by J Theron
Michael started swaying and he sat down in one of the chairs with a stunned expression on his face. Rachel sat next to him and she wrapped her arms around him. She rocked him back and forth as she rubbed his back.
“You have to get up and go see your baby. You have to be strong for Danni.” Rachel felt the tears running down her face but she managed to keep her voice even. Michael did not move or speak and she could not remember when she had felt this helpless.
Rachel jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she looked up, she realised John was standing next to her. He squeezed her shoulder gently before saying, “Let me help you.”
He pulled Rachel up and then sat on his heels in front of Michael. “Michael, I’ll go to ICU with you, but you have to pull yourself together.” Michael focused on his face and seemed relieved to see him. “Let me help you, Michael.” John gave his hand and he helped Michael up. “I know the head of the ICU. I’ll speak to him.”
“John, I don’t know what to do. Her doctor said she might have brain damage and that she’s in a coma. What does that mean?” Michael asked. He was still swaying and he looked as if he was going to pass out.
“It means we’ll have to wait and see. Come with me.” John took Michael by the arm and held him steady before turning to Rachel. He spoke in a soothing and calming voice. “Rachel, why don’t you go home and get some sleep. I will fetch you to visit Danielle tomorrow. I need you strong. Will you be able to get home?”
Rachel nodded as she wiped the tears from her face. “Thank you. You’re a good friend.” She leaned closer and kissed John on the cheek. His presence calmed her and she was infinitely grateful for that. She hugged Michael and her heart broke when she felt the trembling of his body.
She watched them as they walked through the swinging doors in the direction of the ICU. Michael was barely keeping it together and she knew he would never survive it if anything happened to Danielle. He was the kind of man who only loved one woman and if she was to die he would die too. Maybe not physically, but mentally. Rachel only hoped that Michaela would be enough to pull him into the world of the living.
CHAPTER 20
Michael was standing next to Danielle’s bed in ICU. He looked at the endotracheal tube in her mouth and the ventilator as it pumped oxygen into her lungs. IV lines were inserted in her neck and her arms and all sorts of probes and monitors were stuck to her fingers and her skin. She looked deathly pale and she was lying completely still, except for her chest moving up and down as the ventilator pumped rhythmically. Bags of fluid and blood were dripping into the lines and computerised pumps seemed to control the rate of infusion. He could hear her rhythmic heartbeat on the monitor and it calmed him slightly.
Michael sat down in the chair next to her bed and took her hand tentatively in his, being careful not to disturb any of the probes or lines. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her fingertips. “I’m sorry, Danielle. I’m sorry I walked away from you when I was nineteen. I should have stayed and claimed you. I was too young to realise that I was walking away from the only person I would ever love. We have lost out on ten years. We’ve only had such a short time together. Please don’t leave me now. Not when we have finally found each other again. I cannot do this alone. I cannot raise Michaela by myself. I need you and she needs you. She needs her mommy.” His voice broke and he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed her fingers against his forehead as he tried to regain his composure.
Michael looked up and he could see John speaking to the ICU doctor on the far side of the ICU. They were deep in discussion and John was shaking his head in agitation. Michael looked back at Danielle and smoothed her hair from her face. Her skin felt warm and soft and a feeling of utter helplessness washed over him.
John was walking towards Michael when the monitors suddenly started flashing and an alarm began screeching. Michael looked up at the heart monitor and he could only see small irregular spikes where there were heartbeats before. He turned to the nurses’ station and he noticed John and the ICU doctor running in his direction and the nurses scrambling to get some sort of trolley. It all happened in slow motion and Michael was vaguely aware of John pulling his arm and pushing him away from the bed and against the wall. John was barking at one of the nurses to get Michael out of the ICU.
Michael stood frozen as John began to do CPR on Danielle. John was standing over her and he was compressing her chest. The ICU doctor was firing instructions to the nurses as they frantically injected syringe after syringe into her IV lines. Michael watched in horror as someone shouted “clear” and everybody stood back abruptly. The doctor had two paddles in his hands and they were attached to some sort of machine. It made a strange singing noise and the next moment he pressed it on Danielle’s chest. It shocked her and her torso lifted from the bed as the current travelled through her body.
One of the nurses grabbed Michael’s arm and started to pull him towards the door. He watched as they shocked Danielle again and he ripped his arm out of the frightened nurse’s grasp. “If you want to remove me from this ICU, you will have to shoot me with horse tranquiliser and carry me out of here!” His eyes blazed at her and she stood back.
He was still staring the nurse down when he became aware of a rhythmic beep on the monitor next to Danielle’s bed. The frantic movement around her bed seemed to die down and everybody stood back from the bed.
Michael looked at John and he nodded at Michael. He mouthed “It’s okay.” Michael let out the breath he had been holding and then sagged to the floor with his back against the wall. His chest felt constricted and he struggled to draw breath. John was next to him instantly and he held out his hand to help Michael up.
“It’s okay, Michael. She’s okay for now,” John said as he pulled him up.
“What happened? She was fine and then all hell broke loose,” Michael asked shakily.
