by Becca Van
“How the hell are we going to court her when she’s grieving?” Des asked the question that Dallas had really wanted to ask.
“One day at a time,” Dach replied.
“I hate that she is in so much pain. I can’t believe Jeff let her face identifying her sister by herself,” Dallas said angrily.
“Hey, ease off.” Dach pointed a finger at him. “People grieve differently when it’s a close family member. Don’t go judging him when he’s just lost his sister.”
Dallas scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew he was being unreasonable, but his mind was in such turmoil he didn’t know what to think. He wanted to hold Jenna and comfort her, but he also wanted to strip her down naked and fuck her until neither of them could walk. He knew he was being an arsehole to even think that way when she was mourning but he couldn’t get her beautiful face or body out of his mind.
A noise near the kitchen door drew his gaze and he looked up to see a disheveled, red-eyed Jeff standing in the doorway. Usually Jeff was a decisive, take-action kind of guy, but he looked hesitant and unsure. Dallas knew then that he had been a bastard, unreasonable for judging this man when he was still in shock and his life was in such turmoil.
“Come on in, Jeff.” Des stood up and headed toward the coffee pot. “Do you want some coffee or maybe something to eat?”
Jeff clenched his jaw as if trying to control his emotions and then finally answered. “Yeah, that’d be great.” He walked over to the table and sat beside Dallas. “Where’s Jenna?”
“We just ordered her back to bed,” Dach answered.
“Is she okay?”
Des brought over coffee and a sandwich for Jeff and then sat across from him.
“She was sick.” Dallas wrapped his hands around his mug and glanced toward Jeff. The man tensed as if he was about to get up again but Dallas stopped him by placing a hand on his arm. “She’s okay for now. If she’s sick again tomorrow we’ll get the doc out to look her over.”
Jeff nodded, opened his mouth to talk, closed it, cleared his throat and then tried again. “Thank you for helping us out.”
Dallas nodded and then glanced at his brothers. He didn’t think it would be a good idea for Jeff to go to the base tomorrow. Jenna was going to need her brother by her side, just as Jeff was going to need Jenna, while they made arrangements for their sister’s funeral. Even though Dallas was glad they had each other, there was no way in hell he was leaving Jenna alone. Either he or one of his brothers was going to be by her side until they were sure she was able to cope with her sorrow. Dach had already called their CO and arranged for them to have alternate days off after explaining the situation and he was glad that Jeff missing a few days of training wouldn’t affect his completion of SAS training.
Jeff Reason was one of the most dedicated soldiers Dallas had ever met and he wouldn’t have any trouble finishing the final training exercise, at least under normal circumstances. He just hoped the man got it together or that the CO’s let him retake the physical exam if he faltered, but there was still a couple of weeks before that happened, so he hoped he was able to push his grief aside and complete the training as scheduled.
“Why did you think your sister could have committed suicide?” Dach asked.
Dallas glared at Dach. Now wasn’t the time to be asking those sorts of questions. He thought his brother was being rather callous, but then he realized he was trying to get a picture in his mind of Jenna’s and Jeff’s deceased sister. Jenna had wanted her car checked over thoroughly and that sent his internal alert humming. Was she worried that her sister’s car had failed or was she worried that something else was going on here?
“Joan wasn’t a strong person.” Jeff took a sip of coffee and seemed lost in his own thoughts for a moment. “We lost our parents when the girls were only sixteen. From then on Joan became very clingy. I had to join up to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, and even though I begrudged having to give up my dream of being an architect, it was the best decision I have ever made.
“Joan fell apart every time I was called away and Jenna became like a mother to her. Maybe she was scared that we, too, would die, I don’t know,” Jeff shrugged. “Joan had been such a happy-go-lucky person, but she changed overnight. We all did, but Joan drew into herself. She became very introverted and afraid of living.
