by J. M. Colail
“You really wanna get started on the project now? We just got home from school. Relax a little first,” he said, taking a drink from his beer and another hit of his cigarette.
“But, I’ve got other stuff to do, so we might as well just get started.” I stared at the textbook on my lap.
Wesley looked at me for a moment, then stood up and retrieved his book bag from near the front door. “So you wanna do the railroad thing or the Chinese-whatever-Acts?”
He sat down next to me, leaned back into the couch, and crossed his ankle on his knee. His leg pressed into mine and I jerked to the side a little, but his leg still touched mine.
“Yeah, I’m kinda interested in the building of the Transcontinental Railroad. Most people don’t even know that the Chinese built most of it, and basically for nothing. They were really exploited—I guess it just shows where the values of this country come from. Slaves weren’t the only ones exploited. Basically, if you weren’t a white European, you were pretty much screwed. And the Chinese Exclusion Acts were part of that too. The government actually excluded Chinese from entering the U.S. But the Chinese used the courts to gain entry, basically outsmarting the government.”
Wesley stared at me with a grin on his face. I suddenly realized that I was just rambling. Did that sound stupid? No wonder everyone called me a nerd.
“You really like this stuff, don’t you?” Wesley asked, tilting his grin to one side.
My cheeks were hot with embarrassment. “Yeah, I do.” Like I could hide it after my educational rant. “Actually, this is what I wanna study in college.”
“You wanna be a teacher or something?” he asked. I nodded without looking at him. “I can totally picture you doing that. I think you’d be good at it.” I tried to hide the smile that was curling my lips. “So which do you wanna do? The railroad or the Exclusion thing?”
“Let’s do the Chinese Exclusion Acts. I think we’d be able to find more resources about them, anyway.”
“Cool. Now that that’s decided,” Wesley said and leaned forward, opening the cabinet on the coffee table, “you wanna get high?”
“Huh?” I glanced at Wesley and he pulled a small pipe and a clear plastic bag from the cabinet and laid them on his lap.
“It’s my way of saying thanks for doing this project with me, even though you could’ve had a better partner,” he said, sticking his index finger in the bowl of the pipe and tapping it a few times.
“Don’t—don’t worry about it,” I stuttered. I pulled my book bag up to the side of the couch and tried to push my notebook and folder in.
Wesley stopped fingering the bowl and looked at me. “You don’t wanna? C’mon, it’s my treat.”
I had never smoked pot; I had never even seen it before now. Wesley felt dangerous to me, but it was also part of his charm.
“I should get going,” I stammered, still trying to fit my notebook and folder in my book bag.
Wesley set the pipe and baggie down on the coffee table and sighed lightly. “You know, Toren, you might look good on paper, but you’re boring as hell in person.”
I looked up sharply. “What? No I’m not.” I looked down into my lap again. He didn’t even know me. How could he make such a quick judgment?
He rested his arm on the sofa behind my head and leaned toward me with his same grin. “Prove it then,” he said, moving his face closer to mine. I could smell the tobacco and beer on his breath. “I mean, you’re into boys, right?”
My eyes widened and I stared at Wesley. He smiled devilishly and leaned closer. I swallowed hard and looked down. He didn’t know that I sort of had a crush on him, did he? Was he trying to make me admit it? Or was he just making a joke?
“Wh—what? Why are you even asking that?”
“’Cause you always look at me like you wanna fuck me,” he answered, with a grin that was almost a sneer.
“What? I—I don’t—”
“No, that’s not quite right,” he said calmly, looking up at the ceiling and shaking his head. “No, it’s more like you wanna be fucked by me.”
My heart stopped. I didn’t know what to do. I pulled my book bag onto my lap and stood up. “I have to go,” I said quickly and rushed toward the front door.
“You want a ride?” Wesley asked, lighting a cigarette and looking at me over the flame. He sank back into the couch.
“I don’t live too far.”
“See you at school,” Wesley called as I pulled the door closed behind me.
