Michael gave them hugs and kisses. “Be good and help your mommy.” He came to me and kissed my forehead. He lingered for a moment. “I’ll be back for the ultrasound on Friday.”
I nodded my head.
“Please just make sure you drive home carefully, use the maps I made, and call me or text me when you get home on Tuesday,” he added.
I half smiled. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”
“I do worry,” he responded.
I wasn’t sure why. Was it out of love or guilt?
Chapter 11
After Michael left, the fun factor fell sharply for the kids, but we trudged on. We only really had one more full day anyway. On Monday, I spent a good portion of the day photographing them on the beach. I think they were getting sick of all my picture taking, but they had lots of years ahead of it. If I could capture every moment of the two of them, I would.
Half-way through the day, I noticed Tim and his children quite a ways down the beach. I was still a little embarrassed by that situation. I felt like I should apologize, so I took the kids for a walk down his way. He was definitely tentative in his behavior, and rightly so. After our awkward greeting, the kids began to all play together, which gave me the opportunity to say what I came to say.
He offered me a chair next to him, and I took it.
“I wanted to apologize if I gave you the wrong impression last week.”
He turned a little red, but he smiled. “I’ll admit, at first I assumed you were married, but then you never talked about a husband, so…,” he paused, “I was just hoping you weren’t.”
I gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I just don’t expect to be looked at like that, and to be honest my husband and I are separated, so it’s hard for me to talk about him right now.”
“Oh,” he said. “How long have you been separated?”
“Too long.”
“Any hope for reconciliation?”
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “But, anyway, I apologize for his behavior and mine.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for, and I can understand your husband’s reaction. I wouldn’t have liked it at all if another man was attracted to my wife.”
I blushed. It was time to go. I stood up.
He reached into his bag and pulled out a card and handed it to me. It was his business card. It looked like he owned an insurance agency.
“What’s this for?”
“In case your husband doesn’t realize what he has.”
“Oh.” I handed back the card. “I really am flattered, but no matter the state of my marriage, I love my husband, and I made vows I plan to keep.”
He reluctantly took back the card. “I hope your husband figures out how lucky he is. And if not, I hope I meet you again.”
I couldn’t and didn’t respond to that. I just quickly grabbed Mia and Ashton and walked away as fast as I could. It wasn’t that I was tempted, but staying any longer might have given the wrong impression to the very handsome insurance agent from Wisconsin.
What an odd vacation this turned out to be, I thought that night as I lay in bed. I was actually glad to be going home the next day. As I went to turn off the bedside lamp, Michael called. I wished he’d called earlier so he could talk to the kids, but I wasn’t going to complain.
“Hi, Bishop.”
“Hi,” he sounded tired again.
“How was your day in prison?”
“Confining.”
I laughed.
“Tell me about your day.”
I wondered if I should tell him about Tim.
“It was interesting. I’m ready to go home tomorrow.”
“Did something happen?” he asked anxiously.
“We’re all fine. It’s just, you were right.”
He chuckled. “Well of course I was… What was I right about, again?”
“Men.”
“I was right about … Men?”
I proceeded to tell him about my entire conversation with Tim.
“I should have punched that … ,” I’m not going to repeat the word he used, “ … when I had the chance.”
“Language, Bishop.”
“Come on, Carly. It’s been almost twelve years, you can quit pretending to be offended by my foul mouth. Plus, it’s warranted in this instance.”
I laughed. “Fine, just don’t swear around the kids.”
“I knew you secretly liked it when I swore.”
“Stop it. I do not.”
He laughed at me.
“Anyway, I hope you don’t think I elicited attention from him.”
“Carly, the only thing you’re guilty of is being gorgeous and a little naïve and maybe too friendly.”
“I’ll work on that,” I teased.
“That would be helpful,” he responded.
“Helpful?”
“Do you think this Tim is the first guy I’ve seen come on to you?”
“Yeah, they’ve been beating down my door.”
“Believe me, some would have if I didn’t set them straight.”
“Who are you talking about?”
“Do you remember Dave?”
I thought for a second. “The guy that used to live next door to us?”
I hadn’t thought about him in forever. He had already lived next door when we moved in five years ago. I thought he moved away about two years ago. I did remember him being friendly for the first few months, but after that he always seemed to avoid us. I never even thought about it until now.
“That’s the one. I had to tell him if he didn’t keep his eyes to himself, he and I were going to have a problem.”
“What were you going to do, Bishop?”
“Never mind, I don’t want to go overboard on the swearing … yet.”
I laughed. “Thank you for your consideration.”
He laughed too.
In fact, we laughed a lot and talked a lot, more than we had together in months. He recounted several stories of the men he had apparently chased off on my behalf. I had no idea. After that, he bored me with the inner workings of the prison system and then we called it a night. I refrained from telling him I missed him or that I loved him. I meant what I said. He would be the next to say those things. I was done chasing him.
