by J. P. Grider
In light of all that, I am sad to say good night to Griffin. I could easily spend the whole night listening to him talk. But Millicent needs to go home, and I need to be home to relieve her from her nursing duties. "So," I hesitate, "I, uh, guess I'll see you tomorrow in class?" My hand is on the door handle, but I can't bring myself to open it. I really want him to kiss me right now.
But Griffin gets out and meets me on my side of the car, opening it for me. Now he probably thinks I'm some bitch who needs the guy to open her doors. "Save me a seat?" he asks, referring to my see-you-in-class question. His playful tone, coupled with the fact that he is now blocking me against his car door with his hands on both sides of me, his palms flat against the car door, my knees buckle beneath me. As my body slips down slightly, he catches me by the waist and presses his body against mine.
"I've been wanting to do this all night," he whispers against my lips, then tangles his tongue with mine in a salty French-fry tasting kiss.
I can't help but groan. In his arms, I feel helpless. Always needing to put up a strong front, it feels good to let my guard down, especially knowing that Griffin will always be honest with me. I can get used to letting him be my strength.
His hands roam my body over my slacks and blouse, but, dammit, if I don't want him tearing my clothes right off me here in the parking lot. My first experience with a guy was the drunken night in high school when I first found out my father had lung cancer and lost his job. Aside from recalling the moment my mother's words crushed my world, I barely remember the night I lost my virginity to Cory. Or the many nights afterward that Cory had his way with me while I lie numb beneath him.
But this.
This is different.
Griffin's kiss makes me feel...unbroken.
Alive.
And finally floating above the water.
Instead of drowning in it.
"I think I need to be getting you inside," Griffin grumbles after breaking our kiss.
"Mmm. Guess Millicent would like to go home."
Griffin's eyes scan mine. "Oh, California. You are so beautiful."
There may only be the light from the street lamps and the stars above, but my face feels so hot that I'm sure Griffin can see me blushing. "Thank you," I murmur, embarrassed by the compliment.
Little fireflies go crazy under my skin when he runs his hands down my arms and stops at my hands. "You sure we’re good, California? About," he cocks his head, "the money situation and all?"
"Yeah. We're good."
After another long kiss by my front door, Griffin says goodnight, and I skip through the door, happy for how the night turned out. To keep my good mood, however, I nod to Millicent to let her know I'm home, then slip into my bedroom, avoiding my father for the selfish reason that I do not want to be reminded of my reality. Don't think this doesn't overwhelm me with guilt. It does. It's just that sometimes it's easier to turn a blind eye and pretend everything is rainbows and sunshine. I silently apologize to my father in my head, and to God, but at the moment, I just want to lie on my bed, close my eyes, and let my mind slip back to kissing Griffin.
21
Griffin
"I brought you a coffee, California." Placing the large Dunkin' Donuts cup on her desk, I sit in my now usual seat to the right of her.
"Oh my God, thank you." She pops open the lid and takes a sip. "I needed this," she tells me, before bringing the cup to her mouth again.
"Is that all you need?" I wink, enjoying watching her cheeks turn cherry red.
Her bottom lip disappears behind her teeth as she gives me a playful smile.
It's eight o'clock in the morning and all I can think of is kissing Cali again. "I gotta see you tonight," I say almost breathlessly, wanting to take her from her seat and bring her someplace private to ravage her. Sitting so close to her without being able to touch her is tormenting.
"I can't tonight. Millicent had to take the night off. I'm sorry."
Aw Fuck. "Then definitely tomorrow night?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow night." I can't wait until tomorrow night.
"Can you meet me after class?"
"Yes, but I have Statistics at eleven."
"Good. Walk out with me."
"Okay," she declares before taking another couple sips of her coffee.
During class, every so often, Cali and Tabitha are texting like crazy. I imagine to each other, because they look at each other every now and then. Because I really don't feel like paying attention to Professor Anderson's lesson on the listeners' attitudes, values, and beliefs during a public presentation, I text Cali my own message.
