“I’m here,” the text read.
Just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating, I sat up and read the text one more time. After I had assured myself it was real, I crept quietly to the front door and opened it. There he stood, soaked and carrying his luggage.
“I know it’s not Friday, but I don’t want to hear about it. Just getting here was beyond miserable,” were the first words out of his mouth. He didn’t even move to come in out of the rain.
I just stood there in one of his old t-shirts, not sure what to say to that reception. I hardly even recognized him anymore. He basically looked the same, but his countenance was hardened. He never used to talk to me like that, even when he’d been frustrated. I responded by not saying anything. I just started to shut the door. I didn’t want him like this, and he so clearly didn’t want to be here. The last I saw before the door closed were his widened baby blues.
As soon as the door closed, he turned the knob and opened it and walked in. I just turned and walked back to bed. I wasn’t in any mood to deal with him, especially like this. I guessed he was staying, because I heard his luggage drop to the floor and the door lock. I crawled back into bed and pulled the covers up and just let the tears trickle down my cheeks. After a few minutes, there was a knock on my door.
“Hey, Carly,” he said as he opened my door.
I wiped my cheeks as he approached my bed and knelt next to it. He was still in his wet suit and tie. His hair was even dripping water on the tiled floor. I just lay there with my head on the pillow facing him, trying to see something of the person I loved.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Is that better?” he said gently.
I attempted a smile. “Yes, but I would have added on, ‘You’re a sight for sore eyes’ or maybe ‘You look beautiful.’”
He laughed quietly. “You are sight for sore eyes and you do look beautiful in my t-shirt I’ve been searching for.”
“Do you want it back?”
“No, it looks way better on you.”
I managed a real smile. “I’m glad you’re here.”
He looked confused as to what he should say, but he ran his finger down my cheek. “Where should I sleep?”
That shouldn’t have been a question. “Well you could move Mia in with me and you can sleep with Ashton, or you could sleep on the couch. Or…” I paused and bit my lip. “You could stay in here with me.”
His whole countenance registered consternation. I could tell he was torn, and it caused me to be torn up inside. Why didn’t he want me anymore? I had kept up my physical appearance both inside and out. So I was pregnant, but the last two times I was pregnant, he always told me how beautiful my body was to him
“I promise I won’t bite,” I said after a minute of dead air.
He smiled and kissed my forehead. His lips lingered for several seconds, like he was still trying to decide. “Yeah, but I might. I’ll just take the couch,” he said when his lips left my skin.
Chapter 9
I woke the kids up quietly the next morning. I didn’t want them to wake up their daddy. All I needed was him grumpy, because admittedly, I was a little grumpy from the lack of sleep and an overdose of rejection. I quietly sang, “A Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down” in my best Mary Poppins’s voice. It helped my mood significantly, as did the sweet faces that belonged to me.
As soon as they were coherent, they asked if we would be able to go to the beach. I got up and pulled open their curtains to show them that the sun was shining. They began to cheer. I quickly went back to their bed and hushed them.
“I have a surprise for you, but you have to be very quiet after I tell you. Ok?”
They nodded their heads yes.
“Ok.” I smiled. “Your daddy’s here.”
Mia squealed. I picked her up. “Shhh. He’s sleeping, silly. We don’t want to wake him up.”
“Ok,” she whispered back through her big grin.
I looked at Ashton. “Are you excited to have your dad here, little man?”
He thought about it for a minute. “Do you think he’ll take me out on my boogie board?”
I stroked his beautiful blond hair. “I’m sure he will, but let’s give him some time to rest first.”
He smiled at me, and I pulled him into a Mia-and-Ashton group hug with mommy. We all quietly got ready by putting on our bathing suits. To my ensemble I added my new cream lace cover-up. I looked in the mirror and swore I looked more pregnant than I did the day before, despite the black swim suit. I guess it was inevitable. I fed the kids and packed the cooler.
I kept looking over at Michael on the couch. He hadn’t even stirred. I’m sure he was exhausted, and I almost felt sorry for him. He had to fly into Atlanta and then drive down here in the pouring rain. I guess his flight had been delayed. He looked so peaceful, and a lot like my Bishop. I fought the urge to go to his side and run my hands through his dark mop and kiss his lips. Instead, I wrote him a note and told him we would be at the beach and there were eggs in the fridge and wheat bread, just like he liked.
The kids and I set up our chairs and umbrella. We slathered on the sunscreen and commenced our day in the sun. I could still smell the rain from the previous day. It was a lovely scent mixed in with the salt air. I could seriously live down here, I thought. It was a great morning too; we mostly had the beach to ourselves. It was an hour before it started to fill up around us. Our new-found friends set up next to us.
Tim was in awe of the storm from the previous day.
“There’s nothing like a southern thunderstorm,” I said.
“Agreed.” He smiled at me nervously and ran his fingers through his rust colored hair. “My kids and I are planning to take a dolphin tour later. Would you like to join us?”
I was just about to decline, but I didn’t have to. My husband arrived and hovered over us. Tim looked up at him, unsure of why this guy was standing there glaring at him.
