by Jolie, Mika
Emotional pain dripped between her fingers, raining down her arms.
“Minka.” Lily hugged Minka’s shaking shoulders. “Hon, what’s going on?”
“Est-elle malade? Enceinte?” The French shop owner barged into the tight dressing room in a heavy-knit Christmas sweater.
Minka choked a laugh through her tears. No, she wasn’t sick or pregnant, just down in the blues and overweight. For fuck’s sake, she wanted those fucking jeans to fit.
“Should we call Doctor Desvareaux?” Gerard continued.
Oh God, the last thing she wanted was Forrest to find her crying with her pants undone. He’d go straight to his brother and tell him everything.
Wiping her face, she flashed Gerard a polite smile. “I’m sorry.”
“Give us a minute, Gerard.” Lily slipped a hand through the boutique owner’s arm and tried to shoo him away.
“Apology not necessary.” Gerard stood firm, resisting Lily’s silent request. “You are one of our favorite customers. Louise is preparing tea for you both. Join us when you’re ready.” His gaze swept over Minka’s face for a beat, concern filled his eyes. Then, with a slight nod, he exited the fitting room.
“I have to make a quick stop at Vapor,” Lily said once they were alone. “Come meet me there.”
“I should go home.”
“No. This is girlfriends’ day, remember? We must do lunch.”
Half an hour later, Minka ambled through the bustling streets of downtown Edgartown to meet Lily at Vapor. Around her, people swarmed like bees in and out of the crowded coffee shops and bakeries. Shop windows were decorated with wreaths, Santa Claus, garlands, ornaments, and lights. The aroma of hot-roasted chestnuts wafted through the town. Martha’s Vineyard was a perfect Christmas postcard.
She crossed the street and entered Vapor. Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon echoed throughout the room, evoking memories of her and Jason humming to the tune. She sniffed back another round of tears, waved to Adam, and headed to Lily’s table.
“I ordered your fave.” Lily motioned toward the plate on the table, a proud smile on her face.
“Thanks.” Minka sat and focused on the Italian sausage and tortellini soup, one of Vapor’s greatest creations. The broth smelled delicious and comforting. Not diet food at all, but just what the doctor ordered.
“You, my friend, have postpartum depression.” Lily reached over and squeezed her hand. “We need to get you counseling.”
Pursing her lips in contemplation, Minka tucked a wayward curl behind her hear. Postpartum depression. Nope. Not her. She’d bonded with the twins. Sure, at times, she felt overwhelmed. Not like, ‘hey, this new mommy thing is hard,’ but more like ‘I can’t do this, and I’m never going to be able to do this.’ In fact, on several occasions, she found herself wondering whether she should have become a mother in the first place.
That didn’t mean she had postpartum depression. It had to be fatigue. She was tired as hell, but that happened with newborns. If she could get the twins on the same schedule, everything would get better.
She looked around the usual Vapor crowd. Adam was at the bar talking to Maxi. He’d agreed to cover for Jason at the last minute so that she could meet up with Lily.
“How are you sleeping?”
Minka lowered her gaze to the menu on the table. Although Lily’s voice was casual, she knew her friend well enough to see this was a loaded question and the beginning of an interrogation.
“Fine,” she answered in a voice she hoped matched Lily’s tone. Truth was, sleep had become a fleeting chore, eluding her at a time when rest was all she needed to refuel. Most nights, she found herself wrestling in the dark, consumed by thoughts tumbling through her mind in rapid succession. Problems she had already solved reemerged for another examination. Things she mustn’t forget for the next day nagged at her brain.
Monsters didn’t always sleep under the bed. Lately they’d taken a permanent space inside her head.
“You’re lying.”
She dragged her gaze from the table and met Lily’s probing eyes. “I don’t have postpartum depression.”
Lily raised a brow.
Minka blew a handful of curls away from her face. “I passed the test.” She had examined each question and answered in a way so that she would appear fine and happy. Deep down, she had wanted to cry, to run away, or maybe stay pregnant a little longer.
