“Not officially. Not on the layout registered in Ginecea anyway.” She nodded with her head a yes, which was at odds with what she said next. “So we don’t have a pool.”
“I don’t understand.” It wasn’t the first time Nora made a similar comment about Vasura’s apparent whimsical layout. Marie had discovered soon enough that the big billboard hanging at the main entry, the one with the detailed map of the waste plant, was a hoax. Apart from the name of the plant and the color-coded legend on the side, there wasn’t a single landmark that appeared to have ever been there.
“Once in a while, there’s this big gun from Ginecea who’s supposed to come and check we’re subdued enough.” Nora talked with the repetitive quality of someone who had listened to adults’ conversations and was now reporting verbatim. “Ginecea barely acknowledges our existence. We’re the pure breed’s most embarrassing third-removed cousins. We’re the women they would’ve preferred were born as men. Waste plants are left alone, practically forgotten until they decide to take a brief interest in us and destroy with a single visit the peace it has taken us so long to build. The work of years gone in one day.”
Marie let her finish, wondering which one of her parents had spoken the incendiary words. “What happens when the pure breeds come?”
Nora absentmindedly caressed her back. “They don’t tell us when a supervisor comes, so when she arrives, we tidy up the place so she’ll give us a clean bill.”
“How do you tidy up the place?” Vasura was huge. It seemed almost impossible to clean up a place so dispersed.
Nora shrugged. “Well, the usual. Women and men separate and we fake that we hate them like we’re supposed to, like the pure breeds and fathered women do. Bribes are also common.”
“Bribes?” Marie raised an eyebrow. “What bribes can you pay them if you don’t have any money here?”
“We don’t need money to live here, but we do receive payments for certain services—”
“What kind of services?” Marie’s tone must have been slightly panicked, because Nora exploded in a big laugh.
“You should look at yourself.” She wiped her eyes, sighed, and then patted Marie’s leg. “Don’t worry. You won’t be asked to do anything untoward to save Vasura. There are a few pharmaceutical companies who seek us to make waste disappear. I’m told it’s a lucrative business.” She smiled. “Vasura keeps the money for those special, rainy day occasions.”
Marie felt better. “And do the bribes work?”
“It did the last time a supervisor was here. It was three years ago. She was out of the way the same night she arrived.” Despite the reassuring words, a sad note tinged Nora’s voice and expression.
“And what happens if the pure breed is honest?”
“When it did happen, women and men paid with their lives.” Nora stopped caressing her and brought both hands on her lap. “My dad’s father was tortured and then killed just because a supervisor saw him talking to two girls. They were family friends.”
Marie wasn’t sure if Nora wanted to keep talking about it and silently took her hand in hers.
Nora squeezed her hand. “I was only five years old, so I don’t remember a lot. Just a few things and how scared my mom and dad were and how he had to hide somewhere else away from us the whole time the pure breed stayed here. A few days after she arrived, an army followed to help her.”
“It must’ve been terrible…” She couldn’t imagine what they had gone through. She had never had a mother. Most likely a young donor who didn’t want to deal with a screaming baby had dumped her at the Institute at birth. Not that fathered families were common anyway. But she could understand the heartache of having someone you loved ripped from you.
“Sometimes, I dream of those days. The image of the pulsating lights warning about a pure breed’s presence still haunts me. Now, every time I see a flickering light, my whole body shakes. When you arrived and the sentinels activated the alarm, I didn’t sleep that night. I kept thinking of my baby sister…”
Marie remembered how peppy Nora had looked the first day they had met and realized how it must have cost her to act that way to make her feel welcome. “I’m so sorry…”
“People still talk of that period as the Massacre.” She shuddered. “Mom says having those nightmares is my way of healing. But it was so long ago. I should’ve been healed already, don’t you think?” Nora turned to face her, as if waiting for an answer.
She shook her head slowly. She didn’t know of such things, but if a person had lived through something called a massacre and lost a sister because of it, probably a whole lifetime wasn’t enough to heal from its memory. “You need more time. Everybody’s different.”
“Lately, the dreams come more often.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re worried it’s going to happen again?” Marie saw how affected Nora was by the talk and felt the urge to hug her, but resisted.
She nodded. “Yes. Everybody says a visit from Ginecea is due soon.” Nora started playing with the hem of her right sleeve, undoing the thread at the seam.
“Who says so?”
“I heard my mom talking to a friend. And I saw they’re opening some of the barracks at the northern ends of the fields. They’re for the men.” She pulled at the thread until the sleeve was open up to her elbow, but she didn’t notice. “I’m worried.”
Marie closed her hand around Nora’s nervous fingers and smiled to reassure her.
***
A few weeks passed. Marie started noticing small changes in the Vasurians’ demeanor. At first, it was just a subtle segregation of the genders. Women and men were taking different routes and keeping different hours. One morning, she realized how much she had come to anticipate those five minutes when Grant’s schedule and hers coincided. From that first morning, it had been happening every day. It’s not that they ever talked—a bustling crowd always surrounded them—but like planets briefly orbiting each other, they walked for all of those five minutes along the same path. From the right corner of the cafeteria where she and Nora ate their breakfast to the left corner of the infirmary where she spent all her day. Every single day. But not today.
