by Nancy Revell
‘Oh, how I would love to be a fly on the wall. You’ll never be able to lift your head high again. Just wait until the news does the rounds at Thompson’s. You’re going to have a rare old time of it. The yard’s “bike” – so many people have had a ride, you’ve no idea who the father is.’
Now it was time for Gloria to let rip a loud laugh that held no humour.
‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Miriam. Because unlike you, I don’t care two hoots what people say about me. They can say and think what the hell they want – I don’t give a jot.’
Miriam’s face fell a little. Gloria’s reaction wasn’t what she was expecting. She felt her anger rise.
‘Well, just you remember, Mrs I-don’t-give-a-jot,’ Miriam spat out her words, ‘if you ever let it be known who Hope’s father is, or if for whatever reason it becomes known that Jack is that little bastard’s “da”, as your lot like to say, it won’t just be the women who suffer. I’ll make damn sure the appropriate authorities are informed, that you’re condemned as an unfit mother – and that your baby’s taken off you and put in some godforsaken care home.’
As Miriam spoke, Gloria’s whole body tensed and her face flushed. She walked slowly and deliberately up to Miriam so that their faces were just inches apart.
‘You do that, Miriam,’ Gloria’s voice was low and menacing, ‘you even threaten to do that ever again, and I will make sure that every man, woman and child in this entire town and beyond knows that your husband has had a child with another woman. I will make “damn sure” that you are never able to lift your head high in this town ever again without a trail of salacious whispers following you. And do you know what else I will do?’
Miriam was staring at Gloria, realising too late that she had gone one step too far. She had not intended to say anything about the baby; she had just got carried away. Had wanted to have one last stab.
‘I’ll take your silence to mean you don’t.’ Gloria stared at Miriam, before continuing: ‘I will make sure that everyone who is anyone knows how you tricked Jack into marriage. How you pretended you were pregnant. How you conned him and dragged him down the aisle faster than the speed of light – and then how you faked a miscarriage. You will be reviled. You will be a laughing stock. “Desperate Miriam Havelock. She had to pretend she was up the duff to get her man.” You will never be able to show your face in so-called decent society ever again.’
Gloria took a breath. ‘I will personally make it my life’s aim to destroy you, so be warned.’
There was a tense silence before Miriam forced out a laugh, but it sounded hollow and unconvincing.
‘Oh, you’ve got me all worried,’ Miriam said, walking over to the door and opening it. ‘I’m quaking in my boots … Oh, sorry, no, I forgot you’re the one who wears the boots.’ She looked down at Gloria’s footwear and sneered.
‘Anyway, time’s up.’ Miriam walked into the hallway and over to the front door. ‘Toodle-pip, Gloria, you best be getting back to your women welders. They’ll be wondering where you are.’
Gloria looked at Jack, expecting to see him follow suit.
Miriam laughed.
‘Oh, you don’t think Jack’s leaving with you, do you? Jack’s got a train to catch in about an hour, so we’ve got a few things to sort out. Jack and I have to say our farewells. We are man and wife, after all. So, shoo, shoo, off you go, my dear!’
And with that Miriam let out another coarse, false laugh and opened the front door. ‘You didn’t really expect me to allow you both to have the pleasure of one final goodbye, did you? Really?’
Gloria panicked and looked at Jack. She hadn’t imagined that he would ever be leaving her again – let alone now.
Her mind was whirling with everything that had been said and the consequences of what had just happened. She wanted to say something to Jack, but nothing came out. She gave him a look that she hoped would express her feelings, but it was impossible. Instead, she did the only thing she could do – she turned and walked out the door, and back down the front steps.
When she reached the gate she looked back, only to see Miriam slamming the door shut.
Just as Miriam and Gloria had come to the end of their verbal sparring, and it was clear the theatre being played out in the lounge was drawing to a close, Helen quietly left the spot where she had been standing by the door in the hallway.
Helen had guessed something was up earlier on when she was at Thompson’s and had seen Gloria getting into the chauffeur-driven car. She’d hurried back home to find all the servants had been sent home for the day, and that there were just her mother, her father and Gloria in the front room. She had stood rooted to the spot – her ear to the door – and caught just about every word that had been said.
Tiptoeing quickly back up the carpeted stairs, she just made it to the top of the first flight when she heard the door open and her mother’s voice saying that her father had a train to catch that was leaving in an hour.
A part of Helen panicked. She had heard her mother telling her father that he was going to work on the Clyde and her heart had sunk. But now her mother was saying he was leaving today she felt distraught. She’d hardly seen anything of her dad these past few weeks. Had been purposely avoiding him, terrified she would say something about what she knew.
But now he was going!
And it sounded like he wasn’t coming back.
Helen crouched down on the landing, her hands clutching the wooden balustrades like she was gripping the bars in a prison cell. She wanted to run down the stairs and fling herself into her father’s arms and tell him she was sorry. That this was all her fault. But at the same time she wanted to scream at him that she hated him. How could he have an affair? But worst of all, how could he have another child – and another daughter at that? She felt trapped by her own emotions, seesawing between the two camps.
