by Nicky Black
‘Please?’ Lee said, sensing her hesitation.
Nicola felt herself tear in two and bit at her bottom lip, unsure. ‘I’ll see,’ she said. ‘I have to go.’
Lee stood for a moment and stared at the green door closing on him. His head was all over the place. Up to his neck in meetings about the Valley Park regeneration scheme and his new policing strategy, everyone wanting to know when they would see results. He could sense their cynicism. Some people looked dazed, some confused, some nodded sagely, but most shook their heads and spoke to their colleagues behind hands, sharing their bad breath and declarations of seeing it when they believed it. He was trying to fit it all into his head, but the truth was, all he could think about was how to nail something – anything – on Micky Kelly. But Micky was like Teflon and Lee didn’t have the evidence to make anything stick. GBH, drug dealing, arson, not even pissing in public.
He’d wanted to talk to Nicola about Mark. Get a bit more of a feel for the man – who he was, who he’d become, what had frightened him so much that he would take such drastic measures to stay out of prison. He’d been through the files again, reams of information but nothing that gave him a hunch to follow up. The only lead was Tyrone Woods, the flaming-haired kid who’d ignited the fight in the Nags Head and who’d shown up at Mark’s funeral. There was nothing on him in particular, but his family were tyrants. It was common knowledge at the station that brother Gerry once ran a money laundering racket out of Jarrow, that someone else had served time for it, and that that someone else was shot in the head three days after his release. This wasn’t the kind of family you messed with, so why would Mark give Tyrone drugs? Pick any other kid on the estate, any other nobody put on this earth to make the numbers up, but not the baby of a family with the ability to unleash the dogs of hell on you.
Lee walked back to his car. He could try the youth centre again, but the manager had hardly welcomed him with open arms that morning. Lee’s zero tolerance strategy wasn’t going down well. Stop and search tactics were the least favourite policy on the youth and community workers’ agenda. It spelled riots. It set back their confidence building and self-esteem workshops by years. They’d made it clear to Lee that morning that he had no friends there, and he’d pushed it too far when he’d cornered Tyrone Woods in the games room. After a meeting with the youth workers that was no meeting, he’d spotted Tyrone, playing pool, smoking and picking at his fingernails. Lee had sauntered in and picked up a pool cue. The other lads looked at each other and then at him. With second thoughts, he’d put the cue back up against the wall and leaned against it next to Tyrone, his hands in his pockets. He asked them about Mark and they were suitably coy, but none more so than Tyrone whose eyes stayed firmly on his bleeding fingertips, his nails gnawed to the quick.
‘The meeting’s over,’ the youth centre manager stood in the doorway, his face like a smacked arse, his warning tone spurring the lads back to their pool game. All except Tyrone.
‘I know,’ Lee said, turning towards him.
‘Members only.’
‘I’m having a conversation,’ Lee continued. The lads looked embarrassed – they’d crossed the line, talking to a copper. They knew where their allegiances should lie. The youth workers at the centre were always on their side.
‘Sounds like Mark Redmond was popular here,’ said Lee, fishing.
A muffled voice said, ‘pure gold.’
The manager had had enough and entered the room. ‘You’ll have to do your talking off the premises. Are you leaving, lads?’
The boys shook their heads and began chalking their cues. With all eyes on the next break, Lee knew he’d been frozen out. With one last glance at Tyrone, Lee had left the youth club with a clarity of mind in one thing at least. These lads were the key to the truth about Mark Redmond.
For hours Nicola battled with herself. Every time she decided she would go she felt a sense of relief. But, soon after, reality crept back in and her heart sank back again. The swings turned to roundabouts until she decided there was only one thing for it. She’d flip a coin. Heads she went to see Lee, tails she stayed where she was. She fished her purse from her bag, opened it and looked with some resentment at the pathetic coins inside – all she had left until her next cheque arrived from the Social. She took out a twopence piece, threw it in the air, caught it and slapped it onto the back of her hand. She lifted her palm, her lips tight, her eyes closed. She opened them. Tails.
Best of three.