“That screening done at the hospital before discharge, while I’m glad it’s there, is pure bullshit.” Lily leaned back in the chair and fixed her with a stare. “You and I know how to answer those questions and pretend all is fine.”
Minka bit a chunk of her cheek inside of her mouth. Her phone dinged, indicating an incoming text. Grateful for the interruption, she swiped the screen, and a picture of the twins, in Christmas outfits her husband must have purchased, appeared with a message from Jason.
Bonding with these angels. We love you, Mommy.
She traced her finger over the image. Sets of blue and hazel eyes stared at her, and rosebud lips were spread into smiles. Something quivered low in her belly, but just as quickly, the darkness she’d been struggling with grew steadily until it dominated her emotions.
She slid the phone across the table. “Jason sent a picture of the twins.”
Lily looked down at the screen. When her gaze returned to Minka, her features softened into a warm smile. “Babies are so adorable, aren’t they?”
“Yes they are.” She stuffed the phone in her purse.
“How’s married life?”
“Fine.”
“It’s been nine weeks you got the green light?” Lily asked casually.
“For?”
“Sex with your husband.”
“What?” Minka tucked a few stray curls behind her ear.
“You know,” Lily continued, playfully pushing the subject. “You both get naked, touch, kiss, and a whole lotta sucking, blowing—”
“You can stop,” she interrupted and shot her friend the not now look. “I know what sex is.”
“But you have no desire to go there, do you?” Lily had a way of not mincing her words, one of the qualities Minka admired in her friend, even when she found herself the target.
“It’s not what you think.” There was an odd tightness in her voice, and seeing the way Lily arched a brow, Minka knew she had revealed a corner of her own thoughts. She shifted in her seat and fixed her gaze on the plate in front of her.
“You’re in love with your husband.” Lily reached over and gently squeezed her hand, drawing Minka’s attention back to her. “And he loves you so damn much. Talk to him. Tell him the truth.”
“I don’t have—”
“Yeah, you do,” Lily interjected. “That’s not something to be ashamed of. Between ten and twenty percent of new mothers experience some kind of PPD.”
“How do you know that?” Had she been so consumed with her pregnancy that she’d failed to notice anything different with Lily after she gave birth?
“Paige told me.”
Paige was a nurse, close friends with the Serrano brothers, and Lily’s informant on all things medical. Still, the idea of not being there for the woman she viewed as a sister didn’t sit well. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were going through a hard time after giving birth to Christina.”
“I struggled here and there. I had a light case of baby blues and needed to adjust.” Lily leaned forward, a perplexed expression on her face. “But honey, I contacted Paige because I’ve been concerned about you.”
“You told Paige I have postpartum?”
“No. I called her and asked a question. Minka, postpartum is not something to be ashamed of.”
Baby blues were normal. Nothing but hormonal changes, PMS on steroids. Postpartum depression though...not her.
“Easy to say when the problem is not your own.”
“Ouch.” Lily grimaced.
Minka took a shaky breath, peered at Lily and caught a hint of
hurt in her friend’s eyes. “God, I’m sorry. That was harsh and not deserved,” she apologized, wishing she could take back the snarky remark. “I’m just tired. You think I’m crazy.”
“Sleep deprivation makes us all a bitch. But since I have all this love for you chica, you get a free pass.”
“Still, I’m sorry,” she apologized again. No point denying the daggers in her words.
“It’s okay. I had bouts here and there where everything annoyed me, including my sexy husband.”
Minka smiled in spite of herself. She was all too familiar with that feeling. “What did you do?”
“I had a few sessions with Adam’s counselor.” She shrugged. “It helped. I can give you her information.”
She didn’t need it, but neither was she in any mood to argue. “Sure, I’ll take it.” Just in case.
Chapter Three
“Forgive me, Mr. Claus. I’m afraid I’ve made a terrible mess of your holiday.”