“She went into ventricular fibrillation. The muscle of her heart stopped contracting rhythmically and it could no longer pump blood to her organs.”
Michael wanted to shout but he managed to ask calmly, “What if it happens again?”
“It is better to think that it won’t. Let’s go to the cafeteria. I want to talk to you,” John said.
“I need to say goodbye to Danielle first.”
John nodded at him. “Meet me in the cafeteria.”
Michael walked to Danielle’s bed and gently kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Danni. I’m going to meet our baby and then I will come back to you. I love you.”
Michael entered the cafeteria and he walked to John where he was sitting at one of the tables. Michael sat down and watched John with a speculative gaze on his face. “What is it that you want to discuss?”
“I’ve spoken to the head of ICU and they’re keeping her sedated until her clotting disorder and cardiac function stabilises. We won’t know if she has suffered neurological damage until they wean the sedation,” John said evenly.
Michael narrowed his eyes. “She’s going to be fine.”
“What if she’s not? You need to prepare yourself.”
Michael jumped up so forcefully, the chair he had been sitting on toppled over. He leaned forward on the table and spoke very softly, but he enunciated every word. “She. Will. Be. Fine.” Michael stood back and glared at John. “I know you mean well, but I cannot think about this now. I’m going to the neonatal ICU. It is time I met my baby.”
Michael spun around and walked out of the cafeteria. John took out his phone and phoned the neurologist on call. He prayed that Michael was right.
CHAPTER 21
Michael sat down next to the incubator and he stared at the tiny baby sleeping soundly within. She was perfectly formed and she had a head full of soft black hair. Her skin was pink and her little face was scrunched up. Her legs were long and thin and the nappy looked too big for her tiny body.
The nurse made him wash his hands with an antiseptic soap as he entered and gave him alcohol to spray on his hands. She
told him he could touch Michaela through the openings in the incubator.
He placed his hand through the opening and he touched Michaela’s palm with his index finger. She curled her little fingers around his finger and held tight. He felt a rush of love so profound wash over him he was momentarily stunned. He never thought he could love another person as much as he loved Danielle, but the love he felt for this tiny baby knew no rhyme or reason.
“Hello Michaela. You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, apart from your mommy of course. I’m so glad to finally meet you in person. You kicked me in the face the first time you heard my voice. I knew then that you were a fighter.” He smiled at her as he rubbed her little fingers with his thumb. “I would like to stay longer but I have to go back to your mommy. I promise I’ll come back soon.”
Michael reluctantly took his hand out and closed the incubator. He had never felt so desolate in his entire life. He knew he had to be strong for his family, but he struggled to breathe past the ache in his chest. He was thinking about his beautiful little baby girl as he walked back to Danielle. How he wished that she was able to hold Michaela and look upon her perfect little face. He slowed his step as he neared the ICU. He was momentarily apprehensive but he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Danielle was stable and breathing. He sat down and placed his head on her bed next to her hand and being near her calmed the ache in his chest.
“Mister Le Roux! Wake up.”
Michael came awake with a start. He must have fallen asleep with his head on Danielle’s bed. He realised it was morning and that he must have slept for a few hours. One of the doctors was watching him with a sympathetic expression on her face. She was short and petite and she had long brown hair.
“You need to go home, get some sleep and take a shower. Your clothes are full of blood.”
“I’m afraid to leave her. What if something happens?”
“Doctor Rousseau has been stable for hours now. We will phone you immediately if something happens.” The young doctor was staring at him imploringly.
“I’ll be back in a few hours. Will you be here?” he asked politely.
“Yes, my shift just started. I’m working until seven tonight.”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Doctor Van Rensburg. Please call me Liesel.” She smiled and Michael relaxed.
“Thank you Liesel. Please look after my wife?” He stood and he looked down at his bloody jeans and rumpled T-shirt.
“I promise,” Liesel said emphatically.
Michael was back at the hospital within two hours. He was tired, but he could not sleep and in the end he gave up and rushed back. He went to the neonatal unit first and was overjoyed to find Michaela out of the incubator and in one of the cribs. She was screaming when he walked in and her arms and legs were waving in the air. He picked her up and held her against his chest. She started rooting and sucking his shirt.
The nurse laughed when she saw his stunned expression. “She’s hungry. Since her mommy can’t feed her we had to give her formula milk. Do you want to try?” The nurse gave the bottle to Michael and he watched in fascination as Michaela calmed the moment he put the bottle in her mouth.
“My wife’s going to be very upset. She wanted to breastfeed Michaela,” he said with a frown on his face.
“It could still be possible. We’ll see what happens during the next few days.” The nurse smiled gently before carrying on with her other duties.
Michael stayed with Michaela until she fell asleep in his arms. He placed her in the crib and stood watching her tiny body as she slept. A feeling of peace settled within him and he felt instinctively better. An overwhelming urge to see Danielle gripped him and he spun on his heels to rush to ICU.
The doctor Michael met that morning was standing next to Danielle’s bed as he entered the ICU and she was writing on the chart next to the bed.
“Is she okay?” he asked anxiously.
