by Nicola Marsh
After their first stupendous night together, Mak had said she wouldn’t let a relationship stop her from achieving her career goals. He’d said he was happy to play this whatever way she wanted.
But what happened when Mak wanted to end this before it had really begun?
‘Speaking of old times, want to hear something crazy?’ Bluey slammed his glass down on the table a tad hard and winced. ‘Because of the insane crush I had on your mum, I didn’t touch your flat after she died and you moved out.’
‘What?’ Mak stilled, shock widening her eyes. ‘You didn’t rent it out to someone else?’
Bluey shook his head. ‘Couldn’t bear to change it.’ He blushed and rubbed a hand over his face. ‘At the risk of you thinking I’m a looney old man, I like going in there sometimes, reminiscing.’
‘Wow.’ Mak slumped back in her chair. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘You can ask. I might not answer,’ Bluey said, sounding embarrassed.
‘Why didn’t you ever tell Mum how you felt?’
‘Are you kidding? She was way out of my league.’ A deep frown slashed Bluey’s brow. ‘But there isn’t a day that goes by now that I don’t regret not having the balls to speak up and tell her.’
Something shifted in Hudson’s chest, an uncomfortable flip-flop that left him wanting to rub away the odd ache. Did he have the balls to speak up? To tell Mak that, for him, this relationship was more than a transient thing?
He’d never been in a relationship that lasted beyond a few dates. Had never met a woman that captured his attention for longer than that. But Mak was the whole package. She entranced and captivated and totally bamboozled him on so many levels he wouldn’t know where to start if he did try to articulate his feelings.
Initially, he’d thought the powerful pull between them had more to do with the past; that he’d finally got what he’d wanted and it was as good as he’d imagined.
But it was more than that and he knew it. Problem was, did she?
‘For what it’s worth, she never talked about guys but your name slipped into conversation often,’ Mak said, patting Bluey’s hand. ‘In fact, I could’ve sworn you two might’ve had something going on in secret but were trying to shield me from it.’
Bluey’s blush intensified and he swore under his breath. ‘I wish. The closest I got to letting your mum know I was sweet on her was the requisite smooch on New Year’s Eve.’ A slow grin spread across his face. ‘I always made sure she worked that shift.’
‘Real smooth,’ Hudson said, wishing Bluey had taken his chance when he’d had the opportunity.
Whatever happened with him and Mak, he’d never regret the time they’d spent together. But he still wanted more. He was greedy like that.
‘You can go up and check out the flat if you like?’ Bluey downed the rest of his rum. ‘I need to get back out front.’
Mak’s eyes lit up. ‘I’d love to.’
Hudson hesitated, unsure whether to follow Bluey or stay with Mak. He didn’t want to intrude on her stroll down memory lane but had the damnedest impulse to stay by her side. Like she was already slipping away if he let her out of his sight. Crazy.
Bluey waved as he headed into the main bar, leaving Hudson feeling like an extra wheel.
‘Want to come with me?’ Mak stood and held out her hand. ‘Get a glimpse of my old bedroom, where I spent way too many hours lusting over you.’
He exhaled in relief and took her hand. ‘You had exquisite taste.’
‘Or way too much time on my hands and a woeful social life where I didn’t get to meet any boys but you so—’
‘Quit while you’re ahead,’ he said, tugging her into the corridor to sneak a kiss.
A long, deep, open-mouthed kiss that quickly escalated into his cock being hard and yearning to be inside her.
‘We’ll combust if we’re not careful,’ she whispered against the side of his mouth, kissing her way along his jaw towards his ear, where she nipped the lobe. ‘I like how hot we are together.’
‘Me too.’ He ground against her to prove it, enjoying her soft mewl of pleasure. ‘But doing it in the hallway of Bluey’s seems almost sacrilegious.’
‘Then let’s get upstairs ASAP.’ She tugged on his hand, half bounding up the stairs, leaving him no option but to follow, bemused and hopeful and incredibly horny.
