by J. P. Grider
The professor begins his spiel and I can't even think straight. All I can focus on is kissing Cali. Her mouth - so soft. Her tongue - so sweet. Her scent - so vanilla. I don't think I hear one word the professor says the entire hour. I am going to flunk this class because Cali is so fucking adorable.
After class, after Tabitha finally goes off to her next class, Cali and I head to the Starbuck's on campus for coffee. Her hand is soft and cool and wonderful, but it's not enough. Before we enter the Starbuck's Campus Cafe, still holding her hand, I lightly nudge Cali with my arm to push her to the side of the building. At first, her widened eyes question me. But then her smile creeps up knowingly. In one swift movement, I wrap myself around Cali, press my lips to her mouth, and push my tongue inside. The hungry way in which she kisses me back causes a low rumble to rise from my stomach to my throat. She responds with her own tiny moan, and without thinking, or giving any consideration at all for where we are, I urge Cali backwards and hoist her up against the brick building. Her legs naturally envelop my hips, causing me to grind against her several times before I have to put her down or take her right here.
"Coffee," comes out in an exhale.
Unwrapping her legs from mine and leaning her forehead against the underside of my shoulder, she lets out a long, audible exhale.
I feel her pain.
"You're coming to my house tonight, right?" I ask, just to reassure myself that we can continue later where we left off.
"Oh yeah," she answers, still tucked into my collarbone.
Inside the cafe, I realize that we are not going to be able to drink our coffee alone. My friends are waving and hollering from their usual table. "Hey, Griff. Come on over." Braden calls from the other side of the room.
I look at Cali, and she shrugs. "It's fine, I need to get to know them."
With my hand now on her lower back, we proceed to the table where my loud obnoxious friends sit. "You want anything besides coffee?" I ask her, after introducing her to said friends.
"A muffin. Any kind. Thanks." She takes out a ten dollar bill and tries to hand it to me.
"No, I got it."
As I leave the table to go to the counter, she blurts. "You said next time it's my treat."
Slowly I turn back toward her and see her biting her lip and holding out the ten dollar bill. I take it. And on my way to the coffee counter, a shitload of nausea sets in. I feel bad taking her money when I know she has so little, but I know it's a prideful thing with her, so I have to take it.
When I return to the table, I set down our tray and sit next to Cali.
"So, Cali, I haven't seen you before the other day," comments Braden. "Are you a freshman?"
"Yeah."
"You from around here or out of state?" Holly asks.
"Here. I live in Haledon. Where are you guys from?"
"Oh, I'm from Wantage. My parents own a huge farm there," Rose says.
"I'm from South Jersey," answers Braden.
"I'm from Manhattan," Holly says proudly.
Cali's eyes grow wide. "You're from Manhattan, and you go to Hunter Hill?"
Holly laughs. "Yeah. Why?"
"If I lived in Manhattan, I'd go to any school there."
"Really? Why?" Holly wonders.
Cali shrugs. "I've always wanted to go to the city."
Rose slams her hands on the table. "You've never been to the city?" she asks in awe.
My heart feels heavy hearing Cali's excitement over New York City and the fact that she's never been. I'd really like to tell her I have money so that I can take her there any time she wants. Hell, I'd buy her an apartment in SoHo if she wanted one.
Embarrassed, a blush illuminates her face, and Cali shakes her head. "No. I haven't." Her words don't sound apologetic, they sound defensive.
"Then let's go," Holly says, not catching Cali's tone. "We can stay at my apartment. My parents are back in Florida anyway, so we'll have the whole place to ourselves."
Cali's eyes light up. "Really?" But then her expression dims. "I can't. I'd have to take off of work… and then there’s my dad."
"What's wrong with your dad?" Rose asks.
Running my hand up and down Cali's back, I wish we could have just sat at a different table.
"He's sick," Cali says with a cough.
"Like, always?" Rose says.