I looked up to Michael and then back to Tim. “Tim this is…”
“Michael, Carly’s husband.” Michael wasn’t amused at all. He looked threatening standing there.
Tim looked flustered.
Michael grabbed the chair on my right and placed it on my left in between Tim and me. He sat down and kissed my cheek. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, Bishop,” I smirked.
He looked over to Tim. “My wife and I have other plans for the day.”
I was a little embarrassed by Michael’s territorial behavior considering he just spent the night on the couch. Tim was red with embarrassment too. So maybe Michael was right. Tim didn’t stay around too much longer, and Michael got an evil grin on his face. We didn’t get to talk about it, though, because the kids barraged him with hugs and kisses.
They begged their daddy to come play with them and to take them into the water.
“I’ll be right there. Give me a minute to talk to mommy and put some sunscreen on.”
They happily went back to digging in the sand.
Bishop looked my way all smug. “Do you see what I mean?”
“What are you talking about?”
“That guy was totally coming on to you.”
“He was asking the kids and me to go on a boat.”
“All while looking you up and down.”
“Bishop, I look like a beached whale.” I rubbed my ever expanding midsection. “I think I grew overnight.”
He looked me over closely, leaned closer and smiled. “Yet, you still have one of the best bodies out here.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know you’re a big hypocrite, right?”
He grinned and handed me the sunscreen.
“Fine, come and sit in front of me. I’d just as soon let you burn, but I don’t want to hear you complain for the next two days.”
He sat in front of me and removed his shirt. I took a deep breath. I know it sounds dumb, but I loved his back. He had a strong, muscular back. Not like a body builder or anything like that; it was masculine and
it looked like it could bear weight. And I had always loved the way my hands felt across his skin. I poured the sunscreen in my hands and I lightly approached his back. At first touch, I felt him tense up. It had been too long since we had touched in such a way. As I began to rub in the lotion, I could feel him relax at my touch.
“How’s the baby?” he asked.
“Active. I think we may have another soccer player on our hands.”
As I made it to his shoulders and neck, he commented, “You know it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you rubbed my neck. I think I slept on it wrong.”
Now he was pushing it.
“Ha.” I closed the lid to the sunscreen and handed it back up to him. “I think you can get the rest.”
He turned his head toward me, grinning. “So that’s a no on the back rub?”
I began to shake my head at him, but then I noticed his hair. “Did you dye your hair?”
He turned away from me and ran his fingers through his dark locks.
“Well… you know, I was just trying to get rid of the gray.”
I stroked the back of his hair. “I liked the gray.”
He looked back to me again with a questioning gaze.
I shrugged my shoulders slightly. “I found it quite sexy, but I’m guessing your girlfriend doesn’t.”
He turned all the way toward me. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Just checking.” I turned from his gaze and grabbed my novel. “Have fun with the kids.” I threw on my shades, laid my chair back, waved at the kids and then smiled at my husband.
He grinned and left me to enjoy my book.
Once in a while I would peek up and watch the people that I loved more than life. It was way more interesting than the cheesy romance novel I brought with me. I loved seeing them play together and laugh and have fun. It was as if, for a moment, my Bishop had returned. I was also reminded why I was so attracted to him. He was a man’s man; rugged, with hair on his chest; and his always slightly-grown-in beard was completely swoon worthy. Just watching him pick up the kids and run with them both in his arms reminded me that this was what I wanted my kids to have. My dad was a great guy, but he was a very genteel sort of man, and he was absent a lot. I had never even been camping until after I was married. Bishop laughed at me the whole trip because of my lack of experience. I wanted my kids to have a dad that would play with them in the backyard and teach them about sports and take them fishing and camping, but also someone that would tell them stories and hold them when they were frightened, someone that would kiss owies better. Bishop had been the best of both worlds until last year. Now he too was absent.
In the midst of my reflection I was bombarded by rug rats pulling on my hands. “Daddy says you should be playing with us too,” they said in stereo.
I looked up and saw Bishop motioning with his finger to join him. I set my book down and braved taking off my cover-up. I looked down. Yep, I was definitely pregnant. As I walked toward him, he lowered his sunglasses and eyed me.
“See, beached whale,” I said.
“I was thinking more like beach babe,” he replied.
I rolled my eyes at him, but I liked that he actually looked at me. We then proceeded to have the best day we had had in forever. Michael set up a game of seashell toss. We played that until the kids got bored. By that time, it was time for lunch anyway. We picnicked on the beach. Michael took Ashton out on his boogie board while Mia and I worked on a princess castle. The boys eventually joined us and stormed the castle, adding alligators and motes.
If anyone were to look at us, they would think, happy family. And at that moment, we were. I just didn’t know if it was temporary, or the start of working our way back to a permanent state of happy. I tried not to over think it and just enjoy the day, but each time I looked at my husband, it was hard not to think about it. I just hoped he could see how much we loved him and needed him in our lives. As much as I loved our rug rats, it didn’t make up for what Michael took from me when he left.