Love and hate. Guilt and blame.
She heard the front door slam shut. Gloria had gone. She could just about make out her mother’s voice. She was telling her father that she had packed his bag in anticipation of him leaving. It sounded as though it was there at the front door because Helen heard something soft slide across the tiled hallway. A few moments later she heard someone knock on the door. She strained to hear. It was the driver. He’d come to take her father away. Helen bit her lip. Should she run down, throw her arms around him and tell him she loved him? Or would she only end up slapping him and telling him she hated him?
By the time she had made up her mind, it was too late. She heard her father say something to her mother about Miriam being ‘pure venom’ and ‘tainting’ everything she touched.
And then the door slammed closed for the second time and she knew he was gone.
Chapter Fifty-One
Jack got into the black Ford without saying a word and without giving Miriam or the house even a single backward glance. His wife might think she had won, but by God, she would not stop him saying one last goodbye to the woman he loved.
‘Take the back route!’ Jack told the driver in no uncertain terms.
Jack kept his eyes peeled as they drove down Bede Street and came out on Harbour View.
‘Pull over!’ he demanded.
As he went to get out, the driver opened his mouth to object but seeing the look on Jack’s face knew it would not be a good idea. Mrs Crawford need not know that he had not taken her husband straight to the train station.
Jack heaved his bag out of the car, swung it over his shoulder and slammed the door shut. He watched as the driver continued on his route into town, thinking that it looked as though the young lad had some sense. If he wanted to keep his job he would make out he had safely delivered Jack at the station in time for the three o’clock train to Glasgow.
Jack looked up towards the Bungalow Café. He would bet money on Gloria taking the longer route back to Thompson’s; instead of cutting through the side streets, she would have walked along the top of the promenade so she could look out to s
ea.
‘Gloria!’ Jack shouted out as soon as he spotted her. He’d been right. She had her back to him and was standing next to the café, looking out at the North Sea.
On hearing her name, Gloria turned around. Her face looked ashen and Jack could see that she was still in shock. Miriam’s behaviour had not blindsided Jack as much as it had Gloria. Since getting his memory back – or at least most of it – he had recalled the many years of unhappiness he had spent married to Miriam. He’d recalled how he had become desensitised over time to her manipulative ways and her ruthless, selfish personality. Gloria, however, had not had many direct dealings with Miriam. Of course, she had always hated her for taking Jack away when they were sweethearts, but she had never been privy to the true extent of his wife’s narcissism.
‘Gloria, are you all right?’ Jack asked as he neared her. He dumped his bag down on the pavement and took her in his arms.
‘I love you, Gloria. Always have done and always will.’ He kissed her head, her face and finally her lips. He could feel the tears roll down her face and he could taste them as they both stood there and kissed.
After a few moments, Gloria pulled away.
‘Someone might see us,’ she panicked. There were a few mothers with their children and an old couple in the cafeteria. Jack felt a tidal wave of anger against Miriam. She was already controlling them. He didn’t think he had ever hated anyone as much as the woman he was ashamed to admit was his spouse.
‘Come on, let’s walk,’ Jack said. ‘There’s no sin in two friends walking together, is there?’
Gloria wiped her tears away and smiled at Jack. How she loved this man.
Jack looked at his watch. He had precious little time, barely forty minutes, before his train left. ‘St Peter’s,’ he said simply.
Five minutes later they had reached their favourite place. The church always seemed to be so peaceful and calm in spite of everything that might be going on around it.
‘We’ve not got long,’ Jack said, putting his bag down and gently putting both his hands on Gloria’s shoulders so that he was looking straight at her. He could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. ‘Now you listen to me, Gloria Turnbull.’
Gloria smiled. She loved it when Jack called her by her maiden name. It reminded her of when they were young.
‘This is not the end. By any means,’ he said with much more certainty than he felt. He knew, though, that he had to be strong for Gloria. He was leaving her – yet again, even if it was not his choice – and he worried that Gloria had been through so much already that this might be the last straw. ‘I need you to be strong. For Hope’s sake,’ he said.
Jack suddenly felt a stab of pain in his chest at the thought that he wasn’t even going to be able to see his daughter for one last time. This was followed by rage, but his fury against Miriam would have to be saved until later, when he was on his own. For now, he had to make sure Gloria was all right.
‘We’ll work something out,’ he promised, but on seeing the distraught look on Gloria’s face, he pulled her close and they stood there, simply holding each other.
‘Why is it that we seem to spend all of our time together saying our goodbyes?’ Gloria managed to laugh a little through her tears. They had stood in this very place just over a year ago and said their farewells the day before Jack left for America. It seemed only the other day, but also a lifetime ago.
‘You’re strong,’ Jack said. He had so much he wanted to say to her and so little time. ‘You’re the strongest woman I know,’ he repeated. ‘You’ve been through so much and someone like Miriam is not going to defeat you. Do you hear me?’ Jack was speaking softly, but there was also an urgency in his voice. He needed to make these few remaining moments count. God knew when he would see or even speak to her next.
