I had never been so happy to see my house. And it was just my house now. As soon as he stopped, I began to open the door.
“Carly.”
I paused, but didn’t look at him.
“Can I come by and see the kids tomorrow before I leave?”
“Yes.”
I proceeded to leave again.
“I’ll still try to make it home in time for the birth.”
I turned toward him with tear-stained cheeks. “Please don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because … I don’t want you there.”
I knew he didn’t want to be there anyway.
“You’re going to do this by yourself?”
I wanted to say that’s what I’d been this whole time, but there was no sense in beating a dead horse.
“I was planning on asking your mom to be there with me.”
He gently grabbed my arm. “Hey. What about your rule? That only medical personnel and those that were that were there at conception could be in attendance.”
“That man doesn’t exist anymore, and after tonight, I’m not sure if he ever did,” I eeked out.
Michael’s hand released my arm, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I saw tears well up in his eyes.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned and left. I don’t even know if I shut the truck door in my haste. I ran to the safety and love and protection my home and children and in-laws provided. In essence, I ran toward my new reality.
Chapter 17
It didn’t take long for the shock to wear off and for the crushing reality to hit me. Sure, our marriage had been over for months and, whereas a certain amount of peace came with knowing, there was still an overwhelming grief and sorrow that followed. That first night, I lay on the couch with my head in Danielle’s lap, like a child. She just let me cry while she stroked my hair. She didn’t say a word. Jack, on the other hand, decided to take matters into his own hands. He left straight away to Michael’s apartment. I asked him not to, but he felt like his son needed to be talked to.
He was gone for a couple of hours, and he looked furious when he returned. I don’t know what he thought he was going to accomplish by going over there. Michael had made up his mind a long time ago. I was the foolish one that kept trying to hold on. Sure, I thought there was some sadness on his part, but more than anything, I was sure he was just relieved. Jack didn’t say what had happened, and I wasn’t asking. I knew Michael didn’t want me; I didn’t need to hear it repeated. They stayed until almost midnight and mostly just listened to me, but they tried to offer me comfort and tell me I was a good wife to their son and he was the one seeing things incorrectly. I wanted to believe them, but I really did feel like a failure.
As soon as they left, I changed out of my now very wrinkled evening gown. At first, I thought what a wasteful purchase it had been, but in reality, it was worth every penny. This night had helped me to see the ugly truth, and it had given me clear direction. I’m sure Joseph Xavier had no idea what he’d helped set in motion. I hoped if he was elected president, all of his dinner meetings didn’t end so explosively. I wondered if Michael would tell him we were getting divorced. He obviously never mentioned we were separated. I think he’d used me to his advantage in that way, and it had worked like a charm. Michael would now have his fame and probably fortune too. I could picture him hitting the talk show circuit when the biography came out. I thought it might be time to quit watching T.V.
I walked up to my children’s rooms and watched them sleep for just a moment. I wanted to reach out and touch their sweet heads, but I didn’t want to wake them. Mia was holding the doll her daddy had given her. The doll I’d given her, but told her it was from her daddy. It made me wonder what birthdays and holidays were going to be like now. I supposed they’d be the way they had been the last few months, just me and the kids. But if he thought I was going to take up the slack for him again, he had another thing coming. I wouldn’t be his wife anymore. The tears formed again. I really needed to stop that.
I went and curled up on the chair in the baby’s room. It was such a serene place. No matter what else was happening, I was happy to be having this baby, my baby. I couldn’t even think of her like she belonged to both Michael and me. Of course, he made it possible, but he never wanted her. It was then I decided to change the divorce papers to ask for full custody of the kids, not joint. Michael could have visitation, but honestly, he had been absent for some time; and from what he’d said tonight, he may have resented them too. That made me the angriest. They were his children. Children he had wanted, by the way, and it was me that would be here while he was off making his mark; it was me that would be wiping their tears when I told them that daddy wasn’t ever coming home. Some hate started creeping in.
I barely slept, which didn’t leave me in a good enough mood to see Michael the following morning. He actually knocked on the door. I almost asked for his house keys, but I thought I’d just have the locks changed someday soon. I didn’t say anything to him as he looked sheepishly at me. I just motioned for him to come in, and then I called the kids down. They both ran to Michael as I walked to the kitchen. I heard Michael explain to them how he would be gone again for a long time. I expected to hear moans and cries, but instead it was more like ok Dad, see you later, guess what Mimi and Papa took us to do and do you want to see the stuff Mommy bought us for school. Wow, they were much more resilient than me, but how sad, I thought. Michael did agree to see all of their new school stuff. I heard them all walk upstairs. Meanwhile, I cleaned the kitchen.
Within minutes, they were all coming back down. “Why don’t you guys go play out back while I talk to your mommy,” I heard Michael ask them. They agreed and both tore through the kitchen to the back door. If I could bottle that energy, I thought. I needed it today too.
