by Silks, Lacey
“Was John there?” she asked.
“Mr. Cross? I... I don’t remember. Maybe? The last time I saw my father, he was talking to someone. The man mentioned a choice my father had: his career, or me. I never saw who it was.” My face felt like it had drained of blood.
“That’s interesting. Do you think your father was running away from something in the Congress? Maybe he was deciding to get out of politics?”
“No.” I shook my head, “My father was a strong man. He wouldn’t let anyone bully him out of there. We’d gone through threats of all sorts, but my parents were always stronger. They always prevailed.”
“If you say you were their first assignment, I think Mr. Cross would want to oversee the work, don’t you? He’s a family man. He wouldn’t let Julian and Tristan take on a task of this scale without an assurance of their safety. And who better to keep them safe than their own father?”
Allie’s keen sense for detail and intuition must have made her a great cop before she joined Cross Enterprises.
“But if he was there, then how did he make it out alive? I saw the train explode. No one could have survived it.”
“That’s a good question. Have you ever spoken to Mr. Cross about it?”
“Yes, of course. John and Maggie answered all my questions. They took me in, helped with the funeral, and found my foster family. They paid for my school – I’ve sort of been part of the family since that day.”
But now that I thought about it, anytime we broached the subject of the train incident, the topic seamlessly changed within minutes.
I met Allie’s keen gaze. “All questions except where Mr. Cross was. Not that I asked directly – actually, I never did at all.”
“Don’t you find the whole accident odd? Julian and Tristan are both fit and smart, but to risk their lives for a James Bond operation like that?”
“Believe me, I’ve seen them in action. James Bond pales in comparison to what those two can do.”
“I still think there are holes in their story.” Allie sipped on her tea.
“And that’s exactly what I’m struggling with. I know it was a traumatic day for me, and losing both parents at once... I couldn’t really think at the time, but you’re right. The more I try to figure it out, the cloudier it gets.”
“It does seem like your memory is very selective. Where do you think I should start with the snooping?”
“Walker. That was my family name. My parents’ names were Stephen and Janine.”
I could see the confusion on Allie’s face grow, so I continued, “I took on Knight as part of the witness protection program. My whole identity was changed the next day. The Crosses took care of everything. My parents died in that train crash, but I think they could have been a target before then.”
“And you’d never met John or Maggie before that day?”
“No.” I shook my head. “There were a lot of parties and charity events my parents went to, but I was always left behind. They didn’t want me in the public eye at all.”
“If the Crosses took you into protection and created a new identity, it had to be for a reason. Why not just ask them again?”
“I tried with Julian. He promised to have answers soon. He sounded desperate for me not to find out just yet, saying it could destroy me.”
“Maybe you should listen to him, Kendra. Julian adores you. He wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.”
“It’s not that easy. At this point I feel it’s keeping me from moving forward.”
“All right, I’ll see what I can do. How are you feeling otherwise?”
I rolled my eyes. “The therapy stuff sucks. I’m supposed to find something I can focus on, but nothing works. And I can tell you that crosswords are definitely not my thing.”
Someone knocked on the door and opened it without hesitation.
“Laura, come in. Is it that time already?”
The young woman reminded me of a female terminator: beautiful, well-built, with a no bull-shit attitude. “Yes, I’m sorry to interrupt, but if we don’t go now we’ll lose our spot.”
“This is my friend, Kendra.” Allie introduced us. “Julian’s girlfriend. Kendra, this is Laura. She works here too.”
The sound of us proclaimed a couple in public swept warmth and longing through me.
Laura came toward me with a confidence and extended her hand to shake mine. “I’ve heard so much about you,” she said.
“Yet you’re still being so nice. It couldn’t have all been the truth, then.” I heard my voice falter.
“Believe me, we all have our bitch moments in life,” she winked.
“And Laura is an expert at those,” Allie added.
“Followed by Allie,” Laura rebutted, and then squeezed my shoulder. “I like her. A woman with balls is a rare find these days.”
“Are you two sure you’re friends?” I laughed.
“We are, and we’re officially adding you to our group. Do you want to join us for lunch?” Hadn’t Allie just eaten? Or was the wrap just a pre-lunch snack?
“Something tells me we’re not going out to eat.”
“Nope, this is much better than food.”
* * *
The constant echo of firing shots didn’t alarm me as much as I thought it would. In fact, I found the shooting range more soothing than expected. Drowning in the familiar smell of gun powder, I closed my eyes and an odd sensation passed through me as a flash of my extended arms with a rifle in front of me appeared behind my eyelids.
Me, with a gun? It was a picture my psychiatrist would probably cringe at, yet that déjà vu feeling that I’d shot a gun before seemed so real. I mean, before I killed Martinez.
Laura stood on my left side and Allie on my right.
“You need to focus, Kendra. Take a deep breath in, and shoot on exhale. Tighten your abs to stabilize your core. Focus on the target and don’t get upset if you miss the first time. Everybody does,” Allie explained.
I couldn’t deny that the gun in my hand felt welcome. It was more than that, though. Standing here, with the girls at my side, swelled something around my heart I couldn’t explain. It had been so long since I’d had girlfriends who believed in me. Sam always had, but she was still on her honeymoon, and other than her, I tended to limit my friend-making attempts to non-existent.