Holly and Braden nudge Rose from either side of her. "What?" she asks, before understanding hits. "Oh. Oh. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Cali says, taking a bite of her muffin so she doesn't have to say anything else.
"Hey, Griff. When's your car gonna be done?" Braden asks, purposely changing the subject.
"Soon. Soon. Almost finished with the mechanicals. Should be starting the body next week."
"Nice. Joey found all the parts you needed?"
"Nah. I ordered them."
From the corner of my eye, I notice Cali snap her head in my direction. Slowly I turn to her.
"That must have been expensive," she comments.
Braden starts to laugh, but I cut him off with a glare. "Yeah. But I've been saving up."
"Oh. That's great," she says, patting my hand.
Braden gives me some scrunched-up facial expression that I try hard to ignore.
Keeping this secret from Cali is killing me. Why the hell can't I just tell her my family comes from money? What is the fucking big deal?
Because I'm afraid she won't like me anymore.
Well isn't that just babyish. Why would a little thing like money push a wonderful girl like Cali away?
Because Cali has no money at all and may have a problem with the fact that I do. If only because it will make her feel inferior.
But lying is bad. And by not telling her, I'm essentially lying to her.
And making myself fucking sick over it.
15
Cali
"How's school going, Cal?" Anna, one of the full-time tellers, asks.
"It's good. I'm enjoying it." Tuesdays are slow at the walk-up window, so I have my psychology text book open to the chapter we're supposed to read for homework.
"Is that you're favorite class?" she asks, pointing her finger to the book and referring to my psych class.
I feel my face warm with a blush. "Well, academically speaking, yes."
Anna smirks. "Oh? Is there someone in one of your classes that you have your eye on?"
"Maybe," I say, but the buzzing of my cell phone interrupts the rest of the conversation. "I'll be right back, Anna, it's my mother." And my mother never calls me at work.
"Mom?"
"Cali, I'm sorry to bother you at work."
"It's fine, Mom. Are you crying? What's the matter?" The image of my father lying in bed is forefront in my mind. Is he...? Is he...? "Mom?" I shout louder than I should be, considering I'm in the bank's break room.
"He's doing it again," she mutters incoherently.
"What happened, Ma? You're scaring me."
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. Your dad is fine, if that's what you're thinking." She's sniffling on the other end of the phone, but my body relaxes. It's not about Dad. "That boss of mine."
"Mr. Donavon? What about him? Did you get fired?"
"No. He would never fire me."
"Then what?" This is the most frustrating call ever.
"He keeps scheduling me during all my diner hours, especially this week. We don't even do breakfast at the restaurant, yet he wants me there in the mornings to work on the books and set up. He has other people to do that." Mother is rambling. "If I miss any more shifts at the diner, they will fire me. And then Donavon's just gonna drop these hours after I lose my other job. Then what? I'll be back to working 40 hours again. That's not enough."
"Mom. Just tell him you can't work extra for him then."
"I can't." Her mother's voice hitches from the crying.
"Why? Why do you do everything that man tells you to do? Why don't you just quit and work extra hours at the diner? I'm sure with your experience y
ou can get a waitress job anywhere, Mom. You don't need that."
"I can't, Calista. I just. I don't know what to do."
"You really just can't tell him you're scheduled for the diner?"
"No."
"So, Mom. If you say he will never fire you, then why don't you just not show up during those hours?" Probably a very irresponsible thing to tell my mother, but her loyalty to this man who screws her over left and right is irrational.
There's silence for about a minute, but then I hear, "I just can't."
"Why?"
"I can't talk about it right now, but… I just can't not show up."
"Then I don't know what you want me to say, Ma."
"I just needed to cry about it. I'm sorry."
"No. Ma. It's okay. I'm just sorry I couldn't help." Shit. My mother is calling on me as a friend, and I let her down.
"You did help, Cali-bear. I just...I wish I wasn't always so poor. Then I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."
