by Marie Force
One of the things he loved best about making love to Daisy was the way she always soothed him afterward with soft strokes of her hand on his back and her fingers sliding through his hair. He knew absolute contentment in the arms of the woman he loved and could only hope his friend Jared would find a way back to the woman he loved.
*
Now that the moment was upon her, Elisabeth couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Watching Jared interact with his new friends had been illuminating. She’d seen their genuine affection for him and the generosity he’d shown in opening his home to them. Not to mention what he’d apparently done for Alex and Jenny. As incredible as it was, it was that kind of gesture that brought home how different they were. Those differences had caused her to often wonder if their relationship could work long term despite the incredible love they’d felt for each other almost from the very first night they spent together.
“Lizzie?” he said softly. “Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”
“I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”
He blew out a long deep breath filled with what sounded like angst. She couldn’t be sure. She’d never seen him filled with angst. She’d known only the happy, cocky, overly confident Jared James. The Jared sitting on the lounge next to hers was so far removed from that guy, she almost didn’t recognize him.
He was diminished, hesitant, wary and uncertain—four words she’d never have used to describe the Jared she knew and loved.
Even his hair was different. He’d let it grow out from the close-cropped cut he favored in the city. She’d never seen it so long but had to confess she liked it—a lot. Despite the other changes she saw in him, he was even hotter than he’d been before, if that was possible.
“I missed you, too.”
He wasn’t going to make this easy on her. Not that she could blame him after she’d ruined everything. She swallowed the hard lump that had formed in her throat and forced herself to continue. “I wanted to explain…”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to. It was really good of you to come here and all, but I don’t need any explanations.”
“I need it! I need you to know why.”
“What does it matter, Elisabeth?”
That he called her by her full name hit her like a shot to the heart. He hadn’t called her Elisabeth since the night they met when he’d decided she would be his Lizzie. He’d never called her anything else, except for honey, baby, babe and sweetheart. She’d teased him about how he refused to settle on any one endearment, preferring to make use of them all. “I’m too late,” she said, trying to resign herself to a bleak future that didn’t include Jared at the center of it.
As if he could no longer sit still, he got up suddenly to bank the fire. He squatted before the stone pit that was built into the pool deck, his shoulders rigid with tension as he tended to the fire with stabbing motions.
She couldn’t stand to see him so wound up, especially knowing she had caused his dismay. Quietly, she moved to the end of the chair he’d occupied and rested her hands on his bare shoulders.
His sharp intake of air was audible over the cricket music coming from the nearby bushes.
“I’m so sorry, Jared,” she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“What did you think would happen when you turned me down?”
“I didn’t mean to turn you down. I… You caught me off guard, and I wasn’t prepared…”
Remaining in a squat, he turned to face her. “You didn’t mean to turn me down? Then why’d you say no?”
“I didn’t intend to. I shook my head because it was happening too fast, and I couldn’t process it. But I never actually said no.”
“Lizzie… Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“So what you’re saying is you didn’t actually turn down my proposal?”
“I didn’t intend to turn down your proposal. I panicked.”
He tilted his head like he was trying to get a read on her, the gesture so familiar and so totally him that she couldn’t stop herself from placing her hands on his face.
His eyes closed as he released another deep breath that shuddered through his big body. “Don’t do this to me, Lizzie. I can’t handle it. You broke me. You have no idea…”
“I think I do. You broke me when you wouldn’t take my calls or respond to my texts. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I couldn’t find you. No one would tell me where you were. I didn’t even know you owned a place out here.”
“You couldn’t eat?” he asked softly, his gaze filled with concern.
She knew he was asking whether she’d suffered a setback in her recovery and appreciated that he remembered and cared so much. “Because I was upset, not because of the anorexia. I swear.”
“Thank goodness.” He curled his hands around her wrists and pressed his lips into one of her palms.
Elisabeth felt the charge of that small connection throughout her entire body.
“How did you find me?”
“I finally wore down Marcy, but you have to promise not to fire her.”
“What do you mean ‘finally’?”
“I’ve been to your office every day since that night.”
“That’s four trains. Each way.”
“Believe me, I know. You won’t fire Marcy, will you?”
“I won’t fire Marcy.”
“Good.”
“Why did you shake your head when I asked you to marry me?”
“You caught me by surprise, and I panicked. That’s the only explanation I have.”
“How could you be surprised after everything we’d shared? You knew how much I loved you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you. You knew that.”
“Past tense?”
“I… I don’t know. I just don’t know. You’ve caught me by surprise this time.”
“Does that make us even?”
His sinfully sexy lips curved into the slightest of smiles, which she took as a small victory. She’d made him smile. “I should get going.”
“Going where?”
“Back to town to find a hotel, since I missed the last boat.”
“You can stay here, Lizzie.”
“I don’t want to put you out.”