As she got off the bus on the outskirts of Valley Park, Nicola pulled on her hooded top and headed towards Kim’s house. As she’d dried her hair and put on the new jeans and pretty pink top Lee had bought her, her mind had wandered to Kim. Here she was getting ready to go and meet a man for God knows what, and there was Kim, her friend, her brother’s soulmate, alone and sad, trying to cope without the man she’d loved all her life. She couldn’t shake Kim’s face from her mind. The hope, the guilt, the fear, whatever it was, she didn’t feel she could go through with something so selfish without making sure Kim was alright first.
Her heart racing, she put up her hood and looked around her cautiously in the fading light. Her walk turned into a slow run. She felt cars slowing as they passed her, faces looking at her through dirty windows.
Kim’s house was only a couple of minutes from the bus stop. It was a good ten minutes further to Micky’s house. She was suddenly gripped with fear, but her conscience drove her on. She kept her head down, her hood pulled over her face, and counted each step – about sixty until she reached the corner of Kim’s street.
When she got there she stopped at the corner. Outside Kim’s house was Micky’s car. She blinked to make sure she was seeing right. Jesus, could he not just leave them all be? He’d be in there, hounding her for information, Kim sitting on the sofa wishing them all dead. Then the front door opened and she spun around, her heart in her mouth, and ducked behind an overgrowing hedge. She heard footsteps, the car door open then close again. She waited for the engine to start. Waited, listening to the blood storm through her brain. But the car engine lay silent. After a few seconds she peeked her head around the corner and saw the car. Micky wasn’t in it. She heard Kim’s laughter and the front door to the house closing again. She bit into her knuckles, pulled herself together and ran back to the bus stop.
Lee’s ear was red-hot so he moved the phone to the other one as he drained his mug of tea and tried to take in the sports news.
‘But, Dad, I haven’t seen you since my birthday!’
‘Louise, it was only a few days ago. Come round tomorrow, I’ve said.’
‘It’s been nearly week, actually, and if I come tonight I can get a lift straight from Becky’s.’
‘Becky’s?’
‘Erm, my best friend?’
‘Becky, yes.’
‘Then I’ve got all tomorrow and Saturday at your really nice flat instead of this dinosaur of a place, please please please....’ She finally took a breath, but not for long. ‘Hang on, Mam’s here.’ Her voice became muffled as she put her hand over the receiver. She cleared her throat. ‘She says to say thank you for the birthday dinner.’
‘Tell her she’s very welcome.’
‘No! Thank you from me, not her!’
‘Okay, well you’re very welcome, then.’
‘She’s blowing you a kiss.’ Louise giggled and gave a loud OW! as Debbie gave her a whack.
Lee sighed. ‘Haven’t you got school or revision or something?’
‘God, Dad, exams are finished. But that’s a brilliant idea. I’ll bring my project. Can you sew?’
‘No, I can’t sew.’
‘Well, you can’t be worse than HER, she’s useless.’ Another OW!
Lee rubbed his eyes. ‘Okay, okay, what time are you leaving Becky’s?’
‘About ten, her dad’ll give me a lift.’
‘Ten?! I’ll be in bed!’
‘Oh my God, don’t be such an old man, you said you had the day off tomorrow.�
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‘Just the morning. Can’t your mam drop you earlier?’
‘She’s drinking wine. Got the other oldies coming round for a “girls’ night.” It’s horrible, dad, they always end up singing.’’
‘Oldies. We’re thirty-two!’
‘Please, Dad, PLEASE don’t make me listen to Chiquitita again. I might have to ring ChildLine or something.’
Lee smiled, looking at his watch. It was 8.30. If Nicola was coming, she would have been here by now.
‘Okay,’ he relented, ‘but straight to bed when you get here, yes?’
‘Yes.’
‘No sewing.’
‘Promise.’
‘We can do something tomorrow. Help me unpack.’
‘Definitely.’
‘Okay, see you later.’
‘Byeeeee!’
He hung up the phone shaking his head. As he headed to the kitchen to get a beer from the fridge, his door buzzer rang brazenly. He answered it with a bright hello.