Several times Michael caught me looking at him. I didn’t turn away, and neither did he. Sometimes he smiled, and other times he just looked thoughtful. I so badly wanted to know what he was thinking, but now wasn’t the time to ask. Today was the kids’ day.
By the time dinner rolled around, we were all beat. We gathered up all of our gear and headed back to the condo. Michael offered to barbecue while I bathed the kiddos. The kids relived their day to me like I hadn’t been there. Daddy was the hero of the day, which was more than fine with me. He could play hero every day if he wanted to.
Ashton jumped in the shower first, and I laid on the bed with Mia while she talked a mile a minute about the waves that daddy saved her from or how he made the best castle tops, which I think translated into turrets.
“Does this mean daddy is coming home to live with us?” she asked.
Her question saddened me. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But let’s not worry about it this weekend, sweetie.” I didn’t want anything to put a damper on these fleeting moments we had with him.
By the time both kids were done, Michael was back from the store and just getting ready to start dinner.
“Can I help?” I asked.
He looked up from the grocery bag he was emptying. “The kids and I have it covered. Why don’t you just relax.”
So that’s what I did. I took a long shower and took my time getting ready. I gloried in the alone time and the co-parenting. Once I removed myself from the much needed shower, I found I didn’t need much makeup at all. Mother Nature had done her job admirably. I was just so happy to feel normal again, well as normal as you can feel when you’re growing a human inside of you. I threw on a white stretchy tee that showed off my tan and some shorts and joined my family.
It smelled fabulous when I entered the kitchen area. They were all out on the deck, and I could see the kids setting the patio table for dinner and Michael at the grill. I had missed seeing him at the grill this summer. He used to grill almost every night in the warm summer months. He was a master at it. I wondered if he missed it. I wondered if he missed us. I just stood and stared for a moment before I slid the glass door open. I knew I missed him.
I stepped out and Michael turned toward me.
“Hi,” I said. Why did I feel so nervous?
He smiled and looked me over from head to toe. “You look great.”
“Thanks. Dinner smells wonderful. What are we having?”
As he opened the grill, the kids asked me to admire their handiwork; they were excited to point out the floral arrangement that sat in the middle.
I looked back to Michael. “What’s the occasion?”
He almost seemed embarrassed. “Do I need one to buy my wife flowers?”
I smiled and cautiously moved closer to him. I kissed his cheek.” Thank you.” For a moment our eyes locked, and for a moment I could see desire in his eyes, but he quickly turned from me, back to the shrimp and corn on the cob and what looked like grilled peaches.
“You’re welcome,” he mumbled.
I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of his actions. It was almost as if he had to try and not want me, like he had to remind himself to keep his distance. No matter, I joined the kids who were not afraid to show their affection for me. We all sat and waited anxiously for the food. I was starving. I think the baby was too; I felt a good kick.
“Do you want to try and feel the baby?” I asked my kiddos. They hadn’t been able to yet, so they eagerly came to my side. I grabbed their small hands and placed them where I thought they would be able to feel it. Ashton felt it first and smiled, and then Mia felt it and the whole beach knew.
Michael snapped at her for being so loud, and she burst into tears. She didn’t do well when anyone found fault in her, whether it was warranted or not. Unfortunately, this was unwarranted. I looked at him and didn’t say anything, but he knew I wasn’t pleased.“You’re mean,” Ashton shouted at his dad.
I was shocked, to say
the least, as I watched my sweet Ashton run in. I picked up my still-crying Mia and handed her to her daddy, who stood there stunned and apparently speechless, and I ran in after Ashton. Things had been going so well, and I wanted that to continue, but I wasn’t sure how to smooth this over. I wasn’t sure how to help my Ashton, who was obviously hurting. Clearly, he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I found him on the bed, crying.
I sat next to him and stroked his hair that now, thanks to the sun, looked platinum. “Ashton.”
He looked up at me with a tear-stained face. I loved his little face that wasn’t so little anymore. His eyes continued to make sure he got anything he asked for, just like his dad. The first thing that drew me to Michael was his eyes. He gifted those baby blues to our son.
“Mommy,” he said.
He never called me Mommy anymore. I lay down next to him so that our faces were just inches apart. I kept stroking his cheeks, waiting for him to speak. I didn’t know what to say anymore. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted an extra-large Band-Aid to fix our family, but I was pretty sure they didn’t make one that size.
“You looked pretty great on that boogie board today. I think you’re ready for the boogie board championship.”
“There’s no such thing, Mom.” But at least he smiled.
“You’re probably right. How about a sand castle competition?”
“Mom, you’re just silly.”
“I’m being serious. I think we could go all the way with your sand alligator.”
He sniffled some and snuggled into me. I knew this wasn’t going to last too much longer, so I relished holding him close to me, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal.
“I love you, Ashton Michael Bishop.”
“I love you, Mom.”
Our moment was interrupted.
“Carly, can I talk to Ashton?”
I sat up and pulled Ashton up with me. Michael stood at the door, holding Mia. Her little arms clung tightly around his neck, with her head against his shoulder. He carried her like she weighed nothing. I could barely carry her at all anymore.
The Girl in Seat 24B Page 8