‘This will not stop us loving each other. No one, not even Miriam, can do that. I’ll write to you as soon as I arrive. Let you know where I am.’ Jack was looking at Gloria, needing to see that she had not run out of fight. That she would stay strong.
‘Yes.’ Gloria looked up at Jack. ‘That’s good. Write to me.’ Her head was still reeling, though. It was on overload and she couldn’t think beyond this moment and the fact that Jack was leaving her.
Jack looked at his watch.
‘Gloria, I have to go now. I’m going to say goodbye to you here. Then I want you to go back to work and carry on. That’s what you do. You survive. And then I want you to go to the Elliots’ and pick up Hope and give her a cuddle and tell her that her daddy loves her.’ Jack’s voice suddenly broke with emotion at the thought of his beautiful baby girl.
‘I will,’ Gloria promised. ‘I will.’ She wanted to say so much more, but the words seemed to stick in her throat.
‘And don’t you forget,’ Jack said, giving her one last kiss, ‘that I love you.’
Gloria looked at Jack and mouthed the words back to him as he turned and left her.
Again.
Chapter Fifty-Two
After Jack had gone, Gloria did something she rarely did – she clicked open the heavy oak door and walked into the church. She and Jack had always stayed within the confines of the small porch entrance whenever they met up. Today, though, she felt the need to sit on her own for a while, and so she found herself stepping across the threshold and into the nave of the little Anglo-Saxon church, with its uneven flagstones and its pretty stained-glass windows, their colour and craftsmanship obscured by the necessary brown tape.
Gloria could hear her footsteps echo as she walked across to the back row of empty wooden chairs and sat down. It was cold, and she felt colder still as she had left the yard without grabbing her overcoat. The place was empty, though, and Gloria was happy to swap the warmth of an extra layer of clothing for what she had now. Quietness.
What now? she asked herself.
But she already knew the answer.
Nothing.
She could do nothing. Other than carry on. Just like Jack had said. This was a battle that, at the moment, she had to accept she had lost. She was caught in a trap, and she just had to stay caught until she could find a way to free herself.
As she looked up at the church ceiling she noticed the beams had been shaped in such a way that they resembled an upturned wooden boat. Had they been designed like that on purpose? As she cricked her neck and continued to stare up at the thick, wooden beams and the large sand-coloured stones that had been used to build this church hundreds of years ago, her life began to fall into a perspective of sorts.
She had to be strong. Just like this ancient church. Just like Jack had told her to be. And most of all, because her daughter needed her to be.
As Gloria pictured Hope’s happy little face looking up at her, she remembered how she had given birth to her in the shipyard, and how she had called her Hope because of Jack, and how she’d had faith that he would come back to her alive.
And he had, hadn’t he?
Now, she had to keep hoping. Hoping that they would find a way to be together as a family. That this war would end. That all the problems and the troubles her women welders had would also resolve themselves – either that or remain buried, undisturbed as the tombs she could see at the front of the church.
Gloria knew that she could not give up now. Just over five months ago she had thought that she had lost Jack for ever in the depths of the Atlantic Ocean. But she hadn’t. He was back and he was well. He had even just about got his memory back. And what’s more, they had created a life together.
Gloria stood up and walked out of the church.
She pulled her little wristwatch out of her top pocket and saw that it was just a few minutes to three o’clock. Jack would be at the station now, probably boarding his train.
By the time Gloria had walked across the graveyard and down the North Sands embankment to the front gates of Thompson’s, it had gone three.
Jack would be beginning his journey.
Alfie waved Gloria through and she heade
d across the sea of metal and men and walked along the gangway to where she knew the women welders would be working. She saw them before they saw her and for a brief moment she stood and watched them all.
At the start of this day she had only been keeping the one secret. A secret she had been looking forward to tossing away. One that she had thought she would soon finally be free of, after all this time.
But now, she not only had to keep her own secret tightly wrapped up for the foreseeable future, she also had to keep a close guard on those of her friends – the ones they knew about, and those they didn’t.
Gloria stood for a moment simply watching her friends.
A tug on the sleeve of her overall snapped her out of her reverie. She looked round and saw Hannah’s young face beaming up at her.
‘I saw you come in. Thought I’d come and see you.’ She just about managed to shout loud enough to be heard above the noise.
Gloria looked down at Hannah and thought about her aunty Rina and the financial burden Hannah now had balanced on her skinny shoulders – never mind the constant worry she had about her parents.
‘Come on, let’s go and see what that motley crew of welders is up to,’ Gloria shouted back. ‘I think it may be time for a quick tea break.’
Hannah nodded her agreement and they walked over to where the women were working. Each one was surrounded by a halo of sparkling molten metal. One by one, as though sensing Gloria and Hannah’s approach, they looked up.
Polly, Gloria thought, looked so determined when she was welding – always had done, and even more so since her last letter from Tommy. She dreaded to think what would happen to her if Tommy never came home. Worse still, if Tommy ever thought that Polly wasn’t anything but a hundred per cent faithful and loyal.