Nothing.
There’s nothing out of the ordinary. No one stands at the foot of my bed. No one stands by the door cloaked in shadows.
The darkness is oppressive. My heart is soaring, as if it’s going to beat out of my chest. My body quakes as the remaining fear slowly leaves me. Eventually, I work up the nerve to flip on the light. The way there is painful. Every step feels as if I’m walking on needles. Two steps in and I can’t take it anymore, I run and flick on the switch.
Once the room is saturated in light, I take a deep breath. And because you can never be too sure, I walk the length of the infirmary, checking every corner and under every bed.
Assuring myself that I’m completely alone, I lay back down. This time I lay with the back facing the wall, peering out across the lit room. The thought of being alone right now is nauseating.
I wish Malik or Elaine were here keeping me company.
I check the time and find it’s just after two in the morning. Looks like I just need to suck it up. No way am I waking either of them up at this hour. Instead, I huddle under the covers and keep my eyes peeled. I’m not taking any more chances.
No fucking way.
Chapter 17
I startle awake.
I hadn’t expected to fall asleep, especially so soon. I push myself up and survey the room, chills racking my frame. The room is flooded with soft morning sunlight, and Malik is sitting at the desk looking over a stack of papers.
I sigh. Good, nobody else is here.
Without looking up he says, “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I croak, voice horse. I clear my throat and hesitate.
Somehow, Malik senses I have more to say and glances up. “What?”
I suck in a lungful of air. “Were you in the infirmary last night, around two?”
His eyes narrow and he straightens. “No, why?”
I glance down and fiddle with my hands. “There was someone here.”
Hearing the chair scraping back, my head shoots up. Malik marches over and stands at the foot of my bed, expression serious. “That’s impossible. There were guards at the door.” At my hurt look, his expression softens. “Are you sure?”
“I know there are guards, but I felt it. Someone was here.” I chew on my lip, begging with my eyes for him to believe me.
His golden eyes are so intense I fear his stare might burn a hole through me. “Did you get a look at the person? Was there only one here?”
I shake my head sadly. “I don’t know. I couldn’t see anything or anyone. My back was turned.” He opens his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. “But I felt a presence in the room. I know someone was here.”
Malik takes a long look before sighing. “Very well.” Without a word, he turns and heads for the door. The door clicks shut behind him, and I scurry over, hoping to hear something other than muffled voices. Everything is indistinguishable.
Giving up, I plop back down on the mattress and wait for Malik’s return. Luckily, I don’t have to wait long. Soon, he’s standing at the foot of the bed once more.
“No one came in or out last night, Alanna. Guards were stationed outside the whole night.” His eyes soften and he continues. “Perhaps it was just a vivid dream.”
Emotions crash down on me, all warring with each other for dominance. Disappointment, concern, relief, fear, and gods knows what else hit me. “Yeah maybe.” But my gut screams at me otherwise. I know it wasn’t a dream, I know what I felt. More importantly, I know what my instincts are telling me.
Someone was watching me.
“Are you ready to start?” Malik’s words cut into my thoughts, and I simply nod. He drags the chair from the desk and places it in the same position as yesterday. “Close your eyes. I’m going to enter your mind again.”
“What am I looking for?”
“You’ll know.” His expression makes me nervous. I have a feeling that whatever is about to happen, I won’t like it. Seeing no other option, I close my eyes and brace myself.
Just like yesterday, I feel the soft, subtle whisper in my mind. But the longer the sensation lasts, the more I feel the energy moving. It no longer feels comfortable. Instead, it’s a slimy, almost greasy feeling billowing its way through my head. Little pinpricks on pain shoot through me and I wince. The feeling only continues to climb and escalate until it becomes nearly intolerable. I clench my head in my hands, tears pooling under my eyelids.
And just like that, it’s over.
I take a shaky breath and crack my eyes open. What in the Hellvian was that? I take a few deep breaths, collecting myself.