“Jenna was great. She is such an amazing woman. She pushed and cajoled Joan into living her life and has an inner strength far greater than even I ever realized. She continued on at school and then she went to university but she kept the house, cooked meals, and looked after Joan. She also worked part time in the supermarket earning money so that she could help pay the bills.” Jeff paused and took another sip of coffee.
“It wasn’t until she finished high school that I found out about her working. Of course I sent money home each week, but when she realized there wasn’t enough to pay for the music lessons Joan wanted or for her sister to have new clothes when she needed them, she got a job.
“I had no idea how much she was doing until I came back home just as she was starting university. God knows how she did it, but she made sure she was home with Joan and took the night shift stocking shelves in that supermarket. She was surviving on only a few hours’ sleep a night.” Jeff looked at each of them.
“I don’t think that Joan was even aware that Jenna went out to work. She waited until Joan was in bed asleep and then she would leave the house, ride her bike to the shop and start work. She worked from 11:00 p.m. till 4:00 a.m. Monday to Saturday, every day of the week except Sunday, for eight long years. It was only when she had qualified as a fully trained pathologist that she stopped working at the supermarket. I don’t know how the hell she managed to get through each day, let alone pass her course with honors, but she did.”
“You still haven’t answered the question, Jeff.”
“Shit,” Jeff sighed. “Joan was fragile, okay. It wouldn’t have taken much to tip her over the edge. She suffered from depression and anxiety ever since our parents were killed.”
Dallas shifted in his seat. “Was she on medication?”
“No. She was for a while but she seemed to be getting better. She would have her ups and downs like everyone else, but when she went down, she hit rock bottom. There was no in-between with Joan. She was either happy to the point of euphoria or so far down she couldn’t see a way out, but I thought she was getting better. It had been nearly twelve months since she’d had a downer.”
“Did she have any friends or boyfriends?” Des asked.
“Not really. She had acquaintances of course but no true friends, at least none that I’d ever met.”
“Boyfriends?” Dallas asked.
“Not that I know of.”
“What was her relationship with Jenna like?” Dach asked.
“They were close but I think Joan saw Jenna as a figure of authority. More like a mother than a sister. Joan was closer to me than Jenna. When I was home, which wasn’t often, she was like a little girl. Always wanting me to play games with her. Scrabble, Monopoly that sort of thing.”
“You’ve been home for the last six months,” Dallas said. “Did you think Joan was showing signs of depression or that she was going to take her own life?”
Jeff frowned and his eyes lost focus as if remembering. When he met Dallas’s eyes, he could see conviction and sincerity in his gaze and his voice was hoarse when he answered. “No.”
Dallas nodded. He would trust Jeff’s intuition and reasoning even if he didn’t voice it. Jeff was their best SAS trainee and had an intuition that seemed spot on all the time. Now that Jeff was thinking rationally, he could see the man’s mind working frantically.
“I want Joan’s car checked over with a fine-toothed comb. Joan didn’t take her own life. She was either involved in an accident or she was the victim of a crime.”
“Do you know if Joan was seeing anyone?” Des asked.
“No, but Jenna might know. Joan had been really
happy and she even started going out more. She’d never been one to socialize or mingle with other people much, but I really thought she was beginning to change her life for the better.”
Dallas nodded when Jeff met his gaze. “Get some sleep. You and Jenna have a lot to face in the next couple of days. Don’t worry about finishing your training. You’ve already passed as far as we are concerned. The rest is just formality. We’ve arranged for you to have the next few days off and we will all help you and Jenna until this is over.”
Jeff nodded, rose to his feet and headed to the door. He paused in the doorway and looked back at them over his shoulder. “Thank you. I don’t think I could have…Thanks.”
Dallas watched Jeff go and hoped he would be stronger now that the initial shock and grief were over. He knew that it would take a long time for Jeff and Jenna to recover from their loss but if Jeff had something to focus on, like finding out what had truly happened to Joan, then he knew the soldier would be okay.
