"Ah, but did I ever tell you how I came to be on that boat in the first place? Why I left England?"
Sapphire shook her head.
"Back in England, I fell in love with a man. I was so smitten by him that I lay with him as a wife does with her husband, even though we were not yet married. I was sure it was just a matter of time before he posed the question." Jewel's eyes took on a faraway look. "You must understand, I came from a good family. It was expected of me that I would remain pure and innocent until my wedding day. But such was his charm that I allowed him to… well, in truth, we probably did things together that were so intimate, some married couples would never even attempt them. I was so certain he felt the same way about me, and I just knew that he was getting up the courage to ask me to become his wife."
Sapphire felt a pang of sorrow as she watched Jewel swallow hard. "But he didn't?" she asked, when the woman didn't continue.
Jewel shook her head. "No, honey, he didn't. In fact, he seduced me once again on the very night on which I thought he'd propose, immediately before a big dinner. Right in the middle of it, we were interrupted… by a woman, and then our parents arrived…" She sighed deeply. "I still cringe to think of it."
"Oh, no," Sapphire whispered. "You must have been so embarrassed."
"Mortified," Jewel acknowledged. "But it got even worse. Immediately afterwards, at the dinner, the man I loved did indeed propose—to another woman. The very one who had walked in on us. He had been planning to wed her all along. I was never more than a plaything to him."
Overwhelmed with compassion, Sapphire squeezed Jewel's hands. She was unable to think of a thing to say other than, "I'm so sorry."
"Oh, don't be. It's all in the past now. At the time, of course, it felt like the end of the world. My reputation was ruined; my father never forgave me. But it all worked out for the best. If it hadn't happened, if Malcom had indeed proposed, I would never have met Gabriel, and we would never have come here." She smiled. "I would never have met the wonderful people I'm surrounded by. Including you."
"That's a real nice thing to say. But I still don't understand why you're telling me this."
"I told you about it because I want you to know that sometimes awful, embarrassing things do happen… to everybody. And that you should never be ashamed of them if they do. I also want you to understand that we sometimes do crazy things when we're in love. Things that might otherwise be completely out of character. Like stealing a horse." She winked, and Sapphire felt the heat prickle across her cheeks.
"I'm not in love," she said curtly.
"No?" Madame Jewel arched a blonde eyebrow.
"No."
"So my presumption that you took that horse in order to somehow contrive a pretext under which you would once again see the deputy, is false?"
Sapphire's shoulders sagged. "If you're asking me whether I stole it in order to see him again… all right, I'll admit it. I did." She bit her lip.
"Why is that so hard for you to admit?"
"Because I can't make sense of it! He's crude, he's sullen, he's been nothing but short with me, and yet I find myself drawn to him in ways I don't understand!"
Jewel thought for a moment. "Do you have any reason to believe that he feels anything special for you?"
"No." Sapphire sighed. "Matter of fact, most of the men who come in here are kinder to me than he is."
"So you and he… nothing's happened? He's never touched you? Aside from administering discipline, I mean," Jewel continued to probe, relentless.
Suddenly the need to confide, to share her burden, overwhelmed Sapphire. "Not until this morning. After he switched me, we… we made love." Wrenching her hands from Jewel's, she brought them to her trembling lips. "It was… oh, ma'am, it was the most overwhelming thing I've ever experienced! You know I wasn't a virgin, but still, I've never felt anything like that before!"
"So he didn't force himself on you?" Jewel's voice had a distinctly cool edge.
"No! Nothing like that. I don't know how to describe it—in fact, I'd really rather not—but it was just… wonderful."
"Then why are you so upset? Surely the confirmation that he wants you as much as you want him is a cause for celebration, not for tears!"
"It was what he did afterward. He was so dismissive! His first words were that we shouldn't have done what we did. It was like he was ashamed. He looks down on me, and I think he hates himself for wanting a… a whore!" Saying her worst suspicions aloud was like a knife to the gut, and Sapphire broke down again, weeping openly once more. "I don't know what to do. It makes me feel so dirty! For him to do those things with me and then tell me right away how much he regrets it, I just can't…" Overcome by sobs, she rolled away from Jewel and buried her face in the pillow.