Yet here I was, at a shooting range, with Allie and Laura who both trusted me to respect the weapon in my hands. Only few months ago, I topped the list of most unstable people in the world; and here I was, holding a gun.
This felt so right and familiar, it scared me a little. When I gripped the handle, it was just me and the firearm, because the responsibility of having it in my hand meant I had to concentrate just on that part of my life: aiming to shoot the target. Nothing else mattered.
You’re mine, a voice inside me whispered. It was my own voice, talking to that black dot in the distance, not letting anything else distract me from connecting my shot with the oval. The sounds around me faded as I listened to my slowing breaths.
I held the gun the way Allie described: my grip just tight enough to keep it steady, but controlled so that my hands would not shake. Ignoring the commotion around me, I concentrated on the end of the gun and my target, focusing on the bull’s eye, and without hesitation I pulled the trigger.
One, two, three. I didn’t pause between the shots and continued until the barrel was empty. The smell of gunpowder intensified each time I pulled the trigger, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that black dot.
“Holy shit!” I heard Laura exclaim once I was done.
My mouth dropped open. By this time my calm heartbeat had turned into a jackhammer trying to break through my chest. I lowered the gun to the counter and backed away until my back pressed against the wall. The target flowed toward us on the zip line, and Laura and Allie both reached forward to grab it. All ten shots had hit the center, leaving torn up holes right in the middle.
“Kendra, how?” Laura asked.
“No one shoots this perfect the first time.”
“I remember.”
“What do you remember?” Allie asked. “I thought you said you’d never shot a gun before?”
“That’s what I thought.” My legs trembled and my vision became blurry. “I need a chair.”
The sound of screeching chair legs being pulled along the linoleum floor pierced my ears. I sat down and lowered my head to my knees, praying I could remember more. The second-long flashbacks were not enough.
“Kendra, when did you shoot a gun?”
“Before the accident. I’ve shot weapons: long range rifles, guns...” I lowered my head to my knees. It ached at the temples.
“How do you forget something like that?” Laura crossed her arms over her chest.
“That’s what I’d like to know,” I said.
“Trauma, perhaps. You know, from the accident?” The tone of Allie’s voice held too many questions.
“Was it like a hobby?” Laura passed me a bottle of water and I took a long sip. “I mean, you were so young.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like someone’s been messing with my brain. Someone wanted me not to remember. After they kidnapped me, they fed me drugs and hallucinogens. I thought it was all in my mind, but they must have triggered something in my brain. Since you found me, and I’ve been clean, I’ve had these nightmares with guns and blood. The gun makes sense now, but blood?”
I didn’t even dare say out loud what I was thinking, but I could tell the same questions were running through Allie’s and Laura’s minds as well.
“What if you underwent hypnosis to remember everything? I’m sure Julian and Tristan have a long list of doctors like that,” Laura suggested.
I caught the dirty look Allie threw her before I said, “No, Julian can’t find out about this. He’d totally freak. And, I have a feeling he already knows about my skills and doesn’t want to tell me.”
“Kendra, what if you forgot for a reason? What if you shouldn’t remember these things?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know your past?”
“Yeah, I would.”
“So what do I do?” I asked.
“I say let us do some research at work.” Allie hooked her arm into Laura’s. “And we’ll go from there. I wouldn’t want anyone digging around my brain to remember my past. The more we know first, the better.”
“I’ve been seeing a shrink every week. And nothing she’s said has triggered memories like these.”
“Okay, before we start any trips down forgotten memory lanes, there’s an outstanding bachelorette party I have to plan.” Laura grinned from ear to ear.
Allie rolled her eyes.
“This will be good for you too,” Laura said to me. “Positive environment, clear mind. If you can handle guns, then you can handle a ladies’ night out. What do you say, Kendra? Will you help me plan Allie’s bachelorette party?”
Was this too much, too fast, even for my quick recovery? There was only one way to find out. The question was, how in the world was I going to convince Julian to let me go to Las Vegas? But then again, did he really have a say in it?
CHAPTER 15
I returned home just before the doorbell rang. I’d almost forgotten about Emma’s visit.
“Don’t shoot the messenger,” she said to me as I opened the front door. Emma stood still as if glued to that spot on the front steps.
“What are you supposed to tell me? And why aren’t you coming in?” I asked holding the door wide open.
“Because I’m not alone,” she grinned.
“Who are you with?” I leaned out the door, looked once to each side, but no one was there. Then I followed Emma’s gaze toward a small carrying cage at her feet.
“What’s that?”
“Shh, he’s sleeping. This is a gift from Julian. He said it’s to keep you occupied.”
I crouched, peeking into the cage door. Inside, cuddled in a blanket, was a rolled up ball of fur with a black button nose sticking out from within – the same nose from the screensaver on my phone.
“He got me a puppy? Come in, Emma.”
She carefully lifted the carrier and came inside. I couldn’t stop staring at the fluff.