After a few minutes, I finally manage to look up. Malik watches me, expression carefully blank.
I stutter out, “What the fuck was that?”
“That is what happens when you push too far. That’s only a small taste of the pain you can bring someone when you push too far.” His voice is steely, void of emotion.
“Holy shit, that was awful.”
And I can see how Mindula’s helpful during interrogations.
“And it can be worse. Much worse.” His expression softens. “Do you understand now why it’s so important to be careful?”
“Yes.” And to think that was just a small taste. I shudder, terrified of what it’d feel like for someone to dig deeper than that inside my mind.
“Good.” He leans back in the chair. “I want you to call the energy again.”
I hesitate. Am I supposed to hurt him? He answers my unspoken question. “It’s the same as yesterday, subtle and slow.”
Same process as yesterday. Got it. I think.
I close my eyes and search for the energy buried deep below. When I find that small little flicker, I move towards it, pace steady. Once the first trail connects, I move away, the small wisps close behind. This time there’s no whisper, no suggestions.
It’s all me.
I don’t invade Malik’s head yet. Instead, I call the energy and allow it to hover just beneath my skin, much like I do with Firvo and Elestal. I open my eyes and look to Malik. I find him watching me patiently, arms crossed. Softly he asks, “Are you ready?”
“I think so.”
A grin lights up Malik’s face. “Have more confidence in yourself. And me. I will stop you before you go too far.” His previous words about the pain someone can feel echoes through my head. “All I want you to do is determine my emotional state. It’s the easiest thing to depict in a person’s mind.”
I heave a sigh. “Okay.” I stare at Malik for any sign of uncertainty. When I find none, I close my eyes once more.
Harnessing the wisps of energy under my skin, I coax it gently through his mind. The action feels intimate, almost invasive, but still I continue. I envision the energy floating deeper until a glimpse of emotion enters my head. The emotions feel so real, but I remind myself that they aren’t mine. They’re his. But they’re faint. Merely hints and fragments of what I would normally feel. This glimpse isn’t enough to label these emotions. I need to go further.
The energy inches closer, going deeper into his mind. The hint becomes more. I feel more. I’m able to put names to the emotions at last.
Proud. Content. Underlying frustration.
It confuses me, makes me wonder. Why is Malik feeling this way? What caused these emotions to surface? I want to dig deeper into his mind. It makes me want to determine the reasons behind his emotional state.
Then I remember what he said yesterday about temptation. How easy it is to give in. How easy it is to hurt someone. I ease the energy back to my core and open my eyes. Malik watches with an intensity that makes my face heat. It’s a look that says he knows more than he lets on, almost as if he was inside my head instead. His voice deep, “What did you see?”
In short order, I recount everything that happened, leaving out nothing. Though surprisingly, the moment feels intimate, bringing a blush to my cheeks. There’s small tilt of his lips and a gleam in his eyes. Malik looks impressed. “How did you feel
when you experienced my emotions as a faint recollection of your own?”
My brow furrows. “I wanted dig deeper. I wanted to understand why you felt the way you felt.” My words are awkward, my embarrassment evident. “But then what you said yesterday came back. I pulled back before I did any damage. Right? I didn’t hurt you?”
“Good, you showed restraint. And no, you didn’t hurt me. It was subtle.” I can’t help the sigh of relief. “We’ll continue again. Now you need to find why I am feeling what I’m feeling.”
My eyes widen. “But you said not to give into the temptation.”
He leans forward, voice low. “Yes, I did. But in this case, I’m giving you permission to go further. You need to learn how to delve deeper because sometimes the situation calls for it. Sometimes the temptation and your goals align temporarily. There is a fine line between right and wrong in most cases. If you were tasked or faced with someone who is keeping harmful secrets, sometimes the situation requires a deeper dig into their mind.”