"Oh my poor, sweet girl," Jewel said, rubbing her back. "How absolutely awful that must have been. His behavior was completely uncalled for, but I'm sure there must be an explanation. While Deputy Slade—what little I've seen of him—does indeed seem surly and distant, in my experience, that's often a mask people use to hide their real feelings from the world."
"You think so?" Sapphire's voice was muffled by the cushion.
"I know so. In fact, many of the girls who work right here at the saloon pretend to be something they're not, day in and day out. Including you, young lady."
The possibility that Crawford was himself trying to hide a dark past had never occurred to Sapphire.
"And oftentimes, those types of people use those masks not just to protect themselves, but to protect others," Jewel went on. "In fact, the way you tell it, I get the impression that Deputy Slade is conflicted by his feelings for you. For whatever reason, he thinks it best that you and he should keep your distance, but whenever you are nearby, he seems unable to suppress his desire. That would explain why he reacted the way he did immediately after making love to you."
"It wasn't really making love." Sapphire's face felt like it was on fire at the admission, and she was glad to have the pillow to hide behind. "There was nothing tender in it at all."
"May I ask you a personal question?" Jewel said.
The mere suggestion that their conversation up to that point hadn't been personal made Sapphire give a sudden snort of laughter.
"All right," Jewel conceded with a giggle of her own, "may I ask you another personal question?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you feel when he disciplines you?"
"I'd really rather not say," Saph groaned into the cushion.
To her surprise, Jewel chuckled. "That, my dear, is all the answer I need. But I think we can discuss that in more detail another time. What you need first and foremost is a bath. Then I want you to go to the kitchen and have Nettie give you something to eat. Have I made myself clear?"
Sapphire raised her head. "What about Mr. Gabe? He's sure to want some kind of explanation. I left here without telling anyone, for a start, and that's a big rule to break. Oh, God… and he doesn't know I stole a horse. Please don't tell him!"
Jewel got up from the bed and smoothed down her skirts. "Don't worry about Mr. Gabe," she said with a wink. "I'll handle that side of things. You just concentrate on getting clean and warm, and fed. And then I want you to take a nap. You must have been up before dawn, and knowing how late you work, you can hardly have had a wink of sleep."
"I didn't," Sapphire admitted. "Madame Jewel?"
The blonde paused, her hand on the door handle. "Yes, dear?"
"Thank you."
Jewel smiled. "You can always come to me," she said. "With anything. I'll always be there to help."
"I appreciate that," Sapphire said. As the door closed behind her employer, she fell back down against the cushions and closed her eyes. Everything inside her wanted to believe that Jewel was right, that Crawford was conflicted but that he felt something for her, too.
The problem was, she couldn't allow herself to even consider it. It was a surefire way to get hurt even more, and Sapphire didn't think she wo
uld be able to handle that.
Chapter Seven
The filing cabinet hit the floor with a satisfying crunch, sending pieces of paper fluttering everywhere. Crawford attacked the corkboard next, tearing it from the wall, flinging it to the ground and stamping heavily on the faces peering up from their "Most Wanted" posters.
"Fucking scum," he growled, grinding the heel of his boot into one outlaw's bushy beard. "I hope they catch and hang every last damn one of you."
He'd just picked up a whiskey bottle and was trying to decide whether he ought to drink what was left before smashing it against the wall, when Sheriff Justice walked in.
"Just what in the fuck is going on here?" he roared.
"Hi, boss. I'm… cleaning. Doing a bit of filing. You know. Wanted to get the place straight again before you returned. You're early," Crawford said, sinking down into the nearest chair. He was still clutching the bottle.
"Have you been drinking?"
"I was about to start."
"Well, don't." Jeb looked around, taking in all the damage. "You trashed my office!"