We made it home without any puking or pulling over, so that’s what I called a good trip. It was a pretty quiet affair, as both Mia and Ashton slept quite a bit. I think they were all worn out from their fun in the sun. I was worn out emotionally. I just wanted to have a direction and know where I should focus my attention, one way or the other. I know Michael said we would try and work it out when he got back, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I didn’t know what we had to work out. I still didn’t even understand why he left in the first place.
Our nightly phone calls continued. He would call the kids after dinner and then he would call me at bedtime after the kiddos were asleep. It was like he wanted my undivided attention, which I was happy to give. We didn’t talk about anything of significance, other than Mia’s birthday that was coming up in a few weeks. I was trying to decide on an American Girl party or a pool party. He suggested we do a pool party at his parents’ house. And he said “we” so I agreed. I liked “we” a lot. Other than that, we talked a lot about his assignment. He hadn’t been this open about his work in forever, so even though the subject matter was completely uninteresting to me, I was interested because he was.
He even solicited my advice on what angle he should come at it from. “What do you think would be the more compelling perspective, the prisoners, the taxpayers, or the jail keepers?”
I honestly thought none of the above, but I wouldn’t say that to him. “Is there any way you can incorporate all three? This sounds like the kind of story where you need the complete picture, not just one angle.”
He thought for a moment. “Hmm. I like that. I’ll talk to my editor and see if I can turn this into more of an expose.”
“I l
ook forward to reading it.” And I really meant it. I was also looking forward to seeing him Friday morning. I didn’t tell him that, but I was missing him like crazy. I felt like maybe he was starting to come back to me. He even called me using his Bluetooth as he drove home late Thursday night and he ended with, “I’ll see you in the morning.” If I wasn’t mistaken, he sounded happy about it.
I woke up early to get the rug rats ready to take to my in-laws. Jack had every other Friday off, so the kids were going to be helping Papa in the garden. I also commenced the torture of drinking lots of water and holding it for the ultrasound. I swear a man made up that rule, because no woman in her right mind would think of such a thing.
Michael had a call with his editor that morning, so he was just planning on meeting me at the doctor’s office. I arrived at nine forty-five, fifteen minutes early, and I didn’t see his truck anywhere, so I just walked in out of the Georgia heat. I signed in and waited. I think I checked my phone every thirty seconds to see what the time was and if Michael texted. As ten approached, I texted him and asked if he was on his way. I thought maybe he got stuck in traffic or something. No response. Of course they had to be running on schedule, and I was called back at a minute past the hour.
“Can I call my husband real quick?” I asked the nurse before she took me back.
She smiled and nodded.
Still no answer.
“Don’t worry. We’ll bring him back to you as soon as he gets here,” the sweet nurse said.
She set me up in the room, and I kept my phone in my hand while she took my blood pressure and pricked my finger and all of the other fun things I had done to me every four weeks. It was all made worse by my overly full bladder and the fact my husband was a no-show so far. I called one more time. Nothing.
It only took a few minutes before Dr. White arrived. “Are you ready to see that baby?” she asked.
I just nodded. I was ready, but I wanted Michael by my side, like he had been for Ashton and Mia’s ultrasounds. “Could you please have someone check one more time to see if Michael is here?” I practically begged before she got started.
She smiled at me sympathetically. “Of course.”
Her nurse came back empty handed.
Emma looked at me with knowing eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess just go ahead.” It wasn’t fair for me to ask her to throw her schedule off because of my absentee husband.
Within a couple of minutes, I could see my baby on the screen. I kept reminding myself this was a happy occasion. I had been alone for this whole pregnancy, so why should today be any different, but I wanted it to be different. I was hoping Michael would finally get engaged and be happy about this baby we were bringing into the world. Our baby.
“Carly, did you still want to keep the sex unknown?” Dr. White asked.
I thought for a moment and went back and forth in my mind. I really did want to know. I wanted to plan, but I knew Michael’s thoughts on the subject. But then I looked over at the empty chair in the room. “Actually, I do want to know.”
She smiled. “Well ok. You may want to start thinking pink.”
“A girl,” I said through tears and smiles.
“Yes, ma’am. Your little girl looks right on schedule and healthy,” she responded.
That was the most important part.
“Could you please make two copies of the pictures and videos?” I hated having to do that, but my hopes from the week had been dashed with regards to Michael’s intentions.
She looked at me knowingly and agreed. She helped me up, told me she would see me in four more weeks, and that I should just keep doing what I was doing.
Yeah just keep doing what I’m doing, I thought. I hit the restroom and scheduled my next appointment. I left with bipolar feelings. On one hand, I was so happy about my little girl, and on the other hand, I was so furious with her father. He didn’t even call or text.
As I walked out of the building and into the blinding light, I practically ran into a harried Michael. I just took one look at him and glared. I kept on walking to my car.
He turned right around and caught my arm. “Carly.”
I grabbed one of the packets containing the pictures and the DVD of the baby and slapped it against his mid-section. “Congratulations. It’s a girl.”
He took hold of the packet. “I thought we decided not to find out.”
I turned and looked up at him. “Well, since there wasn’t a we there, I decided I wanted to know.” I marched off to my car, not giving him any time to respond. I wasn’t sure what was hotter, the temperature or my temper.