He liked the fact she wanted him as much as he wanted her. That she’d instigated that frigging hot alley sex. But it seemed that whenever they entered emotional territory, like her admissions at the table a few minutes ago, she immediately reverted to the physical stuff. Whether as a distraction or a coping mechanism for feeling out of her depth, he had no idea.
He should question it. Ask her. But he couldn’t formulate the words, with all his blood drained south. He’d ask. Later. Much later.
‘I’ve never been up here,’ he said when she paused outside a door at the top of the landing.
‘Bluey never let anyone up here but his tenants.’ She leaned against the door, her hand still gripping his. ‘I almost plucked up the courage to invite you up here one day when Mum was out, but Bluey must’ve got an inkling of what I was up to because he invented some lame-ass job to send you on when you arrived and that was the end of that.’
‘Better late than never, I guess.’ They smiled at each other, goofy grins reflecting their shared pasts and how far they’d come.
‘Come on, before this trip down memory lane makes me blubber.’ She turned towards the door and tested the handle.
The door swung open and the first thing that hit him as they stepped inside was how clean the place was.
‘Looks like Bluey has someone come in here once a week.’
‘Yeah,’ she said, so softly he barely heard.
When she tugged her hand free he released her, closing the door behind them as she drifted into the tiny apartment.
The place appeared threadbare: a frayed cotton two-seater sofa, cracked vinyl armchair, dining table for two, kitchenette. Two doors led from the sole room: one into a bathroom, the other into a bedroom.
Amazing that Mak and her mum hadn’t got on each other’s nerves in such a confined space. He’d had much more room at home but it hadn’t helped his relationship with his father. It wouldn’t have mattered if they’d had the entire continent between them—dear old dad would’ve found a way to make his life hell.
‘It seems so much smaller now,’ she said, as if reading his mind, slipping off her shoes to pad towards the bedroom. ‘Mum always made me take my shoes off at the door. Said it was better for my dancer feet, to let them flex and extend naturally.’
‘You’ve never felt the urge to come back here?’
It surprised him. For someone who loved her mum as much as Mak had, to go as far as stripping to get money for her funeral, that she hadn’t been back to the place she grew up.
She shrugged and leaned in the bedroom doorway, her expression downcast. ‘This place held no interest once Mum died. It wouldn’t have mattered where we lived because Mum was home to me, not the apartment.’
‘You’re lucky you were so close.’ He hesitated, before adding, ‘I envy you that.’
‘You’ve never thought of trying to find your mum?’
The familiar sick feeling deep in his gut that thoughts of his mum elicited made him wish he’d never come up here. He couldn’t tell Mak the truth. Couldn’t ruin this night, the evening she might have finally got her big break, and taint it with what he’d discovered when he’d gone in search of his mother. The truth had almost killed him. He didn’t want Mak’s pity. Not tonight. So after a lifetime of practice, he schooled his face into lack of interest. ‘No point trying to find someone who doesn’t want to be found.’
‘Your dad never tried?’
‘My dad’s an asshole,’ he snapped, instantly regretting his show of e
motion for a subject that was off-limits.
He never discussed his shitty family life with anyone. Only Tanner had an idea of how bad things had been with his dad back then, but even his best friend didn’t know the half of it.
Now, having Mak prod at a deep festering, well-hidden sore spot only served to reinforce what he already knew.
That his past had no right interfering with his future.
He worked his ass off so he could pay for his dad’s special accommodation fees. He did his part. Even though the old bastard didn’t deserve it.
He made the obligatory visits at Christmas and on his father’s birthday—that was it, the extent of his familial obligations. Much easier to throw money at the problem and maintain his distance than be a sadist and inflict pain on himself that inevitably happened whenever he saw the old man.
Mak held up one hand and pretended to write on it with the other. ‘Note to self. Avoid all talk of families.’
‘Sorry.’ He swiped a hand over his face. ‘Sore point.’
‘I gathered.’ She crossed the tiny living room and held out her hands to him. ‘Want the grand tour?’
He glanced around. ‘Looks like I’ve seen most of it.’
‘Not the bedroom.’ She slipped her hands into his and stepped into his personal space, close enough that her nipples brushed his chest.