‘Lee?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s me, Nicola.’ His grin became a wide smile.
‘Come on up, second floor.’ He pushed the key button and jumped quickly into the bathroom to check himself in the mirror. He sniffed at his armpits, opened the cupboard above the sink, and gargled with some mouthwash. He skipped up the spiral staircase into the bedroom and just managed to spray some deodorant, kick off his old Homer Simpson slippers, and pull a clean T-shirt over his head before he heard the knock on his door.
‘Just a minute!’ he called, running back down the stairs, picking up the washing from the dining table and throwing it into the spare room. He got to the door, took a deep breath and opened it.
‘Sorry, I was on the phone,’ he said, a little out of breath. ‘Come in, come in.’
‘I need to talk to you.’
‘Of course, sit down, can I get you anything?’
Nicola shook her head and sat on the sofa. He could see that she was agitated so he sat next to her and took her hand. ‘What’s up? What’s happened?’
‘He always uses that petrol station. It’s next to the gym.’
Lee thought for a moment then raised her chin so she had to look at him. ‘If you think he’s capable, then you’ve got to make a statement.’
‘But I can’t.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m frightened, Lee! I thought you’d understand.’
‘I do, I do.’ He pulled her to him.
After a few moments, Nicola pulled back from him and sat up. Just for a few hours she wanted to forget about everything. She looked at him, frowned and stifled a laugh.
‘What?’ he asked.
‘Your T-shirt’s on back to front and inside out.’
He looked down and smiled. ‘Oh yeah.’ He leant into her.
‘Mmmm, minty,’ she said.
They kissed forever, lips locked and hands wandering. At last her fingers gripped the bottom of his back-to-front T-shirt and it was over his head a second later. He put his head back to look at her, just to make sure, but she pulled his face back to hers before he could even take a breath. He unzipped the pink top that had looked so her on the hanger in the shop the day before. She lay back and he followed, their lips never parting.
After that, everything was perfect. His chest pressing against her breasts, her hips moulding into his. As he looked down at her naked body, he felt like he already knew every curve, every blemish and shadow, every groan and intake of breath. He slid into her and they both held their breath for a moment.
Perfect.
He buried his face in her neck and she closed her arms and legs around him. This is it, he thought. This is what it’s supposed to be like.
They lay on the wide sofa, just the flickering light from the TV illuminating the room, their feet entwined, her head resting comfortably in the nook between his shoulder and his chest. He stroked the back of her arm as her fingers combed the dark hairs on his chest. A blanket loosely covered their nakedness. She pulled it up to cover her upper body, but he pulled it back down, not wanting to lose sight of the white silky skin of her shoulders, or that gorgeous shape women make with their hips when lying on their sides. He ran his hand down the line of it now, lit up blue then red by the flashing lights of the television. He ran his fingers over the yellowing bruises at the top of her arm, the perfect imprint of Micky’s fingers.
Lee tried not to think of Micky hurting her. He thought he might kill him if he touched her again – he wondered if he would be able to stop himself. He felt her breath against the side of his neck, her chest rising and falling, her toes teasing his. He told her he wished they could stay where they were all night. For a week, a month. Order pizza and watch Sky Sports. She punched his chest playfully and he laughed, cuddling her to him.
The door buzzer made them both jump.
Shit, Louise!
Nicola pulled herself up on her elbow and looked backwards towards the door.
‘Ah no, she’s bloody early,’ said Lee looking at his watch. ‘Louise,’ he explained to Nicola, pulling his trousers on, ‘she’s coming for the weekend.’
The door buzzed again once, then continually until he picked up the entryphone.
‘Yes?’ he said in an irritated voice.
‘Dad! It’s me, come on, I’m freeeeeeeeeeezing!’
‘Louise! Ten o’clock, you said.’
Nicola was already off the sofa, gathering up her clothes.
‘I fell out with Becky. Let me iiiiiiin!’
‘Alright, alright!’ He pressed the key and turned to Nicola who was hurriedly putting her clothes on. She threw him his T-shirt.