Jenna was another matter.
Chapter Four
The next week past in a blur for Jenna. She and Jeff arranged Joan’s funeral, placed notices in the paper, and dealt with everything they could think of to make Joan’s burial what they thought she would want. She made decisions she didn’t remember making and she felt like she was encased in a fog-filled bubble, looking out at everything from the inside.
Jeff’s TOs had been a rock to her and Jeff. Every time she turned around one of them was there. Dach, Dallas and Des had even gone to the new florist shop, Flowering Passions with her to choose flowers for the service, the cemetery and the house.
She’d met Molly a few times when she’d gone into to buy flowers for the house. Molly was a wonderful person and called Jenna by name every time she came back. Jenna knew how much Joan loved, had loved, flowers and had been surprised but grateful that she even remembered which ones she bought to brighten the house and her sister’s day.
Dallas’s and Des’s hands held her hands as she stared at all the arrangements and Des had even pointed out some lilies.
“Those flowers seem appropriate, Jenna.”
Jenna had tried to stave the tears that had burned the back of her eyes but Des had looked horrified when a couple had trailed down her face. “Thank you, but Joan never liked them.”
“Shit! I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t,” Jenna had whispered in a quavering voice. “You didn’t know.”
“I…”
Jenna had squeezed his hand. “It’s not your fault, Des.”
When he continued to look guilty she had hugged him tight hoping he wouldn’t keep up the self-castigation she could see in his eyes.
“What about all these roses, Jenna?” Molly’s question had broken the tension and when she’d released Des he’d looked kind of surprised but the guilt had been gone from his eyes. She’d caught a look between the three brothers but hadn’t been able to interpret it, so she had turned to discuss the flowers with Molly.
Molly had apologized profusely that she couldn’t deliver them herself since her employee was off sick and she was the only one in the shop for the rest of the week.
When the flowers had been ordered Dach had moved to her side and started organizing the delivery of the flowers. “We’ll come and pick them up and make sure they get to where they need to go.”
“Thank you,” Jenna said in a voice husky with emotion. She knew there was no way she would have been able to get the flowers to their locations as well as everything else that needed to be done. The King brothers had been her and Jeff’s godsend.
Jenna wasn’t sure she would have been able to deal with anything if Jeff’s training officers hadn’t stayed with her and her brother, taking turns with time off to help them out. Even though she didn’t know them that well, those three men had been a pillar of strength to her and her brother.
Jenna glanced around the people in their house and wondered where they’d all come from. She’d had no idea that Joan knew, had known, so many people. Jenna wondered if these people were actually friends of her sister or just acquaintances.
Joan had worked in an antique combined new age shop in Castlemaine and she’d often bought home crystals or other paraphernalia that had caught her eye. Joan’s dresser was full of all sorts of trinkets and things, but her favorite items had been buried with her today in the Passion cemetery.
Jeff’s teammates as well as his training officers had attended the funeral and even though there was food aplenty, Jenna had no idea where it had come from. Had she called a catering firm to supply food for the wake? She couldn’t remember anything about the last few days except that Dach, Des, and Dallas King had taken turns helping her and Jeff out.
She was surprised yet touched that Molly and her two men had taken the time out from their businesses to attend her sister’s funeral, and some of the other women she’d met briefly, who were involved in ménage relationships, had also attended to offer her and Jeff support.
Jenna rubbed her temples, trying to relieve the ache behind her eyes. She was so damn tired all she wanted to do was slink to her bedroom, strip out of her clothes, and sleep for a week. She missed Joan so much and even though they hadn’t been as close as she and Jeff had been, Jenna felt like part of her heart had been ripped out. She’d been mother, sister, and friend to Joan and now that she was gone it felt like the huge hole in her heart would never mend.
