I wanted to know how to make her trust me, wished I had the solution. I thought about telling her how I felt about her, thought about saying the words, but fuck, maybe I was scared, too. I’d never been in this position before; never felt like I was practically begging a girl to be with me. So I pushed, because I needed to know she’d meet me halfway if I put myself out there.
“What’s in your past? It’s not just Capital Confessions, is it? There’s something else. Tell me. Whatever it is, we can work through it together. I want to be with you. I’m not going anywhere. So trust me so I know what we’re dealing with, and can figure out how to move forward.”
I sat there, waiting for her to say something, waiting for answers.
“Jackie, please.”
“My father isn’t dead.” She said the words in a rush, her cheeks coloring. She wouldn’t look at me.
Finally. Something.
“Okay. Why did you say he was?”
“I’ve never spoken to my father. My parents weren’t married. My father was—is—married to someone else. He has a family.”
As far as secrets went, it knocked me back a bit. It wasn’t that scandalous, it just wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Sure, it wouldn’t be great if the press got wind of it, but it wasn’t the end of the world. So she didn’t know her father? The story would die down quickly. Who cared?
I didn’t give a shit if her parents were married, and all I could think was she must have been incredibly tough to go through life the way she had. I’d met her mother; she didn’t seem like the most responsible person. I could only imagine how Jackie raised herself. And her talk of money and her reasons for taking a job at Capital Confessions made a little more sense. She’d been surviving.
I felt the same overwhelming need to take care of her, to give her the kind of life where she didn’t have to worry.
“Come here.”
She shook her head. “Wait. That’s not all of it.”
“Okay, but I don’t care about your parents, Jackie. I get that it’s been tough for you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But your parents aren’t going to change the way I feel about you.”
She laughed, the sound completely devoid of any humor or joy. “You will care.”
I waited, and then something else clicked into place—
“Wait, why does Mitch know about your father?”
“Mitch is probably one of the only people who knows about my father. He was his campaign manager years ago.”
The last puzzle piece slipped into place with an awful click. It all made sense now, her disdain for politicians, her fear that she was turning into her mother. Fuck. I had a feeling this was going to be bad.
“Who?”
“Edward Reynolds.”
Chapter Twenty
I quit.
—Letter of resignation to Sean Dell, editor, Capital Confessions
Jackie
“Christ.” Will’s eyes closed. “I need a minute.”
“Thought you might.”
I leaned back against the sofa, struggling not to freak out. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I could have explained things without giving him a name. But I didn’t want to keep lying to him, not when he deserved more.
“Did you know about my connection to . . .” he seemed to struggle for the right words. “To Senator Reynolds?”
“I saw the picture of the two of you the night we went back to your place. That’s why I stopped things. I realized who you were, and I knew you guys were connected. I try to stay away from anyone even peripherally affiliated with my father. There’s a lifetime of bad blood there.”
“We’re not close at all. He knows my grandfather, and I met with him a few times when I was thinking about declaring my candidacy. He was one of the party members who convinced me to run. He did it as a favor to my grandfather. I know his daughter, Blair, the best. She and my sister, Monica, went to college together and are close.”
So he did know my sisters. I wasn’t surprised by the political connection between his grandfather and my father, but I still didn’t like it. But I liked Will too much for it to make a difference.
“That’s why you don’t get involved with politicians, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Partly. But there’s more to it. My father is merely one in a long line of politicians my mother’s been with. There’ve been some decent guys, but most have been exactly like my father: married, seemingly upstanding citizens with perfect families, who keep a mistress on the side. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I didn’t want some guy to think he could make me that. If I’m with a guy, it’s on my own terms. I don’t let anyone use me. Not like she does.
“My background makes it impossible for any politician to get involved with me. It would be political suicide for them, and it would kill my consulting career. So, yeah. That’s why.”
“I’m sorry.” Will shook his head. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I had no idea.” Again he seemed to struggle to find the right words. “I never thought—I mean he just seemed to be—”
“Everything he pretends to be?”
Will nodded.
“Yeah, he’s not. I doubt my mother was the first woman he fooled around with, and I don’t think she was the last. His perfect family is built on a tower of lies, and my existence is the piece that could bring it all crashing down.”
Will stood up from the couch, pacing around the living room. “And you’ve never talked to him? He’s never acknowledged his responsibility to you? Never taken care of you? Are you sure he even knows?”
“He knows. There was money when I was younger, a fixed sum he gave my mother. But that ran out pretty quickly, and she signed away any rights to come back for more.”
“He could have paid child support. Something.”
“He would have ruined her if she pushed for more, if she went public with my paternity. Plus it would have definitely cramped her style. What politician would have gotten involved with her after she single-handedly brought down a man’s career? It would have been ugly, and messy, and in the end, what would it have accomplished, really?