Malik’s voice goes low, stressing the seriousness of his next words. “But it needs to be for the right reasons, not because the temptation to uncover their secrets is too great to resist. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I do.” As an afterthought I say, “That reminds me. Why didn’t you dig in my head when I first arrived at Craforian?”
The slight raising of his eyebrows is the only indication my question surprised him. “I couldn’t.”
My eyes go wide. “What? Why not?”
He leans back in his chair, crossing his legs at his ankles. “My theory is that it has to do with your unique genetic makeup. Whatever experiments they did to you altered your system in such a way that reading you is extremely difficult. Nearly impossible in some cases.”
My brows furrow, that doesn’t make sense. “Then why is Elaine able to read my emotions?”
“To start, she is one of the strongest Mindula manipulators of our species.” Malik runs his hand through his hair, causing it to spill across his face in an orderly mess. “Secondly, as I said previously, emotional reads are the easiest of tasks to accomplish with Mindula. It doesn’t require much reading at all because the emotions are usually at the forefront of someone’s mind. Though… reading emotions can get tricky with constantly changing or fleeting feelings. Lastly, Elaine is getting echoes of emotions so strong, it radiates from you to her. But emotions only tell so much. The emotions weren’t enough to prove your innocence. There was too much anger and fear intermixed to discern why you were feeling that way.”
Life would have been so much easier if they could read me better. It’s frustrating that this could have been avoided had my brain been a little more open to poking and prodding from energy. I frown at the realization.
The rest of what Malik says hits me. “Do you believe I’m innocent now?”
Malik pauses, the silence stretching uncomfortably as I await his verdict. Why his opinion matters so much to me, I don’t know. I could say that it’s because he holds my life in his hands, but I don’t think it’s all about that. A part of me wants his trust. A part of me wants him to accept me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve enjoyed my time with him, Zeke, and the rest here.
I snap from my thoughts at Malik’s voice. “Yes.” I glance at him in shock. His expression is guarded, unreadable emotions in his golden eyes. I feel a weight lifted from me I didn’t know I carried. Relief rushes through me and I feel a slight smile tug at my lips. It was only a short time ago Malik said he still might kill me. He had said that there were too many unknowns about me and my story still wasn’t credible or believable.
What’s changed? “And why do you believe me now if you can’t read my mind well?”
His features tighten, voice clipped. “That’s a discussion for another time.” Disappointment crashes through me at his response. I had foolishly thought he was in a sharing mood. “Let’s continue.”
“One last question.” Even if he won’t answer me on that question, there’s still more I want… need to know.
I don’t hear the sigh, but I swear he did. “Fine.”
I hesitate briefly. This is the question I’m afraid of asking, of knowing. My body tenses and my heart pounds. “Do you still believe I’m working with the rogues?”
Malik’s face softens marginally. “No.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and feel my body unwind. Thank gods. I feel like I’ve succeeded, accomplished something I’ve struggled with for years. The immense relief is overwhelming. This begs another question. “Why not? What changed?” The look he gives me is steely. Alrighty then. “Fine, let’s get back to it then.”
Malik’s eyebrows rise. After a pregnant pause I say, voice overly chipper, “Well what are you waiting for, let’s get to it.”
This time I don’t wait for a response. I close my eyes and search for the energy once more. For whatever reason, calling the Mindula affinity is vastly easier than I had expected, at least in comparison to Elestal.
I focus on my task. Once my energy enters Malik’s mind, I search for the emotions I felt moments ago. Once they are within my grasp, I push forward slightly. I inch closer, taking my time to ensure it’s as painless as possible. When I don’t hear an exclamation of pain, I allow myself to feel a little confident.
The hints of emotion grow stronger and more defined the longer I search. It becomes harder and harder to distinguish his feelings from mine. Faint whisperings of thoughts filer in and out. A vague impression lingers with the emotions.