I like your skirt. It's short.
I'm already wearing a grin when Cali snaps her head in my direction and smiles.
Thanks. I made it, she texts back.
Whoa. She made it? You made it?
Yeah. Like with a needle and thread.
You sew?
Yeah. You don't?
Shaking my head, I silently thank God I found my California. Sexy as hell and fucking practical.
At the end of class, Professor Anderson reminds us that we have one more week to work on our speeches. I haven't even thought of what I am going to talk about. An event that had a notable effect on me. Who the hell knows? Right now, it's Cali who is having a notable effect on me - physically.
"So where do you want to go?" I ask her while she's putting her books back in her bag. "Someplace public or someplace private?"
She raises her eyebrows and grins.
Taking her hand and walking her out of class, I say, "Great. I know the perfect spot."
We sit on the metal bench behind the student center.
"Come here often?" she jests. "You seemed to find this bench fairly quickly."
"Um. No comment."
"Are you a player, Griffin Brooks?"
"Um. No comment?"
Cali's face drops, and suddenly she's serious. "If you're playing me, you can stop right now. I don't have time for games or heartache or anything that goes along with being involved with a player."
With every ounce of sincerity in my being, I affirm, "No. No. California, I'm not playing you." My stomach squirms as I plead my innocence. "I swear. I... I've had a past, but I ...I've totally been smitten with you since I saw you in the bank." Placing my hand back on her thigh, I squeeze it out of desperation. "Please, you have to believe me. I really, really like you. If we," I point between the two of us, "become a we, if that's what you want, then I promise you," I turn her to face me full on, taking both her hands, I say, "I promise you, you will be the only one."
When her eyes smile and her mouth follows, all my muscles unclench, and I relax.
So reiterating, just for good measure, I vow, "I promise, Calista. If you want to become a we, I promise."
"A we?" she wonders.
"Yeah, you know..."
"There you guys are." Holly interrupts, walking up the path with Braden. "We were in the student center hoping you'd come by, Griff."
"Um. Why?"
"Because last Thursday at this time you did, so," she shrugs, "I thought it'd be a regular thing."
"Hi, Cal."
"Hey, Holly." Cali stands, so I do too.
"Hey." Braden joins in. "So, come on."
"Uh, we'll catch up, okay?" I tell them.
The tiny knot that had been in my stomach before has returned. Now a cluster of bats flap at my insides. Was the moment lost? "So, um..." I sputter, not used to being so diffident in the presence of a girl. "About before. Um. Do you want to become a we, you and I?"
She hesitates only momentarily before she says, "Yes. I'd love to be a we with you."
At once, pulling her to my chest, I plant a short, firm kiss smack on her mouth. "Oh, California, you're the first... well you're the first we I've ever been a part of."
She chuckles. "Really? I like that," she says confidently.
"Yeah? Well I like that too." I kiss her again, but then my phone rings. "Fuck."
Cali laughs. "Just answer it."
"It's Holly. Yeah?"
"We're waiting for you," Holly complains.
"Yeah, okay." I end the call, then return to holding California. "Wanna go inside?" I whine. "Holly can't seem to drink her latte without us."
Cali chuckles before she agrees to go inside.
"So California's my girlfriend," I confirm out loud, my heart pounding, because all I've ever had before were intimate acquaintances. My usual scene is going from one girl to the next, but with Cali, I'm hoping that that particular part of my life is finally over.
"Yup. So get used to it," she proclaims.
"Oh, I will definitely get used to this." I hold our clasped hands up between us, and kiss her knuckles.
Walking to the student center, I feel like a school boy getting to second base - I'm giddy as shit. And I love the feeling.
22
Cali
"It took you long enough," Holly bellows from across the student center.
"What the fuck?" Griffin says when we reach the table. "I told you I'd meet up with you later."
"You know how she gets," Braden adds. "She wants everyone to see we're in a clique."
"Holly," Griffin reprimands.