As I walked toward my car, he easily caught up to me. “Carly, I’m sorry, I needed to…”
I stopped. “I don’t want to hear your sorries anymore, and I don’t care what you had to do. All you care about is yourself!”
That set his eyes on fire. He grabbed my hand. “Come with me.”
He led me to his truck and opened up the passenger side door and helped me in, but then he slammed the door. He came around to his side and did the same. He turned on his truck and blasted the air.
“Why are we sitting here?”
“Because it’s hot outside and I don’t want to make a scene.”
I went to respond, but he beat me to the punch. His eyes were still on fire and his hands were clenched. “How dare you call me selfish, Carly. For years I have been the laughingstock among my peers because of the crap assignments I’ve taken so I can play house with you. And now, finally, when I’m back on top of my game, I’m the selfish one.”
Oh my gosh. Suddenly everything made sense. He resented me. All I could do for a moment was stare at his hardened and emboldened face. I could see the resentment clearly in his eyes. And as hard as I tried not to, tears filled mine. In an instant, the history of my marriage was rewritten.
“I’m so sorry, Michael. I had no idea. I thought you took those assignments because you loved me and the kids and that we were building a life and home together, not just playing house.”
His defiant expression never changed. It was almost as if he was happy to see me acknowledge how he had been feeling all along. But he didn’t verbally respond, and I didn’t know what else to say. It was like my life was suddenly just a charade.
I reached for the door handle. “I’ve got to go and get the kids.” They were all that were real to me at the moment, and I needed them.
“Carly, I was offered a six week assignment this morning to tour the country with the Republican Presidential candidate. I accepted.” He said it with finality, and with no thought about how that news would affect me or his kids. But after his bombshell, it made sense.
I kept staring out the window. I couldn’t face him. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you,” I said quietly, though my heart wasn’t truly in it.
“I leave tonight.”
“Ok.”
“I’ve got a lot to do, so I don’t think I’ll be able to come by and say goodbye to the kids.”
“It’s fine, I’ll let them know. Goodbye.”
I opened the door and climbed out.
“Carly.”
I wiped my cheeks and turned to him. He was leaning forward toward me. His features had softened some.
“We’ll talk about us when I get back.”
I just shook my head and shut the door. There was no “us” anymore.
Chapter 12
I don’t even remember how I got to my in-laws. I probably shouldn’t have driven in my condition. I’m not sure if I had ever cried harder. “The truth hurts” was the biggest understatement in the history of the world. I just kept thinking, why didn’t he tell me? I would have supported him if he wanted to travel more. Had I really held him back? Was I that selfish? A million other questions kept coming in and out. I was a wreck by the time I made it to my destination.
I pulled up in the driveway of my in-laws and tried to compose myself, but it was to no avail. The person I loved more than anyone hat
ed and resented me. In essence, I ruined his life all while thinking I was making it better. What was wrong with me?
Danielle opened the door. “Is something wrong with the baby?” she immediately asked.
I started crying harder and she gently pulled me to her and hugged me.
“No, everything is fine with her.”
“Her?”
“It’s a girl.”
“That’s terrific news, so what’s wrong?”
“My marriage is over,” I blubbered.
She let go of me and looked up at me with grave concern.
Through my sobbing, I told her what her son had said.
She immediately led me to her bedroom. “The kids shouldn’t see you like this.”
I felt like such a mess. Danielle sat me down on her bench at the foot of their bed. I had never been in their room, so I felt weird on top of being devastated. She shut the door and joined me. She took my hands in her smallish, age-spotted hands. The dirt under her finger nails indicated she had been enjoying her garden. It was one of her favorite hobbies. I didn’t mind the dirt at all. I was just grateful to have a hand to hold at the moment. She waited for me to calm down and get my crying under control. It took several minutes, but she just waited patiently while rubbing my hands. Not a word was spoken until I had it out of my system. I took a deep, cleansing breath in.
“That’s better,” she said like I was Mia’s age. “I’m not going to get involved in your marriage, Carly. That’s between you and my son. But I will say this, I’ve never known a better wife and mother than you.” She stood up and looked down at me. “Now go freshen up, we’re going shopping for my new granddaughter.”
She left me to use her master bathroom. I washed my face, applied my eye drops and kept a cool washcloth on my face for several minutes. I pulled out my compact and reapplied my make-up. I looked into the mirror and told myself it was better to know. At least now I could deal with it. And as painful as it was, I now knew what direction I needed to go, but first I was going shopping for my baby girl.
Danielle and I spent a soothing afternoon oohing and aahing over the beyond adorable baby girl outfits in the stores. Several of those outfits came home with me. We also stopped by a fabric store. Danielle offered to help me make curtains and bedding for the nursery. I finally let someone know what my plans were for the room and why I needed Michael’s baby pictures. I don’t know if she was just being nice after the day I had had, but she seemed genuinely impressed with my idea and design layout. “I can’t wait to see it all pulled together,” she said kindly.
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