“You seem more distracted than usual.” Rane smiled at Marie. She was teaching her a new stitch, but it wasn’t working.
“I’m always focused when I’m here.” She had never liked to be reprimanded, even when the words were as soft-spoken as now.
The doctor sighed, then took the needle from her hands. “We’re done.” Rane returned it back to the tray laden with all the surgical instruments they were using on a chicken. “You try very hard, yes, but sometimes, like now, you’re not really here.”
One look at the carcass and she had to agree. She wasn’t at her best. “I did bleed this poor fellow to death, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you gave it a long, terrible death. Thankfully, it was ready for the soup.” She cleaned the instruments with a strong disinfectant. “What is it?”
Marie was looking outside, and not a man was to be seen anywhere. How funny that she had been so shocked at the beginning to see them and so disappointed now not to see them. “Is it true that a supervisor is coming?”
Rane looked outside too and she nodded. “I’ve been told it’s been several years already since last visit.”
“Yes, three years.”
The doctor looked at her with a puzzled expression. “How do you know? Nora?”
“Yes, she’s terrified for her parents.”
Rane pointed a finger at the window. “I know things are being put in order. I’m sure everything will be fine this time.” The door rattled behind them and their heads turned at the same time. Zena had come back from her monthly visit to the fields. They didn’t know what she did or whom she met there. Nora and she had speculated about those leaves the nurse took.
“Why the gloom?” Zena asked them.
Rane summarized their conversation and Marie noticed how the nurse imperceptibly blanched and then masked it wi
th a neutral expression when the massacre was mentioned.
“Were you here when it happened?” the doctor asked Zena.
The dark flicker on Zena’s face came back and stayed longer this time. She didn’t hesitate to answer though. “Yes, I was here.” She took one chair by the armrest and went to sit close to the window. “I was in my twenties when the Massacre happened.”
“Did you lose anybody?” Marie asked, immediately regretting her question.
But Zena surprised her once more by answering. “I did. We were in love and we were planning on adopting a kid. She was at the wrong place at the wrong time and took a bullet not meant for her.”
Rane, who had been warming some water at the little portable stove, came back carrying three steaming cups by the handles. “The soldiers shot on the crowd?”
The nurse’s mouth thinned and her eyes went dark. “Yes, they did, but the bullet that killed Bianca was mine.”
The nurse’s words left both Rane and Marie speechless.
Zena raised her cup to the ceiling. “Cheers to Ginecea’s fall. If I’m lucky, I’ll still be alive when it happens.”
A few minutes of silence passed, no one in the room able to say anything. The nurse finally broke the spell. “At least she’s sleeping in her favorite spot…” Her eyes went outside the window, focusing on the direction where the fields were. “I had it easy. You can’t imagine what they did to the heterosexual couples.”
Marie’s mind was already reeling and she was grateful for Zena’s decision to keep the details for herself. She didn’t want to know. Her stomach had relocated into her throat already. She decided to stir the conversation to a safer ground.
“Why now? Why is everybody convinced the supervisor is coming now? Do they follow a schedule of some sort? Every three to four years or so?”
“No, it can be three years or ten between ‘visits.’” The nurse brought the cup to her lips and gasped when the tea proved to be too hot.
Marie had been taking a sip at the same moment and put the cup to rest on the windowsill. “Then why now?”
“We aren’t completely isolated from the rest of the planet. Despite what Ginecea thinks, we still receive news from the outside.” Zena nursed her scalded lips with the palm of her hand.
“How?” Marie had heard rumors about communication channels that ran parallel to the officials.
“We have people outside who used to know Vasurians in their other lives, when they were still fathered women or workers. They help Vasura keep track by smuggling information. I know you said that once you were a wasted woman, nobody would ever remember you. I was told the same. It’s a lie. People who loved you would never forget about you. It isn’t easy, but we can still communicate with the rest of the world.”
Marie understood now. “So somebody warned Vasura a supervisor is coming.”
“Yes, around a month ago, one of our contacts intercepted a mail directed to a newly appointed supervisor.” Zena tentatively brought the cup to her lips again, and this time, she could drink from it.
Marie took hers and drank it too. “And?”
“A supervisor is only appointed when needed.” The nurse took long sips between words.
She thought it was unfair a supervisor would show up as soon as she had arrived and said so.
“Ginecea is only fair to the pure breeds.” The doctor grimly smiled and both Marie and Zena raised their cups to that.
***
Several days passed, the “ginefication”—as the process of tiding up Vasura to the Ginecean standards had been called, in an attempt to make fun of something that terrified everybody—was well on schedule, and as result, everybody’s mood was dark. Men were rarely seen at all in the main hub anymore. Members of mixed families had agreed on a temporary separation. Marie had consoled Nora when her father had left to live with the other men. Heartbreaking scenes were seen all over Vasura for almost a week. Marie’s own heart had broken at the scene of a little kid sobbing when his father had to leave. The young mother had tried to console her son, but she was too distraught to be of any help. Marie and Nora had played with the kid until the mother had stopped crying and then brought him back to her.