"That's not true. Shut up, Brad."
"Hey, guys," Rose says, walking up to the table.
"Hi," I say to the group, still feeling a little unsure around Griffin's friends.
"Holly." Griffin pulls out a chair for me to sit, then sits down next to me. "You know how I texted you and asked if we could, like, go to your parents' place in the city?"
"Yeah. Is it definite? Can you go?" Holly is so excited, she seems ready to leave right now.
"Yeah. As long as Cali can come too."
"Of course. That's why I mentioned it. How's this weekend?" Holly pulls out her phone, probably adding it to her calendar now.
"This weekend?" I lean into Griffin and whisper, "My dad. I never asked Millicent if..."
"It's okay," Griffin tells me, rubbing my forearm. "Holl, we weren't quite sure about this weekend or next, but..."
"Anytime. And hey, if you guys ever want to use it on your own, it's yours. Just not from April to August. That's when the rents are home."
"Wow. That's really nice of you, Holly." I can't believe she is being so generous with her home.
"Hey, well, any friend of Griffin's is a friend of mine." Her eyes sparkle, and her smile is genuine. I'm actually quite surprised, but then I think about what Griffin and I talked about the other night - I'm pretty close-minded when it comes to people outside my social status. Judgmental is more like it. I've met two people now who have more than enough money to get by, and both of them are sweet, generous, and kind. I can't help but wonder what type of people my parents must have come across in their lifetimes to have such a bitter taste in their mouths about those financially well-off. The two people I have just met in the past two weeks, and I'm sure there are more sitting right at this table who have more money than God, are nothing like what Mom and Dad described.
"Uh," Griffin drapes his arm around my shoulder, breaking me of my thoughts, "we're not just friends."
"Oh my God," Rose screeches. "Griffin didn't finally get a real girlfriend, did he?"
Shit. What kind of question is that?
"Yes. Griffin did," he boasts, smiling at me and kissing me on the nose.
"Wow," says Holly. "I never thought the day would come. You're usually the type to fuck 'em and leave 'em."
"Yeah, man, what's your entourage gonna say," Braden adds.
Damn. Am I making a mistake? Will Griffin leave me right after we have sex? No. He promised. He wouldn't do that.
"Enough," Griffin says seriously. "You had your fun, now drop it." He looks back at me. "I'm gonna get a donut. You want something?"
"Um. Not sure. I'll just come with you." Because of all their comments, I feel uncomfortable staying with his friends today. I'm already starting to feel insecure about this relationship, and it just started.
"What would you like, Cal?" Griffin stands holding up one donut and one muffin.
"The muffin." I smile, afraid to let my doubts show through.
"Coffee?"
"No. The one you got me before was enough."
"Aren't you gonna get thirsty? How 'bout a water?"
"Yeah. Okay. Water's good."
Griffin takes out his money to pay the cashier, and I feel bad not offering to pay. I'd like to offer, but if he says okay, I have no money to give him. Pay day is tomorrow. My heart starts racing and my palms start sweating. Borrowing money, or worse, having people pay for things for me, makes me feel so inadequate, and I work so hard to do things that make me feel competent. But now, not only did Griffin's money make me feel uncomfortable, but his playboy past has me feeling uneasy. I don't have the energy to be heartbroken. I can only take so much, and my life is filled with too much heartache already.
"Here's your chocolate chip muffin." Griffin places it in front of me back at the table.
"Thanks."
Griffin kisses me on the temple, erasing, momentarily, my thoughts about his past conquests.
"I never thought I'd see the day," Braden says, bringing those thoughts right back.
Griffin eyes him fixedly, silently telling Braden to shut the fuck up.
"Hey, Cal," Holly says. "If we can't spend the entire weekend at my folks place, maybe we can all just go into the city Saturday night? Do you think you can swing that?"
"Um..." I look at Griffin, unsure how to answer that, considering it was Griffin's idea in the first place.
"If you can, I'd love to take you," he says softly.