“You’re not putting me out. I have five empty bedrooms.”
She took it as a good sign that he wasn’t planning to send her away. She wouldn’t have blamed him if he had. “When did you buy this place?”
“A couple of years ago, after I came here for a friend’s bachelor party and fell in love with the island.”
“You never brought me here.”
“I hadn’t brought you here yet. The place in the Hamptons is closer to the city.”
“I like this one better.”
“You haven’t even seen the house yet.”
“I already know I like it better.”
“I do, too. I’ve become quite fond of it in the last month.” He stood but kept a firm grip on her hand as he reached for the backpack she’d abandoned on the pool deck. “Let’s get you settled.”
Thankful for the familiar feel of his hand wrapped around hers, Elisabeth let him lead her inside, her eyes glued to the back of the board shorts that hugged his sexy rear. From the first minute she’d met him, she’d been struck by his incredible smile, those sharp blue eyes, his crackling intelligence and the cocky arrogance that was somehow charming on him. In addition to all those things, the fact that he was incredibly good-looking hadn’t hurt anything.
She’d found out about the money a few days later—days in which she’d spent every minute with him while he literally swept her off her feet into love. That first weekend had been dizzying, and he’d kept her off-balance ever since. She, who’d prided herself on being a level-headed, modern, career-oriented woman, had fallen hard and fast for a sweet-talking billionaire with a heart of gold.
She’d become someone she’d always mocked—the woma
n who wanted to be with her boyfriend all the time, at the expense of other relationships, at the expense of sleep and time to herself and the extra hours she’d always given to the important work she did on behalf of homeless women and children. She wanted to be with him every second of every day.
He showed her to a bedroom that included an en suite bathroom. “Is this okay?”
Elisabeth didn’t tell him she’d much rather share his bed like she had every night for a year. Instead, she nodded. “It’s lovely. Thank you.” She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now. Should she release his hand and send him on his way? Or should she do what she really wanted and ask him to stay? Even if just for a little while longer.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said after a brief silence.
“I’m glad to be here. Will you stay awhile?”
The battle he waged with himself was plainly obvious to her, but only because she knew him so well. “Sure.”
It wasn’t a resounding “sure,” but she’d take it. She released his hand to remove her sandals. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Taking her backpack with her, she went into the bathroom to freshen up and change. She debated over her limited options—a tank top and boy shorts or the silk nightgown she’d brought in case things went really well. Fearing the nightgown would send the wrong message, she settled on the tank and shorts. He’d always told her he loved her in anything—and nothing. The memory of that nearly doubled her over in pain. The possibility that they’d never get back to where they’d been was almost too much to bear.
She brushed her teeth and hair and waited until she’d gotten herself together before she returned to the bedroom. He’d stretched out on top of the bed, and she took a moment to appreciate the well-defined pecs, the golden blond hair on his chest and the rippling muscles on his belly. She’d never understood how he managed to spend twelve hours a day at work and still stay so incredibly buff.
Suddenly, she felt self-conscious about the amount of skin she had on display and what her extreme thinness would say about how upset she’d been. When he took a greedy look at her, she wished she’d gone with the nightgown.
He held up the covers, inviting her into bed.
Anxious to be covered, she scooted under the white comforter with the yellow daisies. “I like this room. Did you do it yourself?”
“Hell no,” he said with a scoffing laugh. “Sydney Donovan did the house. She’s a decorator on the island.”
“She did a nice job.”
“Yes, she did.”
“Are we going to talk about comforters and paint, Jared?”
“I don’t know. Are we?”
“It’s safer.”
“Probably,” he acknowledged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say right now, and that never happens. I always know what to do and what to say.”
Because she couldn’t help it, because she’d missed him so terribly and because she loved him more than anything, she reached for him. “You could hold me. I’ve missed having your arms around me.”
For a second she thought he might reject her, but he didn’t. Rather, he slid under the covers and put his arms around her.
Elisabeth released a sigh full of relief as she pressed her face against his chest and heard the strong beat of his heart for the first time in far too long. Acting out of habit, she slid her leg between his and closed her eyes against the burn of tears at the familiar scratch of his hairy legs against her much smoother skin.
He held her so closely, so tightly she could barely breathe. “Lizzie… God, am I dreaming this? Are you really here with me?”
“I’m here. I’m right here.”
And then he was kissing her and stealing the breath from her lungs with his fierce possession of her mouth. He quite simply devoured her. All she could do was surrender to him, which she did willingly. She met every stroke of his tongue with one of her own, wanting to give him everything he needed.
He pulled away abruptly, startling her. “What?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t be with you this way unless I know you’re here to stay. Are you?”
She wanted to say an emphatic yes so he’d go back to kissing her, but she couldn’t do that. Not yet anyway. “I… I don’t know, Jared. We have so much we still need to talk about.”