Chapter 3
I GOT to Spanish class early, as usual, and waited for the bell to ring. Ms. Harper said hello and looked back to the papers on her desk. I looked up involuntarily each time someone came in the room, waiting for Wesley. I was nervous to see him; the things he said yesterday followed me to bed and woke up with me in the morning. How was I supposed to act around him now? Wesley rushed in late, apologized to Ms. Harper quietly and glanced at me as he took his seat. He had a whisper of a smile on his face and my stomach tingled.
“Uds. tienen un examen mañana,” Ms. Harper began, followed by a barrage of Spanish that no one really understood. She explained that she would finish up the lesson plan and then give a review in the second half of class.
The test would cover chapters 12 and 13 and Ms. Harper warned us that the exam would be vocabulary-heavy. I made a note of it in the margin and Wesley raised his hand. He went through his usual repertoire of exam jokes, finishing with one about giving us the answers. Ms. Harper smiled and tried to conceal her rolling eyes.
“Even if I did give you the answers, I somehow doubt you would study those either, Wes,” she answered flatly, then smiled.
The class laughed and Wesley laughed too. Ms. Harper was young, fresh out of college, and a little more lenient than older teachers. She was comfortable joking with students and was a popular teacher.
The bell rang and Ms. Harper told us to study hard.
Wesley called after me and I turned to see him trotting toward me. He had a grin on his face and I felt a few butterfly wings in my stomach.
“You wanna study for Spanish together?” he asked, walking next to me.
My eyes strained to the side, trying to look at Wesley without looking like I was looking at him. “Um… I don’t know,” I answered, remembering the things he said.
“C’mon, you gotta study too, right? So why not study together?” He held his books at the side of his head and I could see the faint outline of muscle in his upper arm.
“Well, um, sure, okay,” I answered. He did have a good point.
“Sweet. Wait for me after History, all right?”
I watched him walk away from the corner of my eye; I liked the way he walked—as if he owned the world. He was so confident and I really admired that about him.
I wasn’t able to concentrate for the rest of the day. My mind wandered to Wesley and what he said. Did he mean any of it? I couldn’t deny the feelings that he aroused in me, but I worried that I might just be a game to him.
I waited in History class. I was always early to my classes and couldn’t seem to break the habit even when I wanted to. Wesley came in and sat on the corner of the desk next to mine and smiled at me.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I answered, looking down at the desktop. He chatted with me as the classroom began to fill up. He talked about school, how eager he was for the summer, and that between me and him, he kinda liked Spanish class.
“Ms. Harper’s pretty hot, so I guess that kinda makes the class go by faster too.”
I looked up at Wesley and he grinned. “Yeah… she is,” I murmured. I tried to sound convincing.
Mr. Hannity came in and slapped his forehead when he saw Wesley. “Well, damn, if it isn’t Mr. Carroll. Not only on time, but actually early!”
Wesley nodded his head sarcastically and rolled his eyes. The bell rang. Wesley patted my shoulder and went to his seat. I looked around and saw Jen and Olivia watching me. It was common knowledge that
Jen had a crush on Wesley; they even dated for a short time. I suddenly felt self-conscious. Did they think I was competition? Of course not; I’m a guy. I furrowed my brows and stared at my desk. Fortunately, Mr. Hannity began the lesson and I forgot about Jen and Olivia.
The bell rang and Wesley walked me to my locker and waited for me to fetch my stuff. I turned toward the library and Wesley stopped me, his hands casually pushed in his pockets.
“Where are you going? My car’s this way.”
“Um… I thought we were going to the library.”
“Well, we have to practice speaking for the oral, right? And the library isn’t exactly the best place to do that. Besides, I wanna get the hell outta here anyway.” He waited for me and then flashed a grin in my direction.
“Hey, Wes! Wait up a sec!” Benny shouted, running up to Wesley and glancing at me. “Hey, I got a question for you.” He glanced at me again and then leaned forward, next to Wesley’s ear. I heard him mumble something and I stood awkwardly to the side.