I stood at the sink, filling the dishwasher with this morning’s breakfast dishes. Michael came and leaned against the counter on the other side of the dishwasher and watched me. “How are you this morning?”
I rolled my eyes as I scrubbed a syrup-laden plate. “I’m tired.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“I’m sure you are.” No, no he wasn’t.
“Carly, please.”
“What do you want, Michael?”
He pulled a check out of his shirt pocket. “I wanted to give this to you.”
My hands were wet, so I didn’t take it.
“What is it?”
“It’s a check.”
“For what?”
“For you and the kids.”
“We don’t need your money.”
“Carly, I just want to make sure you and the kids are taken care of while I’m gone.”
“By writing a check?”
“Just take the money, Carly.”
“Let me repeat, I don’t need or want your money.”
“And where are you getting all this money to take care of everything?” he threw at me.
“Where do you think?”
Realization dawned on his face. “You didn’t need to touch that.”
“Well, here’s the thing, I did, because our children deserve at least one parent that puts them ahead of their career and themselves.”
He slammed the check on the counter and stormed off. He didn’t go very far before I heard his footsteps cease. “Carly, I know you won’t believe me, but I’m sorry. I never set out to hurt you or the kids. I’ll be in touch, ok.”
I couldn’t look at him, but I called out, “Michael.”
“Yes?”
“I need an address where my lawyer can send the divorce summons by certified mail.” I tried so hard not to choke on the words, but it was still hard for me to say.
“That’s going to be tricky.”
“I want this settled as soon as possible, preferably before the baby’s born.”
“Is that even possible?”
“It can be done in thirty days if no one contests, so please make sure to get me that addre
ss.”
“Again, it’s going to be tricky and I’ll want to get my own attorney. It could take some time.”
“Please,” I begged. “Just make it quick.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
He didn’t sound very convincing. A quick and easy divorce was the least he could do for me, but I feared he was yet again going to disappoint me. I didn’t get it. Why wouldn’t he just want it done and over with? I guess it probably made no difference to him. He had been living like a bachelor, and this was just another inconvenience for him.
Once he left, I looked over at the stupid check he left. I picked it up; it was written from his stinking secret account. I shoved it into the sink drain and flipped on the garbage disposal. Juvenile? Maybe. Satisfying? Definitely.
I decided to tell the kids after church while we were at my in-laws. I needed the support. I practiced all night, and that morning, what I would say. My tactic was going to be to help them see things weren’t really changing at all. The only real thing was that there would be no more hope of it working out and, of course, my marital status. I decided I would keep my last name. It would make things simpler and, in my mind and heart, I was Carly Bishop. Dumb tears!
After church, I faced my toughest test yet as we set the kids down. Mia sat on Mimi’s lap and Ashton sat on Papa’s on their family room sectional. Boy, did I wish I had someone’s lap to sit on.
I took in a deep breath. “Ashton, Mia.” I took their small hands in mine. “You know how daddy has been living somewhere else for a long time now?” They both shook their perfect little heads. “Well, mommy and daddy have decided that um…well… that we are just going to keep things that way.” It sounded completely lame.
“Why? Don’t you love daddy?” Mia cried.
That did it for me. I began to cry too. “Baby, I love your daddy very much, but sometimes even when people love each other, they can’t be together.”
“Are you getting divorced?” Ashton asked.
I just nodded my head yes.
Ashton remained emotionless. Mia asked what divorce meant. I tried to explain it in five-year-old terms, but it still sounded terrible. She howled. I grabbed her and held her tight as she cried into my chest. By this time, my in-laws were both tearing up too.
“Ashton, son. Are you ok?” He just sat there with his big blue eyes wide and doe like. “Come here, honey.”
He hopped off his Papa’s lap and he stood next to me. I pulled him to Mia and myself.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll take care of you and Mia and the baby,” Ashton said stoically.
I squeezed him harder. “You’re the best son a mom could ask for, but I think I should be the one to take care of you and your sisters.”
“We’ll be here to help too,” Jack said.
I winked and whispered, “thank you,” to them both.
“This will all be ok,” I promised.
It would be, right?
Monday morning I woke up determined that I would, by sheer force of will, make it ok. The first step was to call Mr. McRae.
“I’m surprised to hear from you, Mrs. Bishop. I thought for sure you and your husband would work things out.”
“Well that would take a miracle at this point.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Believe me, no one was sorrier than me. “I wanted to make some changes to the filing. I’m going to ask for full custody.”
“Ok. In that case we need to ask for child support and alimony.”
“I don’t want either.”
“Mrs. Bishop, as your attorney, I need to advise against that tactic as well as telling you that asking for full custody will probably send this to court.”
“I don’t want his money and I don’t think he will have an issue with the custody.” He’d practically ignored them for the last several months. I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.
“Hmm… Well you’re the boss.”
“Thank you, Mr. McRae.”
“I’ll have my aide prepare the paperwork and we will file the petition on Thursday. The summons should be ready to go by Friday. I just need an address for your husband.”