Day after day, she had to confront her own heartache. She looked for Grant every morning, hoping to see him at the corner of the cafeteria, only to be disappointed when he wasn’t there. For no apparent reason, work at the infirmary was slower than usual. Any other time, she would have rejoiced at having a relaxed day of work, but with so much time left to nurture idle thoughts, Marie couldn’t help but think of him. She wondered what he was doing. How he was feeling. Did ever think of her? Rane and Zena tried to keep her occupied by sending her for errands, but the long walks to fetch clean towels from the laundry or to deliver useless mail didn’t help. She almost asked Nora if she would show her where the men were staying. She knew the general direction, but Vasura was too big to wander by herself. Once, while coming back from one of the errands, she thought to have seen a man walking by. She didn’t think twice and followed him for a good ten minutes, until the person turned to ask her what she wanted and turned out to be a masculine woman. She laughed and cried at the same time the whole way back to the infirmary.
“We have an unexpected birth today,” Rena announced the news one hot morning.
Marie welcomed the idea. Since that very first day of work at the infirmary, they had cured wounds, burns, dehydration, scratches, but nothing more serious. “Do you expect any complication?”
“The mother just entered the last trimester and she looks quite small.” The doctor was preparing a corner for the birthing.
“She’s a sturdy girl. I know her. I don’t think we’ll have complications with this one,” Zena said, and a moment later, a blonde in early her twenties entered the room accompanied by two older women.
Marie was surprised by the relative calmness the mother emanated. She was in pain, but didn’t complain. By contrast, the other two women were so agitated Zena asked Marie if she could prepare an herbal tea for all.
“It’s our first grandkid,” one of the two explained.
“This is not our first delivery.” Rane smiled and the women relaxed.
“I’m sorry.” The oldest woman took a seat by the young mother, who had silently taken her place on the bed and was calmly waiting for everybody to settle.
Marie looked at her and was surprised when she winked and said, “You’ll see what fuss your mothers make when you’ll have your first baby. I’m almost glad my husband had to leave. He was driving me insane with his worries.”
She had to turn away from the scene. A deep emotion settled inside her ribcage and she felt her heart wanting to explode. For the first time in her life, Marie longed to have what this woman had, a loving family. In fifteen years, she had never given a second thought to the fact she didn’t have one. At the Institute, everybody was like her, unwanted. But Madame Carla and the other girls had always made her feel as if she belonged and she was too young to think about a future with someone. At Redfarm, she had discovered the meaning of the word “lonely,” but Verena had been there for her. Now in Vasura, she found this strange world where people were free to fall in love outside of what society ruled. She wasn’t the Marie who had left Trin a little more than three months ago. She wanted it all, mothers who were worried for her, a companion who cared for her, and friends to fill the loneliness. A companion. She hadn’t immediately thought of a girl. A solitary tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away. Her eyes went to her bare wrist where once Idra’s bracelet had been, and she sobbed in earnest at the loss of something more than a gift. She had left it under her pillow back in her room at Redfarm and never thought about it until now.
“It’s going to be okay.” Zena’s arm circled Marie’s shoulders.
She hadn’t noticed the woman but was grateful for her words. “One day, soon, it will be okay,” Zena added, and Marie realized the nurse had spoken for the two of them.
“Le
t’s help this baby into the world.” Maybe his or her world will be a better place than mine.
After dinner, instead of going to the dormitory where she knew the other girls were going to talk all night, she went for a walk and ended at the spot where Grant and she had spoken last. She hadn’t meant to at the beginning of her stroll. It was hot, and the metal box that was her dormitory already resembled a steam bath without the pleasantness of the balmy scents, and she wasn’t looking forward to any conversation about crushes and such. Her legs had brought her there. When she turned the corner and saw a shadow leaning against the metal sheet, she made to turn to avoid company at all cost.
“Marie?”
She heard Grant’s voice and spun around, her heart racing. She closed the distance in no time; she didn’t even know how she had moved so fast without tripping on the debris lying on the ground and hidden by the darkness surrounding the place. She looked for his eyes and was rewarded by two green lights. The golden and brown speckles were still there as she remembered. She probably couldn’t have described the shade of her own eyes, but she knew all the nuances of his by heart. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He smiled and she did as well. Then, without warning, he leaned forward and took her in his arms.
Marie hadn’t expected that. If she had experienced trouble breathing when she had heard his voice, now she stopped altogether. Her mind screamed at her that a man was holding her. Her body reacted by snuggling closer until she was completely embraced by his bigger, taller frame.
Then he whispered to her, “I wanted to see you.” And her legs gave out. His arms tightened around her trembling frame and didn’t let her fall.
“I wanted to see you too.” She had said it. The words that should have never left her mouth were out in the open. “I looked for you all these mornings, and during the day, the only thing I could think was you.”
He slowly caressed her back and she shivered. “We’ve been told to keep to a different area for the time being. But I wanted to see you so much…”
Marie's Journey (Ginecean Chronicles) Page 19