Wesley backed away from Benny and nodded. “Yeah, it’s in my car.”
“Is he cool?” Benny asked, glaring at me.
Wesley furrowed his brows. “Don’t worry about it. Toren, you comin’?”
At his car, Wesley searched under the passenger seat and pulled out a small bag. Benny gave him ten dollars and pocketed the bag. Wesley rested his arm on the open door and put his other hand on his hip.
“So… you wanna hook up later and pick up some chicas?” Benny asked, glancing over his shoulder at me. I felt strange standing there, like a tag-along or a fifth wheel.
“Nah… got stuff to do. See ya around,” Wesley said. Benny sneered and walked off. Wesley stepped to the side and held the door open for me. “Get in.”
I sat down and pushed my book bag down on the floor and Wesley shut the door. He got in and turned down the radio before starting the car.
“Man, that guy annoys the hell outta me. You know, don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I cut in a little dill weed or oregano with his stuff,” he said. “He’s such a dumbass too; he’s never noticed. But, caveat emptor and all that shit.”
I was mostly surprised that the words “caveat emptor” came from his mouth. I laughed a little and Wesley lifted the clutch and tore out of the parking lot.
We got to his house and Wesley offered me a drink but I declined politely. I sat down and pulled out my Spanish text. I heard the refrigerator door shut and the clink of bottles. Wesley came into the living room with a brown bottle and a glass of soda.
“I didn’t know what you wanted, so I brought you some pop,” he said, sitting down next to me. I thanked him and leaned to my side. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder. His leg was pressed against mine.
“The—the exam’ll cover chapters twelve and thirteen,” I said, opening my book and flipping through the pages.
Wesley groaned quietly and retrieved his book bag from the front door. He sat close to me again and I inhaled deeply. His scent was mixed with tobacco and beer and he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I stared at my textbook and took quiet, deep breaths.
“Ms. Harper said there’ll be a lot of vocab on the test, so we better go over that, and also she said to study verb tenses,” I said, finally finding chapter 12 after flipping through the pages aimlessly. Wesley watched me as much as he looked at his textbook and I felt nervous under his constant gaze.
We had reviewed chapter 12 and most of 13 when Wesley yawned and suggested we take a break. He stretched his arms over his head and then sat back with his beer and lit a cigarette.
“We’re—we’re almost done, so let’s just finish up chapter thirteen, okay?
“All right,” Wesley moaned, setting down the bottle and picking up the textbook.
We went through the rest of chapter, doing some of the suggested exercises in the outline. He had a good accent, pronouncing syllables like a native speaker. I was better at reading and writing than speaking and on occasion, Wesley would correct me if I mispronounced a word. I was surprised that I was actually learning something from him.
When we had finished chapter 13, Wesley put his hands behind his head and held his cigarette between his lips. I took another sip of my soda and began putting my things in my bag.
“The test is gonna have a lot of vocab on it, so you should go over that again once or twice.”
“You’re leaving already?” Wesley asked. He sat up on the edge of the sofa and rested his cigarette in the ashtray.
My heart started beating faster and I swallowed hard. “Yeah. I’ve—I’ve got a lot of other homework to do.” I was having trouble fitting the textbook into my book bag.
“Well, that can wait a while. We just finished studying; relax a little.” He inched closer to me, leaving his cigarette burning in the ashtray. “Besides, I still have to thank you for helping me.”
I felt the warmth of his body next to me and he neared his way closer to my lips, teasing me with anticipation that I desperately tried to conceal. He brought his hand to my chin, turning my face to him. He still had a grin on his face, but it was a little different. With his thumb, he pulled my chin down and kissed me. His lips were chapped but they were soft too. He caressed my cheek and I closed my eyes. His kiss radiated through my entire body.
He said he wanted to “thank” me for helping him study. Was that why? Because he needed help with schoolwork and he thought this was how he could repay me? I pulled back and looked down into my lap.