“He probably paid more than what she would have made in child support. It wasn’t his fault that she has a taste for the finer things and a poor grasp on reality.”
“And you never demanded more from him?”
“Like what? Went after him for money? Blackmailed him?” My voice dripped with scorn.
“I’m not saying I think you’re capable of that, it just seems wrong that he got away without taking responsibility for what he did to you.”
I shrugged. “I was angry with him for a long time. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that part of my motivation for joining Capital Confessions was a chance to expose some of his lies. I’ve leaked enough to take some of the shine off of his reputation.” And enjoyed every minute of it.
“But I’m not going to risk my career because of my father. I think we both know not to antagonize each other too much. He’s left me alone. I doubt he’ll blackball me because I’m sure he realizes if he does, I’ll hold a press conference exposing his secrets. And I’m not going to out him because the second I do, my career will be over. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.”
“And what about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you okay? It has to hurt.”
“Not anymore. This isn’t a new development for me. This is my life. When I was a kid, I would ask about my father occasionally, but it wasn’t like I missed him. And then when I realized who he was, realized the kind of person he was, I hated him.”
“Do you have any interest in the rest of them—in your sisters?”
“No.”
“I’ve known Blair for years; she’s a good person, Jackie. And Kate’s nice.” He hesitated for a second. “She’s your age.”
I laughed bitterly. “What, we’re all going to be one big happy family? Please. Do you really think they’re going to accept me—thei
r father’s bastard? I’m pretty sure I’m the last thing they want.”
“You could try.”
“I don’t need them. I’m fine without them. Fine on my own.”
“So where does that leave us? Are you afraid that if we go public, all of this will come out?”
“You know it will. Someone like me will dig it up. It’ll make a huge splash in the press because of who my father is. As soon as it happens, your name will get dragged through the mud. People will wonder about you. You’ll start to look questionable—they’ll say you aren’t stable. And your reputation will end up in shreds.”
“You’ve thought about this a lot.”
“I don’t want to screw things up for you.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t seriously believe that.” I gestured toward the computer. “This Capital Confessions stuff isn’t going away. And they don’t even have anything concrete yet. It’ll get worse. Right now it’s just a blog, but when pundits, and TV, and radio, and newspapers pick it up, it’s going to affect your campaign.
“As soon as they start digging into my past, they’re going to use everything they can to attack you. This is what we do. We exploit our opponents’ weaknesses to win at all costs. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt.”
“It’s a fucked-up game.”
“Probably,” I admitted. “But it’s D.C. It isn’t going to change. People love a good scandal, and this is the kind of story that’s going to get airtime. Sex sells—the illegitimate daughter of a moral authority? My mother—the professional political mistress? The handsome young candidate engaged in an affair with one of his staffers? It’s the kind of story the media will joygasm over.
“And once it’s out, I don’t know what the hell my mother would say. Do you want them to drag her past into it? To comment on all of the men she’s slept with? It’ll be a matter of time before they start drawing parallels between us, planting the seed that I’m exactly like her. Especially when we look so similar.” I grimaced. “The more publicity this thing gets, the more it has the potential to ruin more than you. Price will dump me the second any negative press comes my way. I’m supposed to be behind the scenes pulling the strings. They don’t want a consultant ending up as front page news.”
Will bent his head, running his hand through his hair. “What are you suggesting?”
I knew he wasn’t going to be thrilled with the idea, but I hoped he would understand it was the best solution, as much as I hated it.
“I think we should take a break until the election’s over.”
Will
“No.”
I knew she was going to suggest it the second she started talking about what would happen if our relationship got out. I knew she was going to suggest it, and it was the last thing I wanted.
“You know it’s the smart thing to do. A scandal while you’re in office is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than while you’re getting elected.”
“The election is two months away.”
“I know.”
The sane part of me knew she was right. It would be easier for me to bounce back from this if I were already in office. But that still didn’t fix the effect this would have on her career if word got out.
“What about you?” I asked.
“What about me?”
“What are you going to do if this leaks? Dating or not, it’s going to cause problems.”
Even if we somehow spun it, and lied and said things developed after my campaign, after she worked for me, she was still risking her secrets being exposed. Her father’s identity could be a big problem for her, especially if he blackballed her.
Anyone linked to me would be under scrutiny, and this was just a state senate race. What happened if I took things further? What happened if I wanted to run for a bigger office? Then what?
Jackie sighed. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m concerned. I can’t afford to throw everything away. I have bills to pay, and student loans, and I need to have a job lined up when I graduate. I don’t have a safety net. I have a little money in savings from Capital Confessions, but it’s not enough. And I’ve worked my ass off to get here. I can’t throw it all away.”
