by Claire Adams
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know, it just seems...it seems like a shitty thing to do.”
“To sleep with her? Fuck, man, you must suck in bed.”
“It just seems like when she loses her virginity it should be, you know, special.”
Ben let out a hoot. “What is this, a Lifetime movie or some shit? Are you one of those people who secretly believes that you should only have sex if you’re really in love with the person? Because if that was the case, I’d probably still be a virgin, too.”
“I’m not saying it has to be this huge, romantic, in-love sort of thing.”
“Oh, yeah? Because that’s what it sounds like. Are you really that concerned about it? I think the real thing that’s going on here is the fact that you just don’t think you can win. The fact that she’s a virgin means she’s spent a shitload of time not being with any guy, and she doesn’t really seem like that attitude is going to change. At least that’s the impression I got from her when we hung out. And I think you’re realizing that you’re just not going to be able to do it, either. Which is fine and all, but I think we should acknowledge the fact that this is ending not because you’re being a gentleman about it, but because you know you’re not going to win.”
The thing was, though, I knew I could actually do it. One hundred percent knew it. And I couldn’t stand the fucking smirk on his face. Ben was my best friend, but I hated that he was sitting there thinking that he had won something, that he had found something that I couldn’t do. I should be the adult here, the grown-up, the 31-year-old man, not the 17-year-old that was apparently still residing inside of me, too, but that part of me simply couldn’t back down from a challenge like this, especially since it’s one that we had already agreed upon. It would make me look like I was the scared I wouldn’t be able to do it, even though that wasn’t the case at all.
“Fine,” I said. “We can keep everything exactly how it is. Nothing changes.”
He grinned. “Atta boy,” he said. “Now, you’re talking.”
Chapter Eleven
Allie
The Learning Center’s annual end-of-year fundraiser was being held at Moose Lake this year, which Becca told me was different than where they usually had it. The change in location, she said, had been at the request of some of the parents, who were wanting to try something “different.”
I was looking forward to it, but at the same time, I knew it would be a little stressful, just because there would be so many kids there, and I wasn’t sure if all of them knew how to swim.
“Usually, the fundraiser’s pretty boring,” Amy confided in me. “If you want to know the truth, so I’m glad that we’re having it here this year; I think it’ll be fun.”
It was a private beach, very large, with a dock, a fleet of jet skis, a pontoon boat, an anchored raft, a motorboat with a huge raft attached to the back, kayaks, a canoe, stand-up paddleboards, and a variety of lounge chairs, picnic tables, and beach toys. Two of the dads immediately volunteered to man the grill, while the mothers seemed to gather in small groups and the children built sandcastles, splashed in the water, and chased each other around on the beach.
“Are you going to try the jet skis?” Amy asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve never ridden on one before. Now probably wouldn’t be the best time to try it for the first time, though I wouldn’t mind giving the stand-up paddleboard a try. That seems like a safer bet.”
She laughed. “I’ve tried that before. I have like no balance whatsoever, so I definitely won’t be doing that. Oh, there’s Cole and Declan.”
It seemed that all the mothers looked as they watched Cole and Declan make their way down to the beach. Declan had on a pair of turquoise swim trunks with sharks on them and a matching swim shirt. Cole was wearing a pair of green swim shorts and a short-sleeve madras shirt. They looked like a picture out of an L.L. Bean catalog.
I waved as they came over. “Hey, guys,” Cole said. “This is quite a turnout. Good choice on holding it here instead of the art center, though.”
“Can we go swimming?” Declan asked.
“Sure, buddy. Hold on one second.”
Declan looked at me. “Do you have a bathing suit? Will you come, too?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind taking a little dip,” I said. “The sun is pretty hot.”
I felt a little shy all of a sudden, as I pushed my skirt down and pulled my T-shirt off. I was wearing a very modest one-piece, but it was still a bathing suit, and I could see Cole watching me out of the corner of my eye. Which was silly, when I thought about it, seeing as he’d already seen the most intimate part of me, but I still felt a tad self-conscious.
The water was cool and clear, and it didn’t get deep until much further out. Declan bounded in, yelling at me to watch him do the dog paddle. A few of the other kids followed us in, and Cole and I stood there in knee-deep water while the other kids splashed around us.
“Something dramatic always happens at these things,” Cole said, surveying the beach. “I wonder what it’s going to be this year. Last year, they did a silent auction, and there was literally a fist fight over something... I can’t even remember what it was now. A weekend away at some bed and breakfast, maybe? I think that’s part of the reason why they decided to change the location.”
“It seems to be going pretty well so far,” I said. I leaned over and cupped some water in my hand, splashing it over my shoulders. A few of the guys had made their way down the dock and were getting some of the jet skis started.
“Watch how long I can hold my breath!” Declan said.
I turned and watched as he dove under the water and then kicked his way almost all the way back to the beach. He resurfaced, gasping, and looked back at us triumphantly.
“That was very good,” I said. “You’re a good swimmer.”