“You… should make flashcards,” I whispered absentmindedly, feeling for my book bag.
“Hunh?”
“It’ll help you memorize the vocab,” I said. I could feel tears welling in my eyes and I pushed them back. “I have to go. Sorry. But I have to go,” I said, grabbing my book bag and rushing to the door. Wesley stared at me and said my name once but he didn’t follow me.
Chapter 4
I WOKE with sticky sheets and morning wood that almost hurt. The dream faded quickly with consciousness, but I remembered the feel of Wesley’s kiss and I met the throbbing ache between the sheets.
I sank back into bed. My cheeks reddened as I pulled back the covers and saw the result of my dream. I stripped the sheets, balled them up tightly, and stepped out of my bedroom, nearly bumping into Alycia. She jumped back and her small breasts jiggled beneath her white tank-top. She furrowed her brows at me.
“What the hell, Toren? I just did laundry the other day!” she complained, seeing the bundle of sheets in my arms. My cheeks turned a deeper red and she arched her eyebrows knowingly. “Nuh-uh. You gotta wash out your own DNA—new house rule,” she said and disappeared into the bathroom.
I shook my head and hoped that this wasn’t an indication of how the rest of the day would go. I felt nervous already; I didn’t know how to act around Wesley. I didn’t know if he’d told everyone about what happened, if I would be made a laughingstock. My shoulders slumped and I sighed heavily.
“Hey, move it! Or you’re gonna be late!” Alycia shouted, walking past me. “Why are you just standing there?” She looked back at me and touched my forehead. “Do you feel all right?”
Maybe I could stay home; no, there was the Spanish test. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I shifted the load in my arms and Alycia patted my cheek.
“All right. Well, hurry up. You want a ham sandwich for lunch again?”
I nodded and Alycia trotted off to her room. I dropped the sheets into a laundry basket and figured I’d wash them when I got home. I took a cold shower and then left for school. Nothing seemed different; everyone was just ignoring me like they always had.
Wesley was late to Spanish again. Ms. Harper was already passing out the tests and she scolded him for being late on exam day.
I couldn’t bear to look at Wesley. Just seeing his face reminded me of my dream and the sticky sheets this morning. I didn’t know what to do or what to say to him. I left Spanish class quickly and took my book bag with me to History so I wouldn’t have to talk to h
im after class if he followed me to my locker.
The sunny morning had faded into a gray and murky afternoon. The pouring rain complemented my mood and, of course, I forgot my umbrella at home. I waited under the overhang at the front of the school, watching kids dash for the buses or to their cars in the parking lot.
“Boy, it’s really coming down hard, isn’t it?” Wesley stood behind me with his book bag over his shoulder. He had one hand in his pocket and a slight smile on his face. “You don’t plan on walking home in this, do you?”
“I’m just waiting for it to let up.”
“Who knows when that’ll be? I’ll give you a ride,” he said and smiled, tilting his head toward the parking lot. I shook my head but Wesley persisted. “C’mon, what’s the big deal?” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the rain. I tried to pull my hand away, but he held tight until I followed him willingly.
I whispered thanks, but I don’t think he heard me.
He sped through the driving rain, taking corners without braking, even though I told him where to turn long before it came up. The windshield wipers slapped frantically and the sky seemed even darker.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said over the plunking rain and the moan of the idling engine.
“What, you’re not even gonna invite me in after I saved your butt from getting soaked?” he asked with a smile.
“Oh, um, I guess… if you want to,” I stuttered, gripping the straps of my backpack.
“Cool. Where should I park?”
We ran to my building and tried to dry off a bit on the stairs to the third floor. He waited patiently while I fumbled getting the key in the lock. I opened the door and Wesley stepped in, his hands in his pockets. I dropped my book bag by the door and noticed that Wesley didn’t bring his.
“So this is where you live. It’s… cozy,” he said.
“I know that’s just a polite way of saying small,” I answered with a shy laugh. “But it’s just me, my mom, and my sister, so it serves the purpose.”