She looked up when she heard a man laugh and frowned as she tried to remember where she’d met him and who he was. He was talking to a red-haired woman who also seemed familiar. That was when she realized she was looking at Joan’s boss. Shit! What is her name? Michelle? No. Machala? No. Mica? Yes, that’s it, Mica, but who is the man? From the way Mica was touching him and talking to him, they were either really good friends or lovers.
Jenna couldn’t bear the noise of the chatter and laughter anymore, and after glancing around to make sure Jeff was okay—she was glad to see he had a smile on his face while he talked to one of his teammates—she rose to her feet and walked out of the living room.
Jenna sighed as the noise began to soften the further she walked. It felt kind of surreal being back home after spending the last few days in the King’s brother’s house. But it was really hard, too. She kept expecting to meet Joan in the hallway as she came out of her bedroom or to see her in the kitchen smiling as she made one of her herbal teas. It was really hard to accept that she would never see her sister again and she didn’t know how much longer she could bear the pain in her heart. She stopped outside of Joan’s bedroom and placed her hand on the wood of the closed door. She hadn’t been inside since she first heard the news of her sister’s death and still wasn’t ready to go in.
Joan had loved spending quiet time in her bedroom meditating and burning vanilla-scented incense. She knew if she opened the door and stepped through that the grief would hit her like a ton of bricks. The sorrow was getting a little easier to handle but it would still hit her often and it took all her control to hold her tears at bay.
But what bothered Jenna the most was how damned attracted she was to Jeff’s training officers. Every time they entered the room or were close by, her body started humming and no matter how hard she tried to ignore the attraction she felt for them, it wouldn’t go away. She felt like she was betraying her sister by becoming aroused by them, but knew that if Joan had known about her predicament she would have told her to “go for it.”
Jeff was due to finish his training within the week and then he was going to be shipped out to God knows where. As much as she was proud of her brother and happy that he was continuing on with his life, Jenna was scared. She had her work during the day, but there would be no more talking with her sister, sharing meals with her, or watching movies. Jenna was going to be all alone. She hadn’t had time to make friends. She’d been so damn busy, working, studying, and caring for her sister, she’d hadn’t bothered making any girlfriends, and now that Joan was gone
she had no idea what to do.
Jenna had no social life and had never even had a boyfriend. She’d always been too tired to care or even notice the opposite sex, nor had she had the time.
So why the hell am I noticing the King brothers and why now?
She turned away from Joan’s bedroom door and went into her own. Her head was aching so damn much she needed some painkillers, especially if she was going to get through the rest of the day.
Her face muscles were sore and it was a wonder they hadn’t frozen into that fake smile she’d plastered across it for what seemed like hours on end. Jenna rubbed at her temples again and then went into her bathroom in search of some painkillers. When she opened the cabinet and didn’t find any, she remembered she had used the last of her tablets more than a week ago. The pounding in her skull was too intense to ignore but there was no way she was going back out to face those people. She couldn’t do it. She’d had enough. The only place she could think to look where she wouldn’t encounter anyone was Joan’s room. Her sister always had painkillers in her bathroom cabinet because she had always suffered a lot of stress headaches. There was nothing for it. She was going to have to go into Joan’s room.
Shoring up her defenses was hard but she was determined to get through this without crying again. Jenna had cried so much over the last few days she was surprised she hadn’t run out of tears. She exited her room moved back down the hallway and without pausing entered Joan’s room. She came to a shocked halt when she saw Joan’s boss standing at Joan’s dresser touching her sister’s things.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Jenna got out through gritted teeth.
Mica turned to face her and placed a hand over her chest as if she was startled, but when she smiled at Jenna she noticed the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Oh, you scared me.”
“I asked you a question.”
“It’s Jenna, right? I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, Jenna, but I was just trying to cleanse Joan’s presence from her room. I could feel her spirit in the house and just knew I had to do something to help you and your brother out. I could feel your pain and knew if I could alleviate some of Joan’s ephemeral spirit, it would make living in the house easier for you and your brother to cope with.”