by Nicky Black
‘You should give me a key,’ she said, pulling her earphones off, gathering her things with two hands and piling them back into her bag.
‘What is it, Louise?’ Lee asked, throwing his keys onto the dining table.
‘Mam says do you want to come for supper, she wants to talk to you.’
‘I’m too busy.’
‘You’ve just got in!’
‘I’ve got stuff to do.’
‘Like what?’
‘Louise, do you mind?’
‘What?’
‘I want to be on my own.’
Louise tutted and walked up to him, his wallet in her outstretched hand. He took it, embarrassed, and sat down heavily on the sofa. ‘I’m sorry,’ he sighed, ‘some ... bad things happened.’
Louise sat next to him. ‘You should’ve just said.’
He sat back on the sofa and rubbed his tired eyes.
Louise approached the subject carefully. ‘What sorts of things? Work things?’
Lee shrugged.
‘Dad?’
Lee looked up, still not used to the title. ‘I was..... Nicola....’
‘Oh my God, what’s happened?’ Louise touched his arm.
‘Nothing, nothing, we just... it’s finished, that’s all.’
Louise looked confused. ‘What? You were going out with her?’
‘Sort of.’
She stood up suddenly. ‘Nicola?’
Lee squinted up at her. ‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘You slept with my mam!’
‘Hang on, I......’
‘Last night. You did!’ Lee struggled to speak. Louise tried to stop her voice from shaking. ‘She loves you!’ she shouted.
‘What?’
‘You bastard!’ She headed for the door.
‘Louise, wait...’
‘I HATE you!’ The echo of the slamming door resonated through the whole block. Lee threw himself back on the sofa and covered his head with a cushion. The world needed to go away and leave him the fuck alone.
The next morning, Lee waited resentfully in his car outside the decrepit supermarket on the outskirts of Valley Park. The conversation with Debbie wasn’t going well. What did he mean, did anything happen? He couldn’t remember? HE COULDN’T REMEMBER?! Lee closed his eyes and moved the phone away from his ear. The hangover was extending into day two. His head was sluggish and his eyes dry.
‘Louise seems to think we had a night of passion,’ he persisted. ‘Did we?’
The silence made him nervous.
‘I need to go to work,’ she said.
‘No, no, no!’ said Lee, his frustration spilling out into the handset. ‘Come on, Debbie. I’m sorry, I am, I swear I am. I need you to be honest with me. No more games. Please, Debbie.’
‘Well, if we did, it was obviously completely forgettable,’ said Debbie petulantly.
‘Oh my God,’ Lee whined, exasperated.
‘Oh alright then,’ she snapped. ‘No, nothing happened. Happy now?’
Lee exhaled and his head fell to his chest. He grinned a little, half relieved, half amused at Debbie’s false anger. Despite the years, he still knew her little tantrums rarely amounted to anything.
‘We should talk....’ he ventured, only to be cut short.
‘Whatever, Lee, but not now. I’ve got better things to do with my time than waste it talking to you. Goodbye.’ She was gone. But Lee understood the subtext. He was forgiven, and she was relieved that the conditions of their relationship had been met. There was no future, they would remain parents, potentially friends, but nothing else.
He looked at the windowless supermarket with its fed-up security guard at the door, the paint peeling from the sign, and a row of yelping dogs tied up outside. He turned his focus back to the long street that stretched downhill into the distance, watching in the hope that she would turn the corner at the bottom of the hill as she usually did on a Tuesday morning. Come on, come on! A few seconds more and there she was, a little dog on a lead pulling her forward, her arm getting a break as the dog stopped to sniff at something on the gate to a front yard. She wore grey jogging bottoms and the pretty pink hooded top he’d bought her. Moreover, she was alone. As she bent down to fuss the animal, he jumped out of the car and hurried into the supermarket, heading for the little office at the back. Thompson was already there, supping from a polystyrene cup and avidly watching a row of silent black and white TV screens on the wall just above her eye level.
Lee sat next to her. ‘She’s coming,’ he said, eyeing the brown envelope on the scratched plastic table in front of Thompson. He turned his eyes to scour the TV monitors. Thompson leant forward to get a better view of the screens. They sat in silence, their eyes darting back and forth for several minutes.