"Mess? We’ll be fine, Mom. Do you want me to quit school? I can work at the bank full-time again. They'll put me on immediately. I know they will." The offer is the truth, I will quit school if she needs me to, but I really don't want to. I'm starting to feel like a normal girl again. But if my family needs me...
"Don't you dare, baby girl. I'll get us through this. You better get back to work. My break's almost over anyway."
"Okay, Mom. I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Everything all right?" Anna asks when I return.
"Just some Mom drama. Her boss really messes with her. I'm not sure why."
"Why doesn't she just quit?"
"That's what I asked her. I know we need the money, but she could easily get another waitressing job."
"How long has she been there?"
"God. A long time. Since before I was born."
"She's been a waitress at one restaurant for more than twenty years? Maybe it's because she gets good benefits?"
"Yeah. Probably. Yeah, you're probably right," I reassure myself.
"At what restaurant does she work?"
"Donavon's."
"In Wayne?"
"That's Donavon's II. She works at the one in Glen Rock."
"Oh. Did you ever eat there?"
This makes me laugh. "Yeah, right. Like I can afford to eat there."
Anna hands me a sympathetic smile. "It'll all work out for her."
"Yeah. I know. I just worry about her. She's so tired, you know? I told her I'd quit school until the bills are all caught up, but she insists I continue. I already lost two years working to save for college."
"She's right, you know. You should stay in school."
"Yeah. I know that too."
Since we only get about one customer an hour tonight, I'm able to make some headway on my reading. That is until my mind starts focusing more on seeing Griffin tonight than on the five basic goals of studying psychology. But just as I'm thinking about sharing a pizza, and my body, with Griffin tonight, my phone dings with a text from him.
Hey, California. I have to cancel tonight. My father's making me work at his place tonight. I'm really sorry. I'll call you when I get out? It may be after midnight. Is that okay?
"Damn it," I say to myself while typing back to Griffin. Sure. TTYL.
"What's up?" Anna asks.
"Griffin had to cancel tonight." I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice, but my heart is majorly crushed right now.
"Uh oh. Do you think he's going out with another girl?" Anna's question is sincere, but I just want to smack her right now for putting that thought in my head.
"No. I mean, I don't think so. He said his father was making him work at his place."
"What place?"
"I don't know, actually. I'll have to ask him tomorrow."
16
Griffin
Rushing through Hawthorne to fill in for my fucking brother at his fucking restaurant pisses me off. He's the one that talked my father into letting him take over the Glen Rock restaurant so that my father could focus on the new Donavon's in Wayne. And now he ruins my plans, because he suddenly can't be there. Fuckin' Nate.
"Are you Mr. Donavon's step-son?" the woman asks when I walk in fifteen minutes late.
"Yes. Sorry I'm late, I only found out about a half-hour ago that I had to come in."
"It's fine." She shakes her head, "Anyway, I'm Ellie, the head waitress. There are instructions at the host's station. I've just been seating them as they come in. Seating chart's next to the instructions."
"Sure. Thanks." My brother's handwriting mocks me as I read his list of things I have to do. When I had complained to Dad when he asked me to fill in for Nate, he told me it's a family business, and family needs to run the place. I wanted nothing to do with the restaurant business, which is why I'm studying Engineering, so I have no idea why they couldn't just let the waitresses who already work here deal with my brother's absence. Of course Dad's answer to that when I posed it to him was the same - "It's a family business, and family needs to run it." No getting through thick skulls I guess.
"Welcome to Donavon's," I greet the next couple who walks through the door. "Table for two?" I ask, trying hard not to grit my teeth while speaking.
"Yes."
Leading the couple to the table, I give them their menus and tell them Ellie will be their server for the night.
As I walk back to the front, Ellie passes me. "I am trying to figure out why you look so familiar."
"Beats me." I shrug and go back to my station.