“I’m not letting Julian take all the credit for this. It was my idea. I overheard him talking to Tristan about your concentration, and voilà. What better to focus on than a dog? Of course I asked Julian if I could get one for you, and he agreed that it was a great idea. As if I ever had bad ideas. Right?”
Not much that she’d said registered. I opened the cage and lifted the white fur ball, holding the puppy in my palms, feeling its minimal weight, warmth, and shallow breaths.
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“It’s a boy and it’s a Pomeranian. He’s only seven weeks old, but he’ll be small and you get to name him.”
“He’s really mine?”
At the sound of my voice, the puppy opened his eyes. The two buttons shone at me and I swear he smiled when he saw me. At that moment, he stole my heart.
“You’ve got a new mama,” I said to him, sitting down on the floor, right in the middle of the foyer. Emma sat cross-legged in front of me, scratching the puppy’s head. “Thank you Emma, you really made my day.”
My phone buzzed, but as my hands were occupied I didn’t reach for it.
“It wasn’t all me. Julian found him. He said you’d like a smaller breed. I just went to the store to get him. All the supplies should be in the garage. What are you gonna name him?”
“Pucker.”
“That’s cute. Why Pucker?”
“Because Julian’s lips always pucker up when I look at him.”
“Okay, that definitely is not cute, but I’ll overlook the reasoning because this puppy could be called ‘Diarrhea’ for all I care, and he’d still be cute.”
“Ah, Emma. Let’s not overdo it.”
This time Emma’s cell vibrated, and she wasn’t one to miss a call. She looked at the screen before answering. “Hi, she loves him. I told you she would... she’s a little busy now... ok, I’ll tell her... love you too... bye.” She hung up and turned to me. “He sounded jealous.”
I giggled as Pucker licked my hand. “Of a puppy?”
“Men!” Emma shrugged as if she knew all about them.
I ordered pizza, and we spent the next few hours playing with Pucker. Even after Emma left, I couldn’t stay away from the cute dog. I loved him, absolutely adored the little fluff ball waddling around the house. His tiny feet couldn’t move fast enough to catch up. I texted Julian later that night thanking him for the gift.
Over the next three days Pucker followed me around, barking with a high-pitched tone when he needed my attention. He was so smart, never missed doing his business on his training pad, and even began running up to the front door to be let outside a few times. I texted Julian with regular updates on our new family member and sent him over fifty pictures. As always, he replied politely, but I could tell Julian was busy in Washington.
On the night he was to return home, I was sitting in our bed reading a book, Pucker sleeping snugly in my lap, when I heard the front door open. Pucker didn’t even stir.
“Well, I guess you’re not a guard dog, are you?” I said to him before Julian stepped into our bedroom.
“Hi,” I said in a whisper.
“Oh, God, how much I missed you!” He let out a breath as if he’d been holding it since the day he left, and then came over to the bed and planted a wet drawn-out kiss on my mouth. My lips responded and my hands tied around his neck, bringing him lower. Pucker growled in his sleep.
“It’s been a long day and I really need to shower, K. But please hold this thought for when I get back.”
“Of course,” I smiled, helping him remove his tie as he plopped down on the bed. I then unbuttoned his purple shirt, exposing his chest and instinctively ran my fingers through the blanket of stray hairs.
Julian released a deep growl. I could already see the
strain under his pants tent out. The feel of his skin under my palms, and the way he lay there in front of me, with his feet still on the ground, awakened my desire as well.
“Have I said I missed you yet?” he asked.
“It’s been lonely without you here, but Pucker kept me busy.” When the puppy heard his name he lifted his head and treaded across the sheets right toward Julian’s face for a good lick.
“He likes me,” Julian laughed.
“What’s not to like?” I said.
“Ah, come on, he likes everyone, doesn’t he?”
I giggled. “I think so.”
Julian scratched Pucker under his chin and then stood up, removing his shirt and his pants. I waited until his briefs came down as well, but he kept them on.
“Are you afraid he’ll jump on your wiener?”
“I’m not getting naked in front of a dog, but if you get him out, we’ll see.” There was that dangerous spark in his eyes I loved. Excitement swooshed through me in apprehensive waves. Perhaps Julian wasn’t as tired as I thought.
As soon as he disappeared into the bathroom, I took Pucker to the guest room and put him in his bed.
“Stay,” I whispered. And he hardly stirred. It was like he understood every word I said.
By the time Julian finished his shower, I had already changed into a skimpy negligee, waiting for him. When he came back into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around his waist, I held my breath, admiring that perfect body of his. He looked around the room and not seeing Pucker, Julian loosened the towel with one flick of his finger and it dropped to the floor.
I caught my breath. A few stay drops of water slid down his broad shoulders. A hint of mist shimmered on his chest. My gaze lowered to his pride as it hardened with every step he took toward the bed, and my mouth watered.
“You look better,” I whispered, anxiously waiting as he stood by the bed.
“That’s because I know I’ll be inside you in just a few minutes.” The hunger in his deep voice tore through me. Climbing onto the bed and pacing toward me like a leopard in heat, his eyes darkened. A rusty rumble escaped with each breath. I stared at him, mesmerized, as Julian took on the demeanor of a depraved man.