The office door opened with a crash, making Lee jump, but Thompson didn’t flinch and her eyes remained on the people hovering around the front door of the store. Bacon sandwiches and tea had arrived from the cafe opposite. Elaine, the store manager and a notorious nosy parker, put the greasy, white paper bags in front of them then stood at their shoulders, eager to be part of the drama and have a story to tell her friends.
The screen showed 09.10 a.m. when Nicola walked through the door. Lee pointed to Nicola on the screen. ‘That’s her,’ he said. Elaine’s hands went to her mouth with a theatrical gasp and Lee, indulging her, commanded her formally to tell the store detective that they were all systems go. She gave a little salute and ran from the office.
Lee and Thompson shared a smile then stared at the screen, tucking into their sandwiches. After several minutes a short-haired woman in a light jacket and comfy shoes took Nicola by the arm and spoke to her. They watched Nicola pull her arm away and step back. She was angry and gesticulated with her arms. The security guard appeared behind her and she looked up to the ceiling then down to the floor in defeat, her hands on her hips. The store detective touched Nicola’s arm again and she wrenched it free before following her and the security guard to the back of the store.
When they were off-screen, Lee and Thompson fixed their eyes on the door to the office. They heard her before they saw her. She’d done nothing wrong, why would she want to nick any of that rotten crap?
Nicola stopped in the doorway when she saw Lee biting into a large bread bun. Elaine appeared behind her, her face eager for more action.
Blood rushed to Lee’s head when he saw Nicola, and he felt his palms begin to sweat. The food in his mouth took on the characteristic of chalk. He stood up, swallowed dryly and spoke to her politely, ‘Take a seat please, Mrs Kelly.’
Nicola’s stupid cheeks flushed red, and she tried to cover her humiliation by pulling her fringe down over her forehead. Her eyes followed the outstretched hand that pointed to an old, grey plastic chair, covered in paint stains.
‘What do you want?’ she asked coldly.
‘To talk to you.’ He pulled the chair out and stood leaning on its back with his hands.
Nicola sat. ‘Have you got any idea how embarrassing this is?’
Thompson indicated to Elaine that it was time to leave the room, which she did highly reluctantly, giving a final glance back as she closed the door very, very slowly indeed. Lee and Thompson waited impatiently until the door was finally closed, then Thompson leant forward.
‘We didn’t want to blow your cover,’ she said.
‘Cover?’ Nicola peered at Thompson, incredulous.
‘As an informant.’
Nicola sat back and laughed. ‘Get real,’ she said, opening her cigarette packet and lighting up, shaking her head.
‘We made six arrests on the information from the riverboat party,’ said Thompson, her face serious, intense.
Nicola looked at Thompson over the exhaled smoke then turned her gaze to Lee. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she stated, ‘can I go now, please?’
Lee sat back, his initial trepidation overcome. He observed her. ‘You were going back to get free, now you’re deeper in it
than ever, aren’t you? He won’t let you out of his sight.’
Nicola continued to smoke, glancing at Thompson, wondering how much she knew about her and Lee. Lee continued in a flat tone: ‘I suppose you think he can’t be up to anything while he’s laid up? But there’s the other wife and kids. Probably keeping the business going.’ Thompson took the photographs out of the brown envelope and placed them face-up in front of Nicola, who looked scornfully at Lee. He was talking rubbish, this was seriously desperate. ‘Common-law wife,’ he went on, ‘Tania Brewis, and two little girls. Bobby Anne and Michaela.’ His eyes guided hers to the table.
Nicola looked down at a photograph of Micky kissing Tania at an open front door with a little girl about Liam’s age on her hip. It was a recent one, hardly a few months old, she guessed. She picked it up, bringing it closer to her face. Underneath was another photograph of a smiling, happy Micky with the same toddler sitting between his legs and a baby of about six months in his arms, Tania falling against his shoulder, her eyes closed tight, her mouth laughing widely.
‘Got a look of your boys, haven’t they?’ Lee said, trying to catch her eye. Nicola’s appalled face looked up at him: why are you doing this? Lee looked over at Thompson and nodded his head. She stood up and left the room. Lee’s tone changed, became softer, more reassuring. ‘Tania’s the one who picks up his supplies and divvies them up to the dealers. People like Mooney and Mark.’