I didn’t want to let her go, not now, not ever. But what she did was a part of her. It made her who she was. She wasn’t the kind of girl who would be happy just being next to me. She was too smart for that, too driven. There was no way she could turn it off, and I didn’t want her to.
Jackie sighed again, her expression pleading. “I need time to figure this out. I don’t know where this is headed, and I wasn’t expecting it. I like you, a lot. But you’re right; being with someone high profile is tricky for me. I need time. And in the meantime, the best thing we can do is pause things until after the campaign.”
“What if I pulled out of the race?”
“Absolutely not.”
I shook my head. “Just hear me out—”
“No. We’ve all been working too hard on this for you to consider dropping out. Don’t you get it? People believe in your campaign. They’re here working for you because they believe in you. You’re two months out from the election. You have a shot at this thing. Don’t make an impulsive decision and throw it all away.”
“You’re not an impulsive decision.”
“I am. You are. It’s been a few weeks. People don’t meet and change their lives in a few weeks. I’m trying to make room for you in my life, but it’s tough. Let’s cool things off and figure out what we’re doing here. It’s just a break.”
I didn’t know what to do. My brain told me she was right. My dick and my heart told me something else entirely.
I nodded like I agreed, like I wasn’t afraid the time she needed would take her away forever. I was all for pulling her toward me, but I wasn’t going to push her away from her dreams. Not when her ambition was one of the things I loved most about her. As much as I hated it, maybe she was right. Maybe we needed time to figure out how to get around this, because I definitely wasn’t giving her up without a fight.
“I’ll head out. Mitch wants to talk about the Capital Confessions post. We need to find out who’s leaking information.”
Her gaze was uncertain. “You know it’s not me, right? You believe me?”
“I know. I’m sorry I overreacted when I saw your computer.” I hesitated. “This is new for me, too. I’ve had girlfriends before, but the way I feel about you is different. I guess I got scared.” I tried to smile. “You aren’t the only one figuring this out as we go along.”
Jackie stood up, looping her arms around my waist. I gathered her close, burying my head in her hair, holding her against me like I never wanted to let her go. I loved her, and no matter what, I was going to keep her.
I pulled back and met her gaze. “We’re going to take care of this. We’ll figure out a way to make it work.”
“I know.” She leaned up on her toes, kissing me softly. “I’ll see you Monday at the office. I’m going to Capital Confessions before work to hand in my resignation. I’ll see if I can figure out anything about their source. I’ll let you know.”
“Are you sure you can handle quitting right now? If you’re worried about money—”
“It’s fine. I was always planning on quitting; I just thought I’d stick it out until graduation. But the way things are going with Price, I don’t want to risk anyone finding out about my blogging. Better to lose the extra income now, than a shot at a full-time job. I’ll sort it out. It’s the smart thing to do.”
I hated that she had to worry about money. Somehow we’d figure something out. “Good luck. If you need to talk, just call me, okay?”
“Okay.”
I dressed quickly and walked out, feeling like I was leaving everything behind me as I closed Jackie’s apartment door. I could give her time, but that didn’t mean I was going to sit by and do nothing. I pulled out my phone and started making calls.
Jackie
He was gone. I stared after
Will, my gaze trained on the closed door as I wondered what the hell came next.
On one hand, a weight had been lifted off of me. I’d done the right thing; telling him about my father and Capital Confessions took away the gnawing fear that he’d discover I wasn’t who he thought I was. Somehow he hadn’t run.
I’d asked for time to think, to figure things out, but the truth was, I didn’t know what time was supposed to do. I tried to think of it like I would any work problem.
Problem one: If anyone at Price found out I was having sex with Will while working on his campaign, they would fire me.
Solution: Stop having sex with Will until the campaign ended. Easier said than done, but simple enough. I just had to figure out how to keep my hands off of him for the next two months.
Problem two: If anyone found out I worked for Capital Confessions, finding a political consulting career in D.C. would be next to impossible.
Solution: I needed to quit the blog as soon as possible. I’d been putting it off for a while now, but even though the money was good, I couldn’t afford the risk anymore. Not when I was tied to Will.
Problem three: If anyone found out who my father was, it would cause a short-term scandal for Will and me. Maybe he could bounce back from it, though likely not during his campaign, but it was going to be a big problem for me.
Solution: I could deny my paternity. My father sure as hell wasn’t going to confirm it. But what proof existed that I didn’t know about? And my mother was always the wild card in everything. Denying it if the truth came out anyway was the worst thing I could do. I was just going to have to focus on damage control. Somehow.
Problem four: I was definitely in love with Will Clayton.
Solution: No fucking clue.
Chapter Twenty-one
Will Clayton was seen brunching at POV on Sunday with Blair Reynolds. Could we be witnessing the beginning of a new political dynasty?
Flirting With Scandal Page 16