Jack Skellington—The Nightmare
before Christmas
Ten days before Christmas
The Christmas tree stood tall—brightly illuminated with big, traditional, multi-colored dome lights. Incandescent glow from red, blue, green, yellow, and gold sparkled against exquisite ornaments. Kelly Clarkson’s Winter Dreams played softly in the room, telling Minka how joyous she should be.
She wasn’t.
If anything, the whole atmosphere was another reminder that the magic of Christmas was out of reach.
Two hours into the traditional party at Martha’s Way, Minka watched as people strolled in and out of the bustling room. The merry dining hall screamed happiness. Warm smiles on familiar faces as they sipped champagne or hot drinks topped with generous layers of whipped cream. Moments of loud, spirited laughter erupted on occasion over continuous chatter. The mood at Martha’s Way was festive, no doubt about that. As always, Jason had put together another flawless event.
Her gaze followed her husband as he weaved through the crowd—broad powerful shoulders, inviting blue eyes, days-old scruff covering his chin, and a vibe that screamed full-tilt danger. As he walked, he ran his fingers through the tapered edges of his blond hair. The slight movement made his well-worked biceps bunch under the sleeve of his three-piece black suit, and her stomach did that familiar little flip that only Jason could garner. He was easy on the eyes, exuded sexuality and confidence from every pore. A year into their marriage and with each passing day, her love for him had gotten deeper, more complete, more bewitching.
Watching him took her back to the first time she saw him, the night of Keely and Blake’s engagement party here at the inn. He’d been beautiful then and was even more so now. To think, two years later, here they were, married with twins.
Speaking of the twins, she dug inside her purse for her phone. No message from Forrest or Claire. They had volunteered to watch Maya and Bas for the night, an act of kindness that allowed her to attend the traditional pre-Christmas dinner Jason threw for his staff. On top of that, she even felt pretty in the black swing dress that had been tucked away in her closet. Her last I-feel-good purchase before the twins. She eyed her phone again.
No news meant good news, right?
What could possibly go wrong in the course of a few hours? Forrest was probably the most responsible of the group. More importantly, not only was he the twins’ uncle, godfather, and Jason’s brother, he was a doctor for Pete’s sake. Besides, if something had happened to one of the twins, they would have been notified.
Still, better to be safe than sorry. Her fingers moved swiftly as she sent a quick text to her friends.
How are things going?
One second passed. Two seconds. Three seconds. She eyed the screen. No response. Minka shifted uncomfortably. Her heart rate accelerated as her mind spun with a carousel of ideas, each more worrisome than the last.
What if the twins were hungry?
They might need their diapers changed. Dirty diapers resulted in bad, painful rashes.
She was the only one well versed with the twins’ emotions and habits. A little over two months old, their speech pattern consisted of crying, gurgles, oohs and aahs.
Forrest and Claire were still in rekindled romantic bliss and planning a wedding, always touching, kissing, totally lost and oblivious to anything around them. They probably weren’t paying any attention to Maya and Sebastian, which meant they weren’t as attentive to the twins as they should be. Guilt ate and pestered her. She should have listened to her gut and stayed home, let Jason attend this party by himself. The twins needed her much, much more.
The fireplace crackled. With brows drawn together, she studied her telephone screen. Nothing from her friends. A sudden surge of fear came without warning. Her heart banged against her chest wall, loud and irregular, but she barely heard it. The twins consumed her every thought.
Minka cleared the burn in her throat and peeled away from the corner window. The heels of her shoes tap-tapped on the hardwood floor as she weaved through the crowd toward her husband. One step. Two steps. Three steps.
She came to an abrupt stop. Her eyes narrowed on Jason and the pretty woman whose head tilted forward in the inviting way that said she wanted a man. To make matters worse, he leaned into her and placed a kiss on each side of Lisa’s face. The Chief Editor of the Massachusetts Gazette flicked her blonde hair, laughed, and held on to his arms.