Just like that, he forgot his past and focussed on the here and now.
‘Lead the way.’ He backed her towards the bedroom, step by step, slow and steady, not breaking eye contact.
‘What would you have done if I’d tried to lead you astray five years ago?’ She batted her eyelashes, her smile coy.
‘Being older and wiser, I would’ve been the ultimate gentleman, of course.’ He paused in the doorway of the bedroom, quickly scanned the small interior. Two single beds. Uncomfortable but doable. Considering the alley hadn’t posed any problems, a single bed wouldn’t stop him.
‘Lucky for me, you’re not so wise any more.’ She clutched at his shirt and tugged him close for a kiss. One of her signature ‘I want to devour you as fast as humanly possible’ kisses that never failed to leave him breathless and hard.
She had this way of using her tongue that drove him wild. Short thrusts, languid sweeps, keeping him guessing. Off-kilter and lusting.
‘You sure this isn’t too weird?’ He backed her towards the nearest bed, hoping like hell she wouldn’t renege now.
‘Are you kidding? I fantasised about you being in here with me all the time back then.’ She unzipped his fly and slid her hand inside, making him groan. ‘I’d fall into bed at the end of a day, exhausted from homework and dance classes, too wired to sleep.’
She stroked the length of him, the gleam in her eyes beyond wicked. ‘So I’d imagine you here. Lying with me.’ She rolled her thumb over the head of his cock and he tensed. ‘Touching me.’
Carefully withdrawing her hand, she proceeded to unsnap the top button of his jeans and push them down his legs, along with his jocks. ‘Lucky for me, the reality of you far surpasses my imagination back then.’
‘Did you touch yourself while thinking of me?’
‘Yeah. Just like this.’ She blushed and slid her hands slowly down her front in response. Skimming her breasts. Tweaking her nipples. Before rucking up her dress and sliding her fingers under the elastic of her panties.
‘Fuck me,’ he said, mesmerised by the sight of Mak pleasuring herself.
‘All in good time, my friend,’ she said, her smile coy as she pushed her panties down, then returned to playing with herself.
Pushing her middle finger between her folds. Circling. Rubbing. Until her breathing altered, coming in short pants.
Torn between pleasure and pain, he gripped his cock, sliding his fist up and down, wanting to be inside her but unwilling to stop the erotic show.
‘Would you like to finish me off?’ She lifted her finger, glistening with moisture, towards him, like some prized offering, and his cock twitched.
He didn’t have to be asked twice.
Thankful he’d had the foresight to start packing several condoms in his wallet since they’d started dating, he rolled one on in record time before hoisting her slightly and sliding in to the hilt. Savoured the first slide into tight, wet heat, slightly wondrous as she clenched around him, making him feel like a goddamn king.
It was like this every single time. So good. So bad, because he couldn’t help but acknowledge the fleeting thought that each time could be their last and where the fuck would that leave him?
‘I need to come now,’ she said, her demand throaty, as she lifted one leg to rest her foot on the bed.
Determined to eradicate his doubts and focus on pleasure, he grabbed her ass, angled her forward so he dragged across her clit with every thrust.
‘Oh, yeah, just like that.’ Her head fell back as she arched her body against his in abandon, the sexiest damn thing he’d ever seen. Her skin sweat-slicked. Her lips parted. Her eyes glazed with passion. ‘Now, Hudson. Now...’
He drove into her like a man possessed, oblivious to everything but the exquisiteness of being inside this woman. The mind-blowing ecstasy when his orgasm ripped through him like a freight train, shattering his barriers, exposing him like never before.
Mak yelled at the same time he did, her head snapping up so fast she almost knocked him out.
He didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was keeping this woman in his life for longer than today, tomorrow and the day after that.
‘I love—’ Fuck, he’d almost slipped up and said he loved her. Too much too soon, if her startled expression was any indication. So he quickly added, ‘—doing this,’ throwing in a bashful half-shrug for good measure.
‘Me too,’ she said, brushing an all-too-brief peck on his lips before disengaging.
Uh-oh. Was her abrupt withdrawal a result of his botched admission or a figment of his imagination?