“We are weaning the sedation. Her vital signs are stable and her clotting profile looks good.” Liesel smiled as she spoke. “If she regains consciousness we can extubate her.”
“Extubate?” Michael frowned.
“We can take the endotracheal tube out and let her breathe on her own,” Liesel said.
“Thank you.”
He sat down next to the bed and turned his attention to Danielle. He did not notice Liesel walking away. He was absentmindedly playing with Danielle’s fingers when her hand moved. She pulled her hand from his grasp and when he looked up her eyes were open and she was looking at him. She seemed disorientated and lifted her hand to the tube in her mouth. Michael jumped up and ran to the nurses’ station where Liesel was checking blood results on the computer.
“She’s waking up,” he said excitedly.
Liesel and the sister immediately dropped everything they were doing and rushed to Danielle’s bed. They came to a halt next to the bed and Liesel started speaking to Danielle who seemed more alert than seconds before. Danielle was watching them and lifted her hand to the tube again.
Liesel gripped Danielle’s hand. “Can you squeeze my hand, Danielle?” Danielle squeezed slightly and Liesel smiled. “I’m going to take the tube out now. It’s going to be uncomfortable. I’m sorry, Danielle.”
Liesel removed the tube and as she pulled it out Danielle lifted her head and coughed for a few seconds before lying back.
“Danni, are you able to speak?” Michael sat down and held her hand tightly.
She stared at him for a few seconds before she whispered almost inaudibly, “Who are you?” She strained upright and an incredulous expression spread across her face. “Michael le Roux?” She frowned as she looked at him and then fell back.
Michael laughed and kissed Danielle. “I’m glad to see you still have a sense of humour!”
“Where am I? Why am I in a hospital bed? Why are you here? ” she asked anxiously.
Liesel stepped forward. “I’m your doctor and my name is Liesel. You must rest. You’re very lucky. You scared us!”
Danielle was becoming agitated. “I don’t know why I am here! I have to be in class! We’re writing our final exam next week!”
Michael realised with a start that she had some form of memory loss.
“I want Jonathan! He’s my boyfriend. He will be worried when he can’t find me. Please phone Jonathan!” Danielle said frantically and Michael was frozen. He had no idea how to react. He saw Liesel injecting something into Danielle’s IV line and watched as she calmed down and became drowsy. His heart was beating in his throat and he could not suppress the feeling of dread settling into the pit of his stomach.
Liesel smiled reassuringly and patted Danielle’s hand. “He’s on his way, Danielle. He’ll be here shortly.
Danielle nodded. She turned her head and closed her eyes. She was asleep almost instantly. Michael watched her with a concerned expression on his face. “Is it okay if she goes to sleep? Why did she not recognise me?”
Liesel nodded. “It is necessary. When she wakes up again she’ll probably not remember that she was awake before. I truly don’t know if the memory loss is temporary. She just woke up after a very traumatic experience.”
“I’m not moving from this chair until she wakes up again,” he said.
“I didn’t think for one second you would,” Liesel said amicably before walking back to the nurses’ station.
Michael sat at Danielle’s bedside for two hours watching her anxiously and constantly checking her ECG and oxygen monitor. He was still traumatised after witnessing her going into cardiac arrest and he was terrified it would happen again.
She finally stirred again and opened her eyes slowly. She blinked a few times before fixing on his face. “Michael, it is you! I thought I was dreaming. What are you doing here? Why am I in hospital?” She struggled to speak. Her voice was strained and she laboured with every word. “Did Thomas bring you here?”
“What’s the last thing you remember, Danni?”
&nb
sp; “I’m studying for my final exam. I have to study otherwise I will fail. Please you have to tell Jonathan to bring my books!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. “Why am I here? My stomach hurts when I breathe in and out. Did I have an operation?”
Michael was at loss for words. He had no idea how to approach the subject. How did one tell a loved one years of their life were missing?
“Danielle, I need to speak to the doctor and then I’ll phone Rachel to come and sit with you.”
“Rachel is here? Why is she here? What’s going on, Michael? Please tell me!”
“I will explain everything when you’re feeling better. Please trust me. Try to rest a little bit.” He squeezed her hand and rose from the chair to walk to where Liesel was standing at the nurses’ station. Danielle closed her eyes and turned her head to sleep.
“Liesel, what the hell is going on here? Danielle can’t remember me.”
“What does she remember?” Liesel asked.
“She seems to have lost all memory of the last three years of her life. She thinks she’s writing her medical school exit exam within the next few weeks.”
“I’ll phone the neurologist and psychiatrist on call to examine her. It could be neurological due to lack of oxygen during her cardiac arrest but it could also be psychogenic amnesia. She had a very traumatic experience. We will arrange an MRI scan to ascertain whether there is any evidence of neurological damage.”
Michael stared at Liesel. The feeling of dread intensified with every word she uttered. “Please let me know when you have any information. I need to phone Danielle’s sister to sit with her. I don’t think I’m the best person for her right now because to her I’m a stranger at present. What should we tell her? Should we tell her she has a baby and is married to a man who in her mind she hasn’t seen in years?”