Minka’s stomach churned with a mixture of jealousy and anger. Blood rushed in her ears and her pulse skyrocketed. Logic skittered through her mind and tried to point out that kissing on the cheeks was a common European greeting. Technically, her husband was half-French from his late Mother’s side. He was even fluent in the language of love.
Whatever! Born in America, raised in America, that made him as every bit American as she was. Besides, Lisa had wanted him from day one.
What the hell?
She wasn’t jealous or threatened by the other woman. She couldn’t be.
Minka sucked in a breath. Not wanting to give the green-eyed monster any more leeway, she lowered her gaze to her wedding band for a beat. Jason loved her unconditionally. And she loved him. She looked up just in time to catch Caribbean-Sea-blue orbs watching her, a smile on Jason’s handsome face as he continued talking to Lisa. Across the room, he signaled for her to join them.
Jealous or not, none of that mattered. The most important thing now was to make sure their children were fine and safe. She plodded toward her husband and the beautiful, inviting Lisa. Her heartbeat echoed in the hall.
Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum.
“Lisa, remember my wife, Minka?” Jason pulled her into him.
“Of course. Congratulations on the twins,” Lisa said in a tone that actually appeared genuine. “Jason was gushing over them and you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at Lisa, in a way she hoped came across as warm and friendly, before turning to Jason. “We should leave.”
“What?” he asked in a confused voice.
“Claire and Forrest aren’t responding.”
“To?” Worry creased his forehead.
The scent of the pine needles grew heavy. She let out a frustrated breath. “To my text.”
“I’ll see you around, Jay. Good to see you, Minka, and congrats again,” Lisa said before walking away, leaving her alone with Jason.
With a slight tug, he pulled them a few steps away from everyone. “What’s going on, Minka?”
“They’re not responding to my text.”
“And…”
“Something could be wrong. I feel something is wrong. If you don’t want to come with me, I’ll go.”
He glanced at his watch, exasperation etched on his handsome face. “Give me a second to speak to Nora.”
Before she could answer, he released her arm and walked away. She watched him engaged in a brief conversation with Nora, the woman who managed Martha’s Way. After a few nods and smiles, the two hugged. Then he was back by her side.
“I
’m sorry, Jason, but…” she started, needing to apologize, or at least try to get him to understand why she was anxious to get home.
“Let’s go.” Jason palm rested in the center of her back, no sign of intimacy in his touch.
Chapter Four
“I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.”
Linus—Charlie Brown Christmas
Forty minutes later, the black Jeep snaked along the paved roads of Katama. Other than the efficient purr of the well-oiled engine, a strained hush cloaked the space between them, a clear indication of built-up tension. In the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of his profile. His jaw was stretched tight. One hand gripped the steering, while the other shifted gears. She’d always admired the subtle tilt of his head when he turned onto the road, as if every movement seemed planned ahead of time.
Observing his movements, a sigh escaped her lips. She wanted to touch him and run her fingers through his hair. However, the chill between them crisped her skin. She rubbed her hands together and forced them into submission.
Less than two years together, they were technically still in the learning phase. Nonetheless, she knew her husband well enough to tell when he was ticked off. Right now was a perfect example.
Her hands twitched and she could feel a vein pulsing in her forehead. Turning her face to the window, she put her fist under her chin and focused her attention on the winter’s night—a dull, starless sky scowled down at her with impending doom. She dug deep, stayed poised, and didn’t spring into action until the rhythmic clatter of tires slid to a stop.
She located the clip of her seat belt well before the Jeep’s engine groaned and shut down. Swiftly, she grabbed the door handle, pushed it open, and charged inside the noiseless house. Without a backward glance at Jason, she sprinted up the stairs to Maya’s bedroom, then Sebastian’s. No sign of the twins anywhere.
“Jason!” she called to her husband as she rushed down the stairs. Her heart thundered in her chest as her brain ran amok with dread and dark thoughts.
“Shh.” His index finger pressed against his lips. “Come with me.”