The Girl in Seat 24B

by Jennifer Peel

  “How about I teach you to play tennis?” Michael asked our son. Ashton’s eyes lit up and he nodded his head yes. I just hoped Michael meant it.

  I began to walk to the door, and the kids followed. Michael came too. I opened the door and let some light in. His apartment was so dark. The kids waved goodbye as we walked out. Michael grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. I was stunned, to say the least.

  “Carly…” He just stared at me for a moment again. I thought he was going to reach up with his other hand and touch my cheek, but he stopped just short.

  I held my breath in anticipation. I was almost eye level with him in my heels. His blue eyes looked troubled and confused. I wanted to reach up and touch his face, but I restrained myself. I couldn’t deal with rejection this morning.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “You’re welcome, Bishop.”

  I turned to walk away. He pulled back.

  “Carly, I’m sorry about Mother’s Day. I really screwed up.”

  I willed myself not to cry. I just smiled. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He let go of my hand.

  “See you later, Bishop.”

  “You look beautiful by the way,” he tentatively called out as I walked away.

  I turned back and smiled for a second, then I took my little ones by the hand and just kept on walking. My heart was racing. I wanted to go back and demand him to take me up in his arms and stop with all this nonsense, but I didn’t. I figured his legs worked just as well as mine and he would come after me if he really wanted to. But he didn’t.

  As we spent the day with his parents, I could tell we all kept waiting for him to show up, but he never did. I think his mom was finally starting to get that this was his deal and not mine. Jack was now open with his feelings for me. It was like he could finally come out of the closet and admit that he had liked, and maybe even loved, me all along. I also made him a photo book of the kids, like Michael’s, and the kids got him lots of items that were inscribed with “World’s Greatest Grandpa.” He loved them all. We had such a good day, we even stayed for dinner.

  I helped Danielle prepare dinner while Papa rode the grandkids around on his riding lawnmower. At first, it was just polite conversation, nothing heavy or meaningful, but eventually she began to ask me about me. She was interested to know about my parents, and how I dealt with the tragedy of the bombing that took their lives. She asked about my sister, whom she had only met at our wedding. We of course talked about the baby and then we talked about her son. She was more than concerned.

  “Do you think drugs or alcohol are to blame?” she asked worriedly.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Maybe he’s depressed and he needs to see a doctor or counselor,” she suggested.

  That kind of made sense in my mind. I shrugged my shoulders. “Maybe.”

  “Do you think it’s someone else?” she asked delicately.

  “I asked and he adamantly denied it.”

  “Do you believe him?” she asked hesitantly.

  I stood at the stove, stirring the gravy. “I want to believe him. I guess if I didn’t, I would have already filed for divorce.”

  She stopped slicing the ham for a moment. “Are you going to file for divorce?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “We said we wouldn’t talk about it until after the baby was born, but I just don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”

  “Don’t give up just yet,” she pled.

  “I thought perhaps you would be happy if we got divorced,” I responded cautiously.

  She set down the knife she was using. I thought maybe I shouldn’t have said that to her with a knife in her hand. But she approached me, knifeless. I wasn’t sure what to do. She looked unsure too. It was like awkwardness squared. She took the gravy off the stove and took my hands in hers. She was a tiny little thing, a few inches shorter than me. She had to look up at me.

  “Carly, I’m sorry. I should have said that a long time ago. I’ve watched you these past few months, and I’m in awe of you.”

  The tears came, but this time they were happy tears.

  “If I were you, I would have walked away by now, but I hope you don’t. My son needs you.”

  “I just want him to want me.”

  She freaked me out a bit and hugged me. I was hesitant at first to respond, but I thought, What the heck. She was my mother in law, after all, and she really did seem to mean well. And I was serious when I said I could use a mother. As we were embracing, the rug rat brigade came in, with Papa following. My father-in-law took in the scene before him and smiled. Danielle and I moved apart and just went back to preparing dinner like nothing happened. But, inwardly, I was smiling. If anything good had come out of this sad mess, this was it.

  Michael never showed up at his parent’s house, but when I got home, there was a surprise for me on the kitchen counter. There sat a very large bouquet of peach roses in a vase. I carefully picked up the card that was attached and opened it.

  Dear Carly,

  Thank you for being the mother of my children.

  When life settles down, I promise to plant a peach rose bush in your garden.

  Love,

  Bishop

  It wasn’t as heartwarming as his cards had been in the past, but I wasn’t going to complain at this point. I held his words to my heart and breathed the smell of the roses in deeply. I could hold on a little bit longer, right?

  Once I got the kids settled into bed, I called Michael to thank him for the roses. He was at the airport waiting to fly to Chicago. He had never traveled this much. I think it was wearing on him, he sounded tired.

  “Are you ok?”

  “Yes. This is just life,” he responded gruffly.

  “Are you still meeting us at the beach this weekend?” I asked cautiously.

  “I’m going to try, Carly. I really don’t like you driving down there with the kids all by yourself.”

  “Then take the week off and come with us.”

  “I can’t right now.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Carly, my work schedule is insane right now. I don’t have a choice.”