"Like I said, I'll get it straightened back out. I just… needed to get something out of my system," Crawford said. He suddenly realized how bad it must look, and that he had, in all likelihood, just done himself out of a job. Too late now, he thought sourly. Maybe it would be for the best. He'd just ride on to the next town… or the next. Get as far away from Culpepper as he could.
"Something, or someone?" the sheriff said, unearthing a couple of mugs—being tin, Crawford had been unable to smash them—and pulling up another chair to join the deputy.
"I thought you said I shouldn't start drinking?" Crawford said as Jeb poured them each a good measure of whiskey.
"Yeah, but then I figured a little bit of liquor might help loosen your tongue," Jebediah said. "And this has gotten far enough out of hand that I'm going to step in, whether you want me to or not."
"No offense, but it's none of your business," Crawford said, taking a slug of whiskey and pulling a face. He'd never really liked the taste—then again, the taste wasn't why people drank the stuff.
Jebediah waved his arm to indicate what was left of his office. "You just made it my business," he said, sternly. "Besides, you promised me you were gonna sort this crap out, once and for all. And obviously, you haven't. Time to let me help you."
"I'm beyond help," Crawford said, rolling his eyes. "Here's my advice, just fire me and I'll be on my way. I'll even help you tidy up first, how's that sound?"
"Like a damned stupid plan. Here's my counter-advice; how about you just tell me what the hell is going on with you so we can fix it?" The sheriff narrowed his eyes, looking closely at Crawford. "This is about that girl, isn't it? Sapphire? She in trouble?"
"She's a thief!" Crawford snapped. "There was me thinking she was all sweet and good, but just somehow down on her luck, and in the end, it turns out she's just a low, good for nothing criminal."
Jeb sighed, leaned back, and took a sip of his own whiskey. "All right," he said. "Tell me everything." He listened intently as his Crawford relayed the events of that morning, his eyes widening when he heard about how Sapphire had been switched… and what had happened next.
"You took her here? In a jail cell? For the first time?" he said incredulously.
Crawford shoved a hand through his hair. He was unable to meet Jeb's eyes. "Believe me, I wasn't expecting it to happen. It just… did. We were overcome."
"Not really how you treat a lady though, is it?"
"I know it ain't. Like I said, I never planned for it to happen. I can't even explain how it did. One minute, I was blistering her backside, the next minute…" He swallowed hard at the memory of her white-hot skin, her blazing eyes, the way she shuddered with pleasure beneath his hands.
"Well, I'll be." Jeb looked into his mug and frowned. "I think I'd like a little more but we'd better not. We're on duty."
"We?" Crawford raised an eyebrow. "You're not gonna fire me?"
"Nope. But I might force you to take some time out after you've helped me put this office back together. First, however, I want you to tell me something else."
"Which is?"
"What got you so het up that we have to put this office back together in the first place," the sheriff said. "Surely you should be relaxed and glowing after that little interlude."
Here it was. The part Crawford wasn't sure he'd even be able to explain, especially considering he could barely understand it himself. "I told her we shouldn't have done what we did," he admitted, his gut wrenching even as he said it. "I can't even say why… the words left my lips before I even thought about them."
He looked up to see Jebediah's thunderous expression. "You did what?"
"You heard me."
"Please tell me you then went on to explain why you said that," Jeb groaned. "That you only said it because you're sweet on her and you don't think you deserve her. That you're basically a prize idiot."
Craw's fingers tightened around his mug. "I left that part out. She ranted and raved at me, and then asked whether she should leave. I let her go."
"You fucking fool," Jebediah said slowly. "You know what? You're right. You don't deserve her. That poor, poor girl."
"She's hardly innocent!" Crawford heard himself snapping. "Don't forget she stole a horse. And it takes two to… do what we did."
"The reason she stole that horse was because she wanted to see you again, Deputy Slade."
Both lawmen looked up in surprise as Gabriel Vasquez strode into the office. Putting his hands on his hips, he cocked his head and looked down at Crawford with contempt written all over his dark face. "Though I cannot imagine why, after the way you've treated her."