I feel my face heat and I draw the energy back to myself. Snapping my eyes open, I search for his golden ones. Without waiting for a prompt, I say, “The feeling of frustration carried with it a concern with the unknown. Not knowing everything frustrates you. You’re content in my presence, or at least in this room.” I glance down, embarrassed. “You feel proud of my accomplishments, at least on how quick I’m picking things up.”
“Very good.” Peeking through my eyelashes, I see a gentle smile gracing his handsome face. “You’re indeed picking this up quickly, better than I predicted you would. Is this manipulation easier than Firvo or Elestal?”
“Definitely Elestal.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “Firvo on the other hand, not really. I would go as far as to say that Firvo and Mindula are on even levels.” I shake my head. No that’s not right. “The initial manipulation of the energy is on the same level. The ease in which I can do manifest or accomplish abilities is vastly different. Mindula is harder to manipulate, but not by much. It’s mostly because I’m afraid of hurting someone.” I don’t even know if that made sense.
Malik rubs his jaw. “I figured Firvo would be easier and stronger to manifest and manipulate. Primary affinities usually are. Yet, for the Mindula affinity to be just as easy to pull from, now that’s a surprise.” He gives me an unreadable look before saying, “But I should start expecting the unexpected with you.”
Chapter 18
My two weeks are up. Freedom at last.
I leave the infirmary, recalling lasts nights conversation with Malik.
“Are you still feeling pain?” I whip my head up in his direction. I find him watching me intensely.
I frown, thinking about his question. “Pain from what?”
The slightly rising eyebrows indicate how stupid he thought my question was. “Your wings, Alanna. Do they still hurt?”
Ah. Right, I knew that. “I didn’t feel pain from the start.” I give him an odd look. “Should I have? I thought you guys gave me pain medication for that very reason.”
“You were only supplied the medicine for the first two days. Seems you have a high pain tolerance.” He pauses for a beat, papers shuffling. “You’ll be released tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know.” His point is what exactly?
“Are you ready to leave?” Malik doesn’t bother glancing up as he says this. He misses my what the fuck look directed his way.
“Uh… yes. Is this a trick question?” I cross my legs on the bed, my
wings ruffling gently as I lean on my elbows. My eyes narrow as I try to decipher the hidden meaning behind his question.
“Are you comfortable with your wings on display?” His question makes me think about the one thing I had persistently ignored thinking about.
Am I comfortable with my wings on display? No. No, I’m not, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t know why I feel so embarrassed with the thought of people seeing them, but I am. Even just thinking about it causes them to twitch. Somehow, my wings feel private. Though I have grown accustomed to Malik seeing them, and maybe I’ll get used to the others seeing them too. Not to mention the make shift shirt from the sheet being the only covering over my top half. Talk about feeling exposed and shameless.
With a shrug I say, “Not really but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not hiding in the infirmary until I get them under control. You said it could take years.” Unfortunately, I had no luck with making the wings disappear. It proved to be an exhausting and challenging task, no matter how often I practiced.
Malik glances up, eyes softened. “You can wear a cloak. It’ll be uncomfortable but at least you’ll feel less exposed.”
I jerk back to the present, feeling self-conscience as I move through the compound. Fortunately, it seems most people are preoccupied going about their own business, content to ignore me. I hadn’t taken Malik up on the offer, not allowing myself to hide from anything, not even these wings.
I need to face my fears.
In record time, I make it to the kitchen. I pull out some fruit before making a quick getaway, seeking the solace of my room. I go, even knowing I’ll do nothing but recant my time in the infirmary, overthinking as usual.
In short order, I make it to my room and close it behind me with a click. Setting the fruit on the end table, I note my clothing.
In the last week, I had been given proper pants that actually fit. They were the same ones I wore previously. As for my shirt, seeing as I have extra appendages hanging from my back, I am limited in tops. A large shirt had been cut across the back, leaving strips to tie above and below the wings, securing the torn shirt to my flesh. This left my skin covered and me feeling less exposed.
Spilt Secrets (A Talnarin Novel Book 2) Page 11