  I just sighed.

  “If I want to stay relevant and stay on top, this is the price that has to be paid.”

  “Michael, there are other options.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, my business is doing really well. I could take on more clients or we could start using my trust fund until you found something else.”

  “Those aren’t options in my mind.”

  “Why?”

  “Carly, I can provide for my family.”

  “Of course you can, no one is discounting that. But, Michael, at what expense? We need you more than we need your paycheck.”

  He was silent for a moment. I could just picture him pinching the bridge of his nose or rubbing his cheek.

  “Carly, I don’t want to keep having this discussion with you. This is the way it has to be.”

  I went to interrupt because that was dumb. It wasn’t the way it had to be, but he plowed on, not letting me get in a word edgewise.

  “I’ll search the best routes for you and the kids to drive down and email them to you. Make sure you take the Triple A card and I’ll try and meet you there Friday night.”

  I sighed inwardly. He was being a stubborn fool. With him, it was like one step forward and ten steps back.

  “Bishop, in case I haven’t said it, or expressed it lately, thanks for providing for our family. And…I really do love you.” I couldn’t help but say it. I knew it wouldn’t be returned, but for some reason I couldn’t understand, I still loved him and I still wanted him.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight, Carly.”

  I was becoming a masochist I thought as I hung up with him. I lay down on the bed and placed my hand on the baby growing inside of me and I felt a slight movement on the outside. I smiled. But just as quickly, I was
saddened because I had no one to share it with.

  “What do you think I should do, little one?” I said out loud.

  No response.

  “I don’t know what to do either.”

  So I just went to bed and prayed tomorrow would be better and that my husband would get his head out of his butt. Ok, maybe I said it a little nicer, but in essence that’s what needed to happen.

  I spent the next two days packing for our trip. We were leaving Wednesday and I couldn’t wait to hit the sand and water. Michael sent me a myriad of emails and texts reminding me of things I should bring and what the best and safest routes were. My favorite was the sunscreen reminder.

  “It’s almost as if you care about me,” I texted.

  “I do care about you,” he texted back.

  “Just checking the emergency broadcast system,” I replied.

  “Just keep you and the kids safe.”

  “I always do.”

  And I did keep us safe all the way there, even among the myriads of bathroom stops for me and the kids and the constant nagging question, “When are we going to be there,” and a clean-up in the back seat. Mia got car sick. By the time we got to the condo, we were all more than ready to be out of the car. I had to hold them back, though, from running to the beach. I told them we had to unpack first, and of course put sunscreen on. Oh, and I promised Michael I would let him know we made it there safely.

  “Made it here with the sunscreen. Might have left a child at a rest stop, but other than that, it was uneventful.” I texted.

  “I’m glad to hear you made it there safely. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.”

  “Anytime. Everything ok?”

  “Yep.”

  “Alright. See you Friday.”

  I just hoped and prayed he would actually make it. His track record stunk lately. But regardless, this was just what the doctor ordered. As soon as my bare feet hit the sand and I took in the sea air, I immediately felt my spirits lift. The kids and I spent the first afternoon building a sand castle and making new friends. There were plenty of kids to play with. One of the dads even chatted me up. I think he said his name was Tim Kearns. He was staying a couple of doors down from us. He had twins that were ten, a boy and a girl. The girl was very nice to Mia helping her collect shells and clams and the boy played Frisbee with Ashton.

  All in all, it was a lovely afternoon. I just wished it was my husband I was talking to and not a stranger. The guy was nice and all, but I missed my husband. I had never vacationed without him since we had been married. It seemed dumb, seeing as I used to travel the world by myself, but once we were married, I could never dream of doing that without him, but here I was. I had to remind myself to be happy and that this may be my future reality that I would have to deal with.

  After a few hours, I was ready to go in. My back was a little sore, and I stretched as I got up. I guess it showed off my bump in my short sun dress.

  “Oh, you’re pregnant,” my new-found friend remarked. He immediately acted embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but please tell me you’re really pregnant.”

  I laughed at his reaction. “You’re in luck. I’m about five months pregnant.”

  I called Ashton and Mia to me.

  “I really am sorry, my wife told me to never ask a woman if she’s pregnant.”

  I looked down at his red face. “That’s very good advice. Is your wife here with you?”

  His shoulders dropped and he looked over to his children. “My wife passed away last year,” he said quietly.

  “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

  “This is our first vacation without her.”

  “I’m sure it’s difficult for you.”

  I could feel for him. I mean, of course my husband hadn’t died, even though it kind of felt like it, but, I could understand being alone in a situation where you were used to being with your partner.

  He looked back toward me. “It’s been a rough eight months, but we’re managing.”

  The kids joined me, and his children joined him.

  “Well, I’m sure we’ll see you around,” I said.

  I didn’t want to talk about death around the kiddos. We gathered our chairs, towels, and little cooler and headed back to our condo on the beach. Tim offered to carry the chairs, but I told him I had it covered. We all waved goodbye.