“Then we’ll talk, but until we do, I can’t do this. I’m not Superman, Lizzie. I’m not made of steel.”
She blinked back tears brought on by the pain she saw etched into his face. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never meant for that to happen.”
He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Elisabeth watched him go, remembering how he’d once told her he couldn’t stand to sleep without her on the rare nights they’d spent apart, all due to his business obligations. She could only hope they could find their way back to each other, because she hated sleeping without him, too.
Chapter 5
Knowing he was too keyed up—and turned on—to have any prayer of sleeping, Jared went outside to the pool, where he swam twenty-five laps in an effort to do something productive with the energy zinging through his veins. Lizzie had come back. She’d gone to his office every day, hoping Marcy would tell her where he was.
Why hadn’t Marcy told him that? Because, asshole, you told her you didn’t want to hear from Lizzie, and she took you at your word. God, was it true that she hadn’t actually declined his proposal? Was it possible he’d read the whole thing so wrong and had subjected them both to more than five weeks of hell all because his ego was so huge he couldn’t imagine that the woman he loved had actually rejected him?
Still, he hadn’t imagined that she’d shaken her head after he proposed to her. That meant “no” in any language. He’d relived that moment over and over again, and the shock of it still had the power to reduce him to tears if he allowed himself to go there.
“Not going there,” he said out loud as he floated on his back and stared up at the stars dotting the sky. That was one of the things he truly loved about Gansett. It was so dark that the stars seemed almost close enough to touch. He’d never been anywhere that allowed for better stargazing than the island that had come to feel like home in the last few weeks.
He’d made real friends here, the kind he used to have before he made a shit ton of money and found himself separated from the people he’d grown up with. Any time they contacted him now it was because they needed something only he and his money could provide. He’d stopped taking their calls once he realized they were all the same. Even his own siblings had become people he barely recognized after he struck it rich.
Lizzie had been the one person in his life he could count on to keep it real. She didn’t give a shit about his money. She never asked him for anything. Rather, she was often visibly uncomfortable when he tried to do things for her or give her things that most women would love. His Lizzie wasn’t most women. He’d known that right from the start. She’d called him out on his bullshit, cut him down to size with her sharp rejoinders and made him want to be a better man so he might be worthy of her.
He’d never been happier in his life than when he’d been with her. Until she shook her head at that pivotal moment and crushed him. Having her back in his arms, even for a few short minutes, had brought home the magnitude of what he’d become without her. He barely recognized the face in the mirror each morning. The once-confident king of Wall Street had been demolished by love. Imagine that.
He uttered a laugh that became a groan when he pictured her in the tank top and boy shorts that had starred in all his fantasies since he last saw her. She had no idea how incredibly beautiful she was to him, and the sight of her in the simple yet revealing outfit had made him want to beg her to take him back, to forgive him for any sins he might’ve committed.
He’d noticed, however, that she’d lost weight she didn’t have to lose. He’d seen it in her face, where her cheekbones were more prominent, as well as the sharpness of her hip bon
es. The thought of her not eating because she was upset over what had happened between them made him sick with worry.
It pained him to realize he’d do anything, give up everything, to have her back in his arms. It pained him to know she was sleeping in his house, and he’d been stupid enough to think he could actually sleep knowing she was there, within reach yet still so far out of reach. Wearily, he pushed himself out of the pool and sat on the deck for a long time, thinking it through from every angle while wondering—and fearing—what tomorrow would bring.
*
Lizzie was awake early. She wasn’t entirely certain she’d actually slept, and if the aches in her neck and eyes were any indication, the sleep she’d gotten hadn’t been refreshing. There’d been weird dreams in which she’d run after Jared and he’d moved quickly out of reach. She hoped the dreams weren’t a metaphor for how this day would unfold.
Dragging herself out of the comfortable bed, in which she’d clearly done a lot of tossing and turning, as the sheets were all over the place, she headed for the shower.
As she turned the water on, another memory came to mind. Jared had always told her he loved the way she looked first thing in the morning with her hair all over the place and her face red and puffy from sleep. She thought she looked awful, but he loved her that way.
She turned off the water, brushed her teeth and ventured out of her room to see if he was up yet. They’d spent much of their time together naked, but she’d never felt more exposed than she did this morning, walking through the house, wearing nothing but the tank and boy shorts.
The house was truly gorgeous. Jared’s decorator had gone with a subtle nautical theme that Elisabeth loved. She admired people who could pull together a space so effortlessly when her own decorating efforts resembled thrift-store chic, although using the word “chic” might be giving herself too much credit.
This was the kind of understated class that surrounded Jared in all the spaces he occupied, including his New York City penthouse, his office and the beach house in the Hamptons. Why, she wondered, had he bought this place when he already had a house at the beach?