As much as I'd love to see Manhattan, I still have my father to think about. "What time?" I ask to the table in general.
"Six good?" Holly answers.
"Okay, but I still have to make sure my dad's nurse can stay until my mom gets home."
"Great." Holly beams. "So find out, and hopefully Saturday night we'll hit Manhattan. See if you can stay overnight if you don't have to get home early on Sunday."
"I'll check," I say, feeling stupid because I can't spend my time freely like the rest of the college world. Being poor and having a father that's dying sucks. In more ways than one.
Griffin pulls me into his side and kisses me again, as if he knows I'm feeling bummed at the moment. Then into my ear he whispers, "I can't wait to bunk with you."
Suddenly I'm feeling sick to my stomach. Maybe it is all about the sex with Griffin. Now I am not so sure if his words before were sincere. I mean, they felt it, but all it took was a couple rude comments by his friends to make me second-guess him.
And am I being fair to Griffin by judging him so quickly?
23
Cali
"Hi, Mr. Parker." Tabitha leans over and kisses my dad on the cheek.
After clearing his throat, my dad mutters, "Hi, Tab...," but a wicked cough keeps him from finishing his greeting.
"Daddy, would you like anything? I'm making tea for Tabitha and me. Would you like any?"
"No thanks, honey," he says between coughs.
"Boy, your dad really looks bad, Cal. I'm sorry." Tabitha and I sit at the top of my full size bed, placing our tea on the nightstands beside it.
"Yeah," I mumble, taking the bottle of Captain Morgan out from under my bed and pouring it in my tea.
"Captain Morgan? What are you? Ninety?"
Handing her the bottle, I retort, "Ninety. Nineteen. It's alcohol, and it feels good going down."
Shaking her head, she looks at the captain and snorts. "Come on, Captain," she drawls. "Take me out to sea."
"You're a lunatic, Tab." I slip the closed bottle under my pillow and lean my head back against the wall. "Sorry you're stuck here with me tonight. You really can go out you know."
"Don't be silly. There's no place I'd rather be than with my bff." Tabitha grabs the remote off the nightstand on her side of the bed and starts flicking the channels.
"I feel guilty, Tab, I do, but...I don't want to be here. I know it's selfish and all, but..."
"It's not selfish, Cal. You're nineteen years old. Of course you don't want to sit home every night and babysit your father." She continues flicking the channels until she's reached the end. "You gotta get Netflix or something. Basic cable's just not cutting it."
I go to my closet and pull out a box of DVDs. "Yeah, well. Anyway, I don't have to babysit my dad every night, and that's not really what I'm talking about. I just...it'd be nice to have no responsibilities at all, you know?"
"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, Cal." She takes the box from me and searches through it.
"For what?"
Tabitha gets up and sticks a DVD in the player.
"For not having responsibilities." She stands still in front of the television and looks at me. "I'm sorry."
"Tab. Stop. You can't be serious."
Sitting back down next to me, Tabitha lands her hand on me knee and searches my eyes. "I am serious."
I take the remote and press play. "I'm not jealous or anything. I'm happy for you. That you don't have...this...shit...to deal with. It's just...I don't want it either."
"I know you don't, honey." Her words, dripping with sympathy, do the opposite of what she intends them to do - I don't feel better. I feel angry.
"Breakfast Club? Seriously?" I pour more rum into my mug and drink it straight. I'd rather just let the anger go. "Haven't we seen this, like, a thousand times?"
"Yeah, but it's cool." She pours more rum into her mug too. "Hey, what do you think of Griffin's roommate Braden? I see him around campus and all. He seeing anyone?"
Peering into her eyes, I wonder out loud, "Aren't you seeing Tony?"
Her eyes back on the TV, she cocks her head back and forth. "I told you I didn't think I saw it going anywhere."
"You broke up already?"
"No. But it'll happen. Soon. We're better off as friends, you know that. So anyway," she continues, eyes still on the TV, "Braden have a girlfriend?"