Anna watches as Archie turns and stares at her.
Archie The game is. We are a radio station …
Anna Yes.
Archie Broadcasting to Germany. My job is to script the broadcasts. Your job is to interpret them.
Anna I see.
Karl Was sagt er?
Anna (in German) Propaganda.
Archie Yes.
Pause.
We are to pretend to be two German army officers stationed a thousand miles apart sending coded messages to each other nightly over short-wave radio. When the messages have been sent, the idea is that one of our officers – ‘Otto’ – will relax, he will talk more frankly, he will add his own personal comments on the conduct of the war. And those comments will not be complimentary to the Nazi leaders.