‘Mark was not a dealer. Micky would never use –’
‘– He uses Tania, the mother of his children. In fact, Tiger Reay has probably given her Micky’s place in the syndicate.’
‘So arrest her, what do I care?’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you did care. About people like Mark and Kim and the kids on your estate.’ Nicola looked away guiltily. ‘I need to know who else is on that syndicate.’
Nicola scoffed. Fat chance. She put her cigarette out, not able to look at him, not wanting to give in, not wanting to see his face. As long as he was out of her sight, her resolve remained strong. But seeing him: well, that was different. She pushed her hair back from her face. She looked a state. No make-up, her hair greasy and messy in a bobbled ponytail. She’d stopped caring. But now his eyes were on her: she felt ashamed of her unplucked eyebrows and rat-tailed hair. She looked again at the photograph of Micky with this wrinkled, rough-looking woman, older than her by twenty years, it seemed.
Lee picked up on her insecurity. ‘Does he make you happy, Nicola?’
‘I want to go.’
He reached his hand out and put it over hers. ‘I miss you.’ The touch was like sunlight itself moving up her arm and into her head, chest and belly, settling in her legs. She pulled her hand away, knowing that allowing herself one tender move would be her downfall. ‘So much, Nicola. I’m a mess.’
She opened her mouth to speak, just as an alarm rang in the office and a red light flashed on the wall above a sticker reading Customer Service. Lee looked up to the CCTV monitor and saw two lads at the cigarette kiosk, hoods up, scarves around their mouths, baseball bats at the ready. He scrambled in his inside pocket and took out his radio.
‘Robbery in progress, Safeways, Ellington Terrace. Two youths, possibly armed.’ He turned to Nicola. ‘Sorry. Wait here. Please wait here.’
When he’d gone, Nicola watched the line of CCTV screens, fascinated at how many there were for some two-bit supermarket. She saw Lee and Thompson holding up two-for-one advertising boards as defence against the baseball bats that rained down on them. The security guard and a warrior-faced Elaine pitched some canned vegetables at the two youths with sports-like precision and they started to back away. Lee and Thompson joined in with the can throwing, and the youths hit the exit just as a stream of police cars lined up outside.
Nicola noticed the fire exit sign at the other end of the tiny room, took the photographs and hurried out the back exit of the store. Outside, she could see Rufus tied to the drainpipe on the corner of the building, barking incessantly at the commotion happening at the front of the store. Clutching the envelope, she scurried to him, and, hunched down on her heels, quickly undid his lead and shot a glance at Lee, standing with his arms folded as a uniformed officer cuffed one of the thieves across the head and shoved him into the back of a police car. As if feeling her eyes on him, Lee turned and squinted as he saw the arse end of the dog disappearing behind the wall. She was walking away from him again, and there was nothing he could do about it.
‘Detective Nicola Kelly?’ Meadows bristled as her anger stewed. ‘That’s who this daughter of yours asked for when she was brought in.’ Meadows stood before Lee in the open-plan office, arms folded, little bits of white foam at the sides of her mouth. She was beginning to repulse him. The Titless Wonder. ‘It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work it out,’ she said pompously.
‘She’s just a kid, she got it wrong, that’s all,’ sighed Lee. ‘Can I go and see her now?’
‘Are you having a sexual relationship with this woman, Detective Sergeant?’
‘No. She’s an informant. Was an informant.’ Lee felt his face warm as he imagined the eyes of the team shooting glances at each other.
‘Was is no good to us. You want your strategy to work, you better start getting some information. I mean, that is the basis of your strategy, yes?’
‘Can I go and see my daughter now?’ Her condescension was embarrassing him beyond belief.
‘I suppose so.’ She walked towards the door. ‘Gallagher, get me a coffee, will you?’
DC Gallagher sprang out of his seat and marched over to the kettle. He tutted and shook his head as he passed Lee. ‘Got a right little tearaway there, eh?’
Lee sneered at Gallagher: ‘Just do what the boss says, tea boy.’
In the interview room Lee sat opposite Louise.
