by Jessica Wood
I frowned, the carefree joy I had just felt instantly popped by her words. “Can I stay for a bit longer? Cindy said I could stay for dinner.” I didn’t love Blair’s mother’s cooking, but I loved being able to eat dinner with Blair and our father. It was nice to sometimes pretend that I lived with them under the same house like a family.
“Yup. I heard Mommy tell Trent he can stay for dinner,” Blair added, trying to help my cause. She looked hopefully at my mother, her eyes filled with the same hope I had of staying for dinner.
“Please? Can we stay?” I pouted. “We can have dinner with Dad, Blair, and Cindy.”
“Pretty please!” Blair begged.
“No. We have plans,” my mother snapped sharply. “I dropped you off here for the weekend based on the arrangement your father and I have. I’m supposed to pick you up now, so let’s go.”
“But, Mom, it’s just dinner.” I walked over to her and pulled on her sleeve, hoping I could convince her.
“No is no. Don’t test my patience, Trent. You know that’s not good for anyone.”
Downcast, I looked down at my feet and mumbled, “Fine.” I walked over to Blair to hug her goodbye.
“See you next week?” She hugged me back tightly.
“Yup. See you next week.” I walked toward the doorway where my mother was waiting.
Then Blair came running toward me and gave me another hug. “You haven’t promised!”
“Promised what?” I frowned at her, confused by what she said.
“To always protect me.” She looked at me with eager eyes.
I smiled. “I promise.”
She giggled in delight. “I’ll miss you.”
“Me too. Take care of Sophia while I’m gone.” I tried my best to be the big brother and be strong and not show any tears.
“Okay, I will. I promise.” She beamed at me.
“Okay, that’s enough,” my mother’s impatient voice cut in. She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Blair. “Come on, we gotta go.”
I watched Blair’s sad expression as I followed my mother down the hallway toward the front door.
“Trent, be careful with her. What did I tell you about being nice to her?” She squeezed my hand harder, pinching my fingers together.
I frowned and tried to yank my hand out of her grip. “But Mom, she’s my sister. I love her.”
“Don’t you dare love her,” she hissed at me. “She’s the daughter of the bitch who stole your father away from us.”
“But Blair and Cindy are so nice to me. They couldn’t have done anything wrong.” My hand was starting to hurt in my mother’s tight grip. I didn’t know why, but I knew she hated Blair and her mother. She never liked dropping me off at the house where they lived with my father.
“Trent, just get in the car.”
I could tell from her tone that she wasn’t happy. I hated to see her angry, so I got into the car without saying another word. I stared out the car window as my mother drove us away from the house where my father, Blair, and Cindy lived. I felt a sense of longing as I watched the house disappear out of view. Even though I was a big boy now, there were many things I still didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t live with them. I didn’t understand why my mother didn’t like my sister and her mother.
“Mom, why couldn’t we stay for dinner?” I finally asked my mother when the car pulled up to the parking lot of our apartment complex.
She sighed and looked at me with a sadness I had become use to seeing in her eyes. “You don’t understand now, Trent. But, honey, trust me. I’m the only one who cares about you and your future. I’m the only one who has your interests at heart.”
“But Blair and Dad love me. And Cindy does too!”
“Don’t talk about that bitch in front of me.”
Her sharp words made me flinch.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Just trust me. They don’t really care about you.”
I crossed my arms and felt upset by what my mother was telling me. I refused to believe Blair could ever stop caring about me.
“One of these days, you will hate her as much as I hate her mother.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I pushed the car door open and stomped all the way our apartment. Besides my mother, Blair was the most important person in my life.
You’re wrong, Mom. I’ll always love Blair. I could never hate her.
***
One Year Ago
I stared at the papers in my hand with slumped shoulders. These were the only documents my mother had left me under her will. I had no idea they would change my life the way they had. I had no idea what I was going to be smacked with when I opened the yellow manila envelope that my mother’s lawyer had sent me. I had no idea that it’d signal the moment Trent Parker died.
I gathered all the documents and placed them back inside the envelope—all of them except for one. One of the two letters my mother had left me under the will. Tears burned my eyes as I read the letter again, allowing its words to hurt me again like a cold dagger to my chest.
My dearest Trent,
This is the second letter that I’ve instructed my lawyer to include in the envelope of documents I’m leaving you when I leave this world. Please make sure you read the other letter before you continue with this one.
I hope after the other letter, you do not hate me for everything I have done. I just could not bear to let you go. You are my son and I am your mother. Nothing can change that.
There was something else I had kept from you. I had planned to take this secret to my grave, but I received some news today and it made me realize that I needed to tell you. Maybe all the guilt that’d been eating me alive for the last twenty-five years. Also, I knew that if you were to go looking for your biological parents, you would find out anyway. So I wanted you to hear it from me.