“He’s always liked the water,” Cole said. “And I enrolled him in baby swim classes when he was about six months. I didn’t want him to be one of those kids who was afraid of water or didn’t know how to swim until he was like 8 years old or something.”
“I didn’t do much swimming as a kid,” I said. “I always liked it, but my mother was more of a fan of the country club pool than going out to the lake or the ocean.”
Cole snorted. “I never understood that. Especially when you live somewhere so close to a nice lake or the ocean, but I get a feeling some of the parents here are like that, too.”
And it was clear that there were some parents who would not be venturing anywhere near the water, who were much happier to stand there on the beach, sipping their iced teas and watching the kids as they played.
We hung out in the water with the kids for a while longer, and then the food started coming off the grill, so we waded back in. I supervised the children with Amy at two of the picnic tables while the other adults ate, and then everyone dispersed again.
I waded back out into the water, planning to just take a quick dip to cool off, but one of the dads was coming back in with the stand-up paddleboard.
“Hey,” he said. “You want to give it a try?”
“Sure,” I said. He slid off and held the board for me so I could climb on, then he handed me the paddle.
It was actually easier than I thought it was going to be, and I paddled my way out past the dock. Lily was there, sitting on one of the jet skis, giggling.
“Wait,” she was saying. “How do I make this thing go again?” She looked at me and smiled. “I must be crazy to try riding this, right? But if you can do that and make it look so easy, I should be able to do this—I don’t even have to stand up!”
I laughed and continued to paddle on. It might be nice to do this again when I could really spend some time out here, maybe paddle all the way across the lake or something. I paddled out to almost the middle and stopped, looking around, feeling almost like I was on my own little island out at sea.
As much as I wanted t
o stay out there longer, I knew I should get back, so I slowly paddled to the right until the board was turned back to the beach. I could hear an airplane overhead and the shrieks of laughter from the kids back on the beach. The sun was warm on the top of my head and my shoulders, and I had a smile on my face as I paddled back in. This was so much better than living in the city, being able to be out here, in nature, with no traffic or skyscrapers, no concrete, no hordes of people hurrying to their next destination. This was exactly what I wanted, exactly where I wanted to be. My mother might have thought I had made a huge mistake moving out here, but so far, things had really been working out quite well.
“Look out!” someone shouted. It took me a second to realize that they were talking to me; Lily seemed to have completely lost control of the jet ski. I tried to paddle away from her, and I thought I had managed to do so, but the thing jerked sharply to the right, clipping the end of the paddleboard, sending me flying. I might’ve gone flying over the jet ski completely if I hadn’t been attached to the board, but I ended up colliding with Lily and hitting my head against something hard before I toppled into the water. There was the shock of the cold water going up my nose and into my mouth, the sharp pain on the side of my head, and then everything went dark.
I had what felt like the worst headache I could ever recall having. I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision blurred for several seconds before finally coming into focus. There seemed to be dozens of eyes staring down at me, faces of people I didn’t know. No, wait—I did know them. Some of them, anyway. There was Cole, the closest to me, and then Amy, Becca, and then some of the parents from the school.
I was lying on my back in the sand, on the beach.
“What happened?” I said, trying to sit up.
Cole rested his hand gently on my shoulder. “Don’t try to move yet,” he said. “You’re fine, but you should stay lying down for now. Lily collided with you on the jet ski. She’s okay, too, but you hit your head and got knocked out.”
I groaned inwardly. “I’m okay,” I said, wanting the crowd to disperse, wishing more than anything that this hadn’t happened. And then Lily was there, soaking wet, looking close to hysterics.
“Allie, are you all right?” she kept asking. “Oh my God, is she okay?”
“I think she’s okay,” someone murmured.
I lay there for another moment, and then I slowly eased myself up to a sitting position. Lily kneeled down next to Cole.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t even know what happened, I thought I had better control of that thing.” I didn’t know if her face was wet because she hadn’t dried off completely or if she’d been crying. Either way, I had a feeling she looked worse than I did.
“It was an accident,” I said. “And I’m fine. Just... a little sore, that’s all. I’ll be fine, though, really.” I tried to give her a smile but felt a wave of nausea roll through me.
“You’ve probably got a mild concussion,” Cole said. “Which means we definitely want to get you home and into bed. You’re not going to drive; I’ll drive you back, and we can figure out how to get your car later.”
He stood up and then leaned down and scooped me up. Amy and the other teachers were there, looking on with worried expressions, as were the rest of the parents, but it was the children that I felt bad about; they looked terrified, and I wished that they hadn’t seen that happen.
“You don’t have to carry me,” I said.
“I know, but I’m going to.”
And he carried me up the beach to the parking lot, a few of the kids trailing after, Declan right there, looking on anxiously. Cole set me down when we got to his car, and I got in slowly, my head still throbbing. Declan climbed into the backseat, and then Cole went back down to the beach to talk to Becca and Kris. Amy had gone over to my car and retrieved my keys and my purse, which she set on the floor by my feet.