‘Can’t you get them to drop it?’ she asked like the fault was his.
Lee shook his head. ‘Why did you do it?’
‘Why did you?’
Lee looked puzzled. ‘Do what?’
‘Come back here, make me think you loved me and everything.’
‘I do love you. Now can we stick to your little shopping spree?’
Louise looked away. ‘No you don’t. And you used Mam.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘You’re a user. You use people and then you dump them. I bet you’ve done it to loads of people.’
Her eyes filled with tears and Lee sat back in his chair. ‘I came back to try and face up to things. To – I don’t know – make it up to you.’
‘I never want to see you again.’
‘So why did you do this, then? If you needed anything, all you had to do was ask.’
‘I needed you to get back with my mam. So I could be normal, like everyone else.’
‘So if I can’t give you your wildest dreams, you don’t want anything?’
Louise squirmed and pulled her sleeves down over her hands, clinging to the cuffs of her blouse with her fingers. ‘What’s wrong with Mam?’
‘Nothing. And in my wildest dreams I thought I could come back, mend everything, and we’d all live happily ever after.’
She leant forward to him. ‘We can!’
‘Louise, we can’t. I love someone else.’
She grabbed his hands. ‘But she doesn’t want you. We do.’
He didn’t know what to do or what to say. How could he have got it all so very wrong?
‘Dad?’
He leant into her. ‘Louise. I don’t love your mother. I’m sorry, but I don’t. But I love you and I want you in my life. Take me or leave me. I don’t know what else to say, I really don’t.’ Her face fell from hope to misery. ‘It’s up to you.’ He stood up.
‘Where are you going?! You can’t leave me here!’ she cried.
‘Stealing is a serious offence. You’ll face the consequences like everyone else.’
‘Daaaa-aad!’ she howled as the door closed and she was left alone.
Lee approache
d the officer at the reception desk. ‘Leave her for five minutes then give her a warning and send her home,’ he said. The officer nodded, wondering why some jumped-up detective was telling him how to do his job. Obviously, first offence, verbal warning, off home to Mummy.
Lee buzzed himself through the door and walked through to the reception area to catch his breath, but stopped as he heard laughing voices on the other side of the reinforced glass. He strained his neck to see, and spotted Tyrone Woods, hands cuffed behind his back, head bowed, flanked by two male officers, sharing a joke, one of them doubled over with laughter. He turned and messed with some papers on a desk while Tyrone was booked in by the clerk at the front desk. Once Tyrone was escorted to an interview room, Lee sidled over to the clerk.
‘Tyrone Woods?’ he asked, looking over her shoulder.
‘Aye,’ she declared, ‘only a matter of time with this family.’
He shrugged in agreement and peeked at the charge note. Gross indecency.
‘Jesus,’ he said.
‘I know,’ she shook her head, ‘and with some other young fella an’ all crying rape.’
Lee turned to see Gallagher strolling through reception filling his face with a packet of crisps. Gallagher cleared his throat and grinned almost imperceptibly as he opened the interview room. Lee caught a glimpse of Tyrone for just one second. His eyes blinked upwards and looked at Gallagher with wounded scorn before the door closed.
The photograph in Nicola’s hand quite distinctly showed the name of a road on the side of the house. Cathall Ave, NE9. She’d spent half the milk money on an A-Z. She’d found the street quickly – Gateshead. Jesus, it was only about five miles away from her own house as the crow flies. She’d managed to get the leather jacket, gold jewellery and make-up out of the house without Micky making a fuss. She sat on the Metro staring at the photograph of Micky and Tania kissing, Liam’s half-sister sniffling in her mother’s arms. The jewellery was on, the black eyeliner pasted around her eyes, and her hair was loosely stacked on her head, straggling tails hanging around her face. She’d picked some white heather from the planted roundabout by the bus stop.
She got to Cathall Avenue in about ten minutes. It was a long road, but within a few minutes she spotted the house at the end of the terrace. There were no front gardens or yards, just the doors opening straight onto the pavements. She checked the photograph, the location of the road sign, the front door with the canopy over and the dried-up flowerpot on the windowsill. She knocked on the door. Tania answered with the toddler in her arms.