‘Sorry,’ he said, putting it on. ‘She’s completely unpredictable.’
Nicola shrugged. ‘It’s a girl’s prerogative,’ she said and went into the bathroom with her socks and trainers. Lee quickly picked up the blanket, folded it and laid it on the back of the sofa. He turned on a couple of lights just as Louise knocked on the door.
‘Hiya!’ she bounded into the flat and gazed around, her mouth open. ‘Oh, it’s brilliant!’ she said, clasping her hands together. ‘A bit bare, mind, but gorgeous! See? I told you, didn’t I?’
Lee looked around the long, thin, open-plan living room and kitchen. He had to agree, it was a great pad. Or it would be once all his stuff arrived from storage the next morning. It was travelling overnight from London – books, CDs, videos and DVDs, shelves and wall pictures, his crusty old armchair – everything that he’d invested in over the years.
Louise dropped a couple of bags at her feet as the bathroom door opened and Nicola emerged.
Louise stared at her curiously.
‘This is Nicola,’ said Lee, ‘we’re erm.... working on a case together.’
Louise gasped. ‘Really? Wow, is it a murder?’
Lee shook his head and put his arm on Nicola’s back to guide her to the door.
‘Wait!’ Louise said, holding aloft a small clear bag towards Nicola. ‘Can you sew?’ she asked.
Half an hour later, Louise and Nicola stooped with their faces frowning in concentration over the red tartan and black satin fabric spread out on the dining table. They laid out a piece of tissue pattern over the fabric then Louise picked up the instructions and read to Lee.
‘C please, Dad, for view A....’ Lee looked at her. What? He looked down at the tissue paper lying at his feet. He held up a piece. Nicola and Louise shared a ‘he’s hopeless’ look. ‘C!’ they said in unison.
‘Well, bloody hell, I thought you were bringing homework,’ he said, his feelings hurt.
‘This is my homework,’ said Louise. ‘Dur.’
‘Yes, alright, clever clogs. If you don’t want my help then I’ll just watch the news, okay?’
Nicola and Louise bit back their smiles.
‘Listen, I really have to go,’ said Nicola.
‘Ahhhhh,’ said Louise like a kid who had to leave the playground.
‘I’ll give you
a lift,’ said Lee.
‘No, no you stay here: help Louise.’ Lee looked at her smiling mischievously at him.
‘I’ll see you out,’ he said. ‘And, Louise, do not use those scissors until I come back.’
Louise narrowed her eyes at him: don’t tempt me, they said.
On the landing, Lee dug into his pocket and unravelled a scrunched-up tenner.
‘Get a taxi,’ he said, ‘there’s a place on the corner, that way.’ She held her hand up, but he pushed the money into her pocket. ‘I want you to be safe, that’s all I ask. Please. Don’t put yourself in danger.’
She reached up and kissed him. ‘Thank you, you’re sweet,’ she said. She turned to leave, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back. They kissed again until she pulled away.
‘When can I see you?’ he asked. ‘What the hell will I do with myself?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how this works.’
‘I’ll get you another panic alarm.’
‘Okay, yes.’
He kissed her again, he couldn’t stop. ‘Shit, Nicola, don’t go.’
Nicola smiled at him tenderly, put her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. She looked up at him and he winked at her. Everything was going to be okay.
TWELVE
‘Wake up!’
Louise pulled the quilt over her head and grunted. Lee stood over her, rubbing his unshaved jaw. How was it possible for someone to sleep for twelve hours?
‘Louise, it’s eleven o’clock, I thought you were going to help me,’ said Lee, giving the dead form on the futon a little shove with his feet. Another irritated growl emerged from beneath.
‘I’m tired!’
‘Ten minutes, then Abba’s going on.’
He heard a mumble.
‘What?’ he asked, bending slightly in her direction.
The quilt was dragged down by a pyjamaed arm. ‘I said you haven’t got any Abba!!’ she shouted, not opening her eyes, then turning to face the wall. The quilt was summarily flung back over her head.