  As we walked toward our cute little bright green condo, I decided we were ordering in food. I was tired from the drive and the sun. The kids must have been tired, too, because after I fed and bathed them, they both crashed. The condo had two bedrooms, and I put them in a room together. I wasn’t sure what the sleeping arrangements would be when Michael got there. I knew what I wanted them to be; we hadn’t shared a bed in three months. I sighed.

  I took advantage of the quiet time and went out onto the deck, soaked in the gorgeous view, and reveled in the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore. I also pulled out my tablet and caught up on my reading. I had been trying to make sure I read all of Michael’s pieces. He had been reporting on everything from political candidates and policy to medical research and breakthroughs. They were all well written and executed, but I noticed how edgy he was becoming. He had been that way when we first met, but he had toned it down. Now he was edgier than ever, and I wasn’t sure what to think about it.

  As I was pondering, he called. As per his usual, he asked first to talk to the rug rats.

  “They’re asleep. Do you just want to call back in the morning?” I asked.

  “Sure, but first tell me how you’re doing.”

  Uh, I thought. Real concern?

  “I’m on the beach watching the sunset, so I’m good. How are you?”

  “Not as good as you.”

  “Well, there’s an empty seat with your name on it next to me.”

  “I’m going to try, Carly.”

  Before I could reply, our new friends walked by. “You and the kids should come out and crab hunt with us,” Tim yelled out to me.

  “Can you hold on, Bishop?”

  I yelled back that the kids were already in bed, but to enjoy.

  “Who are you talking to?”

  “Oh, we met some of our neighbors today on the beach. He was just inviting us to go crab hunting with his kids.”

  “Did you say he?”

  “Yeah. It’s really sad, his wife died of cancer last year and he’s here with his ten year old twins. I think he said they’re from Wisconsin. His son and daughter were really great with Ashton and Mia today.”

  “So you hung out with him all day?”

  “No. Why do you sound so accusatory?”

  “Does he know you’re married?”

  I started laughing. “Bishop, I’m five months pregnant with two children in tow. No one is looking at me on the beach, or anywhere else for that matter.”

  “Carly, you’re so naïve about how attractive you are and about men.”

  I was still laughing at him.

  “And it’s not safe for a woman who’s alone to be talking to strange men. I knew this trip wasn’t a good idea.”

  I stopped laughing. “Fine. You know what, if it will make you feel better, I’ll tell everyone here that I’m married. And then when they ask me where my husband is or why he’s not with us, I’ll tell them that we don’t actually live together and you don’t love me. Will that make you feel better?” I didn’t wait for his response. “Oh…and just so you know, I’ve always kept my marriage vows and I will to the bitter end. And … I haven’t even looked at another man since the day I met you, Bishop!”

  He chuckled.

  “I’m glad you find this amusing.”

  “No, just you.”

  Oh, he was irritating me. “Goodnight, Bishop.”

  “Hey…” he said before I could hang up on him.

  “What?”

  “I’ll see you Friday.”

  “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

  Though Michael’s insinuations bothered
me, they gave me pause. I wondered if I had given the wrong impression to Tim. I just assumed everyone knew I was married. After all, I wore a wedding ring and the whole kids and pregnancy thing should scream, I’m unavailable! But I also found it hypocritical that my husband who, for all intents and purposes, had left me wanted to make sure other men knew I was married. Not that I was looking, or wanted anyone else but him, but it kind of irked me. Regardless, I intended to be careful, just in case. And I wasn’t going to do it because of Michael, but because I believed marriage was sacred, even if we weren’t technically together.

  Thankfully, I didn’t even have to worry about it the next day. We didn’t see our neighbors as we enjoyed the beach and playing in the ocean. Friday was rainy, so we went inland to find our fun. We caught a movie and toured the kid’s museum. All day I kept wondering if Michael would really show up. I didn’t even tell the kids it was a possibility; I didn’t want them to be disappointed again. I didn’t want to be disappointed either, so I refrained from calling or texting him all day. I figured, if he showed up, great. If not, there was nothing I could do about it.

  I put the kids to bed that night a little sullen. As much as I wanted to be ok with it, I wasn’t. He hadn’t called, but I was done chasing him. As the night wore on, I became more than sullen—I felt like the raging weather outside. I sat on my bed, listening to the rain beat against the outside walls and windows and watching Mother Nature’s light show. Michael loved stormy nights. There was something romantic about a storm, and we had had our share of romance during many a storm, but those thoughts only added heat to my rage. How could he just throw away everything we had shared? No marriage was perfect, but I had loved ours.

  I wasn’t sure how long I had been stewing, but when I looked at the clock and it was one in the morning. I cursed him for keeping me up so late, and for letting me down again. I wanted to call him and let him have it, but I didn’t even think he would care. The baby must have been in a mood, too, it was like he or she was doing somersaults in the womb. I lay still and just felt the movements in my body and I tried to let the anger go. I relaxed enough to begin to drift off. That’s when my phone’s text alert went off. I grabbed the phone and thought, I’m going to kill him! First his insensitivity kept me up, and now he had woken me up.