Crawford's mind was whirling. "She took that horse for me?" he asked incredulously.
"Poor girl was trying to find a way to see you again. Of course, she could have walked over here and knocked on the door, but instead she chose to make off with the miner's horse, hoping she'd be passing you on your way here," Gabe explained. "Foolish and ridiculous it may be, but then again, being reasonable isn't exactly her strong point. I do adore her, but she does have a hot head and a fiery temper. As you well know by now." He glared at Crawford, who slowly rose to his feet.
"And you know all this how?" he asked.
"She confided in Jewel, who of course told me. So I came right over here to set the matter straight, once and for all," Gabriel said. He looked around at the papers strewn over the floor, the overturned filing cabinet, chairs, and the crushed corkboard. "Looks like I'm a little late to the party."
"Actually, you're exactly on time," Jebediah spoke for the first time since Gabe's arrival. "Maybe you can help me convince this darn fool that his behavior is getting him nowhere—and it's doing nothing but distressing that poor, sweet girl. I barely know her, but I figure she deserves better than that."
"She does," Gabe said, still glaring at Crawford.
"Exactly what I've been saying," the deputy countered, returning Gabriel's angry look. "She doesn't deserve someone like me."
"The thing is," Jebediah went on, "I still think that should be her decision. Not yours. She deserves to know how you feel about her. She can make up her own mind once she has all the facts. And when I say all the facts, I mean just that, Deputy. You need to tell her everything."
Crawford's gut churned uncomfortably at the mere thought of opening up to Sapphire, of admitting to what he'd done. He turned to Gabriel. "Do you happen to agree with the sheriff, or are you of a different opinion?"
"I happen to think she'd be better off without a man like you in her life," Gabe said curtly. "But judging by what I saw earlier, when she came back to the saloon, it's obvious she has feelings for you. No one can hurt us that much unless we care deeply for them. Now I barely know you, Deputy Slade, but I do know and trust the sheriff, and for whatever reason, he seems to think you're worthy of that badge. I also know and care for Sapphire, as I do for all the gems, and I hate to see h
er unhappy. But if you do end up convincing her to give you a chance, you had better do right by her." He took a step toward Crawford and the serious glint in his eyes was unmistakable. "If you ever treat her badly, you will have me to answer to. Jewel and I are the closest thing to family that girl has in this town—shoot, anywhere, for that matter—so you'd better be good to her. You hear me?"
Despite feeling that he didn't deserve Sapphire, Crawford felt his hackles rise at Gabe's protective statement. Not wanting to cause a further scene, however, he was careful to remain composed. "I heard you, loud and clear. And now you listen to me." He stared at Jeb and Gabe in turn. "It is precisely because I don't want to see her hurt that I think it's better I keep away from her! Why is that so hard to understand?"
Jeb got up and started to scavenge amongst the detritus for a third mug. "Because you keeping away is what's hurting her, you dolt," he muttered, finding a cup and setting it on the table with a clunk.
Gabriel was eyeing Crawford suspiciously. "Why? Why do you feel the need to keep away from her?"
Crawford lost his temper. "I don't see how that's any of your business," he snapped, reaching out for his mug before Jeb had even finished filling it.
"I just explained to you exactly why it's my business!" Gabriel's accented voice was filled with ice. "She's practically like a daughter to me!"
It was on the tip of Crawford's tongue to ask Gabe whether he considered a man standing idly by while his daughter entertained men on a nightly basis to be fatherly behavior, but he bit back the response. Getting into a fight with Gabriel Vasquez was the last thing he wanted to do. Nor did he have the energy. Instead, he sank back down into his chair and swallowed at least half the whiskey.
"The sheriff knows," he muttered, staring at the table from which a stream of spilled liquor was now dripping steadily onto the floorboards. "Don't figure I need to tell you, too."
Gabe seemed to consider. "I'll accept that," he said at length. "If Jebediah knows and still thinks you're good enough to be a deputy in this town, it can't be anything near as bad as what I was picturing."
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