Throughout the night, I can't help thinking about Cali, but fortunately the night goes by quickly enough and it's one in the morning before I know it. The kitchen crew has all cleaned up and left, except for Ellie. She's staring at me and squinting.
"I'm sorry. I just feel like I've met you before. I didn't even get your name."
I groan. "Yeah. Is it always this busy on Tuesday night?"
"Sometimes. Anyway, I gotta get home. It was nice working with you."
"'Kay." I guess she's in too much of a hurry to really care what the hell my name is, because she didn't even wait for me to answer. I lock up and audibly curse at my brother for making me cancel my plans with Cali. He may not be here to hear me, but it makes me feel better.
At home, tired as hell, I crawl into bed and think about Cali. It’s too late to call her, but I’ll make sure to see her tomorrow, and give her a big fucking kiss. If I had a mirror on my ceiling, I'm sure I'd be able to see myself smiling from ear to ear just thinking about her lips.
17
Cali
Like last night, today sucks. I haven't seen Griffin all day. On Wednesdays, I have three classes - one at eight, one at nine, and one at ten. And I go from one class to the next with no breaks in between. Although I keep my eyes open while I walk through campus, I don't see Griffin anywhere. When he finally texts me with a "Morning, California," I'm on my way to my ten o'clock biology lab where I get no cell service. Had I known that, I would have responded to his text before entering the building. Instead, since I'm a couple minutes early, I get settled behind a lab bench and text, "Good Morning to you too, Griff," complete with a winky face. My message doesn't send. Biology lab is three hours long, so by the time I get out of this building, I'll be on my way to work.
"Why so grumpy this morning?" Tabitha asks, sitting down on the stool next to mine.
"I'm not grumpy, just... never mind."
"This class is going to be ridiculous. That's why I've been putting it off the past couple years. I mean biology this morning at eight wasn't so bad, but lab? A three-hour fucking lab every week? That just sucks."
"Tell me about it." I check my phone one last time to see if my text sent. It didn't. So the rest of the period I will probably spend wondering if Griffin thinks I'm mad at him for bailing on me last night. No, I'm not mad, of course, but I don't want him thinking I am. Maybe that’s why he never called me at midnight.
I mu
st be bouncing my leg a lot, because Tabitha reaches over and puts her hand on my leg. "Chill. What is up with you this morning?"
Shaking my head, I mouth, "Nothing," because just then the professor walks in.
Today's lab assignment is about biological catalysts and enzymes and why they do what they do. We learn about the four structures of a protein and then we proceed to do some experiment with catalase and hydrogen peroxide. We learn to measure the change in the rate of a catalytic reaction when environmental variables are changed. And I think, “When will I ever need to know this in my lifetime?” But I pay attention, because I need an A. I have always been an A student and not because I am naturally intelligent. I am not. But I work hard, because that's the only way my parents expect me to work.
When the three hours is finally over, Tabitha asks me if I have time to get something to eat before I need to leave for work.
"Sorry, Tab. By the time I get to my car, I'm not gonna have much time to get to work. My lunch is in the car anyway. I'll eat at work."
"Suit yourself. I wish you didn't have to work six days a week, so we could hang more at campus."
"Yeah. Tell me about it." I wish I didn't have to work six days a week either.
When we reach the spot on campus where we have to go our separate ways, Tabitha says, "'Kay, Cal. See you later. I'm going to the student center to see who's hanging."
"Have fun."
The bank is a little busier on Wednesdays than Tuesdays, so work goes by a bit faster than yesterday. I still can't wait until we close, because I'm dying to call Griffin. After my text finally went through, I hadn't heard back from him, and now I don't want to call or text from work, because customers aren't supposed to see us using our cell phones.
When it's 5:50, Anna tells me to close my window and start counting my cash. She'll take any customers that come in in the next ten minutes. As I'm counting out my twenties, Anna taps her pen on the counter to get my attention. When she does, she turns her chin up in the direction of the customer line.