I wasn’t completely honest with you in my first letter about why your birth parents and I decided to keep things a secret and keep it from you and Katherine. You see, I knew I couldn’t let you go. I loved you too much, and you’re all I had. Your birth parents, however, wanted to meet you, they wanted to see if we could all be parents to both you and Katherine. I convinced them that this was a bad idea. But in the beginning, they had demanded to see you and threatened to take you away. The only way I was able to convince them to keep things a secret was to pay them. I had hired a private investigator and found out that your birth parents were buried in debt and were barely making ends meet. I knew they were desperate for money. So I had promised them that I’d send them monthly payments so they could live a comfortable life and be able to provide for Katherine.
But last week, the monthly check was returned to me. I found out that your birth parents were recently in a car accident. I’m sorry you have to find out this way, but they didn’t make it.
Honey, I do not know how you will react to this news, but I wanted you to hear it from me than to go searching for them and find out that way. Please do not hate me. Please try to understand that I did all this because I love you very much and couldn’t imagine a life without you. You are all I have left in this world.
Love always,
Your mother
Beth Preston
Emptiness consumed me as I sat on my couch trying to come to terms with what this all meant. I had been living a lie for the last twenty-nine years of my life. My name wasn’t Trent Parker. It was Trent Fox—no, that was wrong too. Had I not been switched at birth, my name probably wouldn’t have been Trent—it would’ve been whatever my biological parents decided to name me. But they never got that opportunity. So I didn’t have a name. And I would never know what my parents would have named me…because they were dead.
My name was blank Fox. I was an orphan. I had no parents, no family, and no property under my name.
My phone beeped just then. It was a text from Blair:
“Hey, big brother! I know you’re going through a lot right now. I have
n’t heard from you in awhile. Do you want us to pick you up for the funeral? Your family loves you and is here for you. Call me! <3”
I stared at her message and felt the life I thought was mine slip away from me. Blair wasn’t my sister. She was the girl who didn’t have a care in the world. She was the girl who lived the life I wanted. She was the girl who was always loved by the man I’d spent my entire life to please and impress—the man that wasn’t even my real father. She was everything I wasn’t. A mixture of sorrow, envy, and resentment consumed my numbed body.
I finally got off the couch half an hour later to get ready for my mother’s funeral. Her letter was still clutched tightly in my hand. I went to the kitchen and turned on the burner. Before I could change my mind, I burned the letter. I wasn’t sure why, but I wished I had never read this letter. I wished I didn’t know that my mother had bribed my birth parents to stay away from me. I wished I didn’t know that my parents were dead.
When nothing remained of the letter but a thin layer of black ash, I got dressed quickly and walked out of my condo into the gloomy day. Dark, threatening clouds rolled through the sky, signaling a storm that was sure to come.
As I got into my car and drove to the funeral, I could only think of one thing.
Trent Parker was dead. Today I would not only mourn over my mother’s death. I would mourn my own.
***
Present Day
It’d been two weeks since Blair stormed into my office to confront me about my secret. I saw the sadness and betrayal in her eyes as she tried to reason with me and I didn’t know why I had brushed her off the way I did. I didn’t know why I had so much rage inside me, and why I had been directing it at her. Deep down I knew she had nothing to do with what had happened to me. She was an innocent bystander.
But for some reason, I couldn’t seem to look past the fact that she was the reminder of everything I wanted, everything I once had, everything I wasn’t. Every time I looked at her and saw how happy and carefree she was, I was consumed with the pain of losing my sense of self all over again. The despair I had for losing the life I thought I had, the jealousy I had for Blair, and the hatred I had for who I really was—all that seemed to have spiraled me down a path I couldn’t come back from.
But ever since Blair had confronted me, another feeling started to root itself inside me. Guilt. Her words continued to haunt me.
“But, why didn’t you just tell us when you found out a year ago? Do you really think we’d shut you out like we’re strangers? Trent, we’ve been so close all these years. How can you think that I’d turn my back on you?”
I knew I had hurt her. And as much as I tried to push the thought aside, I knew she deserved none of it. She’d avoided me since that day, and I’d only interacted with her a few times due to work. Part of me worried about what she was going to do now that she knew the truth. I knew my days here were numbered.
“Good morning, Mr. Parker. Did you have a good New Year?” The receptionist smiled at me as I walked out of the elevator.
“Morning, Dawn. It was fine.” I walked past her quickly and down the hall to my office. Mr. Parker, I thought, I’m such a fucking fraud. I pushed the thought away the second it popped into my mind.
As I walked passed Blair’s office, I could hear her on the phone inside. Something about the desperate, pleading tone in her voice caused me to stop just as I passed her doorway. Maybe it was a reflexive reaction from my many years of always helping her out of situations when she needed help.
“Well, can you expand outside of San Francisco? I really need to find her.”
I listened just behind her doorway, wondering what was causing her to sound so distressed.
“Yes, that’s all I know about her. She’s thirty. She was born at San Francisco General Hospital on March 12, 1983, and her name’s Katherine Fox—unless, of course, she got married, then her last name could have changed. I know that’s not a lot to go by to find her contact information.”