A knock on the door sounded, and her eyes widened in surprise. ‘I’ll get that.’ She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. ‘There’s another door through to the bathroom if you need to tidy up.’
Considering he was standing there with a condom to be disposed of and naked from the waist down, that might be a good idea.
‘Thanks,’ he said, his heart sinking as she all but bolted from the bedroom.
Yeah, there was definitely something up. Just frigging great.
He heard murmured voices from the living room so slipped into the bathroom, closed the door to the lounge room and tidied up. When he heard the door close, he opened the bathroom door and peered into the living room. To find a veritable feast laid out on the small dining table.
She waved him over. ‘I don’t know whether to be appalled or grateful that Bluey sent this up, thinking we may have worked up an appetite.’
‘He said that?’
She shook her head. ‘No, he sent one of his minions up with the message and the food.’
‘Crazy old coot.’ As Hudson neared the table and spied the food, his stomach rumbled. ‘But remind me to thank him when we get downstairs.’
Bluey had sent up fried onion rings, buffalo wings, BBQ ribs and fries, with two gigantic pieces of apple pie and two bottles of lemonade.
‘I’m starving,’ Mak said, handing him a plate to dish up. ‘Feels like I had that hamburger days ago.’
‘I think we’ve worked off that meal twice,’ he deadpanned, watching her reaction carefully, thankful when she laughed, the awkwardness of a few minutes ago gone.
‘I’ve certainly worked up an appetite,’ she said, piling her plate high before taking a seat at the table. ‘Best workout ever.’
He held up his hand. ‘I’m more than happy to assume the role of your personal trainer.’ He winked. ‘Very personal trainer.’
‘You’re hired,’ she said,
raising a bottle of lemonade at him in a toast. ‘To many sweaty workouts together.’
‘I’ll drink to that.’ He clinked his lemonade bottle against hers and took a healthy swig. ‘You really think Bluey sent us up here because he thought we’d fuck?’
‘No idea, but considering the way you look at me it wouldn’t take an Einstein to figure it out.’ She picked up a wing and started gnawing on it with indelicate bites that made him laugh.
‘And how do I look at you?’
‘Like I’m this.’ She brandished the wing. ‘And you’re particularly ravenous.’
He grinned and shrugged. ‘A guy’s gotta eat.’
‘Yeah.’ Her eyes darkened with passion, hopefully remembering the many ways he’d eaten her since they’d got together.
‘You need to stop looking at me like that,’ he said, helping himself to some food. ‘I need energy if you’re about to pounce on me again.’
‘Fair enough.’ She made short work of the wing and consumed five ribs before he’d eaten a few onion rings.
‘Wow, you really are hungry.’
‘It’s this food,’ she said, gesturing at the diminishing feast. ‘Bluey used to send up this stuff regularly for Mum and me if she’d pulled a double shift or danced at another club. He’s so thoughtful.’
With that, a lone tear trickled down her cheek and she swiped it away with her free hand. ‘Damn, being back here has me all sentimental.’
‘I get it.’
And he did. He’d felt the same way when he’d come in to see Bluey last week yet he’d never lived here. How much worse must the nostalgia be for Mak?
‘Being back here, in this flat, makes me realise perhaps I shouldn’t have shunned my past so much.’ She laid down a rib and wiped her hands on a napkin, her expression guarded. ‘After Mum’s funeral I got the hell out of the Cross and never looked back. But I shouldn’t have done that.’ She shook her head, her mouth downturned. ‘I shouldn’t have let that one night I stripped taint all the great memories of growing up here.’
‘Is that why you left?’
She gnawed on her bottom lip, nodded. ‘Yeah, I felt so dirty. I couldn’t walk down the street any more without thinking every guy was leering at me, that they’d taken a front-row seat to my humiliation.’ She held up her hand. ‘And before you can apologise again, my leaving had nothing to do with your freak out.’ She patted her chest. ‘It was all me. But I shouldn’t have ignored my past. I loved growing up in the Cross. This was my home and I felt safe. I should’ve kept in touch with Bluey. He was always so good to me.’