“That may be difficult.” I explained the situation.
“Well, we have sixty days before the petition expires.”
Sixty days was out of the question in my mind. I wanted this done as soon as possible. “I will make getting that address priority number one.” This was going to be done by the time my baby was born.
Michael hadn’t called at all, so I wasn’t sure the best way to get a hold of him or what his schedule was like. I decided just to email him. I knew he checked his email several times a day on his phone. And, honestly, it was better than talking to him.
Michael,
I just wanted to let you know that the divorce petition will be filed on Thursday in our county and the summons will be ready on Friday. Please send me an address where my lawyer can overnight the summons to you. All you need to do is sign for it as proof of receipt.
I also forgot I need you to sign the title for my 4Runner so I can trade it in. If you want, I’ll pay you half of what the trade-in value is. I need a bigger car now, with the three kids.
Please get back to me about how best to make both of these items possible.
Carly
By the time I was done talking to my lawyer and emailing Michael, I felt like I had already had a full day, and it wasn’t even ten in the morning. I decided we needed to do something fun. School was starting the following week, and summer was fading away. The end of summer was always a little depressing, but it was made more so by our circumstances this year. The only good thing was that it meant I was closer to having this baby. She was due ten weeks from today, which hopefully meant seven or eight weeks until she was born. Ashton had been nine days early and Mia was three weeks early, so I was hoping this little one would do her mommy a favor and follow her siblings’ examples.
I decided to take the kids to the science museum; they had lots of hands-on projects and experiments the kids could do, and it was just too hot to be outside in my condition for long periods of time. Already, I wasn’t looking forward to the start of fall soccer, but Ashton loved to play, so I would do my best. Plus, I had Jack to pinch hit for me.
I never got a response from Michael that day, and he never called the kids. Only Mia asked when he would call. “I’m sure it will be soon. He’s just getting used to his new job,” I told her. I hoped he didn’t make me a liar.
Tuesday was my doctor appointment, which turned into a therapy session as I spilled my guts about what was going on. Emma was sympathetic and supportive. She offered her and Jace’s help, which included taking Ashton to and from soccer practice.
“As long as you’re there to catch the baby, that will be help enough,” I responded.
Speaking of my little bundle of joy, she was looking good. Her heart rate was strong and steady and I measured correctly. The doctor’s office visits would now be every two weeks instead of four. It was getting closer.
That more than anything was why I was so anxious to have things settled. I knew this would be an ongoing process, even after we were divorced. We would always be connected by our children, but I just didn’t want to have to keep worrying about the actual divorce part. Plus, I think I would only really be able to start to heal after it was finalized and I could move on. Move on to what, I wasn’t sure, but I would figure it out. I always did.
Michael didn’t call until Wednesday night after dinner. I handed the phone to Ashton to have him answer it, but he refused to speak to his dad. That was a problem. I handed the phone to Mia instead, who was eager to talk to him. She caught him up on all her days and what she had been doing. “I named my doll Jilly, Daddy. And I took her to the museum with us.” I wasn’t sure that doll ever left her side; she had even joined us for meals.
I assumed Michael asked to talk to Ashton because Mia said, “Ashton doesn’t want to talk to you. He says you don�
��t love us or mommy anymore because you’re getting divorced. He’s mad at you.”
Ashton had never said that to me. I knew those two shared secrets, but I guess I hadn’t expected them to talk about this. That was naïve on my part. I quickly grabbed the phone from Mia. “Hey guys why don’t you head into the family room. You can start the movie we rented, while I talk to your daddy.”
I walked into the living room. “Michael, it’s Carly.”
“What the heck Carly! Why did you tell the kids we were getting divorced and that I didn’t love them!” he yelled.
I tried to remain calm. “First of all, I don’t appreciate your tone, nor do I deserve it. Secondly, I did tell the kids about the divorce, but you should know me better than to think I would tell them you didn’t love them.”
“I’m sorry, but why did you tell them we were getting divorced?”
“Because we are and they deserve to know the truth so they can start to deal with it.”
“You should have asked me what I thought first, before you said anything.”
“When? It’s been days since you’ve contacted us.”
Silence. We were back to this routine.
“Let me talk to Ashton.”
“I don’t think we should force him. He’ll talk when he’s ready. And you telling him you love him isn’t going to help.”
“Why not?”
“Ashton needs you to show him, not tell him.”
“I can’t really do that right now.”
“Then you have a problem.”
More silence.
“Anyway, did you get my email? I really need …”
“I’ll respond to you tonight,” he cut in.
“Ok. Thanks. Goodbye.”
“Do you have a minute?” he asked quickly.
“For what?”
“I thought you would be interested in what I’ve been doing. I’ve got to interview…”
“Honestly, Michael, I don’t want to hear about your job or anything surrounding it. Maybe in ten years or so when this doesn’t hurt so badly, I’ll read your book. Maybe. So goodnight.”
The Girl in Seat 24B Page 17