“You sure you’re all right?” she said.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think it was probably a lot worse than it looked. I just need to go home and rest a little bit, and I bet I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
She looked as though she wanted to believe me but didn’t quite. “And Cole’s a doctor, remember?” I said. “If there’s any issue, he’ll be right there.”
“That’s true,” she said. “You’re in good hands. Okay, well, I’ll check in with you later, okay?”
“That sounds good.”
Cole came back to the car. He climbed in and we drove off. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes.
“I’m wondering if we should go to the hospital,” Cole said under his breath, almost more to himself.
“I don’t think we need to do that.”
“You got knocked out, though.”
“I know, but... I don’t feel like I need to go to the hospital. I don’t want to make a bigger deal out of this than it already is.”
“I’d like you to stay at my place tonight, then,” Cole said after a minute. “If you don’t want to go into the hospital, then the least you can do is that. We’ve got a guest room with a comfortable bed, and that will give me peace of mind, okay? Is that a deal?”
“Sure,” I said, even though I knew I would be fine if I went home.
“Good.” He smiled. “Thank you for not making me resort to saying ‘doctor’s orders.’ Because that was my next move.”
I didn’t feel any worse by the time we got to Cole’s house, but I certainly wasn’t feeling great. I managed to get out of the car on my own, though, and walk inside, where I followed Cole to the guest bedroom. He pulled the sheets back on the double bed, and I climbed in. Declan followed us into the room and stood at the foot of the bed.
“Are you okay, Miss Allie?” Declan asked, his eyes wide.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I promise. Accidents happen sometimes, and that’s why we need to use caution around water.”
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said. He looked at his dad. “You promise you’ll check on her?”
“I promise,” Cole said. Declan nodded and then left, but not before giving me another worried look.
“Poor thing,” I said. “I feel awful about them having to see that.”
“Don’t worry about that. Everyone’s just glad that you’re okay.”
“I really wish that whole thing never even happened, though.”
“Lily should not have been allowed anywhere near that jet ski.”
“Probably not. She’s all right?”
“She’s fine. You should rest. I’ll check on you in a little bit. Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m good for now. Thank you.”
He reached over and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I laid back against the pillow and let my eyes close.
Chapter Twelve
Cole
My gut instinct told me that Allie would be fine, that she had a mild concussion at most, but I still couldn’t help but wake up several times that night and go down to check on her. Each time I did, she was asleep, lying on her back, her hair spread out against the white pillow, her face turned slightly to the side. Her breathing was soft, even. She looked entirely peaceful.
I finally fell asleep, just a few hours before the sun would begin to rise. When Declan came in to wake me up, I felt groggy, but then I got up, and I called Danielle and asked her to reschedule the patients that I had for the day.
“Are you sick?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “Just... something came up. A personal matter. I can’t really get into it right now. But I’ll be in tomorrow, so just do your best to reschedule everyone from today.”
“All right,” she said, sounding a bit skeptical.
Allie woke up a little after 9. I went in with a glass of water she took a tentative sip from.
“How are you feeling?”
“Well, I made it through the night.” She smiled. “I feel better,” she said. “I think it was good we skipped the hospital trip.”
“Do you th
ink you can eat anything? I could make you some toast.”
“I could go for some toast,” she said. “Maybe just one piece.”
When I went out to make the toast, Declan tiptoed in with a stack of board books that he read to Allie.
I made sure she took it easy for the rest of the day. I did a few things around the house, but I kept going back to the living room where they were set up, and we’d all hang out. We played several games of Go Fish, and Declan read us some more stories, making up the words as he went along. I liked having Allie there, I liked the new dynamic, and when, later that afternoon, she told me that she felt much better and would be able to go home, I couldn’t help but feel a swell of disappointment. Not that I let that show on my face.
“My headache’s almost gone,” she said. “I think I am going to be A-okay.”
“Do you have to leave?” Declan asked.
Allie smiled. “Don’t worry, Declan. I’ll see you soon. Actually, do you want to drive me down to get my car?”
“Oh, that’s right. Your car is still there. Sure, why don’t we do that. And we can stop and get an ice cream on the way back, Declan,” I said, knowing that the promise of an ice cream cone would distract him from the fact that Allie was going back to her own house.
That Sunday, my parents showed up early afternoon and took Declan to the playground. I went for a ride, though it was very humid, and I was drenched in sweat before I’d even gone a few miles. I rode for maybe an hour, but then cut the ride short, went home, and took a cold shower.
I was just getting out when I heard my parents and Declan come back. I could tell the heat had tired Declan out, too, so I brought him up to his room and put him down for a nap, the fan pointed straight on him. When I went back downstairs, my parents were sitting out on the deck, under the umbrella, drinking glasses of lemonade.
“He’s tuckered out,” I said, sitting down with them. There was a slight breeze, which, while not entirely refreshing, at least moved the warm air around a little.