I froze in place, knowing exactly what this call was about. Blair was trying to find her half-sister. A pang of sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. Her half-sister. Her family. Has she already moved on and given up on our relationship?
I was surprised by my thoughts and my feelings. I tried to ignore them, but I knew I couldn’t. Over the last year, after I had found out about who I really was, I had decided that I needed to stop caring about Blair. I had spent her entire life being there for her, being her big brother, being the one to protect her. But after I’d learned that I wasn’t her brother after all, I knew I needed to stop caring about her before she discovered the truth and stopped caring about me.
But now, as I stood here in the doorway, knowing that Blair wanted to find Katherine, her real sibling, a wave of loss and anguish crashed through me. It was then that I knew that as much as I’d tried to cut my emotional ties with Blair, I still deeply cared for her. I still had an inclination to protect her despite my efforts to shut it off.
With a familiar sense of determination, I knew what I had to do. I quickly walked to my office down the hall. I unlocked the drawer of my back credenza and dug through its contents. After a few moments, I found what I was looking for.
Seconds later, I found myself standing in front of Blair’s office. She was off the phone now with her back to me as she typed away at her computer.
I knocked.
Her body stiffened the moment she turned and saw that it was me.
“What do you want?” She voice was cold and distant, and I wondered if this was a good idea.
“Hi, Blair.” I handed the piece of paper that I had pulled moments earlier from my cabinet. “I was just doing some New Years office cleaning…I found this and I wanted to give it to you.”
She eyed me suspiciously, but didn’t take the paper from outstretched hand. “What is it?”
“It’s something I think you want.”
“There’s nothing you have that I want, Trent,” she snapped.
I held my breath, trying to keep the mixture of emotions that coursed inside me at bay. “Well, I have no need for it. You can throw it away if you want.” I put the paper on her desk, and without another word, I walked out of her office. Instead of heading back to my office, I needed some fresh air and headed toward the elevators.
“Trent!” came Blair’s voice as she came running after me.
I turned to face her and saw the tears in her eyes.
“Thank you, Trent.”
“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything.”
She looked down at the piece of paper in her hands. “But you did. This is Katherine’s last known contact information. This was what I’d been looking for.”
“I know. I accidentally caught your phone conversation earlier when I walked past your office.” I looked down at my feet.
She cocked her head and grinned. “I know you didn’t have to do this. I know this is probably the last thing you want to do. So thank you. It means a lot to me.”
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I had looked into her last year when I discovered the truth. I don’t need the information, but I knew you were looking for it. You were bound to find her sooner or later.”
“Trent…” Her voice was soft and sincere.
I finally looked up and met her gaze. The moment I saw her warm, emerald eyes and the happy expression on her face, I saw a flicker of the four-year-old Blair who used to look up to me like I was the only person that mattered. I was immediately taken back to a happier time when she was my sister and life was simpler.
“Thank you, Trent. This means a lot.”
I gave her a small smile. “Happy New Year, Blair.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Ben
Nine Years Ago
“Ben! Are you in there?” Someone pounded violently against the door to my room, matching the agonizing pounding in my head.
I let out a loud groan and covered my ears with my hands, trying to block out both the pounding and the
throbbing headache.
“Are you seriously still in bed? Wake up!”
“Let me the fuck alone!” I yelled at the door. I sluggishly rolled off my bed with a loud thud and grabbed my Introduction to Sociology textbook and flung it at the door.
“You’re going to be late for English 190 again. It’s already 1:48 p.m.!”
“You’re wrong! I’m not going to be fucking late because I’m not going!” Damian’s lecturing was getting on my fucking nerves.
“Come on, man! You can’t miss any more of this class! If you miss another class, the professor might lower you one letter grade.”
“Just sign me in like you did last week!” I screamed at the door.
I heard a loud sigh from the other side of the door. “Dude, I’m coming in.”
I groaned and rolled onto my face to avoiding seeing him.
The door opened slowly and I heard his footsteps approach me on the floor. “Man, you look like shit.”
“Well, thank and fuck you too.”
To my annoyance, he stifled a laugh. “Sorry.”
“Whatever. Can you just let me go back to sleep?”
“Ben…I know you’re going through some shit after what happened with Katherine—”
“Don’t fucking mention that name to me! She’s dead to me. That blonde bitch!” I felt like my head was about to explode.
“Ok, fine. I know what the Blonde Bitch did was fucked up. Gibson is fucked up. I’m glad he moved out of the frat house last week. But look, man, it’s Wednesday afternoon and you’re still hung over from another late night of drinking. You look like shit every day. You have a pathetic looking beard starting to develop on your face. And dude, you seriously need a good shower because you fucking smell.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, coach,” I mumbled sarcastically.
“I don’t mean to sound harsh, man, but I’m worried about you. You’re drinking practically all night every night. You barely leave your room. You’re missing half your classes. It’s been over two weeks since you found out. You’re a fucking mess. No girl’s worth this. Don’t let her beat you down like this—don’t let her win.”